Chapter Twenty-One

Jonah looked up from the floor where he and Eva Grace played with her “ponies.” With two sisters, he was familiar with the brightly colored horses in every shade of the rainbow.

He’d expected Abby.

He hadn’t expected Nell to be with her.

Putting down the pink pony with the electric-blue mane and tail, he rose to his feet.

“Hi, Mommy.” Eva Grace barely looked up from the pony she had “galloping” across the hardwood floor.

“How about me?” Nell’s tone was teasing. “Don’t I even rate a hello?”

Eva Grace looked up then and flashed a smile. “Hello. Me and Jonah are playing ponies.”

“I see that.” Nell placed her bag on the floor, then crossed the room and crouched down. “What would you think if I took over for Jonah while he and your mommy went to the Market?”

Jonah shifted his gaze to Abby. This was a new twist to the day. He’d bet anything it had to do with last night.

Nell’s face gave him no clue. That wasn’t surprising. In the short time he’d been acquainted with the woman, he knew you didn’t see anything on Nell Ambrose’s face she didn’t want you to see.

Eva Grace’s brows drew together. “I like going to Market.”

When he’d first moved to Hazel Green, Jonah had learned that the Market was held every Saturday in the Green. Not only was it a traditional farmer’s market with locally grown produce, artisans set up booths to sell their art and crafts as well.

Nell stroked the pink mane of a yellow horse, and a look of yearning blanketed her face. “I was really looking forward to playing ponies.”

Whether it was the sadness in her voice or the yearning on her face, whatever it was had Eva Grace’s kind heart responding. She patted Nell’s arm, her voice soft and consoling. “I’ll stay and play ponies with you.”

“Thank you, Eva Grace.” Nell’s expression brightened. “Maybe my pony and yours can race?”

“Mine is really fast,” Eva Grace warned, her big blue eyes wide and serious.

“That’s okay.” Nell slanted a glance at Abby. “It’s not all about winning.”

Jonah shifted his attention to Abby. For someone who’d left to have a relaxing breakfast with a friend, she looked pale and tense.

What had Nell told her?

Abby was a smart woman. Surely she’d understood that he hadn’t been on a date with Ryann. Not that there was anything wrong with him dating.

Even as the justification flashed, he shoved it aside. It would have been wrong, and unfair to the other woman. Not when there was only one woman he wanted to be with . . . one who appeared to be on the verge of kicking him to the curb.

Eva Grace had to give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek before he left. The feel of those small arms around him had a lump rising to his throat.

He cleared his throat as they strode down the corridor leading outside. “Where did you and Nell end up having breakfast?”

“The Green Gateau.”

He reached around her to open the door. “That’s the place with the green door and all the windows, just off the park?”

“That’s the one.” As she stepped onto the sidewalk, she turned silent. Her teeth caught on her bottom lip.

The tension in his gut ratcheted up another notch. What the heck had Nell told her?

“Something upset you. It appears it has to do with me.”

Her gaze jerked in his direction, surprise widening her eyes.

His lips quirked upward, but he found no humor in the situation. “Give me some credit. I am a cop.”

“Nell said she ran into you last night.” Though Abby’s tone was casual, the look in his eyes had him swallowing a curse.

“It wasn’t a date.”

“What?”

“I wasn’t on a date.” Though he and Abby had only exchanged a few kisses, it felt like that would be the ultimate betrayal. “I didn’t know that woman would be there. I was actually relieved when Nell showed up. If she said—”

Abby’s soft touch on his arm had whatever he’d been about to say dying in his throat.

“That’s what she told me.” She exhaled a rough breath. “She had a lot of other things to say as well.”

Jonah’s brows drew together. “Such as?”

“Such as there are always two sides to every issue.”

“True.”

“That perhaps I’ve judged you unfairly.”

It was clear they were no longer talking about last night’s dinner at the trattoria. It also sounded as if Nell had stood up for him. Unfortunately, it was undeserved. “I deserve every bit of your judgment.”

She nodded. For some reason, his comment had the tension relaxing on her face.

