SORTING THE CONTENTS of two apartments. Organising builders. Giving notice to jobs and preschools. These are the things that have occupied our time over the last couple of months. All this, while travelling to and from Moama to oversee the building of our house.

When we made the decision to move, we certainly didn’t do it by halves.

The house was one of those kit homes that go up quickly in a few months. We’re placing it on my parents’ land so Jude won’t have to travel far in the early hours of the morning to help with the milking. This arrangement was my parents’ idea, and while at first, I wasn’t so sure I wanted a kit home, once I looked into them I found something beautiful that looked exactly like the picturesque farmhouse I’d always imagined living in. The plan was to be in by Ty’s birthday in July. So we were organising our lives accordingly.

There was a massive amount of work involved, but I was really excited about everything that was happening and the direction my life was taking. It felt like I was coming full circle, returning to my roots to give my son the same upbringing his father and I had. Fresh air, sunshine and farm work were the kind of character-building forces that couldn’t be matched in a city upbringing.

Surprisingly, Susan had been fully supportive of the idea. I’d expected her to be hurt that I was taking Ty away from her. But she felt the opposite. She thought it would help him feel closer to his father. In the last couple of weeks, she’d even mentioned that she was toying with the idea of moving back to Moama as well. I think her regular communication with Graeme might have had something to do with that, though. Seems they’d started making amends and were growing close again. I did wonder how Tyler would have felt about the new development, but then he was the kind of person who only wanted other people to be happy. Seeing his mum and dad together again, reunited by their grief over losing him, I think he’d be OK. Deep down, he just wanted his father’s acceptance. His father’s pride. I think he got that, albeit posthumously.

“Are you ready?” Jude asked, popping his head around the bedroom door to find me digging through the drawer in my dressing table in search of a pair of earrings.

“Almost. I just can’t find the other one of these,” I told him, holding up the pearl and diamond earring I was searching for the mate of.

“Do you really need that specific set? We’re going to be late.”

“These are the ones that go with this outfit, so yes, I do need this set,” I told him, pulling items out and putting them on the floor.

Chuckling, he knelt down beside me to help look. “Is this it?” he asked, holding up a pearl stud.

“This one dangles,” I told him, jiggling it to show him. “Why don’t you leave this to me and make sure Ty isn’t trying to change into his Power Rangers costume again.”

“Sure,” he said, kissing my cheek as he stood. “You look gorgeous by the way. Even without the earrings.”

I was wearing a tailored purple dress that came about two inches above my knees and a pair of velvet black heels. My hair was pinned to my head in a pile of styled curls and my makeup was on point. We were going out to celebrate Cherie’s fiftieth birthday. When I found that out, I’d been surprised at how young she was. It must have been hard for her looking after two grieving boys when she was barely out of university. It would have been a lot for her to handle.

I’d met Cherie, and Jude’s half-sister, Marissa, a few times previously. Ty, naturally, was overjoyed to be reunited with Sophie the cat each time we went to their house. They were good people who seemed to only want the best for Jude. But I could tell they were quite sad that Jude had decided to move so far away. I was yet to meet Rigby, and honestly, I wasn’t sure when I’d get to. He was ten years into a fifteen year sentence and Jude wasn’t keen on the idea of taking me to the prison when things were so strained between them. Jude had been visiting him more often though, trying even harder to mend their broken relationship, but so far Rigby hadn’t been responsive. Jude had sworn he wouldn’t give up. He was done with walking away when times got tough, and I was proud of the man he’d become.

“We found your earring,” Jude said, causing me to turn around.

Ty skipped ahead of him and placed it in my hand. “It was the treasure for my pirates chest,” he explained.

“Thank you!” I beamed, heading to the bathroom to wash something that felt a little sticky off the earring before I put it in my ear.

“You really shouldn’t take your mum’s earrings to use for treasure,” I heard Jude tell Ty.

“But I need something sparkly. They can’t dig up an empty chest.”

“I’m sure we can find some cool treasure at the craft shop. I’ll take you tomorrow, how does that sound?”

“Can we get glue to make slime too?”

