Chapter 11: “We live with the scars we choose.”

Slayde

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She hit the bags like she was fighting something invisible, like she was beating the shit out of it. She was so beautiful, and I understood that feeling so well.

Her small body moved with controlled grace even if her strikes were out of line and her ribs unprotected. She was passionate, and I loved the little noises she made every time her fists made contact with the heavy bag. I couldn’t help wondering if she made those sounds when she fucked.

Made love. This was a making love kind of woman. And that’s where I was fucked. I had absolutely nothing to offer a making love kind of woman.

Still, I watched her, thinking about the loveliest music I’d ever heard. Her pale, slim neck, her petite fists driving with such force. She stepped back with a cute, frustrated growl, jerking a glove off with her teeth, and that’s when she saw me.

I played it off, making up some story like the reason I was there was work. Nothing could have kept me from going to her this morning. I wanted to train her. Then I had to touch her, and it was almost more than I could take.

“Keep your elbows tighter, and your chin tucked into your shoulder.” I’d tried to show her the basics without getting lost in her eyes, but it was a fight I wouldn’t win.

Once she seemed to understand, I took my one opening to get out of there. I needed to get the ladies’ locker room cleaned up anyway. If I wasted any more time, Tammy would hassle me. It was always friendly, but it was still hassling.

Leaving her felt like taking a blunt knife and carving out my insides, but I ignored that shit. What right did I have to feel this way? I had toilets to clean.

* * *

A white envelope taunted me from my mail slot. Payday. Lunch would be more than PB on white bread today, and my mouth watered at the thought. I paid Rook back what I owed him, which turned out to be less than seventy-five bucks. Damn, I was a cheap date. Then I headed down to the waterfront where food trucks were waiting. I ordered up a falafel with hot sauce and went to sit on one of the benches. Pulling out my burner phone, I checked in with Doc. It had been more than a week, and I was sure he was curious.

“Hey, kid!” He laughed, and the sound of his voice eased the mixed-up feelings in my chest. “How was your first week back?”

Swallowing the bite of food, I answered. “Better than expected. I’m sure you’re feeling smug right now hearing me say that.”

“Not at all.” I could almost see his lip-less grin behind the salt and pepper scruff. “I’ll be honest, I said a few prayers for you last week.”

“What? No mantras? You back to hitting your knees?”

“Sure as shittin’ I am,” he laughed. “And you’d be smart to do the same every now and then.”

Putting my food aside, I leaned forward, rubbing the back of my neck as I thought. “I’ve considered it.”

“What happened?” His tone was serious, just like it always was with me, and damn, I appreciated having a good friend more than I could say in that moment.

“I lucked into a pretty good job. No background checks or references.” I took a moment to think about how I wanted to frame Rook. “My boss is a former baller. He knew guys who’d fucked up their lives, he said, and he gave me a chance.”

“There are still good people in the world, Slayer.”

For a moment, I hesitated. “I’m not going by that name anymore. I’m Slayde now.”

“Okay.” Doc waited for me to take control of my story.

“I got a shithole of an apartment, but it’s on the beach.” Looking up, I appreciated the clear view I had of the horizon. “At night I can walk down by the water’s edge. I don’t know. It’s therapeutic.”

“That’s a proven fact.”

“Something happened.” I needed to share this with him. I needed him to know. “Three nights ago, I was walking and I heard a girl... a guy was hurting her.”

The line was silent, and I knew he was waiting for me to say the worst.

“I wasn’t really thinking, I just heard her screaming and I reacted.” Everything faded to the memory, and in that moment I was alone, on that bench, telling my story. “It wasn’t premeditated, I just had to stop him. So I hit the guy hard. Twice.”

Continued silence greeted me on the other end of the line.

“She was okay. She is okay.” Looking at the back of my hand, I made a fist. “He was okay, too. I heard him making noises before I ran. She got away from him...”

“Sounds like there’s more to this story.” Cautious optimism was in his voice. “How do you know she got away?”

“She works at the gym with me. She’s one of the trainers.” I tried to keep all emotion out of my voice, but it didn’t make a difference to someone who knew me as well as Doc.

“Must be a special lady.”

Coming so close to naming it made me back away. “She’s special. For somebody. I’m not looking to start any drama.”

A chuckle was in my friend’s voice. “Just because drama is all you’ve ever known doesn’t mean it’s the normal state of affairs. Remember what I told you.”

“One step at a time.”

“Right. Now I gotta get back to work.” He exhaled lightly. “Take care of my friend Slayer.”

“Slayer’s nobody’s friend.” Bitterness tightened my chest. “But Slayde’s doing pretty good so far.”

“Sounds like it. I’m proud of you.”

That was all I needed to hear.

* * *

Saturdays were a modified schedule at the gym, but my body didn’t see it as any special day. My eyes popped open at six thirty, and I was in my truck, driving to the gym for seven. Sure enough, a shiny Honda sat in the lot.

A shot of happiness hit me straight to the chest, but I tried to tamp it down. She wanted to learn to box, and I was the only person around here qualified to teach her. That’s all it was, nothing more.

Inside, she sat on the bench looking at her phone when I walked into the small room. Her blue eyes seemed to brighten a little when she saw me, or maybe I just wanted them to.

“I wasn’t sure if you were coming,” she said, lowering the device.

“Did you do what I said when you were practicing?” It had only been a day, but I didn’t want her to think I’d forgotten.

She ducked her head with a laugh. “I haven’t really had a chance to practice. But I could see if I remember today?”

“Whatever you feel like doing.” I shrugged.

She stood and I watched as she reached back to braid her long ponytail. Her slim torso lined as she did it, and I looked straight at my shoes. Damn, she was so sexy. I knew if I kept watching her movements she’d see it all over my face—and possibly somewhere lower.

“My eyes popped open at six just like every day.” She laughed as she worked, and I turned my hand over, examining my palm.

“You don’t have a boyfriend or something?” Why the hell did I ask her that? “I just mean, being home on a Friday night.”

“No,” she said, and I saw she’d lowered her arms in my peripheral vision. “There’s only one boy in my life.”

Those words burned in my midsection more than I cared to recognize. Still, I seemed to be bent on torturing myself. “Oh, yeah? Where is he?”

“Wilmington.” She pulled on the gel gloves, and by the look she was giving me, I could tell she wasn’t finished.

“What’s he doing there?”

“Living with his daddy.” Her smile grew a little wider, as if just talking about him made her happy. “It’s hard being apart, but he’s getting to do way more there than he ever would with me.”

“You’ve got a son.” Everything inside me took a huge shift to the side, derailing my stupid dreams. If she didn’t need to be around me, a little kid certainly didn’t.

Confusion lined her face. “What? You don’t like kids?”

“It’s not that.” Clearing my throat, I figured it was time for me to head back to the front. “You just practice what I showed you yesterday. The more you work on it, the better you’ll get.”

She didn’t understand, but I didn’t owe her an explanation. I’d finish my work as usual, and Sunday was my day off. I was back to one foot in front of the other, the best way to keep it.