THE HAIRS ON the back of my neck rose. My breathing became labored, my chest tight. I didn’t have to turn around to know that Dale was right behind me.
I didn’t need to look at him to know he had a scowl on his face and that he was enraged. I didn’t need to turn around to know he was still gorgeous and affected me in the most sinful ways imaginable.
I didn’t want to face him at the party. I didn’t even want him there but needing to be civil, I gave in when Jay asked that he be invited. Not that he would have listened anyway. But I did make her promise she would help keep him away from me. I wasn’t ready for the confrontation we were about to have. This wasn’t the time or the place. But God, I could feel him. All over me. Inside me. My mind took me back to our first time. It had been hot, fast, and so damn satisfying, I became addicted. Dale Michaels had become the drug I craved. He was a player, an asshole, but the innocent part of me needed him. I had always been the good girl and when the bad boy finally started showing interest in me even in my twenties, I couldn’t say no. Stupid me.
Jay peered over my head.
Angel came up beside her and kissed her cheek before meeting my gaze. “You good?”
“I can’t talk to him here,” I confessed, raising my voice over the loud music.
Angel nodded once, kissed Jay again, and walked past us.
“He will confront you, Max,” Jay told me.
“I know.” I looked over my shoulder and swallowed hard.
Dale moved with ease, talking to people, accepting their hugs, but still kept his gaze trained on me. Only when people stood in front of him, did his eyes deter from mine.
My heart pounded in my chest at the sheer intensity in his eyes. He had filled out some, clearly working out hard before the mission that involved the attack. My body came alive at the idea of him even just talking to me and hearing his deep gravelly voice.
But I couldn’t do it. Not here. Not now. Maybe not ever.
Before Dale went into a coma, I could handle being in the same room as him. We were civil. Sort of. We mostly ignored each other. But now, something changed. I could feel it. I couldn’t place exactly what it was but something was there hidden deep within my soul. It was so close, but yet so far away at the same time. I knew the only way I would reach it is with Dale standing at my side.
“I … I need some space,” I told Jay and rushed to the bedroom at the back of the club. It had been mine for years. Although the club had been blown to shit a couple months back by Charles Brian, one of the douche bags from the Organization, our clubhouse had been rebuilt. But it wasn’t the same.
Sick of feeling sorry for myself, I went in search of the spare set of paints I kept in the room. I let out a sigh of relief when I found them stashed in the corner of the room between the dresser and the wall. I didn’t have a blank canvas with me when I moved into this room, so I started painting a mural on the wall behind the bed. The image of the map stared back at me. It was always my dream to travel the world but only making it as far as California—where my grandmother lived—seeing the map would have to do. Much to my sister’s delight, they liked when I painted. I wasn’t feeling the image but kept painting it anyway.
The sound of the door closing made me jump.
I spun on my heels, finding Dale standing inside the room. My room. A place I had called my own since the club had been rebuilt. A club he helped put back together. But now, he was invading the space like he owned the fucking world. He took up so much room; it sucked the air right from my lungs.
No words left me as I watched him lean against the door with his thick arms crossed under his broad chest. A chest I had seen bare so many times I lost count. Under normal circumstances, I would have run into his arms and kiss him until we couldn’t breathe, happy and elated he was out of a coma. But this wasn’t normal. Not even remotely close. Our situation was fucked up. It was his fault. And it was my fault for letting him affect me the way he did.
He didn’t say anything as he watched me. The more he stared, the faster my heart beat. His eyes roamed down the length of my body and back up until they landed on my chest. His nostrils flared, the deep blue of his eyes twinkling in the light of the room. “You didn’t come see me,” he finally bit out as he reached behind him and locked the door.
I swallowed hard but stood my ground. He would not break me. Not again. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You didn’t come see me,” he repeated, slower that time. “Not when I woke up.”
“Why would I?” I placed my paints on the dresser. “You had everyone else there.”
“But not you,” he said, taking a step toward me. “I knew you were there though. Before.”
“What are you talking about?” My heart jumped.
“I could smell you.” He took another step in my direction. “I’m right, aren’t I? You did come see me.”
Shit. I looked anywhere but at him.
“Tell me you were there. Say it,” he demanded. “Tell me you visited me.”
“Fine,” I shouted. “I was there. By your side. From the moment Coby told me you were in a coma to the day you woke up. I visited you. I was there. Are you fucking happy now?”
“Max,” he said gently.
“No.” I raised my hand. “You should leave. You can’t be in here anyway. If the girls find out—”
“What, Maxine? What will they do if they find out I’m in your room? A room I have spent many hours balls deep inside of that beautiful fucking body of yours. Four walls holding screams of pleasure and nights filled with passion.” He took another step in my direction. “What exactly will they do?”
I shivered at his words, erotic memories of our time together filling the void in my mind. “We … we haven’t done anything in here since it was rebuilt. You know that,” I pointed out. “Or do you? What exactly do you remember, Dale?” I took a step to the side but now I was trapped, the only way to get far from him was to jump over the bed.
