After I’d gotten off the bus on Princes Street the next morning and was walking past the Waverley Train Station toward Cockburn Street, my phone rang in my purse.
Aidan.
Well, he had said he wasn’t letting me go, and I guess that meant I was only getting one night of space to deal with Laine’s attitude toward me. Really, it made me think about how other people would view our relationship—his friends, my friends. It kept me awake for a while until I remembered that I hadn’t made a habit of caring what other people thought about every decision I made so why start now? After that I fell asleep, determined I wouldn’t let Laine pick at my insecurities. So I wasn’t sophisticated or cultured and I was young. But, despite my mistakes, I wasn’t a bad person. I had a good heart, even if it had led me down the wrong paths sometimes. Moreover, I cared about people, even strangers on the street. I was intelligent and self-educated to a point. I worked hard and was a good listener, and I was mature for my age.
These were all qualities to be admired, and it was about time I started to believe in myself a little more.
I only hoped my self-administered pep talk stuck to me like glue while I was in Aidan’s world.
“Hey,” I answered, putting a finger in my other ear to block out the traffic on the road next to me.
“Just wanted to check in, make sure you’re okay.”
“I am,” I reassured him. “I’m good. You?” What I really wanted to ask was how long Laine hung around after I was gone, but I kept my jealousy to myself.
“Frustrated that our night didn’t go according to plan. We both deserved to have it.”
Part of me wanted to say there will be other nights but I didn’t want to mislead him. “You got to spend time with your friend, though.”
Aidan sighed. “Not really. I wasn’t in the greatest mood when you left so Laine went home.”
“I’m sorry.” Was it wrong that I really, really wasn’t?
“You have nothing to be sorry for. You weren’t the one who was rude.”
Oh, dear. It seemed Laine wasn’t forgiven quite yet. I was a little gleeful about that. I never knew I could be petty until I saw Laine hug Aidan possessively.
“Anyway, Sylvie’s back from Cal’s and I was thinking the three of us could have dinner tonight if you’re free?”
Relieved, I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. “That sounds great.”
“I don’t want to chase you off, Pixie. I’m willing to take this slow if that’s what you need. Or go as fast as you like. Your call. I don’t want to rush you into anything.”
Maybe he’d sensed my fear as I got on that elevator last night, or maybe it was him being a nice guy, offering me a more normal pace. Whatever his reasoning, I was grateful. “I think we should slow it down a little.”
There was silence on the other end and I felt flutters in my stomach, wondering what that silence meant. Eventually, he said, “We’re only slowing down, though, right? Not coming to a halt?”
“Only slowing down. I …” Nearing the store, I ducked into a quiet alcove. “I’ve only ever been with Jim. I … it’s not that I don’t want to. I just … I—”
“Nora,” Aidan interrupted, his voice firm. “We go at your pace.”
“Then let’s get to know each other a little better first.”
“We can do that.”
Feeling unburdened and also amazed that I could be so honest with Aidan and have him actually listen, I grinned. “I can’t wait to see you tonight. Sylvie too.”
“Me too. Sylvie will be excited.”
“Good. I have to go or I’ll be late for work.”
“Okay, Pixie. My place again around seven? I’ll cook. Do you want me to pick you up?”
“No, if you’re busy cooking, I can get a bus.”
“Let me get you a cab.”
I rolled my eyes. “Aidan, I can get a bus.”
“A cab is safer.”
“I use the bus all the time. I’ll see you at seven.”
“Fine, but don’t … wear anything too sexy. Like yesterday.”
I heard the amusement in his voice and chuckled. “You thought the dress I was wearing yesterday was sexy? Really? That?”
“It was sexy,” he argued. “There were legs and tits everywhere.”
I burst out laughing, startling a girl passing by who hadn’t realized I was standing there. I gave her an apologetic smile and turned away. “There was not.”
“Everywhere,” he insisted, teasing. “Tonight, jeans and a jumper that covers everything below your chin.”
“I’ll wear what I want.”
“Aye,” he grumbled. “I thought you’d say that.”
“I understand it must be exciting for an old guy like yourself to see twenty-two-year-old legs and tits but you did promise you could take this slow,” I teased right back.
