Within a couple of weeks, fall semester and the regular water polo season were in full swing. The schedule was grueling. I began my day at the crack of dawn, jumped into the pool, went to school for a few hours, then got back into the pool or onto a bus bound for a game or a tournament at another university somewhere in So Cal. By the time I finally arrived home, I was freaking exhausted and I usually still had some studying or reading to do before I crashed for the night. I’d been doing a variation of this routine since I was in junior high school. The long days and physical fatigue hardly fazed me. In fact, I kind of got off on the adrenaline rush. But Gabe was a game changer.

His presence added an element of danger I found simultaneously exciting and scary as hell. As he’d pointed out, the biggest challenge was being on the same team and pretending our friendship was a gradual thing. I was a terrible actor. Feigning indifference when Gabe walked into a room wasn’t easy.

I’d always thought he was attractive, but his looks were only part of his appeal. Gabe exuded confidence. And let’s face it, there was nothing quite as sexy as self-assurance with the right amount of swagger. Some days I was sure I’d give myself away. He didn’t have to do much to make my heart beat like a drum. The sight of him walking onto a pool deck in a low-slung Speedo that left little to the imagination was enough to turn me on.

Gabe seemed better at compartmentalizing this new thing between us. When he was in the pool, he was focused and centered. He might be funny and engaging in the locker room but once we hit the water, he gave his all and expected the same from everyone on the team. Including me. That wasn’t exactly an issue. I tended to be as serious in the pool as I was in everyday life, which was probably part of why I was chosen to be team captain. I was a hard worker, but Gabe was the natural-born leader.

His love of the game showed in everything he did. He was an asset at the net with a fierce cross-cage shot that always seemed to take the other team by surprise, and he never backed down on defense. He had a habit of pumping his fist in the air and then smacking the water when he made a goal. I’d hated it when we were opponents and I was the guy he’d scored on. Now, it made me laugh. He was equally supportive of everyone else’s achievements. He whooped and cheered his fellow teammates for a job well done with an innate joy that was truly inspirational.

Sometimes I couldn’t believe he was mine. Well…secretly mine. I’d find myself staring at him from across the locker room, lost in a state of admiration and longing. Occasionally he’d catch my eye, and I swore it took everything I had to stay focused and pretend he was just one of the guys. Not easy when my mind conjured visions of him on his knees while he sucked my cock.

We figured it would seem more natural if we were politely indifferent in front of our teammates in the beginning. After a while, they’d assume we’d put our differences aside and become buddies. By the end of September, we decided we’d passed the “friendship” test and gave ourselves permission to spend as much time together as we wanted.

We were inseparable. We shared meals in between practices. We took turns walking each other to class, and then we’d text afterward and agree on a location to meet before heading off to a second practice together. Gabe would come over after the final game or practice of the day, I’d make us something to eat or he’d grab something on the way back to my place, and we’d curl up on the sofa and watch television with our feet tangled under the coffee table.

On nights I was sure Evan would be out late, we were braver. We’d lie in each other’s arms, pausing the action on the screen to grope and make out until the desire to be naked became too strong to ignore. Then we’d head to my room, lock the door, shed our clothes, and come together in a passionate frenzy. And every time seemed better than the last.

I couldn’t believe what I’d been missing. I loved the feel of his stiff cock against mine. I loved touching him, holding him, and within a few short weeks, I’d become obsessed with learning how to give a decent blowjob. My Google search engine was an embarrassing treasure trove of “how-to” tips about pleasing your man. The perfectionist in me demanded that I be as informed as possible. Some of the online articles I read were helpful reminders to relax your jaw, mind your teeth, and one said humming while bobbing your head was a good thing. I shifted in my seat uncomfortably. Jesus, I couldn’t even sit in class without thinking about sex. I cast my gaze from the white screen at the front of the lecture hall to the penis doodle in the corner of my open notepad.

Oops. I flipped the page over quickly and gave a sideways glance at the student next to me, who thankfully seemed engrossed in the professor’s spiel about the future of global economics. I started to turn when I noticed a familiar face a few seats away. I craned my neck and—what the hell?

Amanda.

