Rylan
I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel after what I’ve just seen.
I know damn well that most men would run a mile when faced with a woman that lives with the things Violet does every single day.
But then I’ve never really been like ‘most men’.
I’m shaken by what I saw, undoubtedly, but what’s really rattled me most is the fact that Violet is the girl. She’s the one I watched all those years ago, and I don’t know how to process that, or what to make of it.
Strange coincidences happen in the world, and I get that, but this doesn’t feel like one of those times.
I’ve experienced instances in my life where everything has just felt like it’s falling into place – like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
I felt that way when I stood outside her room all those years ago, after my sister died.
It scared me then, and the thought of it still confuses me now.
I felt it again last night, when I held Violet’s hand and kissed her under the moonlight. Only this time, I didn’t feel fear – I felt relief.
I’ve got so much to learn about her, and her, I, but hell, I want to know it all.
She’s probably been put in the too hard basket by people her entire life, and I don’t want to be the guy that does that to her too.
Hell, I’m not even sure if it actually bothers me.
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about her situation at all. I don’t have any real idea what her condition is like, or how her heart is responding to whatever treatment she’s received over the years.
There’s no quick fix. There are procedures, surgeries and medication – but the battle she’s facing is a lifelong one. Even a new heart can’t last her forever, if she’s got one, that is.
I desperately want to open her file again and find out her entire medical history, but I can’t.
I like Violet. I respect her, and I’ve already violated her privacy far more than I ever should have.
I vow to myself that I’ll never go behind her back for anything like this ever again. If she wants me to know something – she’ll tell me herself.
I know it’s the right decision, but it’s one that doesn’t help ease my apprehension in the slightest.
I’m scared for her. I don’t know how I couldn’t be.
I felt something for that woman last night, something real, and if I can feel like that after only a few short hours, I can’t even imagine what a whole day with her could do to my head.
I want to find out everything there is to know. I want to spend many more days talking and laughing, but the harsh reality is, I don’t know how many days she’s got. I doubt anyone does.
The doctor in me tries to analyse the situation with rational thought and logic, but already I’m past the point of rational when it comes to Violet.
I know there’s no real choice for me.
I have to see her again.
She evoked emotion in me that I’d long thought was dead and buried, and I need to feel that way again.
I need to see her and her beautiful eyes… and above all else I need to figure out exactly why she already feels so vitally intertwined with my life.