With my thigh muscles aching, I staggered back to the Ute and fished my phone from the centre console. Three missed calls, all from Reese. I hit the return call button and cringed when it only rang once before Reese answered.

“Where are you?!”

Shit. Not even a hello. I was in trouble.

“Running with Jamison.”

“Oh. Okay.” She paused. “You suck at leaving notes, you know? A little more detail than your I’ll be back note would have helped. Only Arnold Schwarzenegger can pull that off.”

I snorted. She was cute as fuck when she was pissed. “I’m on my way back. Are you ready to leave? Want to meet me out front?”

Reese was already waiting in her ridiculous Australia-themed outfit when I pulled up at the zoo entrance. I tried to judge how annoyed she was with me, but I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped me. She gave me an exasperated smile, then punched me in the arm. Hard. It actually hurt. A tiny bit.

“I guess I deserved that, huh?”

“You deserve a kick to the balls, but since this is a weird day for you, I settled for your arm.”

“My balls appreciate the slack. I’m sorry, though. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

The corners of her mouth turned up and I leant across the gap and kissed her on the cheek. I’d been let off the hook easier than I deserved. Reese pulled her seatbelt across her chest, clicked it into place, then tucked one leg up beneath her. “What do you want to do today? Your appointment isn’t until four, so we have time to kill.”

“I was thinking about going out to my grandparents’ house. If you want to? I’ve been meaning to get out there for weeks. There’s a foal I want to see and I bet Gran will make us lunch if we ask nicely.” My throat tightened every time I thought about the test this afternoon, but my grandparents’ house had always been my safe place. Walking the fields of their property, breathing in the fresh air, and losing myself in the simple needs of the horses had always brought me a sense of calm and belonging I’d never felt anywhere else. I needed that today. I needed a hug from my gran and to see that look of pride in my grandfather’s eye. I’d never been a screw-up to them.

She nodded. “Food and horses. I’m in.” She looked down at her outfit. “Will your grandparents care I’m dressed like this?”

I slid my hand off the gear stick and down onto her thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You’re perfect.” I meant it in more ways than just her outfit. She smiled and we sat in companionable silence for a while, as the landscape outside the car turned from urban concrete to rural green.

“Hey, is this a date?” Reese asked, turning her body so she faced me as much as her seatbelt would allow. When I glanced over, there was a glint of mischief in her expression.

“A date? Sure, I guess so.” I had no idea where she was going with this.

“And we went out yesterday. So that was another date. That means we’re on our third official date. I think that means we know each other pretty well… I mean, you’ve had your fingers and tongue in some...uh…rather intimate places of mine...”

I raised an eyebrow at her and she laughed. “Are you asking me to do that again? Because I will.”

“Right here in the car? While you’re driving? Sounds dangerous.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

She shook her head and laughed. “You’re terrible. My point, before you tried to distract me, was we know each other better. You said when we knew each other better, you’d tell me your real name.”

I groaned. “You really want to know?”

“It can’t be that bad. What is it? Carlo?”

“Ha, no, but I’d prefer that.”

“Ludlow?”

“No.”

“Lowman?”

“Gag, no.”

She paused for a moment, thinking.

“Longfellow?”

I choked on a laugh. “What the fuck, Reese? That’s not even a name!”

“It is! I Googled it!”

I chuckled. “My name is not Longfellow, though that is an accurate description of me.” I wiggled my eyebrows at her.

She rolled her eyes and gave me one of her almost painful punches to the arm.

“Come on then, Longfellow, tell me what your name is.”

“It’s Lowell.”

She raised one of her perfect eyebrows. “What’s wrong with Lowell?”

“What’s right with it? It belongs on an eighty-year-old!”

“I kind of like it. I might start calling you Lowell all the time.”

“Don’t. Please.”

She winked. “Don’t worry, Low, I know all about having a name you hate.”

“And you promised you’d tell me. So spill.”

She groaned and shook her head. “I don’t want to. It’s never suited me. Only my mother calls me that name. And even then, it’s only when I’m in trouble.” She trailed off, her face becoming pained. I frowned. She couldn’t even speak of her parents without that look of pure anguish invading her expression. This rift with her parents was eating her alive. I could see it clear as day, even if she couldn’t.

She dropped her gaze to her lap. “It’s Theresa, after Mother Theresa. My mother’s choice. But Dad shortened it to Reese from the day I was born. He wanted a boy.”

