ON ONE HAND, I needed to be alone.
On the other, I couldn’t think about anything except for getting Dale back inside me every time I was with him. It was unhealthy. This obsession to fuck him every chance I had bordered on more than just a fling.
I was addicted to him. His touch. His taste. His breath on my skin. His grunts of pleasure whispering into my ears as we rode out that high together. It wasn’t normal. We used sex as an out. It was a mask covering the subjects we didn’t want to talk about. I still hadn’t taken him to see our daughter. I also hadn’t called my grandmother in a while because I knew she would be disappointed in me.
No longer was my heart in the game but my whole damn soul. I lived and breathed Dale Michaels in a way another human shouldn’t. It was raw possession. Whenever I threw a party at the clubhouse and a woman went up to him, I appeared beside him before I even knew what I was doing. He never said anything because he did the same when a man started talking to me. And that would just turn into us fucking, demanding to hear from the other how much we owned each other.
“Max.” Brogan came into the gym, frowning at the fact I was sitting on the floor. “You need to tell me what the hell is going on.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, taking a sip from the water bottle.
She sat on the mat across from me. “You’ve lost weight. We hardly see you or Dale anymore. And do you recall backing out of your gallery showing?”
I winced, remembering Josee’s reaction.
“Maxine fucking Stanton,” she yelled into the phone. “You better be fucking dead. I can’t believe you skipped out on your showing. Luckily for you, I used the excuse that there was an emergency in your family and you had to fly back to California to see your grandmother. You owe me. And no thanks to you, I still sold all of your paintings.” Josee took a breath. “New York wants you in one of their prestigious galleries. You’re fucking welcome.”
The phone slammed in my ear making me jump.
“Who was that?” Dale asked, rolling toward me.
“Just a message from Josee,” I said, breathing through the racing of my heart. She didn’t get mad like that often. If she did, it was never directed at me. But this time, it was.
I had lied to Dale that night, telling him the showing was pushed back to another day when really, I just wanted to forget the world and have him fuck me senseless.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you two, but whatever it is, it’s not healthy.”
I met Brogan’s gaze, remembering that she was sitting across from me. “I don’t know what we’re doing,” I confessed. “I can’t control it. I don’t want to do anything else. I don’t want to feel or think. I just want him.”
“It doesn’t work that way.” She reached for my hand but hesitated, pulling back suddenly. “Trust me. I know what you’re trying to do but sex isn’t an out. Yes, it can help momentarily but when your heart’s on the line—”
“My heart hasn’t been in this since Dale woke up from the coma.”
Brogan sighed. “Max, your heart has always been in this.”
My eyes burned, my throat closing up. “I hate what Dale did but I can’t stop myself. I need him. We’ll talk. I know we will. I just don’t know when. But right now, we need all of you to back the fuck off.”
Brogan wrapped her arm around my shoulders. “It’s about damn time.”
“Excuse me?”
“I know Angel has been on Dale’s case. Coby and I have sat back and watched. It’s no one’s business. We both understand that. If you use sex to channel your pain and take comfort in each other, as long as it’s what you both agree on, that’s all that counts.”
“I want to trust him.”
“You need time.” She squeezed me tighter. “Both of you do.”
“I don’t know if I can give him my heart again when it’s no longer beating.” I rubbed the spot in the middle of my chest. “It feels like it’s just a dead weight, sitting in my chest.” I dropped my head in my hands. “God, I’m so stupid. How could I think I could fuck him and not have feelings for him at the same time?”
“No, you are not stupid, Max.” Brogan squeezed my shoulder. “You’re in love. Big difference.”
A smart retort was on the tip of my tongue but after thinking it over, she was right. After what happened last time when I confessed my true feelings to Dale, I wasn’t sure when I could repeat those words again. If ever.
***
(Dale)
My dick was going to fall off. Either that or it was going to become limp, never to be used again after the hard-fucking Max kept giving it.
I tried ignoring it but every time I moved, my muscles twitched, protesting and straining beneath my skin. We had been going at it hard for the past week. I didn’t know what happened but Max came at me like a feral beast. I never complained while our use of the other turned into an outright possessive need.
Coby had called a little bit ago, telling me about a meeting with just the guys from Vice-One. I wasn’t in the mood to see Angel but I knew it would have to happen eventually so I was a good little boy and made my way to the clubhouse.
I sent Max a quick text, letting her know where I was as I stepped foot into the building.
“Hey, Dale.”
My head popped up just as I hit send on my phone.
Angel leaned against the bar, his arms crossed under his big chest.
“Hey,” I said slowly, glancing around the room. “Where is everyone?”
A smug look passed over his face. “It’s just you and me for now.”
Fucking fucker. Coby set me up. “Great. You going to get in my face again?”
“That depends,” Angel rubbed the scruff on his jaw. “You going to push my fiancée again?”
I winced. “Listen, man, I’m sorry.”
“Her and the baby are fine.” Angel’s gaze darkened. “Do that again though and …” A wicked grin spread across his face. “Let’s just say that the shit this Organization does will be nothing compared to what I do to you.”
I barked a laugh, shaking my head at the possibilities. “Truce?”
Angel narrowed his brows before letting out a sigh. “Yeah. Fucker.” He closed the distance between us and clapped a hand on my nape. “I love you, man, but fuck, you’re a stubborn shithead, you know that?”
I grunted. “I’m sleeping with a woman who hates me. So yeah, I know.”
“Fuck, man.” Angel sat on the stool, the metal creaking beneath the added weight.
“Is there really a meeting?” I asked, ignoring the pity in his dark eyes.