I’d seen her at a few parties and around campus, but we hadn’t talked since Chelsea’s fateful end-of-summer bash back in August. What the hell was she doing in this class? Sure, there were more than three hundred students here, but I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed her. Even if she’d transferred, I should have seen her by now. I wondered why she hadn’t said hello. Maybe she’d decided the “ex-to-friends” thing wasn’t going to work. Not something I could worry about. I was here to learn, I reminded myself as I reopened my notebook to the penis doodle page. I flipped to a clean page just as my cell vibrated in my pocket.

How’s class?

I stared at Gabe’s text for a few seconds, then glanced up at the professor briefly before replying.

Boring. Why aren’t you in biology?

I am. It’s mega boring. Like watching paint dry.

Mine is too except I just noticed Amanda is in this class too. And she’s sitting five seats away from me. I didn’t notice her until today.

Gabe sent a series of surprised-faced emojis. Do you think she’s following you?

Doubtful

Just don’t flirt with her.

I sent him a smiley face emoji. Don’t worry.

Gabe responded with a flurry of hieroglyphic emojis that would probably take the rest of class to unravel. Then he followed it up with a single heart and, See you at practice, Ebab.

I frowned at the screen. What’s ebab?

Babe backward. I’m just trying it out. What do you think?

Weird. I like it.

I like you.

My pulse skittered. They weren’t those three words, but they still seemed significant. I held my finger over my keyboard and wracked my brain for a non-threatening way to say, “I’m so fucking obsessed with you in a not-creepy way.” I typed and erased “me too,” “same here,” and even a lame-ass “cool” before repeating his sentiment.

I like you too. And then I added, Ebab

I pushed Send and held my breath. Then I turned off my cell and stuffed it in my backpack.

Geez, what was happening to me? I’d never been this tangled up inside over a girl. I wanted to be near him all the time. He was commanding yet approachable. I’d never met anyone as passionate as him. He truly had a lust for life. Gabe wasn’t capable of casual interest. If he liked something or someone, he gave his all. To be the someone he thought of outside of the pool was…electrifying. He sparked something in me I’d never felt before.

Definitely not with Amanda.

I snuck another sideways glance her way. Amanda was pretty and sweet and easy to be around. But I hadn’t burned for her. Not like I did for Gabe. We were together for two years…six months too long. Surely she had to think we’d devolved into a boring habit too. Our conversations were centered around water polo and our schedules and the sex was just okay. I remembered thinking I had to end it after the holidays, but I didn’t know how to do it without hurting her. In the end, breaking up was as awful as I thought it would be. Eventually, she agreed we could just be friends but so far, we hadn’t managed to do that. The fact that I was uneasy sitting a few seats away from her in a crowded lecture hall made me think we might never get there.

I refocused and took copious notes for the remaining hour of class. When it was over, I made my way to the exit and of course, immediately bumped into Amanda. She greeted me with a tight smile that went nowhere near her eyes.

“Hi, Derek. How are you?”

“Uh…I’m good. You? I haven’t seen you in a while. It’s funny to bump into you here. I didn’t know you were in this class,” I babbled. Fuck. Let the nonstop chatter commence. I willed myself to shut up and give her a chance to talk.

She pushed a wayward strand of golden hair behind her ear and nodded. “I transferred in two weeks ago. I waved at you a couple of times, but you didn’t see me.”

“Huh. Sorry. I must have been engrossed in the lecture,” I joked.

“Right. How’s polo? I caught your game last weekend. Good win.”

“Yeah, thanks. It’s going well. Uh…I should go. I’ve got pract—”

“Things seem to be working out with Gabe,” she intercepted.

I nodded slowly. “Yeah, better than expected. He’s awesome.”

“He is. It’s nice that you’ve become such…good friends.” Her extra emphasis on those last two words unnerved me.

I inclined my head and stepped backward. “We are. I’ll see—”

“I’ve heard things about him,” she continued in a rush.

“What kind of things?” I prodded irritably.

Amanda gave me an insipid smile as she hiked her designer bag higher on her shoulder. I noted the way her blue stone earrings matched her cardigan. There was a time I would have admired her attention to detail. She would have blushed prettily and thanked me but oddly enough, I wasn’t so sure it was a compliment anymore. It was simply an observation. I couldn’t say why, but the matching colors struck me as a little too perfect.

My nod of appreciation had more to do with my craving for order. Words and concepts like coordinating, complementing, and harmonious were like crack to me. My desire to color inside the lines and not upset the flow was a big part of why I’d been attracted to Amanda. We were all surface. We never really knew each other, and we never would.