I scrunched my face in an over exaggerated look of disgust. “I can see why you’d change it. Theresa is terrible! How horrible to be named after someone who helped the sick and poor!”

I earned myself another punch to the arm for my sarcasm. I might even have a teeny tiny bruise if she kept that up.

She laughed. “Shut up.”

I turned the blinker on and slowed down to accommodate the sharp corner and the gravel of the road we turned onto. “This is my grandparents’ place.”

Reese peered through the windshield and whistled. “This is all theirs? I can’t even see the house yet! How much property do they own?”

I shrugged. “A couple hundred acres maybe? I’m not sure. Pop will tell you if you’re really interested.”

We rounded a bend in the driveway, and a sprawling, ranch style house with a wraparound porch came into view.

“Wow,” Reese said quietly from the seat beside me. “It has a rocking chair and everything. This place is gorgeous. It puts my parents’ little farm to shame.”

Happiness settled over me. I wanted Reese to love this place as much as I did. I still remembered making this drive before I was even old enough to sit in the front seat of the beaten-up car my mother had driven me here in. This was the only real home I’d ever had. All the grandeur meant nothing, but the love and stability I knew waited for me inside was worth more than the property we stood on. I suddenly couldn’t wait for Reese to meet my grandparents, and I kicked myself for doing it today of all days. But it had to be now, in case…well. Just in case. I didn’t want to think about the alternatives too much.

My grandmother’s slim figure appeared in the doorway as I pulled up the park brake. She wiped her hands on an apron tied around her tiny waist, then waved.

“She’s like something out of a story book. Was she baking?”

I opened my door. “Probably. She loves to cook.”

“I love her already.”

We both got out, and I saw Gran do a double take when she noticed I wasn’t alone. I ran up the steps and wrapped her tiny body in my arms.

“You turn up without warning and with a girl, Low? Well, blow me down with a feather, there’s a first for everything,” she whispered in my ear.

“Don’t get too attached. It’s new,” I whispered back before I let her go. I frowned, not liking the way the words sounded. Why had I said that? It might have been new, but I was serious about Reese and I didn’t like giving my grandmother the impression I wasn’t. A voice in the back of my head whispered a warning to not get too attached myself, but I didn’t want to give that idea any credit and snuffed it out before it could take hold.

Reese leant on the porch railing, smiling as she watched us. I held out my hand and she joined me, wrapping her arm around my lower back as I slung my arm over her shoulder.

“Reese, this is my grandma, Lucy. Gran, this is my friend Reese.” Something flashed in Reese’s eyes, making my stomach churn. I hated calling her my friend when what I felt was so much more than friendship. But to offer her more right now wasn’t fair, even if it gnawed at my insides like a rat.

Reese offered her hand to my grandmother. “It’s lovely to meet you, Lucy.”

Gran accepted her hand and pulled her into her arms. “Sorry, sweetheart, but you’re the first woman Low has brought home, so I need to give you a hug.”

Reese raised an eyebrow at me over my grandmother’s shoulder with a you could have told me! look. I shrugged.

“So, what are you two kids up to today?” Gran asked as she led the way into the kitchen, the sweet scent of freshly baked biscuits permeating the air.

“Nothing much. We have a few hours to kill, so I thought I’d bring Reese out to see your new foal.”

“You mean your new foal.”

Reese pulled my hand. “Hey? The foal is yours?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Yes, it is.” Gran’s voice was firm as she pinned me with a glare. “We talked about this.” She turned to Reese, her tone softening. “He needs another horse, with Lijah gone. He can’t keep working in that bar forever. Not if he wants to learn more about training.”

“Gran—”

“Don’t Gran me. You know I’m right.”

I picked up a biscuit off the bench and shoved it in my mouth to avoid answering, turning to Reese instead.

“Have one,” I mumbled between bites. “You have no idea how good these things are. You’ll be mouth-orgasming all over the place.”

Reese’s eyes widened, and pink spots appeared on her cheeks. Oops, probably shouldn’t have mentioned orgasms in front of my grandmother. But Gran took one look at Reese’s shocked face and laughed.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. It takes more than that to ruffle my feathers.”

Reese smiled politely but shot me another death look. I couldn’t contain my laughter.

“Why don’t you two go on out and see the baby, and I’ll bring a picnic down.” She looked over at Reese. “If you keep him out of the house, I might have biscuits left for dessert. They don’t last long around this one.”

