Twelve
A Hardened Heart
It’s been three days since I’ve heard from or seen Lilly. She isn’t answering any of my phone calls and the one time that I stopped by her apartment Shannon said she wasn’t there, yet her car was. I’m pretty much being ignored. I know this game well since I’ve played it many times in my life, except this time I’m on the receiving end and it sucks monkey balls in hell.
I’ve never had a female ignore me before, and it’s driving me bat-shit crazy. I know it’s nothing less than what I deserve and in a strange way it’s kind of setting me straight. It’s a taste of my own medicine and it’s coming from the most unbelievable source. If I had told any one of my friends that an overweight chick was ignoring my phone calls they’d shit.
It’s an awful place to be…the receiving end. I can’t even say it’s because of the money. I’d be lying if I said I even thought about the money even once since the night of the party. I know we still need it and everything, but I spend my days thinking about her and my nights waiting with my cell phone close by just in case she misses talking to me as much as I miss talking to her. I even started doing something that I’ve never done before, which is worry about another guy.
All I can think about is the fact that my man-whore of a friend, Matt, had taken her home and had at least twenty minutes alone with her. Matt would have no problem what-so-ever with throwing her up against a wall and fucking her senseless. Me on the other hand, I had to suddenly grow a conscious.
I’d kill him if I find out he even laid a finger on her.
What the hell is happening to me?
Later that day, Jenny and I did some grocery shopping. Well, Jenny grocery shopped and I pushed the grocery cart around.
“What’s going on with you, Devin? You’ve been in la la land for the last couple of days. You’re not on drugs are you? I’ll kick your ass if that’s the case,” Jenny blurted out.
“Would you watch your mouth? You’re too damn young to be running around cussing like a sailor, and no I’m not on drugs. Just got a lot on my mind is all.” I bumped into a small display table almost knocking everything over.
“Dad says you act heartbroken. Are you?” she said with a huge grin. “You know I think I might like this new girl you’re talking to.”
“I’m not heartbroken,” I said, and then quickly tried to change the subject. “You want spaghetti on Wednesday night?”
I started to pick through the different kinds of spaghetti sauces like it was my one true calling when I heard Jenny once again curse.
“Oh shit,” she whispered.
“Jenny, I said enough already with the cursing!” I stopped when I stood face to face with Renee. “Oh shit.”
“Hi, Devin.” She smiled at me smugly as she crossed her arms and worked her neck. “What do you know? I guess you are back in town? Funny thing is—I found out that you never left! What the hell, Devin? I got people calling me all day telling me that you were at a party last night with some fat girl and now you got the nerve to stare back at me like you don’t know who the hell I am! Why haven’t you called me or answered any of my calls? I can’t believe you! I have half a mind to break up with you.”
Great…it was exactly what I needed. Now she wanted to go all psycho girlfriend on me. What is it with women and marking their territory? Renee was perfectly fine being a fuck buddy until she thought that someone else was moving in. She was acting exactly like I thought she would and I was about three seconds from telling her to go straight to Hell, but Jenny spoke before I could.
I saw that angry spark hit Jenny’s eyes and I knew it was going to be bad the minute I saw her hand come up and the outraged look on her face.
“OK, first of all, don’t you ever yell at my brother like that because I will climb your tall lanky ass like a tree! Second of all, nobody even likes you, so the best thing that could…”
I cut her off by grabbing her arm.
“Jenny, let me deal with this,” I said as I turned back to Renee. I almost laughed at the shocked look on her face.
“Are you gonna let her talk to me like that?” Renee asked in anger.
“Renee, whatever we had going on is over. The only reason I let it go on as long as I did was because you were a quick and easy lay,” I said calmly. I turned toward Jenny. “Come on, let’s go pay for this and get out of here.”
“Wait a minute! You’re not serious!” Renee called out. “You are breaking it off with me?” She stabbed herself in the chest with her too long fingernail. “Oh. My. God. This is epic! You, a dirty old garage boy and me, the hottie with a body! This is so funny I can’t even…”
Her next words never made it out of her mouth and for once I didn’t punish Jenny for acting like a boy. Renee never knew what hit her. I taught Jenny how to throw a punch and I’ll be damned if she didn’t throw one that landed right in the center of Renee’s face.
She covered her bloody nose with freshly manicured fingers. Bright red blood covered the white tips of her long nails.
“You broke my nose you little dike!” Her cries were muffled.
I had to pull Jenny back as she went in for another hit. She wasn’t having it, so I lifted her and carried her out. She fought and cursed the entire time.
We slipped out as store employees came to help Renee. After an hour of shopping, we left our buggy full of groceries in the aisle.
Later that night, I got a shower and then relaxed in my bed. My life was going straight down the shitter. We were about to lose everything, I had just broken it off with my semi-girlfriend/side piece, and now the one female that I actually enjoyed being around didn’t want anything to do with me. The shitter.
