Chapter Two

 

Aven

 

It was ridiculous, but if I could get to the funeral home ten minutes or so before my mother and sister then maybe I could steal some time with Finnley Hollins for myself. The silky-smooth way that gentle voice had wrapped all around me still gave me goosebumps. During the visitation the day before, I’d barely managed to get a word in as my mother stole all his attention, thanking him endlessly for all the help he’d provided the family. Then, when I’d gone looking for him afterward, he was nowhere to be found.

I straightened my tie, plucked a few stray eyebrow hairs, and double checked I hadn’t missed a spot when I’d shaved. One last stern self-examination in the mirror and I decided I was suitable for Dominique’s funeral. The temperature outside was below freezing, so I adorned my black woollen trench coat and slipped into my Italian loafers before fixing a scarf around my neck and tucking it inside my coat just right.

With my keys in hand and my cellphone in my pocket, I locked up my single-story bungalow style house and left. I’d taken my black Audi through the car wash the day before, but with the thick layer of accumulated snow that had gathered overnight, it was impossible to tell.

While the engine warmed, I gave it a thorough dusting, knowing it would be one of the first cars in the procession to the cemetery. The past few days had happened in a blur. Between ensuring my mother was all right, picking up my sister from the airport, dealing with family gatherings, and solidifying more arrangements over the phone with Finnley, I was looking forward to the weekend. If I could strum up enough nerve where Finnley was concerned, I hoped to have plans Saturday night that would carry me far away from my troubled week.

When I arrived at the Hollins Funeral Home, an elderly gentleman directed me where to park my vehicle—directly behind the hearse. There weren’t any other familiar cars in the lot, so I assumed I’d managed to beat the rest of the family to the service.

When I wandered inside, the warmth and sweet smell of incense hit me immediately. There was faint music playing from the room where we were having the service, and an elderly pair I’d met the previous day greeted me with warm smiles, offering to take my jacket.

“Good morning, Mr. Woods.”

“Good morning.” I wanted to say Harriet, but I couldn’t remember if that was her name and didn’t want to be mistaken.

“If you need anything, just ask. Everything is ready for the service and the transportation graveside. Rev. Coats will be here on the hour.”

“Thank you.” I poked my head into the room where everything would take place, noting no one else was present. There were dozens of folding chairs lined up on either side of the room with enough space down the center to allow people to maneuver about. Flowers had been arranged up front around the casket, and pictures were situated on a table off to the side. “Is Mr. Hollins around?” I asked, hoping I didn’t sound too eager and only inquisitive.

“In his office. Would you like me to find him for you?” the gentleman whose name I also forgot asked.

“No, no, I know where it is. Thank you.”

I left them and wandered down the hall I’d ventured on my first visit Tuesday morning. Finnley’s door was partly closed over, so I knocked before poking my head inside. He startled upright, blinking those cute as hell, sleepy hazel eyes in my direction. The moment he made eye contact, he worked frantically to straighten himself, looking ashamed to have been caught in a slightly disheveled state.

He buttoned his suit jacket and sat up straighter on his leather chair before running a hand over his hair, ensuring it was all in place. It wasn’t. The man couldn’t have been more adorable if he tried, and I inadvertently smiled at his sudden befuddlement.

“Sorry to startle you.”

“No, it’s okay, I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting anyone. I was just…” He stared down at the pile of papers on his desk and wiped a hand over his face before shaking his head. “What can I do for you, Mr. Woods? Is everything okay?”

The man looked as though I’d caught him on the verge of snoozing at his desk and fumbled like a busted teenager might when confronted by his angry teacher. His sinful bedroom eyes were a little more weighed down than they’d been the day before, and his smile took more effort.

“Everything is wonderful. My mother has been singing your praises. She couldn’t be more pleased, considering.”

He stifled a yawn and chuckled, cutting his eyes to his desk. “Yeah, she might have mentioned it a few times at the viewing yesterday.”

I invited myself in and pulled up a chair in front of his desk, resting an ankle across my knee and undoing my suit jacket. I hoped to help him relax and not feel so obligated to be formal around me. It was only the third time I’d been in the man’s presence, so I was still trying to get an accurate reading on him before potentially embarrassing myself.