And now her vaguely accusatory tone put me on high alert and made me want to get the fuck away from her, ASAP.

“He’s a little…free and easy. Open to exploration, if you know what I mean. He likes you. Anyone can tell. Even Chelsea noticed it. Who knows? Maybe he’s just real friendly. Either way…be careful, Der.” She waved before turning away, leaving me in a haze of designer perfume and innuendo.

I watched her head in the opposite direction then turned on my cell and dialed Chelsea’s number. There was a good chance she wouldn’t pick up. We never called each other. We’d had numerous conversations about how almost everything could be and should be communicated via text.

“This better be good, Der. I’m mid-pedi and you’re ruining my feng shui moment,” she snarked.

“Did you tell Amanda about me and Gabe?” I blurted.

“Why would I do that? I didn’t know there was a ‘you and Gabe’ and even if I did, I would assume you’d be the one doing the telling. Not your ex-girlfriend. What the fuck’s going on?”

I gave Chels a brief rundown of my chat with Amanda as I made my way across campus. I pushed my hand through my hair and let out a beleaguered sigh. “And why is she suddenly in one of my classes? We’ve never had a class together.”

“Sounds like she’s up to something, Der, but I swear I’ve never talked to her about you or Gabe. I didn’t know there was anything to talk about. You haven’t said a word. Are you guys like boyfriends?” she asked quizzically.

“I don’t know…maybe.”

I held the phone away when she squealed gleefully. “Oh, my God! Cuteness overload. Spill the tea, Der. I want to hear everything!”

“Spill the what?”

“The tea! The gossip! Ugh. You’re going to need some gay coaching. I’ll assign Mitch. He’s your go-to homo. He can give you any cultural reference and—”

“Whoa. Hold up. I don’t want to talk to Mitch, and I don’t want to tell you anything else. I’m sorry, Chels but…I need this to be mine for now. And it needs to be on the DL. Don’t say a word to anyone. Promise?”

“I promise.” She waited a beat, then said, “You really like him.”

“I do. And I don’t want to mess it up.”

“You won’t. You’re amazing. A real catch. If he’s smart, he knows it too.” Chelsea sighed dreamily. “Now let me go before I get kicked out with wet toes. No one likes a phone talker at a nail salon. Love you, Der.”

She hung up before I had a chance to reply. I paused in front of the aquatic center and shoved my phone into my bag. I nodded absent greetings to a few friends heading toward the pool, but I didn’t join them right away. My head was spinning. I trusted Chelsea. She wouldn’t say anything about Gabe and me. And she was probably right about Amanda. I doubted my ex knew anything, but the thought of her spying on me was creepy as hell. She was right about one thing, though. I had to be more careful.

True to his word, Coach paired Gabe and me together for practice drills and passing exercises. A couple of weeks into our “forced” friendship, he laid off and probably wouldn’t have cared if we switched things up on our own. We were grown adults, and he wasn’t paid to babysit us. He was paid to win. And with Gabe on board, we were a freaking winning machine. Everyone acknowledged that Gabe’s presence in the pool made us all better players. His spatial awareness was uncanny. He knew when to pass and when to hold, and his arm was a damn cannon. Even the best goalies flinched when Gabe cocked his arm back to shoot the ball.

I snickered at Troy’s colorful play-by-play about our last win of the weekend. A few of us huddled around a small low table in the hotel lobby bar, adding commentary where necessary. Troy was our set guard. He was a burly guy with curly brown hair and a contagious sense of fun. Gabe and I were supposed to room with Jason and him tonight. Jason had already gone upstairs to crash. I’d been tempted to go with him, but there was a science to rooming with three other guys. The first person always went for the rollaway and left the rest to fight over who got their own bed. Usually we had three per room, but there’d been a snafu at the hotel and rather than try to find another hotel to accommodate us, we opted for cozy and a big discount.

The moment Gabe realized what might happen, he gave me a knowing look and tapped his bag against my hip in a silent communication that translated to “you and me.” I wasn’t so sure that sharing a bed with two other guys in the room was a great thing. What if we fell asleep with our arms around each other? Gabe was a cuddly person. On the rare occasions he spent the night at my place, I’d wake up with him plastered to my back. It took some getting used to in the beginning. His warmth and size overwhelmed me sometimes. I loved it now. But not with an audience.