His brows narrowed in the center. “It doesn’t matter what I remember or not because I can still feel you. Every single inch of your skin. Whether we fucked before or after the club was blown to shit, this room is still in the same location as before. You know that.” His mouth set in a firm line, the strength of his gait powerful and domineering. Nothing like before.
This man standing before me was no longer the man I had fallen in love with months ago. I realized that now as a wicked grin grew on his handsome face.
“You checking me out, kitten?”
I looked away at the term of endearment he had given me when we first started sleeping together. He had said I was feisty and small. I wasn’t as short as Brogan but I was the youngest out of our group so in his mind, kitten fit perfectly.
“Don’t you dare take your eyes off of me,” he demanded, closing the distance between us. His hands reached my hair before I could stop him. He pulled my head back before I could run away. “I told you. Never take your eyes off of me.” He leaned down to my ear. “You remember, don’t you? You remember every word, every stroke of my tongue, every thrust of my cock.”
My heart raced, thumping in tune with each syllable leaving his mouth.
“Let go of me,” I pleaded, shoving against him, but it only made his hold on me tighten.
“You remember the conversations we had.” He licked up the length of my neck. “You begging for me to control you. You submitting to me. You giving all of you. To me.” He tugged my head back, forcing me to meet his gaze. “Tell me you remember. Tell me how much you miss it.”
“Fuck you,” I whispered, slapping my hands against his chest.
He growled, the rough sound mixing with the desire I couldn’t ignore.
“Do you remember, Dale?” I pushed him back, my chest rising and falling with the ragged breath. “Do you remember when you laughed at me? When you told me to get the fuck out of your bed like some cheap whore? You made me feel worthless. Is that what you want to hear? You want to hear that every night since then, I have nightmares of you laughing at me. Of … of … our …” My voice cracked. I couldn’t do this. I didn’t like confrontation.
“Tell me about her.” He reached for me.
I slapped his hand away, glaring at him.
“Tell me,” he said, the twinkle of amusement fading from his eyes. “I deserve to know. Especially when it was Coby who told me that my daughter is fucking dead.”
“Your daughter? Your daughter!” I screamed punching him in the chest. “You don’t deserve to call her yours. You never claimed her as such. Are you feeling guilty, Dale? Is that it?”
“I deserve to know,” he said through clenched teeth.
“You deserve to know?” I laughed. “You deserve shit.” I pushed him back. “You should be groveling at my feet for the hell you put me through. And for me not telling you about her? Fine. I’ll own up to that, but when did you expect me to tell you? We can’t talk without fighting. Look at us now. So, tell me, when should I have told you that your daughter died?”
“How about at the fucking hospital, Max,” he said, his voice raising. “Tell me about her,” he repeated, grabbing my wrists.
He was faster but I was angrier. “Fuck you.” I shoved him. “I’m not telling you shit.”
“Maxine.” He inhaled deeply, breathing it out slowly through his nose before he continued. “Tell me.”
“What? Tell you what, Dale?” I pulled myself from his grip and pushed him back, stepping around him. “Tell you that I had to give birth to her after she died inside of me? Tell you that even though she wasn’t allowed to take her first breath, I still held her?” My heart started pounding, my voice becoming louder as each question left my mouth. “Tell you how her skin was blue but she was still the most beautiful baby I had ever seen?” I raised my hand when he opened his mouth. “No. You don’t deserve to know. My grandmother told me to be your friend. That you needed it and, as much as she’ll be disappointed in me, I can’t be your friend. I’m done trying to be civil.” I turned and went to open the door when a heavy hand slammed it shut.
Letting out a heavy sigh, I roughly wiped the tears falling down my cheeks. Never in my life had a man affected me as much as the one standing behind me. No one hurt me like he did. And no one made me feel this damn alive at the same time.
We stood like that for a while. His front to my back. His hand on the door so I wouldn’t run away from my problems. From him. His hot breath slid across the back of my neck, fanning just over my head. He stood several inches taller than me but his body had become bigger over the past couple of weeks. He could crush me if he wanted to, and part of me wished he would.
Placing his other hand against the door, he caged me in. His body was mere inches from mine, not touching me in the least but I still felt him everywhere. Inside and out. I could feel him moving along my skin, taking every waking desire I had for him and unleashing it onto me.
Dale brushed his mouth under my ear, sliding it down the length of my neck until he reached my shoulder.
A gasp escaped me and, as much as I wanted to deny it, I was still attracted to this man. Every nerve ending exploded from his touch.
“Where is she?” Dale asked gently, breaking the silence a moment later.
I bit back a sob at the thickness in his voice, but I wouldn’t give in. I wouldn’t try and console him when he never did the same for me. It wasn’t right, I knew that, but he needed to see he couldn’t always get what he wanted. He couldn’t be demanding and expect me to fall to my knees. He couldn’t kiss me and expect me to submit. I was no longer the woman he met weeks ago. One look of his baby blues and I was done for. But not this time. “That’s none of your concern,” I muttered.
