EPILOGUE
It was Judah’s favorite time of the year and always had been. Of course, most children loved Christmas, but for him, it had never really been about the presents or the food, like it was for many people. For him, it was the whole season. The togetherness. During this season, his family had made an effort, all of them, to get along.
A lot of good memories of his parents came from Christmas, and it was pretty much only then that he had felt anything like approval from them. Everything else that he had ever done had been a disappointment to them, so of course, he’d latched onto the few signs of approval that he had gotten.
It was more than that, though. It wasn’t just his parents that seemed to be cheered up, to be brought together, by the holiday. It seemed like everyone was in a better mood, everyone was giving and thinking of others, and he couldn’t help but think that was a good thing.
This year, though, things were different. On the one hand, he was happier than he had ever been, deeply in love with his boyfriend and helping to take care of a child that he adored. On the other, though, he couldn’t stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.
What was going to happen to him? He had come out to his whole congregation, had taken that risk, but he knew that it was a risk. In this day and age, far less than it would have been before, perhaps, but church politics could be every bit as slippery and hard to get a handle on as secular ones. Someone could decide to make an example of him.
As the weeks passed, as Christmas approached, Judah was getting more and more antsy about it. At first, he had been relieved. No news was good news, right? But then his brain caught up with him, and he started to worry.
“Judah, love, hurry up,” Will said, bustling into the room, a smile on his face that turned into a frown once he laid eyes on Judah. Without another word, he came and sat behind Judah, wrapping his arms around him and hugging him tightly from behind.
“I know it’s stupid, but I wish that I just knew before Christmas,” Judah told Will, knowing full well that Will didn’t understand why the church was as important to Judah as it was, but that he at least understood that it was. And that had been enough for him so that Judah hadn’t felt strange about talking about the whole thing with him.
“Can’t you just call your …” his voice trailed off uncertainly, not sure of the terminology, and Judah just smiled a little bit and shrugged.
“My bishop,” he told Will gently. “And I suppose I could. I was hoping not to bring it to his attention in case that’s what gets me in trouble, but I would like to just know.”
Not that it would be easy for them to defrock him, or, in other words, take away his right to perform the sacraments. Or, to put it even more simply, fire him. It was a process, involving a church trial and everything, but if it was going to happen, he wanted to prepare himself for it.
“Call him,” Will told him, his voice calm and logical, which Judah knew many people would find sort of inappropriate given the emotion around this situation but which Judah himself found calming. “Get it over with.
It was good advice, and Judah closed his eyes and said a silent prayer before he grabbed his phone. With a deep, deep breath, he leaned back against Will’s comforting body, allowed himself to feel the sweet, warm weight of his arms around him, and called his boss.
“Judah,” came the answer on the other end of the line. “What can I do for you?”
Well, that was a good sign. The bishop didn’t seem to be furious, at least not yet, so either he hadn’t heard yet, or there wasn’t going to be a problem. He couldn’t know until he asked.
“I need to tell you something,” Judah spoke quietly, glad for the technology which would amplify his voice and bring it to the ear of his boss without him having to speak louder. It hadn’t gotten easier to say those two words, not really, and he wondered how many times he was going to have to come out.
“Go ahead.”
Another deep breath, flowing through every nook and cranny of his body, and then Judah spoke again.
“I’m gay.”
“I see.” There wasn’t any surprise in the bishop’s voice, was there? Judah couldn’t ferret any out, anyway, no matter how he tried to analyze the words. “And why did you feel the need to tell me that, Judah?”
“Because I’m in love.” That was easier to say, and he felt Will’s arms tighten around him as he said them. “And I don’t want to be surprised with anything. If you’re going to take action against me, I’d like to know.”
“I heard about this quite a few weeks ago,” the bishop admitted. “And I haven’t taken action yet. I can’t comment officially, but unofficially …” His voice trailed off, and then he went on. “I’m very happy for you if you’re happy.”
And that was it. It was over. His worry was completely gone, dried up in the course of a split second by the bishop’s easy acceptance of the situation. The church may not be willing to accept this officially, but they could at least look the other way and even be happy for him.
“I’m guessing that went well,” Will murmured, and Judah turned around and kissed him with a sort of desperation spurred on by pure relief. Yes, it had definitely gone well, and for the first time since he had realized that he couldn’t live without Will, he felt like he could breathe.
Now he didn’t have to choose between Will and his faith.
***
The Christmas events were endless, but it was all almost over. It was almost the big day, and Will’s Christmas Eve was spent in a way that would have surprised anyone who knew him very well at all. It definitely surprised him.
He had helped to put together Christmas hampers for people of the county who needed them, which was fine. He had no problem helping people, or with the church doing so, and it had been quite inspiring to see how the people of the community could come together to do good.
So that was one thing, but the Christmas caroling was another. People still did that? It was news to him. And then there was the Christmas Eve service, where the kids put on the play that they had been working on for several months.
It was all so very surreal to Will. How had he gotten into this life? But he knew the answer to that, and besides, it was pretty amazing to see Stephen up there, and Ruby, and Jesse. And all of the little kids were dressed up as angels, looking sweet and innocent although Will had been around them enough to know that it was just an act, just for one night.
Still, the effect was lovely, and it was worth it to be there. Worth it to see his boyfriend up there, looking slightly flushed and very happy. Still, it was a bit of a relief when he had Judah all to himself again, when he didn’t have to share him with the rest of the congregation, when it was just him and the man that he loved with the smell of the live pine tree delicately scenting the air, piles of presents beneath it.
“I’ve always loved Christmas,” Judah admitted to him, speaking softly. It was late, after midnight, and Stephen was probably asleep, but Will could understand the urge. He wasn’t exactly interested in waking his son up, not when he finally had Judah all to himself.
