Chapter 19
The Taste of Confusion
I already regret what happened last night, so I pretend to still be asleep, hoping Gage lets me go and heads downstairs. What I did wasn't out of love or need - it was out of slutty desire. He cheated on me, and I went ahead and fucked him like it was a reward for his betrayal.
Since when do I fall prey to every carnal desire? I denied my hormonal urges just fine until I met Kane. Since then, I've barely kept myself in check. I'm starting to worry something is wrong with me.
Gage's hand slides up and down my back very slowly, proving he's awake and waiting on me to wake up. I'm not ready to face this awkwardness, so I keep my eyes closed and my heartbeat steady.
He leans over, letting his breath find my ear before whispering to the girl he thinks is asleep.
"I love you."
My heart flip-flops, my stomach sinks, and my whole body is flooded with hot and cold surrealism. How the hell did this happen?
No. He can't be in love. This isn't possible.
The door opens, and I can feel eyes burning against us.
"Yes?" Gage asks, a smugness to his tone.
That lets me know who it is, and now I feel all the more like a slut.
"Dray is back with some information based on the leads you found from the redhead you were making out with last night."
That was a stab at me if I've ever heard one. Kane knows by now I've woken up after his loud entry. He's reminding me I'm laying in a pool of betrayal, and I just fucked the traitor.
"Okay. I'll be down in a minute. Let me wake up Alyssa."
Gage made sure to take a stab back. After all, it's his bed I ended up in despite the drama from the night before. I love Kane, but we can't be. It's not possible. I'm not in love with Gage... at least I don't think so. Surely I can't be in love with two men. No. I know I'm not.
I need to invest in a big bottle of migraine medicine. At this rate, my head is going to explode off my shoulders before I can even reach immortality.
Kane says he's sorry now, but he was so heartless and cruel to me for so many weeks. Gage is a cheater, but everyone seems to think I should have been expecting the duties of a Somage member. Was it just work?
Gage's lips brush against mine as he pulls me closer, letting the satin of my gown stroke my sides with a heavenly touch. He presses his lips harder against mine, forcing me to end my sleeping charade.
"Good morning," he murmurs softly against my lips, smiling salaciously.
"Morning," I mumble, intentionally leaving off the good.
"They've got some Intel to share, so let's head down."
I nod, pretending that's the first I've heard of it, and then I quickly put my feet to the ground. Gage laughs lightly as he stands up and joins me from behind, placing his hand at the small of my back.
"You're not going to speak to me? Is the walk of shame that bad?"
Walk of shame? Try walk of utter mortification. He just told me he loves me, my ex found me in bed with the guy who blatantly cheated on me, and I realized I'm a slut.
"I just woke up. I'm not much of a morning person," I offer casually with a dismissive wave of my hand.
"Well, I smell coffee, so I'll go make you a cup."
"Thanks," I mutter through tight lips while heading to my bedroom. "I need a robe."
I don't turn to see his face, but I can taste his disappointment. I quickly dart into the room and grab the white satin robe that matches the sexy gown. In an effort to stall, I decide to brush my teeth, comb my hair, and put on a touch of makeup.
With a daunting morning ahead of me, I take a deep breath, hoping to exhale some of the tension polluting me.
Kane has his back turned when I walk down the stairs, and he doesn't attempt to turn around when Zee greets me. I return the morning cordiality, and then I make my way to the kitchen.
Gage is finishing up with my cup of coffee just as I enter the room, and he places it on the bar before pulling me to him for a deep, deliciously sinful kiss.
"We're ready when you two are," Kane says from behind, making me tense up.
Gage presses his forehead to mine and smiles as he murmurs, "We're ready."
I grab the coffee, and then Gage takes my hand in his as he pulls me into the room. He's seems to have forgotten I told him one night “lost in the throes” doesn't mean we're back together.
With all but one of the seats acquired, Gage pulls me into his lap. Kane never acknowledges our closeness, keeping his eyes focused on the books that have been left open on the coffee table.
"Alyssa hasn't been filled in, so I'll start at the beginning. Gage told us his girl knew of a coven tied to black magic. They recently dismissed a member because she seemed to have really lost it. They were scared of her and what she was trying to do and all the crazy she was spouting. She kept telling them the fey world was real, and there were monsters all around.