Aidan gave a huff of amusement, making the line crackle. “Almost twenty-three. And I didn’t get to see your tits. I got to see nipple and fuck, we need to stop talking about this right now. Don’t you have somewhere to be?”
Giggling at his disgruntlement, I managed a yes.
“Then get going. Oh, and Pixie …”
“Yeah?”
“Crack another old guy joke and I’ll speed things up so fast, you won’t be able to walk for days.”
My breath stuttered and there was a tense silence between us. Finally, I huffed out, “Well played,” and hung up.
This time when the elevator doors opened to Aidan’s floor, it was Sylvie who came flying out to greet me. She wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged me tightly.
“Hey, you.” I brushed her hair off her face as she grinned at me.
“Uncle Aidan made lasagna!”
I laughed at her excitement as she led me into the apartment. “I take it you like lasagna?”
“It’s my favorite thing after mac and cheese. You like lasagna, right?” I nodded and she beamed. “Knew it!”
“Knew what?” Aidan sauntered around the kitchen counter, drying his hands on a dishtowel. The apartment smelled amazing and my belly didn’t know whether to growl hungrily or flip-flop in thrill at the mere sight of Aidan Lennox and the sexy smile he was shooting my way.
“That Nora likes lasagna,” Sylvie said.
“That’s good news,” Aidan approached me, his eyes dancing with laughter, “because Sylvie insisted I make a ton of it.” He bent down to press a lingering kiss to the corner of my mouth and my breath caught at his nearness. “Hi, Pixie.”
“Hey, yourself.”
I think he heard my breathiness because his smile turned cocky.
Sylvie had no reaction to any of this other than to smile at me and insist, “Come see my room.”
Instead of telling her I’d already seen it, I let her have her fun and followed her into the blue and purple space that was all Sylvie. I oohed and aahed over it like I’d wanted to yesterday.
“The best part—” Sylvie reached for a guitar case I hadn’t seen braced against the side of one of the posts on her bed. “Uncle Aidan’s teaching me. Do you want to hear?”
“Of course.” I sat down on her bed while she got the guitar out. It was a small blue acoustic covered in purple star stickers. When Sylvie started to sing and play Bruno Mars Lazy Song, my jaw nearly hit the floor. Her sweet young voice was sweet and clear, and she played the guitar well. She was pure joy.
When she was finished, she looked at me expectantly.
I burst into applause and we both jerked around when it was joined by another. Aidan stood in her doorway clapping. His eyes moved from Sylvie to me and I shook my head in wonder. “She’s amazing.”
“I know.”
“Do you think so, Nora?”
I turned back to her. “You’re so talented, kid.”
She smiled shyly. “Uncle Aidan won’t let me record anything.”
Looking over my shoulder, I watched as Aidan strolled slowly into the room and over to her. Gently extricating the guitar from her hands, he told her gently, “You’re too young. Now be a good girl and go set the table.”
She made a face. “We don’t have a table.”
“You know I meant the counter.”
With a beleaguered sigh, Sylvie did his bidding, leaving us alone in her room. I watched him as he put her guitar in the case. I tentatively said, “Maybe she should be doing something with her talent?”
He placed the guitar back against the wall and sat down next to me on the bed, his leg pressed against mine. His hand came down on the top of my thigh, like he couldn’t be near me and not touch me. “Like what?”
I hadn’t come to his apartment tonight with the thought of broaching the subject of Sylvie’s education, and I certainly didn’t want to overstep but I was worried about her. It trumped my fear of pissing off Aidan. “Like a choir. At school. Where maybe she should be again?”
Aidan’s hand tensed on my leg but he didn’t move it. “I homeschooled her so she could be close to her mum, and then I thought it best to let her have time to adjust to life without Nicky.”
“It’s been over a year, Aidan,” I said gently. “I know this might not be any of my business, but Sylvie lights up when she’s with the kids at the hospital. Maybe it’s time you put her back in school and let her have some normality again.”
“It’s not that I haven’t thought about it. I just don’t want to put her through too many changes in a short period of time.”
“This would be a good change. Talk to her. She’s a smart kid, and we both know she knows her own mind.”
He exhaled heavily. “I’m fucking this up, aren’t I?”