Crisp white tents dotted the Green, with vendors selling apples, pumpkins, and other seasonal produce. A tent offering stained glass caught his eye, reminding him of the house they’d seen on their walk. The yellow one with stained glass over the windows.

Abby didn’t seem interested in stopping at any of the tents. She smiled and nodded to shoppers she knew, occasionally calling out or responding to a greeting.

If she was as aware of the curious glances slanted their way, it didn’t show. Though Jonah longed to touch her, to take her arm, he kept his hands to himself.

“Did you agree with Veronica about terminating the pregnancy?” Abby stopped. Resting her back against the side of the bridge, her dark eyes pinned him. “Or did you just go along with her wishes?”

It was a question Jonah had struggled with for years. Telling Abby he’d only gone along with what Veronica had wanted would likely be more acceptable to her than saying he’d agreed with his wife.

While he wanted to rebuild his relationship with Abby, he wouldn’t do it based on half truths or lies.

“I honestly don’t know.”

Suspicion flicked in her brown eyes. “You don’t know?”

“I know it was easy for you. Despite everything the doctor was saying, you were determined to continue to protect the life growing inside you.”

Her eyes never left his face.

“When I heard all the challenges the child would face, I remember feeling sick inside.”

“The doctor said it could be a meningocele.”

“As rare as that particular type of spina bifida is, that comment felt as if the doctor was tossing us a bone.” Jonah raked a hand through his hair. “The fact is, Veronica couldn’t have handled a child with severe birth defects. There isn’t a single doubt in my mind on that.”

Abby started walking, and he fell into step beside her. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“I honestly don’t know.” Jonah took a deep breath, let it out. “I took the easy route.”

“I don’t understand.” Her voice trembled slightly.

She understood, he thought. She might wish the answer were different, but she understood.

“Veronica was my wife. I told myself I had to stand by her. Which, don’t you see, allowed me to not take ownership?” Self-loathing filled his voice. “And when she threatened to make your life a living hell if I stayed in contact with you, I told myself I was protecting you. But was I? Or was it that I didn’t have the guts to face you after the predicament I put you in?”

“Going the surrogate route was my choice.” Abby’s gaze drifted to the yellow house Eva Grace had admired. “One day I’m going to give my daughter a house like that.”

My daughter. The significance wasn’t lost on him.

“We were the ones who approached you, dangling the money like a carrot before a starving rabbit.”

Abby laughed, and the sound seemed to surprise them both.

“It wasn’t just the money.” Abby spoke, her voice now as soft as her eyes. “It was the chance to give you a child. I knew you’d be a wonderful father.”

Jonah said nothing, could think of nothing to say. Facts didn’t lie. He’d walked away from her just when she needed him most.

“I was right.”

He cocked his head.

“You are a wonderful father. Eva Grace adores you.”

“I love her already.”

“She’s a hard kid not to love.” Abby’s lips curved before her expression sobered. “One last question.”

“Anything.” Though he couldn’t imagine what else there was left, Jonah braced himself.

“Why didn’t you come to the hospital for the delivery?” The hurt in her eyes shredded his heart. “I was alone. I was frightened out of my mind. I know you’d washed your hands of the baby”—he flinched at the words—“but I thought, because of our friendship, you’d have come to be with me.”

Puzzled, Jonah cocked his head. “I didn’t know when you were going to deliver. And the last time I’d seen you, you’d told me to stay the heck away from you.”

“What about my call? The texts?” The moisture that filled her eyes told him, even after all this time, the memory hurt like a rotten tooth. “You didn’t even have the decency to say you wouldn’t be there.”

“I never got a text or a call from you.” Jonah stilled. “Surely Veronica wouldn’t have . . .”

He didn’t need to finish the thought.

The suspicion that rose in her dark eyes had him going silent for a moment. “I didn’t receive your call or texts. I don’t know how that happened because my phone is always with me. But I didn’t.”

“Would you have been there?” Her penetrating gaze narrowed. “If you’d gotten the messages.”