“…and then I lobbed it over Taylor’s head. Fuckin’ amazing, dude,” Troy said, stifling a yawn. “How are we working the sleeping sitch?”

“Does it really matter?” Gabe asked before lifting his water glass for the waiter to refill.

“Maybe not. I’m so tired, I don’t think I’d notice if a hot chick climbed in my bed tonight. I’m going upstairs now. You coming?” Troy stood and pulled his duffle bag over his shoulder.

“In a minute,” Gabe replied.

“Same here. I want to finish my nachos,” I said.

Troy made a dubious face at the congealed mess of cheese and sour cream on the plate in front of me, then gave us a peace sign and sauntered toward the bank of elevators near the bar area. When he was out of sight, Gabe nudged my knee and then rolled his eyes.

“You’re the world’s worst liar, Der.”

I chuckled. “I know. God, I wish we could drive home tonight. How are we gonna do this? Maybe if I put a pillow between us—”

“Don’t worry. I can keep my hands to myself for one night.”

I went quiet for a moment. “Do you think they suspect anything? It’s been almost two months. I feel like it’s getting harder to act normal and that I’m going to accidentally give us away. I just really don’t want it to happen in a San Diego hotel room with two teammates. Maybe I should just sleep with Troy tonight,” I huffed.

“No way. You’re mine,” Gabe growled.

I blinked in surprise, then smirked. “No need for jealousy. He’s not my type.”

“Good.” He covered a yawn and slumped in his chair. “We need to kill fifteen minutes before we head upstairs. Tell me a story or give me a trivia question or something to keep me awake.”

I picked up my cell and scrolled to a trivia app. “General, music, sports, Minecraft?”

“I suck at Minecraft. Anything else is cool.”

We went back and forth, peppering each other with a range of questions like “What model car followed Ford’s Model T?” and “What does a Richter scale measure?”

I stifled a yawn and asked, “Who directed the first Harry Potter movie?”

Gabe squinted as though in deep thought, then replied, “Hufflepuff.”

I snickered and shook my head. “Not even a choice. Try again.”

“Oh, you’re withholding choices. Hmm. I got this, babe. Voldemort.” He slapped his hand on the table and grinned.

“Wrong again, and you slipped,” I said, giving him a sharp look.

“Huh?”

“You called me ‘babe.’ ”

“I did?”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry. I wish Ebab sounded less awkward. I’m not even sure how to pronounce it. Long e or short e?”

I smiled and stood. “Long, I think. C’mon. They’re probably asleep now.”

Gabe followed me to the elevators. “I need to come up with something else. Whatever it is, it can’t be schmoopy.”

“Schmoopy?” I repeated with a laugh, stepping into the elevator.

“Yeah. No honey, sweetheart, love dumpling…those are all out.”

“That’s a good thing,” I commented. I waited for the doors to close, then backed him against the wall and licked his lips. “I like ‘babe’ the best. Save it for when you can say it out loud.”

Gabe grabbed my face in his hands and thrust his tongue into my mouth. The kiss was abbreviated but hot as hell. I sucked in a gulp of air and tried to step back. Gabe yanked at my sweatshirt and then traced my jawline lovingly. It took everything I had not to melt in a puddle of goo when he whispered, “Babe.”

I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself when the doors slid open. “Maybe we shouldn’t sleep together.”

“Shh. It’ll be okay,” he said softly.

It was hell.

I’d never been more aware of another person in my life. We spent so much time acting like buddies that the one place we were free to explore this new thing between us was in bed. When we occasionally spent the night with each other, we made up elaborate stories about needing to get to practice early in case our roommates called us out. But we went out of our way to avoid running into Evan or Brent, so it was never an issue anyway.

Lying in a glorified full-sized bed with two other guys in the room was an unprecedented challenge. There wasn’t enough room on the mattress to divide the sleeping space and remove a little temptation. I had to suck it up.

“Are you awake?” he whispered, setting his hand on my hip.

I shook my head and rolled to my back. “Yes. What are you—”

“Shh. Don’t wake them up. Just relax.” Gabe licked the shell of my ear and stroked my cock through my boxer briefs.