“No!” I cupped his face in my hands, rubbing my thumbs over the thick bristle on his cheeks. My eyes got lost in his as I found myself wanting to wipe away every fear or concern this man had. “You are doing magnificently.”
His lips quirked at the corner. “Magnificently?”
I smiled. “Magnificently.”
Quite abruptly, his mouth was on mine and heat flashed through my body as I clung to him.
“Uncle Aidan, the oven is beeping!”
Aidan released me with a groan. “What are you doing to me, Pixie?” He stood up swiftly, running a hand through his hair. “No fucking control,” he muttered before storming out of the room.
I didn’t know whether to be overjoyed he wanted me so much or worried that his lack of control meant we’d be speeding things up despite my request for slow. Because it seemed that as soon as that man got his mouth on me, I was ready to get naked.
Not too long later, we ate sitting on stools at the kitchen counter. I was amused when Aidan pointedly put Sylvie between us. She made us laugh as she chattered about the day she’d spent with her dad at the zoo.
“He tried to pretend like the penguins didn’t scare him but they so did.” She giggled, screwing up her face. “How can you be scared of penguins?”
“Clearly, he’s seen Batman Returns,” Aidan murmured.
“Huh?” Sylvie said, echoing my thoughts.
“It’s a movie.” Aidan shrugged. “With a very scary penguin man in it.”
“Oh. I don’t think I want to see a movie with a scary penguin man in it.”
“I wouldn’t let you see that movie, even if you wanted to, sweetheart.”
Before she could argue—because telling a girl she can’t do something only makes her want to do it more—I asked, “So, you had fun with your dad?”
She nodded, smiling, and it was the first positive answer I’d gotten from her regarding Cal. “Yeah. It was good.”
“That’s great, sweetie.”
“Listen, Sylvie.” Aidan turned to her, looking very serious. “How would you feel about going back to school?” I didn’t know why he decided to talk to her about this while I was present, but I knew it meant I’d earned his trust.
She stared up at him for a second and I didn’t like the hint of anxiety I caught in her eyes. “Won’t … won’t you be sad without me?”
Understanding dawned and I saw it did for Aidan too. “I’m happy when you’re happy, sweetheart. And if going back to school would make you happy, I’ll be over the moon.”
She glanced at me, seeming unsure, and I gave her a little nod of encouragement. Turning back to Aidan, she nodded. “I want to go back.”
Aidan grinned and Sylvie’s whole being appeared to relax. All this time she hadn’t wanted to say she’d like to go back to school because she thought her uncle would be sad for her to leave him during the day. Oh, this kid! I wanted to hug her so tightly.
Her uncle wrapped his arm around her and pulled her deep into his side for a cuddle. “Then we’ll get you back to school.”
After that, Sylvie was a bundle of excitement, barely sitting still to eat dessert, and not giving us a chance to digest it when she shot over to Aidan’s computer. “Uncle Aidan, let Nora hear the music for the dancers.”
“Sylvie, we’ve just eaten.”
“I’ll let her hear, then.”
“You know,” he slipped off his stool, walking quickly toward her, “not to touch the computer.”
She grinned cheekily at him. “It made you come over, though.”
I snorted and then tried to cover the sound of my laughter as Aidan shot me a look. “Sorry,” I mouthed, but he shook his head, a small smile playing around his gorgeous lips.
“Is it this one?” he asked Sylvie as he clicked on something.
“Yeah.”
I hopped off the stool and wandered over to them but before I reached them, music flared into the room, halting me.
I didn’t know a lot about music, only what I liked to listen to. Aidan’s was instrumental. It started slow, melancholic, with violins and cellos. And the piano. And the oboe. Goosebumps prickled along my skin as the tempo picked up with drums and the strings grew more wailing and violent. Then suddenly, joined by an electric dance bass, it became soaring, rushing, and made my body wanted to fly around the room.
Eventually, it trailed off to a whimper and my eyes flew to Aidan’s. Something darkened in his expression, something like longing, and I knew it was mirrored in my own. “That was stunning,” I whispered, in awe of him.
“Thank you,” he said, his voice a little hoarse. He cleared it. “It’s for an international dance group called The Company. I know one of the directors and she asked me to write the music for their upcoming show.”
I’d heard of The Company. I’d seen them on television. They were amazing! “Aidan, that’s wonderful. Your music is wonderful.”