“Are you going to bury the treasure in the slime?”

“Probably.”

Jude paused. “OK.”

“I’m ready,” I said, emerging from the bathroom, smiling at the conversation I just overheard, also noting how clear Ty’s speech was becoming with Jude around. There were some added benefits to living with a speech therapist. He’d slowly encouraged Ty until he was talking clearly like the grown-up little man he was.

Jude stood and checked his watch, looking handsome in a button-up shirt and black slacks, his contacts in place, and his face freshly shaved. “We should make the reservation on time. I’ll text Marissa and let her know we’re on our way so they can meet us outside.”

Since we were going to the city, we took Jude’s car, buckling Ty into his seat before driving to Jude’s stepmother’s house where Cherie and Marissa got straight into the car.

“I’m so sorry we’re late,” I said as they slid into the backseat. “It was all my fault.”

“My pirates stole her earring.” Ty giggled. And Marissa, who was only eighteen, tickled him on his knee and called him a rascal. He giggled more, enjoying the attention from a pretty girl.

“Do you think we could stop at the service station?” Cherie asked as Jude started driving toward the restaurant. “I’m out of smokes.”

Jude held his hand out to me and I dug inside my handbag to retrieve the packet of Dunhill that he’d placed in there earlier, knowing that this would be his stepmother’s first request and pre-empting her. My man was pretty clever.

“I’ve got you covered, Cherie, but really, don’t you think it’s time to quit those things?”

“It’s my birthday, Jude. I’m fifty. Smoking is all I have left.”

He chuckled and steered his way to the restaurant where we had a beautiful banquet meal to celebrate the milestone of a woman I admired greatly. Jude was a great man because of her influence and efforts.

As the night wore on, we ended up at her house where we were meant to be having coffee and birthday cake, but Cherie had produced a bottle of champagne instead, adding that to her already tipsy self. I was the only sober one there, taking over the driving duties from Jude so he could drink to celebrate with his family.

“I’ve had a wonderful evening,” Cherie said, holding her glass in the air after we’d all sung happy birthday. “Thank you all for coming to celebrate with me. It’s so nice spending time with family and new friends.” She paused to hiccup and giggle. I smiled, seeing more youth in her than the numbers we were celebrating suggested. “And I couldn’t ask for nicer ones. So, that’s all,” she said, tilting her glass. “Bottoms up and let’s eat cake.”

“Yeah!” Ty cheered, picking up his fork to dive into the rich chocolate birthday cake.

Cherie finished her glass then picked up a remote that controlled her stereo. Whitney Houston’s greatest hits filled the air. I laughed as she insisted that Jude needed to dance with her, and enjoyed watching them as they swayed to the lyrics of ‘Where Do Broken Hearts Go’.

“Does this happen a lot?” I asked Marissa, who was also smiling.

“More often than you’d expect,” she replied. “Give mum a glass of wine and she’s the queen of the dance floor. Jude has always been her favourite dance partner. He’s always done anything to make her happy.”

“He has that kind of personality.”

“He does. We’re happy he found you. Seems you make him the happy one.”

“Oh no,” I replied. “That’s all him. He makes me happy.”

Nudging me lightly with her elbow, she chuckled. “I think the feeling is mutual.” Then she turned to Ty. “Want to be my dance partner, little man?”

With chocolate on his mouth, he grinned and nodded, taking Marissa’s hands and jumping up and down to the beat of the music. I took out my phone and snapped a few photos, grinning as I flipped through them. You’d never know it from the smiling faces in the room, but this family had struggled with terrible pain and devastation, yet they’d been determined. Their spirit had not been conquered. Being here, though, there was always a feeling that somebody was missing. I hoped that when Rigby was released, it would go a long way to healing the cracks in their joy. While he’d done something terrible, he’d also ended a reign of tyranny that they’d all felt powerless to stop. I’d grown up with so much love in my life that I honestly struggled to imagine how horrible growing up had been for them. No one wanted to say it, but I think they were all secretly grateful to Rigby.