Dale grabbed my arms, spun me around, and slammed me up against the door. “Tell me where the fuck my daughter is,” he yelled.
“Why, Dale? Huh? Tell me one good reason why I should give you that information when you never wanted it before.”
“She’s my daughter,” he shouted, digging his fingers into my arms.
“She was my daughter too. I gave birth to her. I buried her. Me.” I shoved him. “I did all of it by myself. Do you understand what that can do to a person?” I didn’t want to show him this side of me. I didn’t want anyone to see how broken I was. As soon as the words left my mouth, I clammed up and snapped my mouth shut.
“You did it by yourself?” he asked, taking a step away from me. Rubbing the back of his neck, he bellowed out a curse and punched his fist into the wall. “Why, Max? Why the fuck would you do that?”
“Because I didn’t want people looking at me with pity,” I screamed, digging my fingers into my hair. “I didn’t want everyone …”
“What?”
“I didn’t want them to feel sorry for me.” That was only partly the truth. The real reason was I didn’t want people to see the darkness that threatened to consume me. I didn’t want them to think I was losing my ever-loving mind.
My legs buckled, no longer able to hold my weight. I dropped to my knees, hugging my arms around myself.
Hands touched my shoulders, rubbing down my back.
“Don’t touch me,” I sobbed, but I no longer had the strength to push Dale away.
***
(Dale)
There was no way in hell I would ever get this woman back in my life. Back to where she looked at me with adoring eyes. Back to where she loved me. I fucked up. I one-hundred percent screwed up any chance I had with this woman. This beautiful, breathtaking woman.
“Don’t touch me,” she repeated on a whisper but she didn’t pull away.
I didn’t push her. I already started out this night by doing that. Instead, I rubbed my hands in small circles over her back while she gave me a part of herself that I knew pissed her off. Max was strong. Unlike any other person I had ever met but I was too stupid to see it until right then. She was right in questioning why I wanted to know where our daughter was. It enraged the fuck out of me when she wouldn’t tell me but, on the other hand, I understood.
An apology was on the tip of my tongue, but what good would it do? It was only words. Words didn’t do shit. Actions spoke louder but I had no idea what the fuck to do to make her forgive me.
Her shoulders shook, her cries only getting harder.
She needed something. Anything. I didn’t know what so I did the first thing I thought of. I pulled her into my arms.
“What are you doing?” she cried, struggling against me.
“I’m holding you.” I cupped her nape, pulling her head down to my shoulder. “I’m just holding you.”
Her struggling ceased but she never hugged me back.
I was fine with that.
She came to visit me at the hospital. I knew before the words left her mouth, but when she admitted to it, it was still like a slap in the face. After everything I had done, she stood by my side. I didn’t deserve her. Not one fucking bit.
After a couple of minutes of me rubbing her back and her crying ending, a knock sounded on the door.
Much to my dismay, Max slid off my lap and wiped the tears from her cheeks.
My body ached as I rose to my feet. There was a pain in the back of my throat I had never felt before. Even after all the shitty foster homes I had as a child, nothing compared to this. I was thrown away as a boy and tossed aside as a man. That fact alone tore my heart out. Knowing it was my fault was like a flesh-eating disease as it gnawed away at my soul.
Seeing the hatred in Max’s eyes, knowing it was directed toward me affected me in a way I wasn’t used to. That light I had after all of these years, that glow I held onto even after going to war, still held on. Until now.
Holding out my hand, I waited.
Max raised an eyebrow, looking at my hand and then back at my face. Tentatively, she placed hers in mine and I pulled her to her feet.
Although she shoved from my grip, she still let me touch her. It was small but I would take it.
She opened the door, revealing her best friend.
“We wanted to make sure you were okay,” Jay said from the doorway.
“Have you seen—” Angel’s gaze landed on me. He barged into the room, barreling toward me. “What the fuck are you doing in here?”
“I don’t think it’s any of your business,” I threw back at him, not in the mood for his over protective papa bear shit.
“You’re not supposed to be in here,” he said, shoving a finger in my chest.
“Who the fuck says?” I pushed him.
“She says,” Angel pointed at Max. “That’s who. Now get out before I throw you the fuck out.”
“Angel, baby.” Jay grabbed his arm. “Let’s go. They do need to talk.”
“No.” Angel kissed her gently on the mouth. “You asked me to watch out for your best friend. That’s what I’m doing. I’m sick of this shit.” He glared at me. “We heard her. We were there. So back the fuck up.”
“It’s fine,” Max reassured him. “I promise. He was just leaving. Weren’t you?” she asked me.
Crossing my arms under my chest, I leaned against the dresser. “Make me.”
She huffed, her cheeks reddening. “Everyone out. Now.” When we didn’t move, she threw her hands up in the air. “Fine, I’ll leave.” And with that, Max stormed out of the room.
Angel came toward me, stepping toe to toe with me. “If something happens to my baby because of your shit with Max stressing out my fiancée, I’ll fucking kill you.”