“So, what is it you really want to do with your life?”
I was caught off guard by the abrupt question. Aidan and I had ordered and as the waiter walked away, I settled into my chair to enjoy our first evening alone together in a while.
He leaned his elbows on the table, ducking his head to stare into my eyes in that intensely focused way that made me feel like the only person in the world. “I mean, if you’re happy working at Apple Butter, great, but you’re smart, Nora. I can’t imagine it’s enough for you.”
I shifted, feeling a little uncomfortable to be under this specific microscope. “Hitting me with the hard questions tonight, huh?”
His eyebrows rose. “I didn’t realize it was a hard question.”
In the last four weeks, we’d seen as much of each other as we could. I didn’t think it was enough for either of us but I still had my work, the kids, Seonaid, Roddy, and Angie while Aidan was juggling a number of projects and Sylvie had returned to school a little over a week ago. That had been an adjustment for the two of them.
Cal wanted to spend more time with Sylvie so Aidan had agreed to let her stay with him Friday nights and Saturday during the day. He’d also jumped on the chance for us to have a date but I’d made certain, to his visible frustration, that he knew it didn’t necessarily mean we were speeding things up. I had work in the morning.
The restaurant he’d decided on was The Dome on George Street. I’d never eaten here but the inside was even more impressive than the outside. It had Greco-Roman architecture with a Corinthian portico entrance. Inside the main dining room was a central bar with tables and chairs spread out from around it. But the eye-catching part was its domed ceiling with stained glass inserts and specialist lighting.
I’d borrowed a Ralph Lauren little black dress from Seonaid. It was figure-hugging and ended at the knees on her but at the calves on me. The black stilettos I’d gotten on sale to match gave me height but they weren’t the most comfortable. I was glad we were sitting down for most of the night.
As well as letting me borrow her dress, Seonaid had trimmed and cut my hair into a style that it would grow out of better.
Altogether, I wasn’t looking myself. Older, sexier, and I didn’t miss how taken aback Aidan was when he helped me out of my coat. His eyes had dragged down my body and back up again and at the sensual look he’d given me, I’d wondered if perhaps the dress was a mistake.
“Is it, Nora? A hard question?”
Yes, it was an incredibly difficult question. My guilt over the things I’d done hadn’t gone away because I’d met Aidan and Sylvie. In fact, even though they were supposed to be my repentance, I often thought the guilt may have worsened. Aidan gave me so much more than Jim ever had, and I’d known him all of a few months.
I was still confused, still unsure, and still not ready to face my own future. And I didn’t want to talk about it. “I’m happy at Apple Butter,” I lied.
“With your SAT scores, I somehow doubt that.”
My what? How did he …? “What?”
“It was in the file my guy gave me when I had him look into you.” He said it so blasé, like it was normal to look into people’s private lives.
I’d known about it, of course, but I hadn’t known it had been detailed enough to provide my SAT scores.
“You could get into the finest universities, if that was what you wanted,” he said.
“That costs money, Aidan.”
“We’ll find a way.”
My heart fluttered at we, but my agitation didn’t leave me. “Just leave it.”
Another eyebrow raise. “Why don’t you want to talk about this? You’ve been honest with me up until this point—why stop now?”
I looked around at the low-lit room where couples and friends and families enjoyed great-looking meals. If Aidan didn’t cease and desist on this subject, he was going to ruin my appetite. “We’re out for a nice meal. Don’t turn it into an interrogation.”
“I’ve never needed to before. You’ve been upfront with me until now.”
He sounded so disgruntled, he leaned away from the table, a scowl between his brows, his full lower lip pinched by the upper. I grinned, trying to ease the sudden tension between us.
“You look like a petulant schoolboy.”
Aidan’s lips parted in annoyance. “I’ve never been accused of petulance in my life.”
“There’s a first time for everything.” I cocked my head, enjoying teasing him. “You look like someone has taken away your favorite toy.”
Our food arrived so Aidan couldn’t reply. I looked down at the highlander chicken on my plate, covered in whiskey sauce accompanied with smooth, creamy mash. The perfect dinner for a cold October evening. “This smells amazing.”
He didn’t say anything. He started to eat and I realized my teasing hadn’t dissuaded him from my evasion or his annoyance with me.