"Apparently her mother was murdered when she was a child, and she believes it was a vampire - her words. Obviously, her coven thought she was crazy, and they became worried that the magic they were toying with had a toxic effect on her mind. They dispersed after fearing the same would happen to them.
"Dray tracked down a few members of the coven that confirmed this, but none of them were brave enough to mention the mystery girl's name. He told them about the ritualistic killing style, and they all turned pale, further proving this is the right girl. One of them admitted the blond we're seeking tried to convince them to help her with the killings she had planned. After that, they all clammed up - worried they'd fall on her hit list.
"We've spoken to some people in town that might know the name of this girl, based on her coven members, but no one has a clue. When they see girls playing with witchcraft, they write them off as outsiders they don't care to know.
"What Dray did learn was that she believes she needs the spirit to rid the world of the fey. This girl is crazy, and she's very dangerous.
"I've sorted through the books for most of the night, and I've compiled a few theories on what types of spirits can be invoked. Judging be the detailed pattern, it'll be the spirit of a witch or a warlock."
I almost sigh out in relief. "Then it should be easy enough to kill them. I'll just call Drackus. No light or dark user is more powerful than he is. Not to mention, we've got two night stalkers with us."
Kane smirks slightly, though he still doesn't look at me. Dray speaks to disprove my hopeful wishing. "Spirits are different, Alyssa. During their life, they might have been easy to kill, but in their death... Well, it's harder to kill someone a second time. We'll have to find a specific way to kill them after we learn their identity. We'll need the specifics of their death before contracting a plan. Usually, they need to exact revenge first before being corporeal enough to send back to the spirit world.
"Not to mention, when a spirit comes back, they're not the same as they were in life. They lose their morals, their sanity, and their ability to have any rationalization. They're ruthless and deceptive.
"Most likely, this spirit has spoken to the human witch during a séance, and he or she has offered the human witch the chance to find her own vengeance. Only humans are foolish enough to trust those who have crossed over. The spirit does have to keep their promise to do as the host has requested in order to earn their right to cross over, but they don't have to leave the body. That's the part the young witch doesn't understand."
Well that's just great. In all the movies, spirits are guiding lights and voices of wisdom. In reality, spirits are tricky demons looking for a body to snatch.
"So how do we find out who the spirit is? And how would a spirit rid the entire world of fey creatures? No being, dead or alive, is that strong." I murmur, feeling this conversation getting more frustrating with every breath.
Gage answers this time while pulling me a little closer to his body.
"We won't know until we face her in possession. It's doubtful the spirit offered to rid the world of all fey creatures. As Dray said, they're deceptive. They twist their words to make their offer sound like what the seeker wants; but in all actuality, it's merely a small offering with a price too grave. It's all in the wording of their presentation."
This just keeps getting better, damn it.
Before I can ask any more questions, Kane's phone rings. He answers while standing up and turning his back on us. Almost a second later, Gage's phone rings, and I listen in as he answers.
"Gallon, what's going on?"
"There's been another killing. It's the same as Thad's - pentagram and all. We need you to get over here and help us deal with the Were council."
"It was a Were?" Gage asks, leaning forward.
I slide out of his lap to give him space, but I keep listening in. "Yeah, a werecat. The Were council wants blood for this. They tried setting up both Alyssa and Kane this time. They even managed to look just like them for the surveillance cameras. We're explaining the situation, but they want to speak with you personally. I hope you know where the two of them were around three this morning."
They? There are two of them behind this?
"Alyssa was in bed with me, and I was awake. Kane was just down the hall. I'll be there shortly."
Kane's jaw clenches as he lowers his phone. I never even paid attention to his conversation, but I'm assuming he was just informed of the latest setup scheme. Gage puts his phone away, and heads up the stairs, probably to put on more clothing, considering his exquisitely bare upper half shouldn't be seen by drooling eyes like mine.
Dice walks over to the fireplace and puts a couple of new logs on while he adds his thoughts to the mix. "I guess that means there's only one killing left to do before we find out who's behind all this."
