7
Jackson
I helped Ian open up the containers of food and set them on the dining room table. It reminded me of a sad time in my life. After my dad died, I had a hard time getting my mom to eat. Opening all of the containers of food reminded me of how I would order take out food that she would just stare at. One night, I put food on her plate and watched her play with it with her fork. I couldn’t stand to see her so sad. I remember yelling, “Mom, you have to eat. I don’t want you to die too!” We both started to cry. I dropped my head in my hands and sobbed. Life after dad died was awful. She walked around the table to hug me. She apologized for her behavior and promised to try harder. I gave her a kiss and she sat back down and ate something. It was a defining moment for us. She made more of an effort after that day.
But it was Ian that brought her out of her funk. I was so grateful they found one another. He brought her back to life. It felt good to be happy again.
We were chatting quietly when we heard the front door open. It was Emily. I saw her take her coat off and put her purse on a kitchen chair. She walked over to her dad and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
It always amazed me how different she was from Sara. Sara always hugged her dad as tightly as possible and kissed him hard on the mouth; Emily gave him a dutiful peck on the cheek and a feeble hug. I was so glad my girl was more demonstrative than her sister. Emily was too reserved for my liking. She said hello to me and offered to fill glasses of water for everyone.
“I’ll open a bottle of wine,” Ian said as he followed her into the kitchen. I could hear them quietly talking. It surprised me that her boyfriend didn’t come with her. I was kind of relieved, though, because Martin seemed to make Emily even more withdrawn and even a little nervous.
I was finishing opening up the containers of food from the restaurant when my mom and Sara walked into the dining room. Mom had her arm around Sara’s shoulders, and they were chatting and smiling.
“Is he still sleeping?” I asked.
“He sure is, and I’m starving! Can we please eat before he wakes up and I have to feed him again?” Sara begged.
Everyone laughed as we sat down. After we helped ourselves to the most amazing smorgasbord of Italian food, Emily looked at Sara. “So how are you feeling?” she asked her politely.
“Weird. Sore. Yucky. Amazing. I don’t even know, Em. There are so many things going on in my body and in my head that I don’t even know what I’m feeling. The past three days have been such a whirlwind. I’m so happy about the baby, I want to cry. I’m so exhausted, I could also cry. Basically I mostly feel like crying. The doctor said I have a lot of extra hormones in my body right now, and I’ll probably be more emotional. She wasn’t kidding about that. This is like PMS on steroids. My brain and my heart feel like they’re on overload. On top of the hormones racing through my body, I’m worrying about a gazillion different things right now.”
“Like what kinds of things?” she asked.
“Heck, I’m not sure where to start. I don’t think I’ve ever been this tired or this excited in my life. Knowing that Brian counts on me for food is thrilling and terrifying at the same time. My stomach looks like pizza dough, and I’m freaking out that I may never get my body back. Everything kind of hurts, which I guess is to be expected. I really hurt down there, and I can’t imagine that part of me will ever feel normal again,” she said with a heavy sigh.
“Don’t worry, dear,” my mother chimed in. “You’ll be surprised how quickly everything heals. You’ll be back to your old self before you know it. It’s miraculous how quickly the body heals itself after childbirth.”
“I hope you’re right, because right now I feel like I’m in somebody else’s body. I think I could make an extra-large pizza with all this dough-like skin on my stomach. It really is gross.”
Emily was still staring at Sara oddly. It was obvious she had more questions. “Is it hard to feed the baby?” she asked. Her questions were polite and unemotional. She was so odd sometimes.
Sara’s eyes lit up. “No, not at all. The nurse at the hospital said I’m a natural. It’s pretty easy, just exhausting. He wants to eat every two hours. The lactation consultant I talked to at the hospital said that’s normal. I’m super thirsty like I’ve never felt before, especially while he’s nursing. It feels like I’ve been sucking on cotton, and it’s hard to make that sensation go away. I seriously can’t seem to drink enough water. They said I need to drink extra fluids, or I may not produce enough milk. They also said I should be careful what I eat, or the baby could get gassy. I still have a lot to figure out. I’m so grateful to be here with Katharine. It makes it a lot less scary.”
“What about the rest of the semester?” Emily asked.
“I am determined to finish. I’m only worried about staying awake to get my assignments done. I know the next couple of weeks will be hard, but I’m doing really well in all of my classes, and my professors said I could finish everything online. I know I can do this. I’ve never been so determined before,” she said proudly as she looked around the table.
Emily stared at her sister intently like she was assessing her. Her eyes were squinted and her lips were pierced. “You seem different,” she said, “more grown up. I hope everything works out for you guys,” she said solemnly. Then she gave Sara a small smile. I got the feeling she was being honest about wishing us well. It was so hard to read her sometimes. She was being unusually serious and somber today. There was no affect in her voice. I remember when Sara first told her about the pregnancy that she wasn’t supportive. She thought we were too young to have a baby. I wondered whether or not she still disapproved?
“Thanks, Em. We got this. Right, Jay?” she asked me hopefully.
“You know it. Now stop jabbering and finish eating. Your two hours are almost up, and you know who is going to need his mommy,” I said teasingly.
Emily didn’t ask any more questions and the exchanges between the rest of the family flowed with a renewed sense of energy. It was as if we wanted to talk about as much as possible before the baby woke up. The mood was happy, and we talked about a variety of baby-related things. After Emily questioned Sara, she became even more sullen. It was obvious that something was bothering her. She didn’t participate in any more of the conversations and remained quiet throughout the rest of the meal. I had no idea if she felt uncomfortable about the baby, was overwhelmed with law school, or was just plain unhappy. All I knew for certain was that she was acting really strange and seemed really sad.