“You’ve been really amazing through all this. I wanted to make sure I thanked you properly before all the commotion began and I got pulled away.”

He wasn’t good at taking compliments and struggled to hold my gaze. “You’re too kind. It’s nothing, really. Just doing my job.” His cheeks heated with his statement which only lent to the whole appeal.

“You’re too bashful.” His hazel eyes flew up from the desk, and his attention landed on my face as he swallowed, making his Adam’s apple bob, drawing my eye for a fraction of a second. And incredibly cute.

When he floundered for a response, I knew I’d made him uncomfortable again, so I shifted back to business. The last thing I wanted was to scare him off. “So, when this is all said and done today, is it all right if I swing back over and square up what I owe you? Or rather what my mother owes you.”

“Umm… Sure, but it’s not necessary for you to do that today. I understand this is a difficult time, and if you need to be with your fam—”

“Believe me, I’ll need an excuse to escape later. It will be a challenge being around my step-father’s family. I’ll need to get away.”

He nodded, not taking his eyes from mine. “Okay then, no problem.”

His lips were so full and pouty, I struggled not to stare, especially when he wet them subconsciously. “Perfect.”

I rose and arranged my jacket, so I would be presentable for the funeral before passing Finnley a gentle smile. “I should probably be around for when people start showing up.”

He stood at the same time, mimicking my actions. “I’ll be here if you need anything.”

He followed me to the door and held it open so I could pass through. I paused and chanced resting a hand on his upper arm. The warmth of him seeped into my hand and buzzed through my veins.

“I’ll see you later.”

I wanted to chuckle when he couldn’t find a response. His hazel eyes swept my face in astonishment as his lips parted and closed again. With a wink, I released my hold and left him standing there.

 

* * *

 

The cold wind stung my face and bit at the sensitive shells of my ears. We’d been listening graveside as the reverend droned on for far longer than was comfortable in the sub-zero temperatures. Based on the faces of those gathered, I guessed not a single person was listening to him any longer and were all focused on keeping the blood flowing through their systems.

With my arm draped around my mother’s shoulder, I drew her closer as she buried her face against my chest. She allowed me to encase her in my arms and rub her back as the service came to an end. Whether it was for the need of comfort or warmth, I wasn’t entirely sure.

When the final words were spoken, everyone took turns placing single white roses on the casket before scurrying off to their vehicles. No one stuck around to share words, reserving conversations for the gathering. We planned to meet up in a reserved room in the basement of my parents’ church for a wake. A late lunch had been planned by the church ladies as per my mother’s wishes.

When my mother had said her final goodbye, she came back to my side, head hung low and despair pouring off her in waves. I hated seeing her so down. She was ordinarily so happy and full of life.

“Are you riding with me or do you want to go with Genevieve?”

“I’ll go with your sister. But that doesn’t mean you skip out on this part.” She poked my chest to drive her point home.

She knew me too well. The idea of spending any time in the company of Dominique’s family made my stomach turn, especially when we were heading to a church where they would be watching me closely in hopes that I would burst into flames and prove their theories accurate.

“I’m going. But don’t expect me to stay long. I told Mr. Hollins I’d be back to take care of the bill later today.”

My mother clucked her tongue and pierced me with a stern glare. Her blue eyes looked icier with the surrounding snowy landscape and a fresh shimmer of unshed tears. “I can manage to get there tomorrow. Leave it to me.”

“It’s fine. I told you I’d take care of everything. Just be with family right now.”

She held her hood against a strong breeze that gusted across the field and squinted as the snow pelted her face. “Let me know what I owe you.”

I guided her to my sister’s rented Ford Escape and helped her into the passenger seat. Genevieve passed me a forced smile in thanks but couldn’t manage to bring the words to her lips. She was Dominique’s daughter through and through. It didn’t matter that we shared a mother, she’d always taken his side, which meant she could only look at me through judgmental eyes.

I didn’t let her rattle me and headed to my car as I dug my keys out of my pocket. The divide in my family was absolute, and there was no changing it. I’d given up trying. Nothing would stop me from joining in on family functions, but I’d stopped letting the negativity affect me long ago. Sticks and stones. At the end of the day, the only person I needed to make happy was myself.