Shit. This is bad.
"Who's helping her?" I ask, voicing my concern.
"Probably some idiot she seduced just to set us up," Kane groans, not looking at me. "If she's as powerful as we think she is, it's possible he doesn't even know what's going on. If she can change their identities, she's reached a level few witches ever do even in immortality."
Gage changed my identity, but it only works for a few hours. I don't even know how to do it.
Gage materializes beside me and pulls me to him before pressing his lips to mine. I let him, knowing I'll feel more like a slut if I pull away from the guy I just gave my body to.
"The witch is smart," Zee says as Gage pulls away. "The Were community is the most hotheaded and they'll rush to defend their own in ruthless, merciless fashion. They're one of the few councils not afraid of provoking a war."
"The spirit is probably guiding her," Dray grumbles. "The witch feels connected with it because she more than likely spent years trying to convince people of the truth, only to have them write her off as insane. Now she has valid proof she's right, and she sees this spirit as her savior or friend."
"How is she subduing these powerful creatures?" Dice asks, seeming to be talking to himself more than the rest of us.
"Sierra thought she had a spell, but I don't know of any spell that powerful," Dray says, his body shifting from side to side.
"What if it's not a spell?" Kane interjects. "If this spirit is powerful enough, it could cross the threshold enough to help her. It would have a short period of time before the spirit plane called it back, but it would still have time to subdue any fey."
"That would have been one nasty death," Dray cryptically inserts, and everyone else nods to agree with him, all of them making me feel so young in our world.
"What do you mean?" I ask, feeling left out.
"A spirit is stronger the more brutal their death was," Gage answers, kissing the top of my head as he rests against my back and pulls me to him. "I need to get going. I'm pretty well-affiliated with the Were community, so they'll hopefully listen to me. If not, get ready to fight. This could get ugly."
I cringe. I definitely don't want to take on Weres. Werecats are vicious, and their sharp fangs would leave a worse scar than the venomous bite of a night stalker... if I even survived such a bite. Werewolves are just as vicious, but they hunt in packs, as opposed to werecats who tend to be loners - only socializing when necessary. It makes sense why she went after a werecat instead of a werewolf. Though a werecat is vicious, werewolves travel in packs - you take on one; then you take them all on.
It doesn't make sense why she ever went after Amy though. Sure, the lycan council is just as rash and brutal as the Were council, but lycans are so much stronger, and they also run in packs most of the time. How can you be smart enough to know werecats run solo, but foolish enough to attack one of the strongest beasts of the Fey?
Lycans and werewolves have few similarities, but I'd rather face off with a werewolf than a lycan. Neither is favorable, but a werewolf is smaller, and nowhere nearly as fast. Lycans are bigger, faster, and their bite could rip someone in half.
"Lycans are just as rash and vicious as Were. Why didn't we have to go through all of this when Amy was attacked?" I ask, needing answers to appease my already aching head.
Kane's lips tighten, and he, Dray, and Zee exchange a secretive glance. It's obvious I'm the outsider they don't want to share their secrets with. At least I know Kane doesn't trust me.
"Because Amy never made the council aware of her existence," Kane finally says through strain, contradicting my theory of distrust.
I pale, finding myself completely dumbfounded. "Kane, they could kill all of us for harboring an unsanctioned lycan. She's supposed to-"
"I know, Alyssa. That's why I haven't told you. Amy is from a sire that is... Well, he's crazy. He's strong, deadly, and completely wanted by all communities. He's at the top of everyone's list of people to die. If they find out she's from him, they'll kill her to stop the possibility she'll turn out like him."
Too late. That bitch is already crazy.
"Shit," I murmur to myself, but Gage doesn't seem as shocked as I am. "You knew?" I ask, feeling even more left out.
"I found out a while back," he says while massaging his temples. "I confronted Kane, and he explained the situation, along with the lengths they've gone through to restrain her from doing something that would risk exposure. She's wild - rabid at times - but she's not like her sire. He's right though, they'd kill her just to eliminate such a risk."
Is that really such a bad thing? Great. They're all doing what they can to keep the victim of a lycan safe. I want the girl dead just because she's a bitch. And I'm supposed to be the light one.