There was a light tap at my door that broke into my deep thoughts.
“Yeah,” I called out.
Jenny walked in and handed me a Twizzler.
“You OK?” she asked as she snapped off the end of her Twizzler with her teeth and started to chew.
“Yeah, I’ll live.”
“So…this new girl that you won’t let me meet, is it because she’s overweight?”
“What?” I started to panic.
Alarms went off. How the hell does Jenny know anything about Lilly’s size? Does Jenny know what I’ve been up to?
“Renee said you were at a party with a fat girl and I just kind of figured that maybe that’s why you won’t let me meet her. Devin, you know me and dad don’t care about stuff like that. I think it’s great.”
I felt a sudden burst of relief. The last thing I wanted was for my sister and my dad to know what a complete and total ass I really was.
“Yeah, she’s a little on the plus side, but that’s not why I haven’t let you meet her. We just aren’t in that zone, yet. Technically we aren’t in any zone anymore because she won’t talk to me.”
“Send her something nice. I’m not the most girly-girl in the world, but I know I’d like for a guy to send me something nice, especially if he did something to piss me off. When Josh does something, he sends me candy.” She held up her Twizzler. “He accidently broke my Gameboy today at school,” she shrugged.
“Josh cares about you, Jen.” I shook my head and laughed at her enlarged eyes. “I’ll think about sending her something nice. Go get in bed, you got school tomorrow. I’ll see you in the morning, OK?”
I watched as my little sister, who now seemed so grown up, walked out of my bedroom. I jumped up and immediately when to my dresser and snatched up the little jewelry box that I got from Franklins Jewelry store the day I met Lilly.
I popped it open and stared down at the little locket. It really was perfect for her. I smiled to myself.
A week later, there was still no communication between Lilly and me. Of course, I’d given up on calling her. I knew the best thing for me to do was to just forget about her. That whole date someone for money thing was a bad idea to start with, not to mention it kind of backfired in my face considering that I was starting to really like Lilly.
I got an expected visit from Lilly’s mom. I wasn’t living up to my end of the bargain, and at this point, I didn’t care anymore. I was already starting to think of new options. Maybe after we lost the house we could rent a place for a while or maybe move to Georgia and stay with some family until dad and I got back on our feet. I had already started looking for a better paying job while still helping to maintain the garage, just in case a miracle occurred.
“A deal’s a deal, Devin. My daughter’s miserable. What did you do and how are you going to fix it?” She picked at a piece of lint on her perfect coat.
“I didn’t do anything. She hates me. She should hate me after what I was attempting to do. The deal’s off, and I don’t care if we lose everything. I can’t do it.”
She took a deep frustrated breath and pinched the bridge of her nose like I was causing her a headache.
“Look, her birthday’s this weekend. There’s going to be a big party at my house—I can’t believe I’m about to do this, but please come to the party.”
“I can’t do this, it’s wrong and she’s really a nice girl, I just don’t…”
“Twenty thousand,” she said. She was now rubbing her temple.
“What?” I almost choked on my own spit.
“I will personally hand you a check for twenty thousand dollars if you do this, that doesn’t include the money I’ve already given you.”
“You’re fucking nuts, lady!” I ran my hands roughly through my hair in frustration. “Let me think on it.”
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Why? Why? Why?
She pulled out a card and handed it to me. I looked down and it had her name and address on it.
“Call me when you figure out whether you want to be a man and take care of your family or not.”
Then she was gone.
I made that decision later that night. After a hard day of work in the garage, I ran into the house and saw my dad sitting at the kitchen table. I could tell by the slump of his body that he was drunk as a skunk, but the tears on his cheeks are what really did me in.
“What kind of man am I, Devin?” he slurred. “I can’t even take care of my own damn family. We’re gonna lose it, all of it, and it’s my own fault. I’m not a man, I’m a drunk. She made me this way, your momma. She made me this way. I was a good man, Devin, I was, and she made me this way.” He pressed his forehead against the table and cried until he passed out.
Jenny helped me drag his limp body to the couch.
It’s been years since I’ve seen my father cry, not since right after mom walked out on us. In that moment the wall around my heart hardened immediately. Seeing him that way gave me a fresh new outlook and reminded me what women were capable of. I couldn’t allow Lilly’s innocent attack on my senses to take over. She was a woman…they hurt you and they leave you. They were only good for one thing and I would not be doing that one thing with Lilly. I’m not some wet-behind-the-ears pussy boy. I’m Devin Michaels, the playboy of the south, and it’s about damn time I started acting that way. I don’t know why I ever doubted myself to begin with. I knew what needed to be done and it was time I manned up and did it before my family lost everything.
I barely made it into my bedroom before I pulled the card out of my pocket and grabbed my cell phone. I dialed the number and waited. It rang twice before she picked up.
“I’ll do it,” I said before rudely hanging up.