Chapter 15

Riley

His words bit into me, as if after the stuff we'd been through still left me with no right to touch him. I pulled my hand back and stood a step back.

"Right. I'm sorry." I offered a sheepish smile. "I should go."

"No, don't. I'm sorry. That guy brings out the worst in me. I swear he was sent to earth to fuck with my head." He ran his fingers through his hair and studied me. Just being near him left my heart racing in a way it hadn't around anyone else.

"I'm glad to hear you helped out Deza. She looked pretty upset when we had breakfast on Saturday." I clasped my hands in front of me to keep from reaching out. Had it really been a week ago that we were tearing at each other, wanting so badly to use each other for pleasure? It was so much more than pleasure where I was concerned.

"She's gotta figure out what she wants to do about him. The two of them can't keep meeting up because of some silly reason that one of them comes up with. They get together and fight because they're not grown up enough to realize they’re still in love." He shrugged and glanced over his shoulder where Tricia stood.

"You should go. I didn't mean to interrupt you guys." I knew they weren't officially together, but seeing him comforting her when I walked by left me with one conclusion. They were way more than friends. Maybe they were something like me and Jace, but Tricia was married. It was too confusing to dive into with everything else going on in my life.

"What?" He chuckled and reached out, running his hand down my arm and clasping my fingers. "I'm not anything to Tricia. She's having trouble in her marriage, and I'm a safe place to land."

"Like Jace is to me?"

"I don't like talking about Jace, but no. I'm not sleeping with her." He squeezed my hand and lifted it to his lips, kissing my knuckles. "I should have called."

"Why is that? We're co-workers with an attraction to each other. You're not responsible for checking up on me."

His tongue darted out and ran in a slow circle over my fingers as my insides purred. "Just co-workers, hmmm? I thought we were becoming more." He kissed my hand again and released it. "Maybe I was wrong, but maybe not."

"I need to go."

"Don't wanna talk about the night you almost let me inside of you, Riley? So close, right? So fucking close that when I close my eyes... I can feel you beneath me in the sand. I can hear your soft whimpers and smell your skin."

"What do you want from me, Ethan?" I pressed my hands to his chest, needing him to stop. I wasn't nearly as put together as I thought. He could pull a few strings, push a few buttons and I would melt in a sickeningly wet puddle before him.

He opened his deep brown eyes and stepped closer. "I want that night back. I think it had the power to help us stop fucking around and do something incredible together."

"Like make us better actors?" I gripped his shirt in an effort to not feel the twitching of his chest muscles beneath my fingers. He was too much, too overwhelming, too beautiful to imagine as someone who could belong to me.

"Do you love Jace?"

"No. And I'm not sleeping with you like I sleep with him." I pushed at his chest. "I can't. It might seem stupid, but it would leave me empty. I don't want any more empty in my life right now, okay?"

Somewhere along the way, tears had blurred my vision. His fingers were soft as he brushed them away and leaned down to kiss my cheeks, one at a time.

"Okay. I'm sorry." The sound of his shaky inhale left my heart quaking inside of me. I prayed like hell that Clayton or Deza or someone could make me stronger. I needed to separate desire on the screen from desire off the screen. Maybe I was mixing up the two, but I seriously doubted it.

"Don't apologize. Just protect me right now like you promised you would." I moved back and sucked in a deep breath. "God, you turn me on."

"Me too. I turn me on all the time." He moved back, leaving me to stand alone. "All right. How about dinner Friday night? My brother Liam has a big ugly house in the city. Come out and bring Charlotte with you, or are we calling her Jade still?"

I laughed in spite of myself. "It's Charlotte. Do you really think us having dinner would help anything right now?"

"Yeah, I do. I want to bond as friends. We'll just have to keep the part of us that wants to fuck in the shower like bunnies at bay." He shrugged and gave me a boyish smirk. He was beyond cocky, and I loved him for it. "That sound fun?"

"The sex or the denial?"

"Well, when you put it that way, jeez." He winked at me and nodded toward the building. "I'm sure father time is getting antsy. Get in there and show his old ass up, just promise not to fall for him. If you're going to fall for a movie star asshole with a swollen ego and a great smile, it's going to be me. Not him. Promise?"

I laughed and nodded my head. "Yeah, I promise."

"Good. Get out of here before I change my mind about this stupid friendship nonsense and haul you off by your hair like a caveman to my trailer."

"So corrupt." I turned and walked back toward the studio as my blood raced through my body at breakneck speed. I wanted to belong to him, but it wasn't happening today. I needed to heal, to find myself again, or maybe for the first time ever.

"Friday night. I'll text you the address."

I glanced over my shoulder. "It's Tuesday. Are you planning on hiding for the rest of the week?"

"Would it make me seem incredibly mysterious and you'd be willing to do anything to uncover my secrets?"

