Alone, I stared into the lighted mirror, looking at the results of this morning’s styling. I wasn’t sure who was staring back at me. I, Ransom, was someone who had not slept last night. I had bags under my red eyes, and a throbbing headache. The man staring back at me was perfect. Eyes clear. No bags.

Giselle stepped into my room and quietly closed the door. “So,” she said. “I hear you threw everyone out.”

I looked around. “Did I?”

“Your stylist left in tears. I’m not sure what you said to him, but he looked scarred for life.”

I leaned closer to the mirror, peering at my face. “I think I might be a robot. Do you think that’s possible? One night, when I wasn’t looking, did they swap in something cold and mechanical to replace me?”

“Oh, Ransom, don’t be weird, please. It’s hard enough to see you in pain, without delving into science fiction.”

“I’m not in any pain. I don’t feel anything at all. Even this headache that is pounding my skull doesn’t hurt, not really.”

“One more day, and we can get out of here. Not even a day. We can be on the plane this afternoon.”

“We, we. Good little fake fiancée. You’re really doing a fine job at this, Giselle. I have to hand it to you.”

She swatted me on the shoulder. “I would take offense if I didn’t know how you really felt.”

“I wish you’d tell me how I really felt because I’m not kidding. It’s like my soul has gone numb. I don’t like it. I’m being mean to everybody. I’ve been yelling, even at poor Toby.”

“I’m sure Toby will survive. I wish we had gotten to talk a little more yesterday. When you left, I didn’t realize you’d broken up with Cave. I knew something was wrong...but that really surprised me.”

“It surprised me too. I wasn’t expecting it. I don’t know why I wasn’t expecting it...how can I ask every single person I meet to bend and twist their lives to accommodate mine? Eventually, someone isn’t going to bend.”

“Honestly, I can see Cave’s point,” she said. “I don’t think I can do the fake girlfriend thing anymore after this. Everyone makes it look so easy and business-like, but I don’t think it’s good for me. Or you either, for that matter.”

I hadn’t really thought about it, but she was right. At some point ordained by Toby and the label, Giselle and I would break up. Then Toby would go in search of the next person for me to be seen with. And the next. And the next. Hell, for all I knew, he already had them lined up waiting for me.

“How did I get myself into this mess?” I asked. “I had such good intentions. It’s weird because Cave has always been there at the back of my mind. I always knew someday I’d find him again. And now? He won’t be there anymore. That little bit of hope that I’ve carried with me all these years, it’s gone. And it’s all my fault.”

“It takes two to break up, I’ve found.”

“No. Not this time. I pushed him away with all these demands that he fit into my life. Oh, fuck,” I said.

“What?”

“I just had this sudden flash of memory, my mom and dad. I’ve told you about him.”

“Control freak.”

“Exactly,” I said. “Everything in its right place. If you borrow a screwdriver, you make damn sure you put it back right where you found it, in the right spot on the pegboard. He’s calmed down over the years, but when I was growing up, he had an opinion about everything. He drove my mom nuts. Don’t put the dishes on the rack like that, they’ll never dry, put them like this instead. You call that decorating a Christmas tree? Just...just everything. Our entire life was dominated by his demands. My way or the highway, that’s what he’d tell me. I guess I really internalized that, didn’t I? I chose the highway...and then gave everybody else the same choice.”

“I know that was difficult, but darling, you can’t blame yourself for what happened to Cave. You’re a grown-up, he’s a grown-up. Sometimes these things just don’t work out. It’s not being a control freak to say you don’t want to risk your entire career on a relationship.”

I couldn’t sit still anymore. I felt seized by a strange energy. Thinking of myself repeating my dad’s old patterns...could I ever break them? Surely there was some way. I went to the window and drew open the drapes, and stared down at the sea.

“What was the worst that would happen, if I didn’t put the screwdriver back exactly where he wanted? I mean, it might be a pain in the ass. It might get lost or something. But it’s not like the world was going to descend into chaos if everything didn’t go according to his plan. That risk, though, it was always lurking in the background. Enormous and exaggerated. What if I’ve been exaggerating the risk honesty posed to my career? What if I let Cave go because I was afraid of something that was never going to actually happen?”

“You saw how the news leaped all over those pictures of you and him at the lodge. Scandal can bring you down. It’s not an unrealistic fear, Ransom.”

“Do I go through the whole rest of my life, fearing scandal? Living cautiously, living afraid? Making everybody else miserable because of my fear? Pulling you into it, making you afraid to lose your own career because of me?”

She came over to the window with me. “Believe me, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my choices too. But let’s be honest, Ransom. Our little moment of stardom comes with an expiration date. We’re in a world that worships youth, and neither of us is going to be young forever. What are we going to do, once we fall out of the spotlight? Who is going to be there to catch us when we fall from that height?”

Toby chose that moment to come in. He stared at us a moment, taking in the mood of the room. “Do you realize you’re officially the two gloomiest people in Oceanside? Everybody else is ecstatic thanks to you, but you both look like you’re about to plunge out that window.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “When we’re at the parade, I will be all smiles and graciousness. I’m a professional, after all. Faking emotion is what I do.”

He looked at Giselle. “Has he been like this the whole time?”

“Let him be,” she said. “He’s feeling bereft.”

“Yeah, I know, but we’ve got a few thousand eager fans out there that want to see him feeling on top of the world with his new gal. So gather yourselves, paste on those big smiles, and let’s get down there.”