He gave me a boyish smile that made me almost forget Sylvie was in the room.
But then she pleaded, “Play the piano for Nora, Uncle Aidan, please!”
“Maybe later.”
“You’ll forget later.” Sylvie pouted.
Since I’d been longing to hear him play the instrument from the moment I saw it in his apartment, I said, “Actually, I’d quite like to hear you play if you wouldn’t mind?”
Aidan shook his head, but he smiled. “Ganged up on.”
Anticipation held me frozen in place as he slid onto the piano bench. “What would you like to hear?”
I was about to ask him to play an original piece when Sylvie demanded, “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.”
To my confusion Aidan tensed, the amusement dimming in his eyes. “Sweetheart…”
Sylvie leaned on the piano with her elbow and cupped her face in her hand. “Please,” she said with big beguiling eyes.
I didn’t understand Aidan’s reluctance, or the sorrow that passed fleetingly across his expression, before he smoothed it away and started to play. The ballad was familiar to me only because of Angie. The Elton John song was one of her favorites. Sylvie’s choice was surprising, not only because it was way before her time, but because it was a melancholy tune about a man who gets what he always thought he wanted only to feel like it’s a life that doesn’t belong to him, and then longs for a simpler time. A simpler life.
It was a little grown up for Sylvie.
Although I liked the song, it never made me emotional the way it appeared to make Angie when she listened to it. However, watching Aidan’s fingers dance effortlessly across the keys, taking in the way he studied Sylvie in concern I felt goosebumps prickle my skin.
Something passed between uncle and niece that I didn’t understand, but it was weighed down with so much emotion I could only guess that the song had some significance in regard to Nicky.
When the music came to an end, silence fell over us all.
I wanted to reach out and draw both of them into my arms.
Before I could offer comfort, however, Sylvie drew up from the piano and announced, “I’m going to go practice on the guitar so I’ll be so good, Uncle Aidan has to put me in a song.”
She dashed out of the room, her earlier bittersweet expression apparently replaced with determination, and Aidan and I shared a tender look.
“She’s pretty awesome, huh?”
His gaze drifted to where she disappeared. “She’s Nicky. As long as I have Sylvie, I haven’t lost my Nicky. Goodbye Yellow Brick Road was Nicky’s favorite. She asked me to play it for her a few hours before she died.”
Emotion burned in my throat for him and I blinked away tears, looking out at the view over the canal so he wouldn’t see that I was a total watering pot.
“Can I get you anything else?” he asked.
It sounded like there was innuendo in his voice, quickly drying up my tears. I shot him a chiding look. “No, you may not.”
He laughed. “I didn’t mean it like that. Dirty girl.”
I bit my lip to hold back my smile but it was impossible around him. “I’ll have water, please.”
Less than a minute later, I had a bottle of water in my hand and we were seated on the corner sofa with much-needed distance between us. The sounds of Sylvie’s guitar and her sweet voice played soundtrack in the background.
I thought of last night and how close we’d gotten to making love. “Why didn’t you mention Laine before last night?” I blurted out.
Aidan frowned. “Didn’t I?”
“Nope.”
“She’s been gone a while so I guess she never really came up. Last night you got to see a shit side of her. I’m sorry. She’s actually a really good person. She’s just protective of her friends and family.”
Hmm. Protective indeed.
“How long have you known each other?”
“Since we were kids. Teenagers.”
“And you’re just friends?” I’d decided there was no point pussyfooting around it. If Aidan had a fuck buddy, I needed to know about it.
Something flickered in his eyes before he said, “Just friends.”
Suspicious, I cocked my head, studying him. “Were you always just friends?”
He sighed. “We dated when we were kids. Sixteen. Seventeen. We broke up but we stayed friends. There’s nothing to be jealous of. Believe me.”
They’d dated when they were kids. Had he dumped her and she’d never gotten over him? I could be completely off-base but for someone who was “actually a really good person,” but she’d actually been a really huge bitch last night. And people were only bitchy when they were pissed off, territorial, etc.
I heard Aidan when he talked to me. I listened. He’d made it clear he wanted something more between us than sex. He wanted a relationship. However, he hadn’t mentioned whether we were exclusive, and as much as I was working on my insecurities, I still had my doubts about being able to keep his attention.
