I’m out for only a few seconds, and I’m still panting when I open my eyes.  Now that I’m slightly warmer, my leg is throbbing, but my pain is not my concern right now.  I roll to one side and reach for Iris’s arm.  It’s cold, and I realize she’s motionless.

“Fuck!  No!”  I push myself to my knees, ignoring the pain in my leg, and cup her face with my hands.  “Iris?  Iris, can you hear me?  Seri?  Netti?”

Nothing.

I rip the neck of her shirt so I can get a better look at the wound.  Despite the blood, it’s not as bad as I feared.  The wound is jagged from the serrated edge of the knife, but it’s not deep.  The knife entered her shoulder and slid up, cutting her seriously but not entering her chest.  Though she’s not bleeding badly, I press the heel of my hand against the wound and call out to her again.

“Iris!”

She moans and slowly opens her eyes.

“Iris!”  I let out a long breath of relief.  “It’s okay.  I’m here.  Everything is going to be okay.”

“Bishop?”

“I’m right here, baby.”  I run my free hand over her face.  “You’re safe now.  I’ve got you.”

Iris winces as she tries to move, then collapses back to the floor.

“I knew he’d do it,” she says.  “Fucking asshole.  I knew he would kill me.”

“You’re not dead.”  I shake my head and check her wound again.  “You’re going to need a few stitches, but nothing vital has been pierced.”

Iris looks at me with tired, dull eyes.

“He’s dead, isn’t he?” she asks.

“Yeah, he is.”

“Good.  I can die a little easier knowing Seri is safe”

“You’re going to be fine,” I tell her.  “Hang on a second.”

I hobble over to the bathroom and get my first aid supplies.  Iris stares up at me blankly as I clean up her shoulder and apply gauze to the wound.

“Not that bad at all,” I say.  I try to smile, but I’m not very successful.  The gash needs stitches, and going to the clinic will mean a whole lot of questions that I won’t want to answer.  I can pull of the wound from my leg as an accident, but I’m not sure we can come up with a plausible story for a knife wound like this.

“It’s okay, Bish.”  Iris reaches out and touches my arm.  “I was supposed to die a while ago.”

“You aren’t going to die, Iris.  I know it hurts, but it’s really not that bad, so stop saying that.”

“You’re not fucking listening!”  She rolls her eyes and winces again.  “Shit’s just…just too much.”

“Hang in there.”

Iris closes her eyes.  When they open again, I see Netti’s calm, emotionless stare.

“This is how it was supposed to end,” Netti says.  “This is how it was supposed to be at the riverbank.”

“For fuck’s sake, you are not dying!  None of you are dying!”

“Iris is,” she says.  “Without Iris, I am no longer needed.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”  I can feel a well of panic building in my gut.  “None of you have to go.”

“Don’t worry,” Netti says, “you’ll still have Seri.  That’s the way it ought to be anyway.”

“Netti,” I whisper as I stop working on her shoulder and look into her eyes.  The tension in my stomach increases as I start to understand what Netti is telling me.  “You and Iris…you’re…you’re a part of Seri, too.”

“Yes,” Netti says with a nod.  “She understands that now.”

“She understands?  You mean, Seri knows?”

“Yes,” Netti says.  “When Kyle attacked us, there was no time to transition properly.  The barrier was removed, and she could see us.  It was the only way to protect her.  Seri would have hesitated to use the knife, and that might have killed us all.”

“Iris stabbed Kyle.”

“Yes.”

“And Seri…Seri knows this?”

“She does.”

“Is she okay?” I ask quietly.

“Surprisingly, yes.”  Netti’s eyes soften.  “You were right about her, you know.  We always assumed she could never know.  We thought if she realized the truth, she would retreat.  She would cease to exist, and if we were compromised, there would be nothing left but an empty shell.”

“You can all be okay now,” I tell her.  “Iris doesn’t have to go anywhere, and neither do you.  If Seri knows and she’s okay, you can all be…well, you can all be okay together.”

“No, Bishop.”

“Kyle is dead now!”  I raise my voice.  “Iris isn’t in danger anymore!”

“It has to be this way.”  Netti smiles at me and then raises her hand to touch my cheek.

“No, it doesn’t!”  I grab her wrist as her hand starts to drop back to her side.  Her eyes close for a moment and then open again with a darker, anguished look.

“Yes, it fucking does, Bish.”  Iris pulls her hand away and shakes her head at me.  “Just get used to this shit because this is how it’s going to be.  I’m dying, and nothing you say is going to change that.”

“Iris, I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

“I’m not stable, Bishop.”  Iris laughs and shakes her head.  “You of all people know that.  Iris, the crazy one.  Iris, the one who can’t do anything right.  Seri is the one you want, not me.”