Giselle clucked her tongue. “I suppose I’ll do my part, and capture this moment for posterity. A little pre-parade selfie. Wait, did I leave my purse somewhere? Did you see it, Ransom?”

“I wasn’t really paying attention to your purse,” I said.

“Ah well, no matter, let me use your phone,” she said.

“With everything going on, I let mine die.”

“Don’t you pay people to charge your phone?” She reached over and snatched the phone from Toby’s hand. “Fine, we’ll use your dear manager’s instead.”

She held it high, pointed down at us. Both of us looked up glumly, and then we smiled--and were suddenly transformed. It still struck me as somehow magical, the way that fake smile worked. Something in the eyebrows, something in the cheeks. We were bright and happy and optimistic like the whole world loved us.

Click, and our picture was taken. Click click click, and she got a few more. “For safety’s sake,” she said.

“If I could just get my phone back,” Toby said, reaching for it.

She laughed and batted his hand away. “Come on, this will be going out to trillions of our adoring fans, we have to find the right one to show!”

She flicked through the selfies. I didn’t understand the expression on Toby’s face. Fear? Fury?

“Seriously, Giselle, give me my phone back.”

“One second, Toby, I’m not sure if I should use this one or--”

“Goddamn it Giselle!” he shouted.

I stared at him. Not Giselle, though. She wasn’t looking at him at all. Her thumb was on the screen, flicking through pictures.

“Oh...god. Toby,” she whispered in a voice full of horror.

I turned to her. “What’s wrong?”

“If you’ll just give me the phone back,” said Toby. Instead, she handed the phone to me.

There was a picture of me and Cave. In the grass at the lodge. The grainy one that had been in the papers.

“Toby?” I said, my voice quiet.

“Ugh, don’t even look at that,” he said. “I saved it off one of the gossip sites. I didn’t want to bring up bad memories--”

Flick flick flick. There were a couple of other pictures that had hit the sites...and then some that hadn’t. Cave and I, locked in an embrace. Cave and I, kissing. Our hands exploring.

My heart froze. “You need to explain this, Toby.”

“It’s not what it looks like, I swear. Someone sent them to me--”

“Someone sent them? Or you took them?”

A tense silence stretched between us, finally broken by Toby barking, “Fine! Yes, I took the pictures. I leaked them to the sites.”

“But why?” asked Giselle, her hand at her throat. “Why would you do that to us?”

“Do it to you? Do it to you? I saved the both of you from Ransom’s stupid fucking mistake!” shouted Toby. “What the hell did you think was going to happen, Ransom? Did you think you’d be able to live in both worlds? Live in Cave’s perfect little picket-fence world, but still be a global star? How did you think that was going to work?”

“You...destroyed...everything,” I said.

“I put everything back together! I knew Cave wasn’t going to adapt himself to our lives, so he had to go. He was trouble, Ransom. I had to get you to make a decision. I had to make you see the kind of danger you were in. Didn’t you see, I kept the most incriminating pictures out of the press? Do you think the paparazzi would be that generous? They would have demolished you, without any chance for redemption!”

“You’re insane,” said Giselle. “Ransom and I both could have been ruined.”

“But not him,” I said. “No matter what happened, Toby was going to be fine. Everyone saw how hard he worked once the pictures were released. Amassing a response team, running the war room, constant updates to the CEO. We were so busy thinking about our own careers, we didn’t think about how he was protecting his own.”

A strange smile crossed her face. “You know, we were just talking about what a control freak your dad was...are you sure you didn’t just replace him with Toby?”

“If I weren’t so pissed off, I’d congratulate you on your psychological insight,” I said. Somewhere deep down I could sense she was right, though. Both men had done things to tear me down, to try to mold me into their vision. Didn’t matter that their visions were totally different, the motives and the methods were the same.

Fifteen years ago, I’d been so claustrophobic from my father’s narrow vision of what my life should be, that I had no choice but to run away. I couldn’t have survived otherwise.

The life I’d offered Cave had been just as claustrophobic, a world of secrets and lies. Was it any wonder he had run away?

I couldn’t really blame Toby, though. This was my fault. I should never have put that much power into his hands. I should never have sunk into the comfort of letting someone else totally define my life.

Now I was going to lose the only man I’d ever loved because of it.

Wasn’t I?

“I’ve got to talk to Cave,” I said. I still had Toby’s phone in my hand. I started to dial.

“Ransom, wait,” said Toby.

“You be quiet,” said Giselle.

It rang and it rang, then dumped me into voicemail. I tried again. Again.

“Oh shit, he’s not answering,” I said.

“Would you answer, if you were him and you saw Toby on the caller ID?” Giselle said.

“I know you’re busy casting me as the villain in your life,” said Toby, “but can I remind you that there’s a parade we have to get to?”

“Fuck the parade,” I said.

Giselle lay a calming hand on my arm. “Ransom. There’s time if you want to talk to him. He’s not going anywhere. Oceanside is his home. If he’s not picking up, it’s because he needs some time to recover. But pacing around the suite listening to his voicemail announcement isn’t going to help you.”

I started to argue. I should send someone to his house. I should go myself. I should do a million different things to get to him. But she was right. I’d been making demands of Cave ever since I’d gotten back to town. It was time for me to give him some room.

When we walked to the elevator, the entourage fell in behind us. “By the way,” I whispered to Toby, “don’t think for a second you’re getting away with what you did to me.”

His face was emotionless as he looked forward, not making eye contact with me. “Do what you need to do, Ransom. But one day you’ll realize I was right.”