The stables and a modest training yard were out beyond a manicured lawn and my grandmother’s roses. I flicked my head at Reese, motioning for her to follow me.

“You’ll find your pop out there somewhere. I think he was headed for the stables last I saw him,” Gran called as she pulled cold meat and salads from the fridge.

Reese smiled as she closed the back door behind her. “She’s great.”

My chest swelled with pride. “Yeah, she is.”

We strolled across the lawn in companionable silence, my arm around her shoulders, hers draped across my lower back, her fingertips tucked into the back pocket of my jeans.

“Sorry about the friend comment,” I said, dropping my head so my lips brushed over the silkiness of her hair.

She shrugged. “It is what it is.”

I frowned, emotions warring within me at her flippant comment. I didn’t think she meant it. I’d seen the look in her eye when I’d downplayed our relationship. She was handling me with kid gloves, and I hated it. I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to grab her by the shoulders, force her to look at me and listen as I recited the list of things I loved about her. Like how much I loved the happiness that radiated from her when she was on horseback. Or the way she was always quick to forgive and even quicker with a smart-ass comeback. And most of all I wanted to tell her I loved her for the way she cared for me, even when I didn’t deserve something so pure and good. I loved the way she believed in me and believed in us, and I wanted her to know I felt the exact same way.

But how could I say anything with my future so uncertain?

My emotions raw, and a lump in my throat from suppressing my feelings, I stopped and took her jaw between my hands, dropping my lips to hers. I couldn’t say the words, not yet, so instead I put everything I felt into kissing her. She responded immediately, as she always did, parting her lips and melting into me. My hands roamed down her neck and across her shoulders to her back as I revelled in the way we fit together. Everything I felt for her was a siren sounding through my body. It was in my head, my lungs, my gut, and my heart. She belonged here. With me. On my family’s property, in my arms and by my side.

I lost track of how long we stood there, but I was unwilling to let her go. Our tongues stroked together, my heart racing as I locked my arms around her. For one of the first times in my life, I didn’t need more. I didn’t want her on her knees, sucking my cock. I didn’t want to rip her clothes off and dive inside her. All I wanted was her. Her heart, her soul, and a future with the woman I loved. It was all within my grasp yet still so fucking far away.

I hugged her tighter and took a deep, calming breath that filled my lungs with her strawberry scent. Four hours to go. Four hours until I could tell her.

“Low! I didn’t know you were coming around today! Did you run out of food at your place?” Pop’s voice came from the stable doorway, and I led Reese over to him, wrapping him in a hug and slapping the old man on the back.

“I’m here partially for the food, partially for the company.”

He turned to Reese. “He’s talking about the horses, you know. Not me.”

She grinned.

“Pop, this is Reese.”

“Hello, sweetheart, it’s wonderful to meet you. Low doesn’t bring friends home too often.” Pop frowned. “Or ever, come to think of it.”

I was getting embarrassed about the big deal they were making over this, but Reese laughed good-naturedly. “So I’ve heard. I’m honoured to be the first. This place is amazing.”

“Thank you. We like it. Come see your foal, Low.”

I shook my head but didn’t bother correcting him. Once my grandparents got an idea in their heads it was impossible to talk them out of it.

Gran joined us in the foal’s paddock, a picnic blanket tucked under one arm and a basket overfilled with food in the other. I took the basket from her, and she spread the blanket on the ground. The four of us watched as the little horse pranced around on his long, spindly legs, tripping over himself and falling into the patchy grass, only to right himself and take off at full speed again. He was a gorgeous little thing, and my heart felt a little lighter at the thought of training him.

“So how long have you two been together?” Gran questioned Reese when we’d all assembled sandwiches for ourselves, obviously ignoring my earlier comment about us being friends.

“We’re not—” I jumped in before she could answer.

“I was asking Reese, Low, but thank you.” Gran gave me one of her looks.

“Sorry.”

Reese reached over and squeezed my hand. “Low’s right. We haven’t put a label on anything yet.”

Her words stabbed at my heart. They might have been true, but that wasn’t what I wanted to be telling my grandmother. I wanted to be yelling that Reese was my girl. I had real feelings for her and I was pretty sure she felt the same way. Why else would she be sticking around through all my crap?

“So you work at the racetrack then, Reese?”

“Sure do. I love it there.”

“Reese is studying to be a vet,” I piped up.

Grandma looked interested, but Reese shifted, suddenly looking uncomfortable. Pop shovelled food into his mouth, not paying attention to our conversation.