“I can’t rela—”

Gabe tightened his grip on my shaft and pushed me onto my side. He slid behind me and molded his chest to my back, then reached around to lower my briefs before stroking my dick. I shivered at the contact and backed up so that his rigid length nudged my ass repeatedly.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?”

I couldn’t answer. Yeah, it felt amazing. His bare cock riding my crack made me want things I never in a million years would have considered until Gabe came along. And when he stuck his finger in my mouth and then set it over my hole while he moved his hips suggestively, I had a feeling it was just a matter of time before I begged him for more.

“Gabe, I—”

“I know, baby. It’s okay. Come,” he whispered.

My orgasm slammed into me the second he slipped his finger inside. I squeezed my eyes as white light blinded my vision.

It took a few moments for my pulse to return to normal. I fought the urge to turn around and pull Gabe into my arms. It wasn’t easy. I laid my hand on his before tiptoeing to the bathroom to clean up. Of course, he followed me.

Gabe closed the door behind him and locked it, then swooped to hug me from behind. He rested his head on my shoulder and looked at our reflection in the mirror.

“That was hot,” he murmured.

“Yeah, but we shouldn’t have done it. We have to be more careful,” I admonished, kissing his cheek.

“We’re very careful. And I’m still really horny. Feel my dick.”

“I feel it.” I licked the column of his throat and purred.

“I want to fuck you so bad. You better tell me your favorite fruit or something.”

“Fruit?” I scrunched my nose and gave him a “What the fuck?” look.

“Mine is watermelon. Play along, babe. I’m trying to control myself.” He slipped his bare cock between my ass cheeks and rocked his hips back and forth.

“Cherries.” I chuckled.

Gabe groaned in my ear. “Cherries suck. They have pits.”

“So do watermelons,” I whisper laughed. “What are you doing?”

“I’m pretending I’m in your ass. Bend over the sink. Show me your hole.”

I met his reflection in the mirror and gulped. Gabe was in a sensual zone. He licked his palm, then wrapped his fist around his cock and stroked himself while he waited for me to obey. I’d never done anything like this before. I was prepared to suck him or help him jack off, but to just spread myself out for him was somehow a million times more decadent.

So I did it.

My spent cock twitched with renewed interest as I pulled my cheeks apart and set a finger next to my entrance. “Like this?”

“Oh, my God, I want to fuck you,” he growled in a low sexy voice. “I can’t believe what you do to me.”

“I want it too, but I’ve never done it.”

“I can make it good for you, baby.”

I narrowed my gaze and studied him thoughtfully. “Do it now. Fuck me,” I whispered.

That stopped him. For a second, anyway.

He grabbed my ass cheek and jacked his cock furiously. Then he dropped his forehead to my shoulder and shuddered as his release hit him. I felt his cum on my lower back a moment later. He let go of himself and held me against him tightly, rocking his hips until the trembling stopped.

“Holy fuck,” he moaned.

“Why didn’t you do it?” I asked, turning to face him.

Gabe grabbed a few tissues from the counter and motioned for me to face the mirror again. He wiped his cum from my back, then used more to clean himself. “This isn’t a Nike inspirational ad moment. You can’t just do it. We need lube and time. Especially since you’ve never done it before. Trust me, it’s a bad idea to rush a good thing.”

“But you want to do it, right?”

“Yes. I do.”

“Which way? I mean…who does what? Which do you like better?” I asked in a hushed tone.

“If you mean ‘top’ or ‘bottom,’ I’ve done both.”

“Oh.” I mulled the info over and did my best to push the instant bout of jealousy aside. If I thought of Gabe with anyone else, I might actually go insane. Not good.

“I prefer to top, but I’m open to either. No pressure, Der. We won’t do anything you aren’t ready for.”

“I feel ready. Or I will be soon.”

“Good. Me too.”

Gabe pulled me into his arms and held me close. In spite of the conversation we’d just had, there was nothing overtly sexual in the way he ran his fingers along my spine. It felt comforting and sweet. Like something a boyfriend would do.

The lines had blurred in the past couple of months. I felt more fluid and secure about my sexuality than ever. It was liberating. I wanted to be with Gabe in every way possible. I wanted him in me, surrounding me. I didn’t want order and clean lines. I craved his brand of chaos. He scared me sometimes and he pushed my limits, but I’d never felt more clearheaded and self-aware. And I’d never been more sure of anything or anyone in my life.