As if we’re carefree children again, we hold on to each other’s hands and go faster and faster in a circle. Wind whips my cheeks, the world swirls around me, becoming one big blur, and all thoughts fall out of my head in a rush of dizziness.
Centrifugal force causes my head to fall back, my arms to strain, for me to have to fight to keep Jesse’s hands in my own. The harder it becomes, the tighter Jesse holds on and I gasp for air as my lungs pump violently in my chest.
As the spinning enters another level, when my feet can no longer keep up, Jesse releases me, and I continue to rotate, but with no control. As if I’m the moon that has fallen off its axis. My feet try to concrete themselves into the ground, but my head is too heavy. I stumble and continue to turn, but then I remember the game. The goal is to fall.
So I do. My head is pillowed against the soft grass, my back supported by the land, my arms and legs stretched out, taking up as much space as I can. A plop beside me, and one of Jesse’s fingers touches mine. “Close your eyes, Tink.”
I do, and it’s as if my soul leaves my body as I strangely move and float though the solid ground is beneath me.
“Do you feel it?” Jesse asks. “Do you feel the earth turning?”
“Yes.” My entire body moves east, sliding along with the rhythm of the universe. I love this sensation. I’ve felt it before as a child. My soul slips away into the warm ground, my muscles lose their tension and the sweet memory of youth gathers me close in a hug.
I take in the welcome scent of cut grass, turned-over soil and the blooming wildflowers near the creek. A happy and contented sigh leaves my lips. Jesse was right. This was what I needed.
The glorious state of the earth moving fades, and Jesse caresses my wrist. “Stay there. Keep your eyes closed.”
His fingers trail up and down my arm and the sensation tickles, causing pleasing goose bumps along my skin. There’s a safety that radiates from his touch. A safety I wish I could take with me wherever I go.
“Now focus,” he says. “Do you feel it?”
“The world turning?” I say. “Not so much anymore.”
“No. Beyond that. The earth is breathing.”
I settle into the ground as if the grass beneath me were a soft mattress and the stars above a homemade quilt. I reach out with my mind and try to discover Jesse’s beyond. Discover if this “breathing” is an aftershock of spinning.
Concentrating so hard on anything beyond myself, I discover that the entire world surrounding us is alive. The crickets singing, the bats chirping and the owl calling out into the night. I strain to listen further and hear the quiet trickle of the creek lapping over the smooth rocks and the gentle breeze stirring through the leaves. The grass beneath my arms tickles my skin, the wind kisses my face and the taste of honeysuckle is sweet on my tongue.
“If you focus, you can sense the earth trying to suck us in with an inhale and then the gentle push of the exhale,” he says in this deep, melodic tone. “This land, Tink, it’s alive. The root systems, the veins; this very place that we lay the heart. It has a heartbeat, a rhythm, and you and me, we’re a part of it. It’s alive, it’s breathing and it loves. Every time life spirals out of control, I come here, I lay down and I feel the land breathe with me.”
I suck in a deep breath, and the rush of clean air fills my lungs. I hold it, longer than needed, and then there’s a surprised jolt. A pulse nudges me from the ground below. A gentle tug, then a tender push. My eyes shoot open when the sensation happens again. It’s a breath.
The land breathed.
Jesse’s fingers drift to my wrist, the pads of his fingers delicately press upon my pulse, and I mirror his touch. My fingers sink into his hot skin and a shiver runs through me as I discover his heartbeat. It’s strong, bold and exhilarating. Just like Jesse, my Peter Pan.
My heart beats, his heart beats and beneath us the land breathes in, it breathes out, and a rush fills my blood. I close my eyes again as a sensation like no other makes me feel as if I’m flying. As if my body is a permanent part of the land and my soul is free.
Free. No longer weighed down by my problems or the world. No longer trapped by my life and by my skin. Free. Flying and free.
