I woke up in a tangle of limbs, Reese’s shiny black hair draped across my chest. I picked up a strand, running my fingers along its length. It was soft as silk. The weak morning sun crept in beneath the blinds, but there was enough to light her face, peaceful and relaxed as she slept with her head on my arm.

I’d been so high when I’d pulled her into bed with me. Having those moments with her in the shower, watching her come undone under my hands, was a heady feeling. I wanted to do it a thousand times over, touch every part of her body and every inch of her skin. As I’d pulled her to my chest and tucked my knees in behind hers, I felt like a million bucks. She’d been practically purring as my fingers stroked her bare arm and fallen asleep within minutes, a small smile lingering on her face.

But sometime after midnight, a quiet darkness settled as Reese’s breathing became deep and even, and the low beginnings of panic started up in my gut again. I’d managed to ignore it earlier, distracted by my libido, but with nowhere to run, it hit me square in the face. I’d lain awake for hours, memorising the way her body felt pressed against mine. I tried to lock in the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest and the soft sound of her breath as it blew across my skin.

My chest constricted, thinking about the test. I knew fear. Growing up with my mother, there’d been times where I’d had no idea where she was, or if she was even coming back. She’d left me in derelict motels or at strangers’ houses for days on end, and I’d had to learn to fend for myself. One of her boyfriends overdosed right in front of me and I’d watched the paramedics fail to revive him.

But nothing had terrified me the way this test did. With my mother, deep down, I always knew I’d land on my feet. I’d been taken from my grandparents, but they’d provided me a home and love, and in my heart, I knew I’d always have a place there if my mother never came back. But nobody could help me today. I’d made my bed and now I had to lie in it.

My arm beneath Reese’s head was numb, and I pulled it from under her, watching as she stirred then settled back into sleep. I envied her. My muscles were tight, and my brain wouldn’t stop. The anxious thoughts kept crowding in. I wanted to sleep, but the air was still, the room stuffy and hot. I needed to get out. I needed to run.

Not wanting to wake Reese, I slipped from the bed silently. I found the bag of clothes we’d bought the day before and slipped them on. My eyes raked around the room, searching for something to write a note on, before I realised I knew exactly where I could find a pen and a piece of paper. I grabbed Reese’s handbag, hoping she wouldn’t mind, and of course, right there next to her wallet was a stack of Post-it notes and a pen. I dashed off a note telling her I’d be back soon and let myself out. The door closed with a soft click behind me.

I jogged along the path we’d walked last night, back to the zoo entrance and through the parking lot to my car. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent off a quick text message before starting the engine.

The city streets were still quiet this early, the sky still casting a pinky-orange glow along the horizon, so I made good time getting out of there. My breathing was still weird, shallow and too fast. I shook my head, trying to clear it. I just had to get there, then I could deal with this.

The car stopped with a jolt when I reached my destination. Jamison was already there.

“Hey, mate.” He bounced on the balls of his feet, shifting from side to side, warming up. He wore running shorts and a T-shirt, his feet encased in expensive-looking joggers. He looked me up and down, his brow furrowing. “What the hell are you wearing? You look like you’re going to an Australia day parade.”

I looked down at my outfit—an I love Australia T-shirt, Australia flag shorts, and slip-on shoes with kangaroos on them. “Reese and I played tourist last night.” I searched through the junk littering the back seats of my Ute and pulled out the running shoes that lived there permanently for times like this when I decided I just needed to run.

“I’m surprised you wanted to run this morning if you were with Reese last night,” Jamison quipped, drawing my attention back to him.

“She’s why I wanted to run this morning. I couldn’t just lie there next to her anymore.”

“You got something against snuggling? I got the impression you two were pretty into each other. Neither of you has said much, but I’m not blind to the flirting.”

I sighed and stretched one leg up behind me. “I might have HIV.”

Jamison dropped the arm he’d been stretching and looked at me. “You’re serious?”

I nodded. One thing I’d realised as I’d lain awake during the night was that I needed to tell someone else what was going on. I’d been so secretive about this whole damn thing; letting Reese be my sole support. It wasn’t fair.

Jamison let out a low whistle. “Shit, man.”

“Yeah.”

“You get tested?”

“This afternoon.”

“So it could be all good still?”

I shrugged. “Could be.”

Jamison stared at me for a second again. “You want to run?”

God, he was a good friend. I should have known he wouldn’t freak out, but my stomach was still sick over even telling him.

“Yeah.”

We set off at warm-up pace, but it wasn’t long before I was pushing myself harder. Jamison kept up easily. We ran together often, and we were both fit, but he had more natural ability than I did, so I sometimes struggled to match his pace. I never minded; it was good for my fitness. But today I wanted to go out hard. I wanted the rush of endorphins and to be so out of breath that all I could think of was the burn in my chest and the ache in my thighs. If I pushed myself hard enough, my head would clear of thought. Running hard was good like that. All you concentrated on was putting one foot in front of the other and getting in enough oxygen. No time for thinking about life-changing tests.

I slowed to a stop at the far end of the park and leant over, resting my hands on my knees, trying to suck in more air. My lungs burned, but my body felt great. And my head felt clearer than it had in days.

“I need you to watch out for her.”

Jamison turned his head from the spot on the grass where he’d collapsed at the end of our run. “Hey?”

“Reese. She’s got personal shit going on. She needs a friend. If this test doesn’t go well tonight, I can’t be with her, man. I just can’t.” I wanted to be the one to help her reunite with her family. Or at least be the one to be there to pick up the pieces if they rejected her again. But I didn’t know if I’d get the chance. And if I didn’t, I wanted to make sure there was someone else who would.

Jamison pushed himself up onto his elbows, his shirt sticking to his chest with sweat. “Did you tell her that?”

I shook my head and tried not to look him in the eye. I felt cowardly. “Sort of. I don’t know. No, not exactly.”

“Let’s just wait until you get your results, okay?”

I nodded. He was right. I was getting ahead of myself. “Yeah.”

I stuck out my hand and pulled Jamison to his feet.

“She’s a nice girl. You’d be stupid to let that go.”

I didn’t say anything. I knew he was right. But I’d put her first if it killed me.