I dug in because there was no way I was letting his mood spoil my dinner. Moaning around the first bite, I kicked my feet a little in food joy. Aidan’s gaze flew up from his plate and I saw the crack of a smile. I wiggled my butt in my seat as I took another bite, and he outright laughed.
“Good?”
I nodded around my mouthful, my eyes wide. Swallowing, I said, “So good.”
“You’re like an excited pup.” He shook his head, still smiling.
“I like good food.”
“Then we’ll make sure you have more of it in the future.”
We shared a warm look and I relaxed as the tension eased between us.
It was silly of me to think Aidan had given up on the subject. He was a man with a very successful career who had somehow managed to make the upturning of his life work for him.
He was determined.
Persistent.
Dogged.
Of which I was reminded while he was driving me home. Our evening had been filled with casual conversation as we learned little things about each other and talked about our week. We also discussed Sylvie and how quickly she’d adapted to being back at school.
But we were only in his car a few minutes when he said, “I don’t like the fact that you feel like you can’t talk to me.”
Surprised by the turn in conversation and by the untruth in his statement, I frowned at him. He quickly glanced at me before looking back at the road. “Glare at me all you want but you’re the one hiding something.”
“I’m not hiding anything.”
“You don’t want to talk about your future and that’s a pretty big fucking deal, Nora.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“I want you to tell me what you want from your future.”
I want what’s sitting in the seat next to me. But I didn’t confess that. “I’m not sure.”
“What about the theater? You told me you wanted to act when you were a kid. Clearly that hasn’t changed. I’ve seen how you are when you’re Peter Pan. You become someone totally different for those kids. It’s amazing to watch.”
I flushed at the compliment. “Thank you. That’s sweet. But it doesn’t mean I want to act.”
“It doesn’t mean you don’t.”
“Argh, you are an annoying man sometimes.”
He grinned. “I think we’re getting somewhere.”
“Aidan.”
“Pixie.”
My stomach flipped at the thought of telling him the truth. “You don’t want to know what’s going on in my head right now.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.”
“I don’t want you to know what’s going on in my head,” I amended.
The atmosphere changed abruptly and I could see the muscle in his jaw flex.
“Aidan?”
“We’ll drop it, then.”
I’d hurt his feelings. Shit. “Aidan …” I exhaled, the sound heavy and shaky. “I don’t want you to think I’m any more messed up than I already am.”
“You’re not messed up.”
I laughed but it was hollow-sounding and it made him glance at me in concern. I reached over and squeezed his arm gratefully. “You’re kind to say that, but we both know I’m living in limbo right now. And I want to be able to tell you that I’m ready to get out of it, but I’m not sure I am. A while ago, when Jim was alive, I talked to Seonaid about college here and we found out that I could get into Edinburgh to study psychology. It would only cost a couple of thousand and I knew Jim and I could afford it if we put our house-buying plans on hold. I started to imagine what life would be like as a student and was already looking into the amateur theater groups. But the first mention of it to Jim, a mere casual comment, he completely shut me down.”
“Why?” Aidan sounded as confused as I’d felt at first.
Until I’d realized the truth. “He knew, Aidan. He knew I didn’t love him like he loved me and he was scared that if I went to college, I wouldn’t need him anymore. He was scared he’d lose me. But stopping me only pushed me away even further.”
“So why haven’t you done it … now that he’s …”
“Now that he’s gone?” I finished for him, the words sounding bitter even to my ears. “Guilt.”
“Guilt?” Aidan pulled up in front of my building, switched off the engine, and turned to me. I could see something like anger brewing in his eyes. “Guilt?” he repeated.
Knowing not to tell him was to push him away, I forged ahead with the truth. “I don’t deserve it. I told you before … I stole years with Jim. Why should I get to have the things I want?”
“Jesus Christ, Nora.” He ran a hand over his face, looking shell-shocked by what I’d said.
I waited, anxious to know what that meant.
Suddenly, something seemed to occur to him and he looked at me sharply. “If you really feel that way, like you don’t deserve to move on, then why are you here? What am I to you?”
I whispered, “I couldn’t stay away from you if I tried. You? You’re everything, Aidan.”
It was as though the words winded him and then that fierce determination blazed across his face as he reached over to unclip my seat belt. Shoving it out of the way, he wrapped his arms around my waist and hauled me across the center console into his lap.
My foot caught on the steering wheel and I laughed as I tried to get comfortable. “You could’ve just asked me to come closer.”