He wanted to be honest. He thought of Veronica. Of the threats. “I would have wanted to be there. I think I’d have been there. But Veronica, well, I’d never seen her so bent on punishing you.”

“You act like she was calling the shots.” Abby’s brows pulled together. “You’ve never been one to let another person run you.”

“She’d have done what she wanted, whether I agreed or not.” He willed Abby to see the truth in his eyes. “If she decided to take you to court, she’d have pursued that vendetta without me. If she decided to take custody of Eva Grace just to put her in an institution, I’d have battled her in court and likely won. But at what cost? To you? To me? To Eva Grace?”

“How could you stay with such a monster?”

His words came out on a shuddering breath, “Because I helped create that monster.”

+

The gate to the park where Jonah and Eva Grace had once pushed their swings to the heavens drew Abby. She opened it and stepped inside. Unlike the last time she’d been here, today the park was filled with parents and children.

Abby almost turned around and walked out. Then she spotted an empty ornate iron bench under a red maple. She moved quickly to it, her legs quivering. “What do you mean?”

Jonah didn’t immediately answer; his gaze appeared drawn to a father pushing a girl who could be no more than six months in a baby swing. “I always wanted children. Not just one but a whole houseful. A desire for a large family was something Veronica and I shared.”

For a second, a memory had his gaze turning distant and his lips lifting in a smile. Then a shutter dropped. “Despite the fact that we were young and supposedly healthy, the babies didn’t come.”

Abby remembered how Veronica’s personality had changed. They’d been friends back then. Veronica had told her the fertility drugs made her edgy, but she’d refused to quit until the doctors said no more.”

Things had always come easily for Veronica. Not getting what she wanted, what her husband wanted had driven her crazy.

“I’m surprised you didn’t give adoption another try.” Abby softened her voice, recalling the pain both Veronica and Jonah experienced when the birth mother changed her mind at the last minute.

Jonah shook his head. “Veronica saw that experience as just another failure. I assured her that she was enough. She didn’t believe me. Not after all the talk of children early in our marriage. Not after the excitement over the adoption.”

Abby looked at this man and remembered the boy who’d once been her best friend. What had Nell said about most choices not being black and white?

“I’m not telling you this because I’m hoping for absolution.” His voice shook with emotion. “Despite everything, the truth is I didn’t step up and do the right thing. That will be my shame until the day I die.”

Though Abby had never been a crier, large droplets slid down her cheeks and plopped on her lap. She couldn’t stop them. Didn’t even know whether she wanted to.

The angry knot around her heart that had kept her from breathing deeply the past five years unraveled and fell away. When Jonah arms slid around her, the tears became a torrent.

“I’m here. Don’t worry.” Gentle hands stroked her hair. “I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere.”

+

Eva Grace stopped sawing into the pumpkin and tilted her head, her gaze now fully focused on Abby. “How can he be my daddy?”

“Remember when I told you that Mommy planned to carry a baby for another couple, but that didn’t work out, and I was so happy because I fell in love with you and wanted to keep you?” Abby had told this story so many times in the past couple of years that, despite her nerves, it came easily to her lips.

She and Jonah had decided to tell Eva Grace that night that he was her father. Although no promises had been made between them, she trusted Jonah to be there for her. And for her, er, their daughter.

Eva Grace’s eyes shifted to Jonah. “Where have you been?”

“He—” Abby began, but Jonah lifted a hand, letting her know he had this one.

“I’ve been living in Springfield.” Jonah kept his tone easy, though Abby watched the muscle in his jaw jump. “It’s a long ways away. I moved here because I want to be close to you.”

Eva Grace thought for a moment, then picked up her pumpkin knife. “Do you think that his smile should go up or down?”

Jonah studied the pumpkin. “Up. Because he’s happy.”

The little girl smiled. “He is happy.”

Abby waited while Eva Grace stuck her knife into the pumpkin and began to saw. “Do you have any other questions right now?”

“Yep.”

“What is it?” Abby prompted.

Eva Grace turned to Jonah. “Can I call you Daddy?”