“Yeah, there is.” Angel rubbed the back of his neck. “Coby’s friend, Lucas, found Zane. Charles is still missing but right now, I’ll take whatever the fuck I can get.”
I sat beside him. “I’d love to skin that bastard alive.”
“I’d love to see him in Brogan’s chair.” Angel leaned back against the bar top. “She’s a scary little thing.”
Under normal circumstances, I would have laughed but in all honesty, Angel was right. Brogan Tapp had more balls than most men. I had seen her work but nothing prepared us for what I knew she wanted to do to Zane. The other half of the duo who destroyed her boyfriend. Coby was strong but I knew he never came back from that night and it ruined whatever light he had left.
“Where is Zane?” I asked, excitement rippling through my body much like the orgasm did earlier that morning.
Angel pointed to the floor.
I frowned and then suddenly it dawned on me. “Wait. He’s here?”
Angel nodded. “We picked him up. The bastard’s in the basement as we speak.”
“How?”
“I had Greyson grab him for us.” Angel shrugged like it was no big deal and it was just an everyday occurrence for us.
Greyson Mercer, Brogan’s step brother, was an evil bastard. The President of Hell’s Harlem may have had everyone else fooled including his step sister but I saw that same darkness in him that I saw in Coby, if not more so. The fucker was a damn good actor. But I left it alone and kept that piece of information to myself.
“Where did Lucas find him?” I asked Angel.
“Of all places? At a bookstore.” Angel shook his head. “He was waiting to be found. Probably lost his shit over his sister dying and wanted to go with her like some Romeo and Juliet thing.”
“Odd as fuck, man. Odd. As. Fuck.”
“Truth.” Angel rose to his feet. “We’re having this meeting without Jay. As much as she wanted to be here, I made her stay home. Stone and a couple of the guys from her father’s club are watching her.”
“I bet she loved that.” I laughed.
“Not really but I don’t give a fuck. Shit is going down soon. I can feel it in my bones. We need to end this once and for all before something else happens.”
“Where’s Asher and Meeka?” I asked, realizing I hadn’t seen them in a couple of days.
“Home. Meeka isn’t feeling well but with what they went through with Charles, I’d like to keep them as far from this shit as possible.”
I nodded in agreement. They had gone undercover trying to bring Charles down. The only good thing that had come out of the situation was them finding each other after being best friends for years.
As if on cue, everyone filed into the club, but the only person I noticed was Max.
Her eyes were red, the skin just beneath them swollen and puffy. She had been crying, and I knew without a fucking doubt it had to do with me.
Scrubbing my hands up and down my face, I took a deep breath and walked up to her. “Max.”
She jumped, spinning on her heel. “Dale.” She placed her hand against her chest. “Hi.”
“Hi,” I said gently, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.
Her eyes fluttered closed and when they reopened, my heart skipped a beat.
I could see it. A little hint that maybe in time, something good could come out of this fucked up situation. Hope. It was all I had at the moment.
We kept going back and forth. Maybe this would end. Maybe it wouldn’t. But I was damn determined to make every moment with her count.
She cleared her throat, stepping away from me, and headed into the meeting room.
I followed her and sat beside her but I didn’t touch her. Not this time. Instead, I crossed my arms under my chest and wondered what the fuck we were doing.
Our eyes met.
The dark shadow behind her gaze became more pronounced, the hint of hope no longer there. It was quickly replaced with a darkness I felt.
The bags under her eyes indicated she hadn’t been sleeping. And where was I amidst all of this? Fucking her like a piece of a meat.
Shit.
***
(Max)
Whatever game we were playing, neither of us was going to win. But when he touched me and looked at me like I was all that mattered, a tiny bit of hope sat peacefully on my chest.
When Dale sat beside me and kept his hands to himself, a part of me wondered if it was over. I wasn’t sure when. Maybe days. Weeks. Even years. Maybe we’d find each other again when we were old and gray.
A heavy weight lifted off my chest although the tightness remained. I loved him. I still loved him. I probably always would.
A relationship based solely on sex wasn’t good for either of us but I found it healed us in a way.
“Can I hold your hand?” Dale asked, his voice rough.
I nodded.
He slid his fingers between mine, pulling me closer to his side. “We need to talk,” he muttered, brushing his nose along the shell of my ear. “But right now, I’ll talk holding your hand.”
“I know we need to talk but I like the sound of that. This …” I held up our joined hands and kissed his knuckles. “I like this,” I whispered, wiping away the lonely tear rolling down my cheek.
Dale kissed the side of my head, letting his lips linger before pulling away.
“They’re in here,” Brogan said from the doorway, giving us a small smile. She looked between us. “I interrupted something, didn’t I?”
I swallowed hard, shaking my head.
“Look at me, kitten,” Dale said gently, ignoring her.
I met his gaze.
“No matter what happens …” He brushed his fingers down my cheek. “I’m always here. You know that, right?”
A soft sob escaped me. I nodded quickly.
“Wait, the room is occupied,” I heard Brogan say, shutting the door behind her.
“I …” I swallowed excessively. I wasn’t used to this side of Dale. I could handle asshole Dale but not sweet and caring Dale. It threw me off and fucked with my head. “I need you to be an asshole right now.”
“Why?” He kissed my knuckles.
“Because.” My breath hitched, watching his mouth brush over the soft skin. My gaze flicked back to his. “It makes it harder to admit my feelings for you.”
He paused, his gaze flicking behind me just as Brogan let everyone in. He sat back, released my hand and pushed his chair away from me.
I stared at him. “That’s how it’s going to be?”
“What the fuck do you want from me, Max? You want me to be an asshole? You think I’ve been an asshole?” He leaned toward me, kissing the corner of my mouth. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”