He didn’t laugh. He kissed me.
I sank against him, opening my mouth and kissing him back, deepening it. I loved the way his fingers tightened on my hips, almost bruising as they gripped me with need. I cupped his face, loving the scratch of his unshaved cheeks against my hands, and I spread my legs across his lap so I could press deeper against him. At the feel of Aidan’s erection nudging me, I gasped into his mouth and ground into him. His groan reverberated through me and I tilted my hips, liking the waves of pleasure rocking through me as I rubbed against him.
Suddenly, I found myself pushed away and I blinked, confused for a second until I saw the impatient desire on his face. “Please tell me we’re done with going slow. I need you, Nora,” his voice was low, hoarse, “so fucking much.”
The flames of want licked hungrily at me too and I couldn’t turn him away. Four weeks was slow enough. “I don’t have much in my apartment, but there is a bed.”
He immediately threw open his door and I tried to slip off him and outside as gracefully as possible. Aidan was right behind me, his arm around my waist, not letting me go, as he reached into the car for my purse and then shut the door behind him. I took my purse in one hand and his hand in the other, hearing the beep of his car lock and vaguely wondering if it was a good idea to leave his car there, but caring more about getting him upstairs and naked.
Inside the building, I turned into him, not able to wait even a second for one more kiss. He granted my wish and we stumbled against the bottom of the stairwell wall as I lost my footing in the stupid stilettos.
I groaned into his mouth as one large hand smoothed down my ass and gripped it, pulling me into him so his raging hard-on pushed against my belly, while the other hand cupped and squeezed my breast. “Oh God—” I broke the kiss, feeling more desperate than I’d ever felt in my life. “I feel like I’m on fire.”
“Tell me about it.” He pulled away and gently nudged me upstairs. “Lead the way, Pixie, before this happens in the stairwell.”
The tingling between my legs intensified at the image of us going at it here, and I found I rather got off on the idea of Aidan and I having risqué sex. Hmm. I filed the thought for later and hurried up the stairs. We couldn’t even speak we were so focused on getting to my apartment and to my bed. And I couldn’t even care he was going to see where I lived. I only cared about getting this man inside me. Finally!
I practically skittered around the corner into my hall and then stumbled to a halt at the sight of a person sitting outside my door.
What?
Shit.
Seonaid looked up at me, her eyes red-rimmed, her cheeks pale. I felt Aidan’s heat at my back, along with the press of a possessive hand above my ass. Seonaid’s eyes grew wide as they flew to him, and she quickly got on her feet. She gave me a shaky smile. “I can leave.”
“No,” I said immediately. My friend looked like she hadn’t slept for days. “What’s going on?”
She ran a hand over her messy ponytail, looking uncomfortable and embarrassed. “I’ll come back.”
Realizing how rude I was being, I turned to Aidan, who looked confused, frustrated, but also a little concerned. “Aidan, this is Seonaid.” I’d talked about her with him and his eyes lit with recognition. “Seonaid, this Aidan.” I’d only confessed to Seonaid last weekend about Aidan after realizing I needed to borrow something to wear for my date. I’d tried to play it down and would’ve been successful too if her appearance here was anything to go by. Seonaid would never have come here if she thought I was sleeping with Aidan, since she was such a huge advocate for me moving on. But her witnessing Aidan and I panting down the hall had blown that evasion out of the water.
Right now, I didn’t care.
Something was up with my friend.
“Nice to meet you.” Aidan held out a hand to her.
She took it, giving him a tremulous smile. “You too.”
“Look,” he put his hand on my shoulder, drawing my attention back to him, “I’m going to head home, let you catch up with your friend. Call me?”
Feeling guilty for getting him all hot and bothered, I gave him an apologetic smile. “You sure?”
“Of course.” He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to my mouth and when he pulled back, he murmured against my lips, “But we pick up where we left off, Pixie.”
I grinned. “Agreed.”
He gave me one more quick kiss, like he couldn’t help himself, gave Seonaid a nod of goodbye, and walked away.
I stared after him, regretting we’d been interrupted, even though I was worried about Seonaid. When I looked back at her, she winced apologetically. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be.” I grabbed her arm and led her to my door, fumbling in my purse for the key. I let us in, locking it behind us. “Now, what’s going on?”
“Oh fuck, Nora,” she groaned, her hands on her head in despair. “I had sex with Roddy.”