Rather than stew on those thoughts, I decided to be honest. “I know we’re taking it slow and you’re probably not used to that … so I … are you seeing anyone else, Aidan?”
His expression darkened. “No.”
At his blunt, annoyed response, I scowled. “I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m trying to get a clear picture of what’s going on between us because I’m not the kind of woman who can share.” That became very obvious to me last night.
“Laine’s a friend,” he bit out. “Just a friend. And there are no other women in the picture.”
“Why are you getting annoyed?”
“Because I thought it was pretty fucking obvious how I feel about you and you’re making me feel like you don’t trust me.”
I felt a whoosh in my belly at his words, like the feeling you get when the roller coaster you’re on plunges down the biggest dip on the track. “I do trust you. I’m just …” I looked away.
“You’re just?”
“Not used to feeling jealous,” I said.
Aidan was silent, and I continued to look out the window, afraid I’d put him off completely. Did I seem childish, naïve, possessive?
“At least you’re jealous of the living, Nora,” he said. “I’m fucking jealous of a dead man.”
My head whipped around to him, shock slackening my features. He was tense, uncomfortable, but he held my eyes.
“I’ve never cared enough before to be jealous. I’m not the type. But I’ve been jealous of Jim from the moment he led you out of that pub. I was jealous of him in that supermarket when you brushed your hair off your face and I saw his ring on your finger.”
“You didn’t even know me then.”
“No, but I wanted you. And it pissed me off that you were so young and you were already married. It didn’t seem right. Or fair. But I understand now that I know you. I would have stolen you away too, made you mine so no one else could have you.”
As beautiful as that sounded, I was also choked with guilt and sadness. “Don’t feel jealous of Jim, Aidan. I loved him for three years but I was never in love with him. He had female friends, some who flirted with him, and I never batted an eyelash. I never feared one of them taking him from me. Toward the end, I wanted it to happen. I wanted him to fall in love with someone else and leave me so I didn’t have to be the bad guy anymore.
“Laine curled her fingers into your T-shirt when she hugged you, and it was enough to make me want to throw a beer in her face. And that was before she insulted me.” I gave him a wobbly grin, not quite meeting his eyes, my fingers trembling around my bottle of water at my confession.
“Nora, look at me.”
His voice was thick with emotion and that more than his demand made me respond. “I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you. Aye, I want you in my bed, so much it’s painful, but it’s more than that. I just want you. Here. Talking with me. In my life. Knowing I can pick up the phone and call you or touch you whenever I want. Never have I felt that way with anyone. We clear?”
We were so clear, my body reacted. My nipples hardened, tight points beneath my bra, shivers cascaded down my spine, and I wanted some part of him between my legs more than I wanted most things in this world.
The sound of Sylvie’s faint voice in the background, however, kept me from launching myself at him. So much for going slow. “We’re clear.”
“We should probably talk about something else,” he grumbled, shifting as though uncomfortable and I guessed he was as aroused as I was.
Knowing Sylvie would douse the fire somewhat, I said, “How adorable was it that Sylvie didn’t want to go back to school because she didn’t want to make you sad?”
Aidan shot me a grateful look. “Aye, she can be sweet when she’s not full of cheek.”
I laughed. “She’s smart.”
“Too smart.”
“Remember you said there’s no such thing,” I argued.
He grinned. “So I did.”
“Are you talking about me?” Sylvie suddenly appeared in the hallway by the kitchen.
Aidan looked over his shoulder at her. “Why would we be talking about you?”
“I heard my name.”
“We were talking about you going back to school.”
“Yeah?” She hurried over and threw herself on the couch between us. “When do I go back?”
And just like that, her presence calmed the tension between Aidan and me.
Later that evening as I lay in bed, having gotten home via the taxi Aidan insisted I take, I thought about this epic thing between him and me. It was epic. I didn’t even know it was possible to have so much feeling for one person. To be pulled toward him like it was completely out of my control. To want to see him every day and bury my skin against his and let the fire consume us.
And to know that he felt the same way only emphasized the power of my attraction.
I knew the smart thing to do was to take things slowly, to really get to know each other beyond the natural chemistry between us. But my God, it was going to be so much harder to slow down that I’d thought.