The church wasn’t far, but with the city roads covered in snow and ice, it made for a much longer journey. Once I parked, I watched the family heading inside while I took a minute to compose myself. I needed to be in the right frame of mind for family functions.

As I sat, I thought of the beautiful, engaging young man I planned to visit later once I was done with the wake. Finnley Hollins. Who would have thought that the man running the funeral home would have caught my attention enough for me to be nervously trying to sort out how to ask him to dinner?

I chuckled to myself and pulled my coat tight as I went out into the cold and scurried to the entrance everyone was using at the side of the church.

There were about thirty people in attendance. Many were Dominique’s friends and work colleagues, but the remainder were family. A small buffet had been set out on a few folding tables against the far wall, and more tables and chairs were spread throughout the room. It was damp and chilly in the basement of the old stone church, but I reluctantly took off my coat and slung it over an empty chair.

A few wandering eyes glanced in my direction, and the reactions I received were expected. One or two curled noses but mostly disinterest. I wandered over to where my mother was gathered with a few of her close friends. It was probably the only place in the room where I wouldn’t be given a hard time. Besides, she was the main reason I was present, and her wellbeing was my first concern.

I shimmied up beside her and wrapped an arm around her small waist, bending to peck a kiss on her cheek. She was significantly shorter than my six-foot-one frame. Her auburn hair carried only a hint of silver and hung to her shoulders. We looked nothing alike. I was the spitting image of my Latino father who I hadn’t seen in thirty years—or so I’d been told. Based on the handful of pictures I’d seen; my mother’s assessment was accurate. There was no mistake, I was most definitely Jorge Romero’s son, even if he didn’t give two shits about me. I was glad my mother had given me her last name since they had never officially married.

“Aven, sweetheart, you remember Eloise and Tanya?”

I smiled warmly at the two women sharing my mother’s company. “I do, from your yoga class, right?”

“That’s correct,” the one named Tanya stated, smiling and offering her hand to shake. “I’m sorry about your father, dear.”

I grinned politely and avoided correcting her. Dominique had never earned that title—no man had—but I could only go about correcting people so many times. At his wake, in front of my mother’s friends, wasn’t appropriate.

“Thank you. I’m glad you could make it. Ma, can I get you a coffee or something to eat? They have sandwiches and some veggies, I think.”

My mother patted my hand and smiled up with sad eyes. “Sure, that would be nice.”

I straightened my suit jacket and scanned the buffet before approaching. A few other family members were mingling about, and I knew I’d be injecting myself into the mix the moment I was at the table. With a steady breath through my nose, I lifted my chin and strolled to the end of the buffet where the paper plates and cutlery had been stacked.

As I picked up a plate and began stacking it with a few quarter sandwiches and potato salad, my cousin Niko, from Dominique’s side of the family, approached, snapping up a plate of his own and joining the line shoulder to shoulder with me.

“Aven! I didn’t really expect to see you here.”

I frowned and dashed a look at Niko. He was in his early twenties and built like a linebacker. Unfortunately, his bulk also seemed to give him the impression he could speak his mind without being challenged.

“That’s kind of ridiculous, don’t you think? He’s my step-father, I have enough respect to be at his funeral. He was part of my life.”

Niko snorted as he shoved me over, so he could get at the macaroni salad I was blocking. “You’ve never respected him. Why start now?”

“Excuse me?” I stopped filling my mother’s plate and turned a hard glare at Niko. “I spent twenty years doing all I could to keep peace with that man. If anyone disrespected anyone, it was the other way around. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

I skipped the rest of the items on the buffet and went to a separate table where the carafes were set up with tea and coffee. I filled two small Styrofoam cups and dressed them, one for my mother and one for myself. Because I couldn’t carry it all, I left mine off to the side and looked around for my mother.

She’d taken a spot at a table with her two friends. My sister had joined them along with more cousins and Dominique’s brother.

Great.

Bracing myself, I brought my mother her food, placing it on the table in front of her with her coffee. When I kissed her cheek, she patted my shoulder in gratitude.