“Was,” Reese said quietly.

“But she’s going back to it.”

“Maybe.”

Gran’s head turned from side to side, watching the back and forth between us as if she were at a tennis match. “Well, I hope you return to it. We could always use another vet on staff here and at the racetrack.”

Reese lifted her eyes, and I saw the hope that flashed in them. “Really?”

Grandma nodded. “Absolutely. We have one full-time vet who travels between our properties, but we have more work than he can handle alone. And with the increased business over the last few years, we’ve been considering bringing on someone else full-time. You need to do a practical block at some point in your course, I assume?”

Reese nodded.

“Well, I hope you’ll consider doing it with us.”

“That would be amazing. I’ll take you up on that if I go back.”

“When you go back,” I corrected.

She rolled her eyes. “When then.”

I grinned triumphantly and she rewarded me with one of her killer smiles. Her happiness lifted a little of the weight off my shoulders.

Reese, Grandma, and I spent the rest of the meal chatting about trivial things, with Pop joining in on occasion. The conversation flowed, keeping my mind off the ticking clock. My grandmother liked Reese. I could see it in the way she listened to her every word and patted her hand. And Reese was in her element, relaxed and comfortable, talking about horses and the bar. My mind drifted to future meals we could have here as a couple, the Christmases and other holidays we would spend around the dining room table, the children we’d have one day running around, and Pop yelling at them to be quiet even though he’d instigated the game. Reese could teach our daughters to ride their ponies here.

Just like the night of our first real date, a future with Reese was all too easy to imagine.

Gran eventually stood up and brushed her hands on her pants. Reese jumped up to help her clean up the picnic mess, but Gran shooed her away. “Malcolm, why don’t you take Reese out to see that colt you’re training? Low can help me take this all back to the house, can’t you, love?”

It wasn’t a question and we all knew it. Gran wanted to talk to me alone. Reese didn’t seem to mind, though, and Pop was already telling her about the colt and its bloodlines as she followed him obediently out of the paddock.

I gathered the plates and cups and placed them back in the empty picnic basket. Gran’s eyes bored holes in my back, tension thickening the air between us, forcing me to face her. She examined me with her eyes narrowed and head cocked slightly to the side.

“What?”

I don’t know why I bothered asking. I knew from experience she would only speak when she was ready, and I probably wasn’t going to like what she said. But that was irrelevant. I was twenty-five years old, but I may as well have been ten to her.

“I’ve been watching you today, and you can tell me to mind my business if you like, but I have something I want to say.”

I didn’t respond. We both knew that despite her words, she would say whatever was on her mind, whether I liked it or not.

She grasped my hand and pressed her fingertips hard into my palm. “There’s something eating at you, my boy, and I don’t understand why you’re holding that girl at arm’s length when you’re so obviously in love with her. Even as a little boy, you never thought you were good enough for anyone’s love. I blame your damn mother for that. God knows, every time she’d dump you at our place, I’d try my best to give you all the love you deserved, but every time she came back to get you, I saw that same veil come down over your eyes. The one you have now, where you don’t let nobody in for fear of getting hurt again. It kills me to see that her sins are still affecting you now, as a grown man.”

I shook my head. “That’s not it.”

She raised an eyebrow. “It’s not? You’re sure about that?”

“My childhood sucked. So what? I’m not the only one who didn’t come from a perfect nuclear family.” I swatted at a fly that buzzed around us, watching as it disappeared towards the grove of eucalypt trees that bordered the property.

Gran sighed. “You might think that, Low. You might push your mother out of your mind, but she’s always going to be a part of you. Her actions shaped who you are, and as much as I hate that, I also think you’re a pretty damn fine young man. Not too many people could overcome the things you have and still end up a decent human being on the other side.”

I let her words sink in. Gran wasn’t one to lavish praise for no reason. She was warm and kind, but if you didn’t earn her respect, you wouldn’t get it at all.

“There’s more going on, Gran, but it’s stuff I don’t want to talk about yet.”

She stopped and eyed me warily. She wasn’t happy I was keeping things from her. I could tell by the set of her shoulders. But then her eyes softened. “You don’t have to tell me anything. I know I’m your grandma and you’re entitled to your own private business. I just don’t want you missing out on something that could be real good for you, just because you think you don’t deserve it.”

I couldn’t tell her how right she was. That I didn’t deserve Reese. Not because I thought I was gutter trash, like she feared, but because I couldn’t offer her the future she deserved.