IF IT MEANT seeing Max smile again, I would cut off my arm and beat myself with it. I would let her hit me, claw at my skin, rip out my fucking soul just to hear her laugh.
I tried telling her how I felt, but when she stared at me with hesitation in her eyes and worry on her lips, I looked away. She didn’t believe me. Hell, I couldn’t blame her but it still hurt. It hurt worse than the bullet that almost killed me. It was a never-ending ache in my chest that traveled down to the pits of my soul. It was a constant reminder of how much I fucked up.
“You can’t expect me to fall in love with you again just because you said you’re sorry.” Her voice was soft but filled with so much strength, it took my breath away. How this woman could think she was broken beyond repair was beyond me.
“I would never expect that of you.” I wrapped my arms tighter around her waist, careful not to touch her beautiful ass for fear I would lose all control. “I’m only telling you how I feel,” I confessed, leaning my head against her stomach. I inhaled, letting the scent of roses wash over me. I pulled her tighter, wishing with everything I was worth that I could dive inside her and stay there.
Brushing my nose back and forth, a soft purr escaped me.
“What if you get your memory back and you no longer feel this way, Dale?” she asked, running her fingers through the hair at my nape.
“I …” Was that even possible? “All you can do is trust that I will still feel the same way as I do now.”
“Trust you,” she echoed. “You’re asking me to trust you.” She pushed my shoulders. “Let me go.”
“Never.” My head snapped up. “No matter how hard you fight, I’m not going anywhere. I will prove it to you.”
She struggled against me. “Dale,” she said on a sob. “I can’t do this.”
“You can.” I brushed my nose along the cotton of her dress sitting against her abdomen and inhaled. The sweet scent of her washed over me. My body stirred, the darkness inside of me almost rearing its ugly head. My body wanted to fuck her while my mind wanted to talk.
“Dale, stop.” She pushed harder, forcing me back. “We can’t.”
“We will.”
She glared down at me.
The look was so dark and damaged; she couldn’t hold my gaze because I had to look away. The pain and heartache I had caused her was there. It was so close, I could feel it.
“I think you should go,” she finally said even though she was still in my arms.
“No.” Coby told me not to push her but I couldn’t stop myself.
“No?” She stopped struggling then. “After all you have done, you’re sitting here and telling me no?”
“Damn straight.” I had to force myself not to stand and get in her face. As much as I wanted to demand her reaction, I also didn’t want to scare her away.
“What do you want from me?” she whispered.
I want to make you fall in love with me again. “Whatever you can give me.”
“I don’t know if there’s anything left to give.” She looked away, a lonely tear rolling down her cheek.
As soon as she broke eye contact, I rose to my feet and cupped her nape. Forcing her to look into my eyes, the next words leaving my mouth were the most honest thing I had ever said, “I’ll take all of your pain … all of the heartache I have caused you. I’ll even take your hate. Just don’t stop looking at me.”
***
(Max)
He hurt you.
You love him.
You lost the baby.
He lost the baby too.
I was confused over my feelings for Dale. On one hand, I wanted to forgive him but on the other, I wanted to unleash them all and show him how I really felt.
“You hurt me,” I told him.
“I know.” He looked away.
“No.” I pushed him. “Look me in the eyes, Dale. It’s what you demand of me. I expect you to do the same.”
He met my gaze then.
“You really hurt me. The doctors said many factors played into our baby dying but stress was a main one. I blame you.” I shoved him. “I blame you for everything.”
“I know,” he repeated, swallowing hard.
I pushed him again. “I don’t think you do.”
His brows narrowed in the middle, his gaze turning to a darkness I had never seen before in him. But it didn’t stop me. I couldn’t control my actions any longer.
“You ripped out my soul,” my voice cracked. “I loved you. I don’t know why. You were an asshole but you still made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. I know you didn’t want a relationship but I couldn’t help falling for you. You did that, Dale. You made me fall for you.”
“You are.”
My breath hitched. “I am what?”
“The most beautiful woman in the world.”
“Shut up,” I screamed, beating my fists against his chest. “Shut. Up. You don’t get to tell me nice things while I break. You can’t do that.”
“I can and I will.” But he didn’t touch me. “You’re beautiful. You’re strong. You’re the strongest fucking person I know.”
“Stop,” I yelled, slamming my fists against him.
“The only thing I want is you.”
“No,” I cried harder. “You don’t mean that. You never meant that.”
“I was stupid. I didn’t know what I wanted but now I do.”
“I can’t do this with you.” I gripped his hoodie, breathing in the scent of him. “I can’t handle it.”
Dale wrapped his arms around me, brushing his nose into the crook of my neck. He pulled me close, enveloping me in him. All I felt was Dale and it only made me cry even harder.
I struggled, fighting to break free. “Please stop.”
“Sorry, kitten. It doesn’t work that way.” Fisting my hair, he tugged my head back before crashing his mouth to mine.
I gasped, sighing into his mouth. This was what I wanted. It was what I needed before but now, I was desperate for him.
Not giving me a chance to breathe, he thrust his tongue between my lips, tightening his hold on my hair.
I moaned, taking all of him in. This was what I was waiting for. Not the sweet man who ignored me. But the dominant one who controlled me with just a kiss. He had been holding back before but now, he pushed me against the wall and ground his lower body into mine. He reminded me that this was where I belonged and where I intended to stay.
Breaking apart the kiss, he stared down at me. “If I only kiss you and nothing more, I will still be the happiest man in the world.”
Leaning my head against his chest, I took a deep breath and another. I wanted more. But the raging feelings sitting on my chest reminded me of the pain he caused me.
“I can’t do this,” I whispered. “I can’t be in the same room as you without wanting your hands on me.”
“I know,” he said, his deep voice vibrating through his chest. “I’ve wanted you since I woke up.”
“You had me, and you pushed me away.” My hands moved of their own accord and pushed under the fabric of his hoodie. They grazed over his abs before reaching his chest. With my palm open, it splayed over his heart. The hard beating of the muscle pumped through my hand. “You broke me.”
“I know I did, baby.” He cupped my nape, running his fingers through my hair. “But I am here to fix what I fucked up.”
I titled my head back, looking up at him. “Then kiss me.”