"Define anything." I smiled, knowing I was pressing my luck.

"In your dreams, baby." He smiled and turned, walking back toward Tricia. I couldn't seem to tear my eyes off of him.

"Clayton's waiting for you." Deza walked out of the open door I stood holding open for no one.

"Oh, yeah. I'm sorry."

"It's all right. He's mesmerizing to all of us. You just gotta learn how to keep a poker face around him." She winked at me and walked toward Ethan.

"Ethan or Clayton?"

She glanced back. "Both."

I chuckled and walked down the hall toward the conference room Deza had texted me earlier. I was nervous, but I wasn't. It was an odd place to be, but seeing Ethan helped something snap into place. I was good enough to act next to the biggest, hottest name in Hollywood. I could hold my head a little higher than I had lately, and surely believe a little more in myself. Everyone around me seemed to think I was capable of greatness.

When the hell had I started to believe that I wasn't? Shit, when had I ever started believing that I was?

"Sorry to keep you waiting." I walked in and stopped short. Something about Clayton left me paralyzed in place. It wasn't his looks or the way his eyes left me feeling completely bare before him. It was his past, his achievements, his greatness. The man was a god on Broadway and had been in some of the biggest movies of the last fifteen years.

"Not a problem. That Ethan Lewis can captivate all of us, me included." He smiled and patted the desk beside him where he sat. "Come here and tell me a little bit about yourself. I've been talking to Deza about how you got the part for Down Low, which I love. It's about time these stiff-necked bastards opened an audition to see what new talent there was right under their noses."

I sat down beside him and spent the next hour talking about myself. My dreams and aspirations, my desires and biggest challenges. By the end of our conversation, I was completely relaxed and felt good. Solid. Warm.

He'd used probing questions to help me dig deeper and where they weren't comfortable at first, by the time he stood up and rolled his shoulders, inviting me to join him, I was invested in our relationship. Him the teacher and me the pupil. Me... a nobody and the great Clayton Welms.

"All right. Shake out your shoulders. We're going to do some improvisation. You know what that is, surely?" He lifted his eyebrow and gave me a challenging smile.

"Of course. Throw your best at me." I rolled my shoulders and took a few deep breaths through my nose.

"We've been together for five years, and you've been waiting on a ring from me. We're at your favorite restaurant. Go."

"Are you here with me, or am I pretending like you're here?" I rolled my arms in big circles, not feeling nearly as foolish as I should have. He had a way of calming me completely. I loved it.

"No questions. Use what you want. Do what you need. Improv. Go."

"Oh my God." I pressed my fingers to my lips as tears filled my eyes. "Yes. Yes to all of it." I reached out and pretended to pull someone close to me, kissing the air and spinning around.

He clapped and laughed. It was a simple one, but fun.

"Bravo. You'd think for a ring I'd get a little bit of tongue action, but great job."

I laughed loudly and rolled my eyes. "You men are all the same."

"Are we?" He rubbed his hands together and pressed the tips of his fingers against his lips. "You've been in love with me for five years and yet have never told me. I'm soon to ship off to the military and you think it's time I know. Go."

I moved toward him and slid my hands up his chest, fully using him as a prop this time. "I know you have to go, and I support that, but don't leave here without knowing how much you mean to me."

Something washed over me. My mind moved Clayton out of the picture and left Ethan standing before me, his beautiful brown eyes filled with desire that I'd yet to tap into.

"Every day I've spent beside you as a good friend... I've wanted more." I took a shaky breath and glanced down. "I wanna know what it's like to wake up beside you, to feel your fingers across my skin, to hear you cry out my name in the middle of the night when you've been overwrought with the pleasure I've doused you in. I need you. I need you today like I needed you yesterday." I licked my lips and pressed myself to the front of him. "Like I'll need you tomorrow when you're gone. Don't leave without knowing..."

He whispered, "That you love me."

The kiss was long and hard, it felt right, good, solid. I pressed into it and turned myself over to him, letting him be Ethan and opening myself up to the torrent of emotions that blasted through me. I moaned and turned my face, opening my mouth and welcoming his tongue.

We parted a minute later, both of us panting.

"Damn," he mumbled, his eyes wide and cheeks pink. "Why the hell did Deza think you needed a coach? You're a natural, Riley. You don't need me."

"Yes, I do." I took a shaky breath. "I need help learning how to separate the passion I feel on the screen from what I feel off of it."

"Bloody hell." He smiled and pressed his fingers to his lips as he watched me. "You're in love with him."

I glanced down at my hand and sighed. “I don’t know for sure, but I think so.”

“Then I’ll help save you from yourself. Let’s make you impenetrable to anyone’s charms, yes?” He chuckled.

“I would love that.” I smiled.

At least then it would be a choice.