“Stop that,” I say.  “If you’re crazy, then so am I.”

“Well,” she says, snickering softly, “that explains a lot.”

She inhales deeply and then closes her eyes as she lets the breath out.  Her body goes limp, and I lean close, grabbing her arm again.

“Let me see your eyes,” I say.  She opens them slowly, but they’re dull and unseeing.  “That’s it.  Keep looking at me, you hear?  Don’t you close your eyes again.”

“She deserves this life here with you,” Iris says quietly.  “She deserves the comfort and security you can offer her, and she deserves to have all of that without my interference.”

“But, you were here first.”

“I’ve already been here longer than I was supposed to be.  Besides, it’s Seri you love.  It’s time for me to let go.”

“I…I love you, too, Iris.  I love all of you.”

Her eyes close, and she lets out a long, slow breath.  For a moment, she isn’t breathing at all.

“Iris?  Iris!”

A moment later, her eyes open wide, and Seri lets out a scream.

“Iris!  Oh, my God!  Iris!”

Tears stream from her eyes as I cradle her in my arms.

“She’s gone!  She’s gone for real this time!”

“I know,” I whisper into her hair.  “I know she is.”

I hold Seri for a long time, trying to make sense of everything while she cries for her dead sister.  I can’t pretend I truly understand what just happened, but I’ve never completely come to grips with everything going on inside this woman.  I don’t think I’m supposed to understand, so I just hold her, stroke her hair, and cry with her.

Seri’s sobs eventually wane.  She uses her uninjured arm to wipe the tears away and then looks down at my leg.

“You’re hurt!”

“I’ll be okay,” I tell her.  “It’s just a really big splinter.”

“You’re bleeding.”

“Don’t worry about that now,” I say.  “Do you remember what happened?”

“Yes.”  Seri sniffs and wipes her nose.  “I heard gunshots, and then the door flew open.  I knew it was Kyle.  I was so, so scared when he came through the door holding that knife.  He was coming toward me, and I didn’t know if you had been hurt.  That’s when…that’s when it happened.”

“What happened?”

“I was me,” Seri says softly.  “I was me, and I was here, but at the same time, it wasn’t me.  I could hear her talking inside of me—I could hear my sister’s voice.  We had been sitting by the Christmas tree, looking at the gift you gave us, and Iris was holding the knife in her hand.  She told me it was going to be okay.  She said she would take care of me.”

“Iris.”  I whisper the name, but I don’t know what else to say.

“She got the knife,” Seri says.  “When he came at us, she swung it at him, and we ran.  When he knocked us down, she stabbed him.  It wasn’t enough though.  He was just angrier, and he tried to stab us, so Iris twisted our knife in her hand, and he flinched before his knife hit us.”

“I couldn’t get there in time,” I tell her.  “I was too slow, and I couldn’t stop him.”

“Iris stopped him,” Seri says.  “At least, she stopped him long enough for you to get there.”

“I don’t even want to think about it.”

“You had to live through all that again, didn’t you?”

“Live through what?”

“You…you killed Kyle with an axe.”

“Oh.  Yeah.”  I look away for a moment.  “It doesn’t matter.  At least I know what I’m good at.”

“Bishop…”

“Really, it’s fine.  I’m fine.  The important thing is that you are all right.”

Solo suddenly appears from under the bed and walks up between us, purring loudly.  Apparently, he’s been hiding there all this time.  Once again, I wonder why I couldn’t have found a nice, big dog.

“She’s gone now, isn’t she?” Seri says as she strokes the cat’s back.  She looks up at me with tears in her eyes again.  “She’s really gone.”

“Yeah, I think she is.” I reach out and rub Solo’s head for a moment.  He curls up between us and begins to purr, and I decide I’m glad he’s a cat.

“Netti, too.”  Seri leans against me.

“How did you know?” I ask.  I lick my lips and furrow my brow.  “How do you know about Netti?

“I think I always knew,” she says softly.  “Iris talked to Netti when we were children.  I listened sometimes.”

“Do you understand what…what happened to you?”

Seri’s face goes white.  For a long moment, she says nothing.  When she finally looks at me, her eyes are wide.

“Yes,” she whispers, “I think I do.”

“Seri?  What do you remember about that day?  I mean, the day when you…when you were hit?  Do you remember anything at all?”

“About the truck?”  She shakes her head.  “I don’t remember any of that.  But the river…I remember the river.”

“You mean, you remember when Kyle threw Iris off a bridge?”

