Chapter 6

Ethan

I glanced back one more time before ducking into the sanctuary. Some lady a little older than me was singing Amazing Grace. I stopped beside the pew where Frank and Deza sat. They moved over and I took a seat next to Frank.

Deza leaned across him, her cheeks stained with tears, her eyes wide as if frightened. "Did you see Riley?"

"Yeah. She's going home." I brushed my fingers by my lips and sat back as the image of her losing her shit in the foyer washed over me. I'd arrived just in time to catch her as she hit the ground. Never in my life had I wanted to offer someone anything I had to bring them back from their misery. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that it should have been me taking her home instead of Jace.

I should have scooped her up as she fell and jogged out to my car. We could have spent the afternoon sleeping in my big comfy bed in the darkness, holding each other and me letting her see a side of me that even I wasn't sure existed. Though I'd never shown that part of me outside the setting of a movie, it felt real - alive - needy to be seen, to be acknowledged and loved by someone.

No. By her.

"I feel sick over knowing it's her momma up there," Deza whispered softly and leaned back.

I nodded, but was already lost to my thoughts of holding her, kissing along her shoulders and up her back as I ran my fingers over her skin softly, whispering that I would be there when the sun came up. The movie played out in full by the time Frank nudged me to stand. The service was over.

What was interesting was that we never made love, in the drama in my head, we never had sex. It was better than any sex I'd ever experienced, and yet all I'd done is touch her, kiss her, whisper encouragement to her.

"Ethan, really?" Deza leaned around Frank as her eyes adverted toward my crotch.

I glanced down, not realizing how hard I was over the idea of taking care of Riley.

"Shit," I whispered and reached out, grabbed D's purse. "Yeah, I'll carry this for you."

"Do I even wanna know why you're turned on by a funeral?" She moved around Frank, looking like the big sister in my life that wanted to kick my ass all over the lawn. "I'm going to get you counseling if you don't lie and help me believe it's something in your head and not this shit."

I glanced around and turned to move out of the pew. I wasn't answering her question with a dignified response. She knew it was something in my head. I was a little off, but not nearly as off as she was making me seem. At least I hoped like hell I wasn't.

The guy at the door nodded toward me as I walked out of the funeral home and into the late afternoon sunlight. It was beautiful in the spring in L.A., but the events of the last few days had me wanting to hide out under my sheets and let someone else enjoy nature.

"Hey. Where are you going?" Deza grabbed my arm and pulled.

"I'm going back to my house. I don't owe you an answer on why I was turned on. The fact that you think it had something to do with the funeral is fucked up, and you know it." I pulled my arm from her.

"I'm coming with you." She jogged to catch up to me. "I didn't think that. I'm sorry, all right?"

I glanced down at her as she slipped her hand over my forearm and moved closer. We looked like the average couple to most that would walk by. I stopped by my Mercedes and gripped her hand as she tried to pull from me to walk around to the other side.

"I'm headed out to Liam's. You know you can't stand him. I'll call you later, all right?"

"Okay. You sure you're not mad at me?" She pressed her hand to my chest and cupped her free hand over her eyes.

"Since when do you care if I'm mad at you?" I chuckled.

"Since I know you've been struggling with everything lately. I don't want to be part of what has you crawling into a dark room and locking the door on all of us for a few days."

"That does sound like bliss." I pulled my keys from my pocket. "I'm falling in love with Riley. She crumbled in the lobby and I caught her. I got turned on at the idea of simply taking care of her." I shrugged and ignored the stern look on Deza's pretty face. "It's nothing. Just me playing 'house' in my fucked up head."

"Ethan." She took a step back as I opened the door and got in.

"Nope. Don't right now. I need the visual I have of what life could look like. It might just be a good dramatization that belongs in a movie, but I want to play dumb and think it could happen. Check you later, chickie."

"All right. Be safe and don't-"

"Do anything stupid, I know. Count on it. Me and stupid are good friends, and my brother..."

"Is stupid. I know. Call me later." She wrapped her arms around herself and backed up as a sexy smile played on her mouth.

"You sure you don't wanna come be the object of our combined lust? Could be hot?"

"I'd rather mop the floor with my tongue."

"That could be interesting." I lifted my eyebrow before laughing and closing my door. She was only trying to do what was best for me. Now I just had to remember that as she continued to cock-block me from not only Riley, but from myself.