“My lady,” Jude said, snapping me out of my thoughts while holding his hand out for me to take. Cherie had moved over to Ty and Marissa and they were all swaying from side to side, singing along to the next track ‘All The Man That I Need’. Once again, I smiled at the happy scene.

Taking Jude’s hand, I felt my stomach lift a little as he spun me around, tucking me close to his body. “Well, this is very romantic,” I said, smiling up at him. “You should dance with me more often.”

“While we do dishes together?” He twirled me around then pulled me close again.

I laughed. “It would certainly make it more fun.”

When the track changed again, it was more upbeat and we all danced around together, jumping in the lounge room and just being generally silly.

“Oh, I need a rest,” Cherie said, fanning herself with one hand and reaching for me with the other. “Come with me, Sarah, I need your help with something.”

We left the others dancing and she led me down the hall to a bedroom obviously used more for storage than as somebody’s room. There were two single beds with striped blue duvets on them, and lots and lots of plastic tubs with white labels taped to them.

“These are Jude and Rigby’s things.” She waved her hand about the room. “I left everything packed when we left the old house. I have no idea what Rigby will want to keep once he gets home. But I’ve kept it all in case either of them decide they want it.”

“Would you like Jude to collect all of his things?”

She picked up a folder and started flipping through pages, searching for something. “What? Oh, no. These can stay here forever if that’s what suits them. No, I want to give you something in particular. I’ve tried to give it to Jude several times, but he won’t talk about his mother to anyone so I couldn’t even bring the topic up.” She found what she was looking for then pointed out a tub that we needed to pull from the stack.

“I’m hoping that he’ll let you show it to him. I really think it will help him heal somewhat.”

“In what way?”

“I’m sure he’s told you about his father. I mean, he wouldn’t let you around us without a warning if he hadn’t. So that means you know about the song.”

“The one his father played before...”

She nodded. “Yes.” Taking the lid off the tub, she dug through it until she found what she was after. A USB stick. “I found this in his father’s things after he died. It was on cassette but I had it transferred to this so Jude could have it and it wouldn’t get ruined.”

“What is it, exactly?”

“It’s his mother. She’s singing the song in a band or something. I know very little about her, but I think she was really close to a recording deal at one stage. There are some other songs on there too—covers mostly. But there are a couple of original songs. I think he should have it. He should hear that song again and think about his mum instead of the monster his father turned out to be.”

“Did you know?” The question fell from my mouth before the words touched my mind. It was something I’d desperately wanted to know the answer to, but I regretted my slip immediately. “I’m so sorry. You don’t have to answer that.”

She held up a hand. “It’s OK. I understand you asking. The simple truth is no, I didn’t know what he was doing to them. Steven was a chameleon. He had different guises for different people. Sometimes I hate myself for being so blind.” Pausing, she lifted the USB then handed it to me. “Promise me you’ll get him to listen to it.”

Appreciating her brief but candid words, I nodded, looking at the strip of plastic in my hand. “The last time he heard that song things didn’t go so well. But, I promise I’ll try. I’d like him to think of his mum when he hears ‘Hey Jude’ too.”

“Might help chase those demons away,” she said, patting me kindly on the arm.

I smiled. “I hope so.”

Before we reached the doorway, I stopped and turned. “Can I ask you something, Cherie?”

“Of course.”

“Rigby. Does he really blame Jude for what happened?”

She let out a sigh, her lips curving downward. “Rigby is a complicated man. He knows it wasn’t Jude’s fault. He’s just angry at his brother for getting out when he did. But I can’t blame Jude—can’t blame either of them really. That man did make those boys’ lives a living hell. Jude wanted freedom and so did Rigby. They just went about it in very different ways. My biggest regret is not paying closer attention. Despite his masks, I knew Steven was a harsh man, but I didn’t realise how harsh. Then it was too late to save them.”

Reaching out, I placed a hand on her shoulder. “Jude loves you, Cherie. He doesn’t blame you at all. The only blame he has is toward himself.”

“Then make him understand that none of it was on him. Everything that happened was his father’s doing. Not one of us can change that now, so it’s best we move forward and remember the good things; like that song you have in your hand. Promise me you’ll give it to him, Sarah,” she asked again.