"Do you think this girl knew that?" I ask, trying to push the scattered pieces of the puzzle together.
"It's unlikely. She wants to stir the pot, and Amy couldn't exactly report her attack to the council, so it would have been a pointless attack," Kane murmurs softly, his eyes finding mine and staring fearlessly at me.
No one really knows what else to say now. It's the highest penalized crime in our world to not report a bitten fey. The bitten fey are the most dangerous because of their ability to change others. It's necessary to document all viral changelings. This is so dangerous.
"Walk me out?" Gage asks to break the uncomfortable silence that has descending upon us.
"Yeah."
I shiver against the biting wind the second we walk out. I wasn't expecting it to be this cold out with the sun shining so brightly, but winter is getting stronger by the day. The thin satin doesn't even make an attempt to shield me from the cold air, and my bare feet curse me for forcing them to endure the icy ground.
"Here," Gage says while scooping me up and pulling me into his immortal warmth. "I shouldn't have asked you to come out dressed like that. I forgot how much colder this is to you. I just wanted a second away from everyone."
I get worried he's going to tell me he loves me again, and this time I can't pretend I'm asleep. My whole body tenses as he places me in the front seat of his black Audi. The heat starts blaring before he even climbs into the car, and I smile at his use of magic to offer me warmth.
"Thanks."
He leans over and kisses me hard, surprising me, and my hand slips into his hair as I shamefully enjoy his touch. He draws back and pulls my hand in his, staring at our contact instead of into my eyes.
"You can label us. I'm sorry I ever said you couldn't. It was stupid, and to be honest, I just panicked a little. After last night, I know without a doubt I don't want to lose you. I want to be with you, Alyssa."
My heart almost melts, but the image of his lips on another girl creeps into my mind to ice the beating betrayer in my chest.
"Gage, I told you last night that-"
"I know," he interrupts, still not looking up. "I know I hurt you, and I know you're not ready to dive back in. I just want you to know that I'm ready when you are."
I force a smile, relieved he's not going to tell me he loves me again. He leans over and kisses me one last time, lingering in the moment a little too long, and then he reluctantly withdraws.
"I should let you get to work. Call me?" I ask while opening the door and inviting in the chill.
"Of course I'll call. You call me if anything happens. I'll see you soon."
I climb out before getting lost in his eyes, and I quickly make my way through the cold and back inside, grateful for the blessed heat. I almost want to throw myself in the fire to warm up. Dray chuckles as my teeth chatter violently, as if they're scolding me for braving the chill in my less than feasible attire.
I'm thankful Kane is nowhere in sight, and I'm praying I can avoid him for a while. I don't feel like dealing with whatever cruel or snarky remarks he's been holding back.
"I need to get going. Drackus is expecting me to update him on everything, and I plan to raid his library to see if I can find anything else to help us out," the dark angel says just before disappearing in a black foggy exit.
"Well bye," I murmur sardonically to the nothingness.
Dice snickers, and then he stands. "I'm going to try to get some shuteye now. I'll see you guys in a few."
Zee slides in front of the TV and turns on the annoying game he bought. I roll my eyes and head to the kitchen to pour some more coffee. As soon as I see the strong brew, I regret coming into the kitchen.
Kane is pouring his own cup of coffee, making this awkward. He smiles lightly when he sees me, and he brings the pot over to me, pouring my cup full before turning back around and putting it back on the burner. He leans up against the counter, sipping his piping hot drink as he studies me.
I squirm uncomfortably while adding my cream, and I try to think of a way to lessen the tension.
"Why do you think she's after the two of us?" I ask softly, my voice cracking slightly from my nerves.
"Maybe because she's jealous? She could be an old acquaintance of mine. I've been around a while, but I've only ever loved one girl."
Well that backfired. "Don't do this right now."
"Do what, Alyssa? It's not like it's some big secret."
I look at him, and I mentally pull on my extra layer of skin, readying myself for whatever cruel thing he's waiting to strike me with.
"I haven't chosen him. Whatever you want to say, get it out there. I don't want to deal with your hurtful gashes all day. Get it all out now so we can focus on the real problem at hand."
He winces, as though I'm the one who has said something cutting.