“Thanks, hun.”

“I’ll be back, just going to grab my coffee.”

When I turned, there was a horde of people around the carafes including Niko, his younger brother, Aiden, and their parents. They all looked deep in conversation that revolved around me if their sideways glances and sneers were any indication. Deciding I wasn’t in the mood for drama, I shifted back to the table and took a seat two down from my mother, beside Genevieve.

“So, how’s work?” I asked her reflexively, not knowing what else to say.

“Didn’t we exhaust this conversation in the car on the way from the airport?”

I tapped the table and scanned the room, avoiding making eye contact with my sister since I didn’t really want to make small talk to begin with. “I’m not sure what else to talk about, Gene.”

She sniffed and stuck her chin in the air as she turned her head and lowered her voice, pinning me with a pointed gaze. “Still dating boys?”

I clenched my jaw and smiled as pleasantly as I could, ignoring her smug expression. “That topic of conversation is not happening right now. Try again.”

“Figures.” She turned back to the chatter at the other end of the table, but not without muttering under her breath, “Shameful.”

A thousand and one retorts filled my mouth, but I bit my tongue to avoid giving them a voice. I wouldn’t stoop to their level, no matter how tempting. I would be there for my mother. She was mourning her husband. She called me when everything had happened, she’d leaned on me, cried on my shoulder, and had asked for my help to get everything organized.

If my mother ever felt my sexuality was wrong, she’d never once voiced it. She’d been loving and supportive since the day I came out almost twenty years ago. When she refused to cast me aside, Dominique had begrudgingly gone along with her. His love for me had always come with strings attached, and that one afternoon when I was fifteen years old, they’d been severed.

The afternoon dragged. People visited, reminisced, and shared tears while I sat back and watched from a distance, drinking one terrible coffee after another. When the church ladies put out a few trays of desserts, I checked my phone for the hundredth time, wishing the day was almost over. It was four-thirty, and I didn’t know how late the funeral home kept their doors unlocked if they didn’t have a scheduled visitation. I knew death didn’t take a holiday or weekend off, but surely Finnley didn’t work twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

I collected my coat and said goodbye to my mother and her friends while tactfully avoiding the rest of the family. No one would miss me if I slipped out unseen.

“I’m heading out. I need to get back to the funeral home before they lock their doors. I’ll call you next week.”

“Okay, love, take care.” She kissed my cheek and held me in a tight embrace before letting me go.

“Love you, Ma. Call if you need anything.”

“You, too, sweetheart.”

The sky was already growing dark when I left the church. Mid-winter in southern Ontario left the landscape in shadows before five o’clock. The short days and cold temperatures made everyone wish for spring, simply so we could shed the gloom from the air.

I warmed up the Audi before driving back to the quiet street where Hollins Funeral Home ran their business. There were no cars in their lot, so I guessed there wasn’t another viewing taking place that evening. I hoped Finn was still around and I hadn’t missed my chance, because, after a day in the presence of my family, I really needed something positive to end my day.

The large double doors were unlocked when I pulled, so I let myself in, banging the snow from my loafers as I glanced around the foyer. The place was quiet, and the lights were turned off in the few rooms I could see. There was no music, but the lingering scent of incense tickled my nose.

When I decided I should go to his office to see if he was still around, a woman I vaguely recognized came from around the corner. She was dressed in a navy pantsuit and lots of excess jewelry, her blonde hair styled to perfection.

“Good evening.” She smiled, showing her age lines before tilting her head to the side. “Can I help you?”

I pulled off my gloves and shoved them into the pockets of my coat. “Umm… Yes. I’m here to see Mr. Hollins. Is he around?”

She glanced over her shoulder toward the back end of the building before looking back with a slight frown. “He’s busy at the moment. Is there something I can help you with?”

“Oh, umm… I think he might be expecting me. I told him earlier I’d be back to settle a bill.”

She perked up and clapped her hands. “That is certainly something I can assist you with. Right this way, sir. Sorry, I didn’t catch your name.”

She turned and was on the move before I could protest. And I wanted to protest because paying a bill was only an excuse to be there but not the sole purpose of my visit at all.