“I promise,” I assured her with conviction in my voice.

“Thank you, pet. I can see how much love he has for you and that little boy of yours. If anyone can help him forgive himself, I know it will be you.”

The USB stick sat like a heavy burden on the bottom of my bag. I agreed with Cherie that Jude should hear the voice of his mother singing that song to him. But after the massive blow-up we had when we heard it on the radio, I was concerned about bringing it up with him.

“Is everything OK?” he asked after I’d put Ty to bed and told him his favourite bedtime story about a golden boy who went on wild adventures. “You’ve been quiet since Cherie took you aside. Did she say something to upset you?” He stood in the kitchen making coffee, watching me with cautious eyes.

“No,” I responded quickly. “She was lovely. We talked a little, that’s all. And she gave me something.”

“She gave you something?”

“Well, not me. It’s something for you.”

The cautious look shifted to curiosity as he tilted his head a little. “She gave you something to give me on her birthday?”

A slight chuckle bounced my shoulders. “Yeah.” I went to my bag to retrieve it, telling myself to just rip off the Band-Aid and deal with whatever may come of this afterward. “I think it’s kind of a big deal too. So I just want you to stay calm, OK?”

Instantly, he stood up straighter. “Why?” He elongated the word.

Wrapping my hand around the USB stick, I pulled it out and walked to the desk and picked up my laptop, bringing it to the kitchen to place in front of him.

“Sarah, what is this?”

“Are you calm?”

“Not really.”

“I need you to trust me. This is important.” I put the USB stick in the side of the computer and opened the folder. The moment he saw the name on it, he started shaking his head.

“Sarah, no.”

I grabbed his hand and brought it to my chest. “Before you freak out, I just want you to listen to it. Please. I think you need to reclaim it as the way it was intended when your mother gave you your name.” I could feel his tension, see the fear in his eyes. “Can you trust me?”

The Adam’s apple bobbed in this throat as his breathing deepened. Beads of sweat formed on his brow that was knitted tight.

“Please, Jude.”

“OK,” he whispered.

Reaching out, I hit play and waited. Soon, a female voice floated out of the speakers; sweet, soft and filled with love.

His eyes widened, his lips parted. “That’s...”

I nodded. “It’s your mum.”

He pointed at the screen. “Where did this come from?”

“She said that she found it a long time ago, but you wouldn’t talk to her about anything to do with your mum. So she gave it to me, hoping you’d listen.”

His eyes filled with emotion and he pressed his lips together, nodding and swallowing and doing everything he could to keep the dam in place, but when the song reached its crescendo, the façade slipped and his arms shot out, bringing me to him, crying into the side of my neck.

“Thank you,” he whispered when the song finished and he was able to regain his calm. He lifted his head and wiped his eyes. “That was...” He blew out a breath. “Amazing. It has been so long since I heard her sing it, I thought I’d forgotten what she sounded like. But the moment I heard it, I remembered—her smile, her laugh.” He grinned then pressed his lips together. “I don’t know that I’ll ever hear another version of this song and be OK with it, but I’m grateful to have this one. I really needed it. Thank you.”

“Cherie wanted you to have your mother’s love back. And she wanted me to make sure you understood that none of it was your fault. I don’t know how much of a difference that makes to you, but she made me promise to tell you. I do hope you’ll take it on board.”

“I’ll try,” he said, reaching out to take the USB stick from the computer. He held it between his fingers, twisting it around, studying it before lifting it slightly and meeting my eyes. “Sarah, meet my mum. She was beautiful and loved to sing to me.”

I smiled as he slipped it into his pocket before he looked at the two coffee cups he had set out. “I think I need something a little stronger than that. Got anything to Irish those up?”

“I think I have some Baileys in the fridge. Why don’t you go sit down? I’ll sort these out.”

Leaning down, he pressed a kiss against my lips. “You’re the best thing about my life, Sarah. I hope you know that.”

I placed my hand on the side of his face. “I do now,” I murmured. Then I kissed him back and we quickly forgot all about the coffee.