I soar, and happiness sweeps through me like the wind through my hair. Tears of joy prick my eyes, and I grasp Jesse, terrified if he lets go, if I let go, that I’ll never experience happiness again. I want this happiness. I want to forever soar.
“Jesse,” I whisper, and there’s a catch in my voice, emotion overwhelming me. “It’s . . .” I can’t find the words to describe this rare and beautiful buoyant sensation.
A shifting beside me and a caress across my cheek. “Don’t cry, Tink.”
I swallow as I open my eyes and find Jesse’s concerned gaze. He’s propped up on an elbow, his body grazes mine and I’m hypnotized by his closeness. “I’m not crying.”
He inclines his head as wet tears slip down my cheek, but I smile, giggle, even. As he starts to pull his hand away, I place my fingers over his, pressing to keep his hand against my cheek. “I’m not sad. It’s . . . this place is so . . . beautiful.”
Jesse’s thumb slides against my skin, and I become pure liquid. “You’re beautiful.”
My skin heats from his words and shyness makes it tough to keep my gaze locked with his, but I do. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”
“I can’t think of anyone else I’d share this with.”
“Surely you’ve shown someone else. One of your friends . . .” I trail off, but the serious set of his green eyes tells me the truth. I’m the only one.
Another slow swipe of his thumb across my cheek and then Jesse tucks a stray hair behind my ear. His fingers linger along my neck and the touch is so pleasing that liquid heat spreads to the tip of my toes.
“There’s no one who has ever gotten me the way you do. No one who understands this land like you either. I’ve messed up in the past, but I promise, I won’t mess up again. I’m here, and I promise I’m never going away.”
His words are like soothing herbs on an old wound. We were friends, we fell apart, but we’re friends again. As his fingers continue their leisurely, seductive dance along my arm, I peer deeper within myself. There’s something more than friendship between us. A trust and love that had taken root when we were children, something that has grown, something that once took a wrong turn and had to be pruned. Something that has been allowed to reflourish and is on the verge of going wild.
“I’ve missed you,” I whisper as I reach up to touch his face. The stubble of his chin tickles against the pads of my fingers, and a sensation of power and pleasure runs through me as he tilts his head into my touch.
Jesse edges nearer and my hand combs through his hair. His lips come close. So close.
“I missed you, too,” he says against my mouth.
I lick my suddenly dry lips. “I’ve never kissed anyone before.”
“You’re the only girl that I’ve ever cared for, the only girl I’ve wanted to kiss.”
If my heart fluttered any faster it would spread wings and fly.
“Can I kiss you?” he murmurs, and his lips are so near that the warmth of his breath caresses my lips.
Happiness explodes through me, and I nod, causing my lips to brush against his. He cradles my head in his hand, leans down and kisses me.
Kisses.
I can scarcely breathe. Kissing is warm, kissing is soft, kissing Jesse Lachlin is the closest I have ever felt to being alive, the closest I have ever felt to being comfortable in my own skin, the closest I have ever been to heaven.
My entire body becomes liquid, pliant, as I memorize each way his lips press against mine. I burn, head to toe, and the rush through my veins becomes so strong that it’s like clinging to a flame. A flame that I love, a flame that frightens me because it’s new, a flame I want to cuddle and hold for as long as I can.
Jesse takes my lower lip into his, a thrill races through me, and I pull back, excited and happy. I open my eyes as Jesse opens his. His face shines as bright as the millions of stars that rest in the night sky.
He takes my hand as he rolls to his back and guides me to rest my head on his chest. Jesse wraps his arms around me, I wrap my arms around him, and I close my eyes and listen to his heartbeat. I lose myself in the steady sound that shares the same rhythm as his land.
“We’re going to be okay, aren’t we?” I whisper, and it’s not a question, but a statement, a fact. A declaration of this sense of peace and purpose in my soul.
“Yes.” Jesse kisses the top of my head. “This was meant to be, Tink. We are meant to be.”