"I don't plan on saying anything hurtful, Alyssa. But you did make a choice, so don't fool yourself. I also realize why you made that choice. I didn't exactly handle things well after I found out you were a witch, but-" He runs his hand through his hair as he looks away, stopping short.
"But?" I prompt.
He sighs out hard, looking back up to catch my eyes. He comes to stand dangerously close and rests his hand on my side.
"But I was hurting worse than I thought possible. I never knew how much I was missing in life until I had you. When I thought it had all been just a ploy to get to Castine, it felt like someone had ripped my heart out and set it on fire. I wanted to hurt you as badly as you hurt me. I can't apologize enough, and I'll figure out a way to make this right."
I look away, unable to meet his eyes any longer. "This wasn't ever meant to be, Kane. I think we should both try to move on. If we had known the truth about each other-"
"Then we never would have attempted to be with each other," he interrupts, bringing my eyes back up to meet his by tilting my chin. "That's why we were meant to be with each other."
"That makes no sense." I sigh, trying to look away again, but he cups my face in his hand so softly, keeping me pinned to his gaze.
"It does if you think about it, Alyssa. Fate intervened, but you aren't looking at the obvious. In our world, a night stalker with a witch is preposterous, but fate pushed us together, leading the other to think they were falling for a human. The odds of such a connection forming while the other remains unaware of the secrets hidden in plain sight are astronomical. We fell in love. You just refuse to admit how real it all was, so you're using Gage as a beard for your true feelings. You're allowed to be with him. It's normal to fall for one of your own - even if there is a light division."
I shake my head, but he keeps drawing me closer, reminding me how good his touch feels.
"It's more than that, Kane. Gage understands me. He knows things about me that I could never tell you."
"Alyssa, you can tell me anything. You know you can trust me."
His thumb strokes my lower lip as his eyes stare into mine with fearless abandon. I know better than to tell anyone I'm Drackus's daughter. Gage only knows because he already knew. I never would have told him myself.
He only knew because his mother is marrying my father - which is still creepy. He doesn't judge me the way most would. He doesn't fear me or what I could become. Kane would. He'd be appalled by the very idea of my existence and terrified of the monster I could be - ironically enough.
"I trust you, Kane, and I know you'd never use it against me, but there are things about me I never share with anyone. Gage knows, but he knew about me before he knew me. It's different. It's freeing."
He tilts his head, curiosity forming. "Has this got something to do with Drackus?"
"No." It has everything to do with Drackus. "Just leave it alone."
"Alyssa, I know Drackus and you aren't merely acquainted because of his old affections for your mother. He's not that generous or feeling. People involved with Drackus usually owe him for something he's done for them. What's your debt? Maybe I can help you pay it off."
My debt is my birthright. There's no such thing as paying it off.
"It's so much more complicated than that," I say with an exasperated huff.
"Whatever it is, I can deal with it. I promise."
"Like you dealt with my being a witch? You'll jump to conclusions, and I'll be left getting berated just as before."
He frowns, his brow creasing to emphasize his exhaustion with my constant little stabbing reminders of his past attacks.
"All you can do is trust me, Alyssa. I can't prove anything to you until you trust me enough to open up."
I won't give him the chance to prove himself wrong. I know better than to think people will be accepting. I've heard his view on my father. I'm not going to have him look at me the way he looks at Drackus.
"Let's focus on one set of problems at a time. We'll start with the blond bitch playing with fire."
To add a little drama to that, I use my magic to light all the candles in the kitchen, making Kane laugh lightly while releasing his hold on me.
"We could have a lot of fun once you're immortal, Alyssa. Think about that," he says while walking off.
"Hey, whoa. What is that supposed to mean?" I chirp while following behind him.
"You won't be so fragile then," he says with a devious smile as he turns to walk backwards, his eyes daring me to play. I blush slightly, and he continues, "Plus, once you're immortal, your blood won't be addictive, which means you could taste poison's kiss all you want. I think we both know you like the bite."
My body heats up and the mirror offers me a view of the random shades flipping through my eyes. Kane gives me a devilish wink before sitting down on the couch. Something tells me this is going to be a long day.