“Yes,” she says.  “That’s the first thing I remember clearly.  I’m a good swimmer—fucking awesome, actually.  The river current was rough, but I managed to make my way over to the bank.  I dragged myself out and just lay there for the longest time.  Two boys came by, riding their bicycles, and they called the police.”

I narrow my eyes at her use of the f-word, but say nothing.

“I couldn’t risk it,” she says.  “I couldn’t have Kyle find out I was still alive.  Before the police got there, I ran off.  I got some clothes out of one of those donation bins they have in strip malls and hitchhiked to Montana.  Got a job running a cash register at one of those dollar stores.  I thought I’d be all right, but then I saw my picture flash up on the nightly news.”

“Iris’s picture,” I say softly.

“Yes, but it didn’t matter.  It was me, and Kyle knew I was alive.  As long as he knew that, I wasn’t safe.  That’s why I headed north.  Never thought he’d come this far to find me.”

“So, now you remember everything?  You remember everything that Iris did?  Everything Netti did?”

“Yes, I do.”

I rub my eyes and shake my head.

“This is all too much for you, isn’t it?”  Seri reaches up and strokes my cheek.  “I don’t blame you.  I’m sure if you understood what you were going to be dragged into, you would have left me on the side of the road.”

“What?  No!”  I grab her face with my hands.  “Seri, I would never, ever want that!  I’m glad I found you.  I can’t imagine my life without you now.  I love you, Seri.  I love you more than anyone in my life.”

“You do?”

“Fuck yes, I do!”  I let out a breath.  “Didn’t Iris tell you that?  I mean, she’s the one who figured it out first.”

“It doesn’t quite work like that,” she says.

“How does it work?”

“Hell if I know.”  Seri laughs and then strokes my jaw.  “I love you, too.”

My heart beats faster when she says those words.  I hug her against my chest and kiss the top of her head.

“Ow!”  Seri pulls back a bit and touches her bandaged shoulder.  “That fucking hurts.”

“Sorry.”  I narrow my eyes at her.  “You’re swearing a lot.”

“Am I?”

“Yes.  You didn’t used to do that.”

“I guess someone has to.”  She shrugs, offering no other explanation.  “How’s your leg?”

“It fucking hurts.”

“I bet.”  Seri grins for a moment and then frowns.  “I’m sorry you got hurt.  It’s my fault.”

“It’s not your fault,” I tell her.  “I know that much.”

“How do you figure?  You wouldn’t be in this mess if it weren’t for me.”

I think about it for a moment before answering.

“I’m not an educated guy.  I’m really not all that smart or anything anyway.  Probably got hit on the head one too many times as a kid.”

Seri cocks an eyebrow at me and rubs the side of my head.

“I do know the difference between a victim and a perpetrator.”  I pause.  Saying the words makes the concept sink in a little further, and I realize how much it applies to me as well.  “It’s taken me a while to figure that out.  We’re both where we are because of the actions of other people.  We defended ourselves the best ways we knew how, and we’re not to blame for that.”

Seri sniffs, nods, and then wipes her eyes.

“You’re still bleeding,” Seri says.  “I think we need to get a better look at your leg.”

Seri helps me cut away my jeans so we can get to the chunk of wood embedded in my leg.  Once my skin is exposed, I pull out the large piece, and my leg starts to bleed more.  Seri applies gauze to it, and the bleeding stops.  Then we spend several, painful minutes pulling out small splinters from my thigh.

“There are some I can’t get out,” Seri says.  “Not without hurting you more.”

“We’re going to have to get to the clinic,” I tell her.  “I think I’ll be all right, but your cut needs stitches if it’s going to heal properly.”

“Can it wait until morning?” she asks.  “I’m so tired and so cold.”

I check out the wound and decide it isn’t so bad that it can’t wait.  With both of us bandaged up, we build up the fire and crawl into bed to finally get warm.

“So, you’re just Seri now?” I ask as she settles against my shoulder.

“I…I’m not completely sure,” she says softly.  “I am, but I’m also more than that.  I feel the loss of them, but at the same time, there’s some of them still inside of me.  Does that make sense?”

“Not at all,” I say, “but again—I was hit on the head a lot.”

Seri smiles just as Solo jumps up on her pillow, meows loudly while kneading the fabric a few times, and then settles himself right above her head, curled up in a ball.

“Will this be easier for you?” she asks.

“What?”

“This whole…‘me being just me’ thing.”

“Honestly, Seri—I don’t mind either way.  Whether it’s you, or you and the others, I’ll find a way to be okay with it.  I just need you—whatever form you take—to be here with me.”

“Well, whatever I am now, I think I’m going to stay this way.  If you’re all right with it, I’d like to stay this way here.”

“That’s all I really want.”