“It’s Aven. Aven Woods, umm…” I chased after her toward Finnley’s office, and when I caught up, I pulled her to a stop. “I’m sorry, thank you, but if it’s at all possible to let Finn—Mr. Hollins know I’m here, that would be great. I… there was also something I needed to discuss with him. A separate matter. Ah… not pertaining to… is he available?”

My resistance and floundering made her flinch, but it was momentary. A grin bloomed across her face as she deduced my purpose, and she nodded almost frantically. “Of course. Please have a seat, and I’ll go find him. Aven, is it?”

“Yes, ma’am, thank you.”

She bounded down the hall with the spirit of a much younger woman, and I chuckled. If I didn’t already know Finnley was parentless, I’d have guessed she was his mother the way she beamed. I only hoped I could achieve the same response from the gentle, beautiful man who owned the home.

Pacing the large office, I tried to order my thoughts and decide how to approach him. As confident and professional as he displayed, I saw an underlying timidity he couldn’t hide. I’d already managed to make him uncomfortable twice. A third time wouldn’t do at all. Business first, I decided, then, if everything went smooth, I’d ask him to dinner.

Just as I made my decision, Finnley came through the office door sputtering apologies I didn’t hear because I was instantly taken in by the sight of the man. At some point during his day, he’d lost his suit jacket and tie, had unbuttoned the top three buttons on his white dress shirt, and had rolled his sleeves to his elbows. His hair was a little messy like he’d run a hand through it a few too many times, and an odd, rogue piece curled and flipped in the wrong direction.

Before I could come to my senses, I gaped. When I realized what I was doing, I clamped my mouth shut and hoped I hadn’t verbally gasped at the sight of him. If I’d thought Finnley Hollins couldn’t get more adorable, I was wrong. Rattling my thoughts back in line, I realized I’d missed everything he’d said, and he was staring at me with innocent confusion.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.” I was unable to hide my smile or deny my wandering eyes from taking him all in. It’d been a long day, and I wasn’t possessing any sort of manners any longer it seemed.

His cheeks pinked under my attention, and his full lips parted a fraction before he dropped his head to examine himself. “Oh, I… I’m sorry. This isn’t really professional attire. I mean it is… was… I umm…” He swallowed and dashed a glance to the doorway. “I was working. Downstairs. I lost track of time.” He blew out a breath and rubbed at his eyes, pressing his fingers into them hard before pinching his nose. “Forgive me.”

The more he stammered, the warmer my blood ran until I couldn’t hold back the chuckle building inside. “You are too much.”

“What?” His brow furrowed in confusion making his sleepy eyes all the more captivating.

I brushed off what I’d accidentally said out loud and fixed my features so I wouldn’t scare him off. “I won’t take up too much of your time if you’re busy. I just came to take care of the bill.”

“Right.”

He rushed over to his desk, eagerly taking the change of course in the conversation. Filtering through a few papers, he found the folder he was looking for and opened it, passing me the top page.

“This has a rundown of everything. If you have any questions, I can—”

“It’s all fine,” I said without bothering to examine it as I removed my checkbook and waved it at him. “Is a check okay?”

He nodded.

While I busied myself writing a check, Finnley did his best to look everywhere but at me. Although he wasn’t fidgeting, I could tell it took effort for him to sit still.

Once I’d finished writing the check, I slid it across his desk, and he snapped it up, tucking it inside the folder. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you. Truly.”

We both stood, and Finnley adjusted his rolled sleeves to occupy himself as we crossed to the door and went out into the foyer by the front entrance. Because he looked ready to bolt off to his work again, I snagged his elbow before he could get away and turned him to face me. He was a few inches shorter, and his gorgeous puppy eyes grew a fraction wider as they climbed to meet mine.

“Hi,” I said, smiling at his stunned expression.

“Hi,” he breathed, his voice barely audible.

“Before you run away, I’ve been wanting to ask you something?”

“Oh?”

I released his arm and studied the wonderous hazel spheres peering up at me in question. I could look into their depths all day and never get bored.

“If you aren’t busy Saturday, I was wondering if I could take you to dinner?”