“I can tell,” Will admitted, and then he let his lips brush lightly over Judah’s, their bodies pressed close together, both of them only wearing underwear. Judah’s body was slender and tight against his own, and Will reached down to grope that beautiful ass for a moment before he reached for his discarded pants and pulled out a flat, wide jeweler’s box.
“I was going to wait until tomorrow, but this seems like a good time.” He handed the box over, and he watched as Judah took it and luckily didn’t keep him in suspense. Judah opened it right away, and he smiled when he saw the leather and platinum bracelet inside.
“It’s engraved,” Will told him, as he took the bracelet and fit it around Judah’s left wrist. It looked just like he thought it would, subtle and masculine, and it seemed to him that it looked completely normal there. “I couldn’t get very creative, though. It just says I love you.”
He had agonized over that, actually. Had been so convinced that he needed to find the perfect words, but he had eventually given up. Those three words were really all that needed to be said, and from the smile on Judah’s face, he didn’t hate hearing them.
“You know, when I saw the box, I almost thought …” Judah spoke slowly, and then he gave a little shrug, and Will smiled and nodded, his fingers tugging at the braided leather of Judah’s new bracelet.
“I won’t say that I didn’t think about it,” Will admitted because he had. He had been looking at the rings, but he knew that it was too soon to think about that sort of thing. So the bracelet had been chosen. For now.
There was a moment of silence between them as they cuddled against each other, and then Judah suddenly pulled away, and Will was worried that he’d offended him. But Judah allayed those fears easily enough.
“I got you something, too,” he admitted, and then he tossed on Will’s robe in an easy, casual way that made Will’s heart sing. It was like Judah knew that, as far as Will was concerned, he had a right to anything that belonged to Will. It was so intimate, just a little domestic sign that made him happy.
In a few seconds, Judah was back, and he handed Will a small packet wrapped in a classy gold and cream paper with angels imprinted on it. Will smirked a little bit. He didn’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out that it was a book.
Still, he carefully opened the present, and then he softly gasped because it seemed that Judah had managed to surprise him after all. Inside it, when the wrapping paper was folded away, was a cloth covered, obviously very old but exquisitely maintained, Heinlein book.
“Remember the library?” Judah asked, and Will groaned softly. Yes, he remembered, and he knew he always would. He could still feel Judah’s lips against his own as they frantically groped at each other, with only the dubious shelter of the rows and rows of books to hide them.
“It’s a first edition,” Judah admitted, “And it’s signed, see?”
And that was just about where Will lost it. He hadn’t received such a perfect gift ever, not in his whole life, and he only took the time to carefully set the book aside before he launched himself at his boyfriend and kissed him like his life depended on it.
The kiss went on and on, and Will softly groaned as he rolled on top of Judah, lining up their bodies so that they were pressed together along the lengths of their legs, their hips, their torsos. He kissed Judah until neither of them could breathe, and they were both hardening against each other, and only then did he pull away to gaze down into Judah’s fascinating, multicolored eyes.
“I’m going to assume that means you liked it,” Judah spoke wryly, but Will found himself more fascinated with the signs of arousal that he could see. The way those eyes glimmered, the full lips slightly parted with his rapid breathing, the delicate flush of pink in his cheeks and even through the shells of his ears.
“I did. It’s perfect. Thank you,” Will managed, and then he was kissing Judah again, coaxing his response from him, both of them knowing by now how to perfectly draw the pleasure from each other. How to drive each other crazy, a skill which Will shamelessly used then.
When Judah was throbbing, when his cock was leaking hot precome against Will’s, then Will took it a step further. He slipped down Judah’s body, kissing as he went, but not taking as much time as he usually did. He liked to tease Judah, liked to work him up and keep him going for hours, but just then he didn’t have the patience for it.
So he wrapped his lips around Judah, sliding along his entire length until his nose was against Judah’s pelvis and his lips were at the very base of the young man’s cock. Hearing Judah’s soft, but urgent, little moans of desire seemed to only increase the heat, the fire, inside of Will, and he let himself go in a way that he would never have done for anyone but Judah.
Just when he was convinced that he was going to get to taste Judah as he exploded into Will’s mouth, Judah reached down and touched Will’s shoulder lightly. The beautiful man was panting, flushed a brighter pink now, but he pulled Will off of him, and Will went, curious but not disappointed. He could tell this wasn’t over.
“Not this time,” Judah whispered, and Will smirked a little when he saw how Judah still, after all of this time, struggled to put what he wanted into words. His lover wasn’t very good at dirty talk, but he was damned if it didn’t get Will going every time that he tried. “I need you, Will. Ride me?”
Oh. Well. Maybe Judah wasn’t that bad at dirty talk, after all. The way he said that—the plaintive tone of voice, the flash of aroused eyes and the breathy sound of his voice—it all hit Will harder than anything else could have. And there was, of course, no chance of him not doing what was requested.
Judah was already slick with Will’s saliva, so there was not even any need to hesitate, even for long enough to grab some lube. Judah’s dick glistened, obviously slick even in the low light, and Will straddled him and carefully positioned himself over him.
“Merry Christmas, love,” Will whispered, and with that, he drove himself suddenly down onto Judah, all at once, sheathing Judah’s cock deep inside of himself in one sweet, perfect movement.
It was always so interesting being on top of Judah like this, because yes, Judah was inside of him, but it was Will who truly had all of the control. Will who decided how quickly they moved, Will who could make this a frantic, heated coupling or a slow, leisurely one that might just take hours, if he got into the right mood.
This time, he wanted quick. He wanted to feel that connection between them, the hot surge of fresh come inside of himself. He wanted them to surrender to bliss at the same time, and he worked himself on him almost feverishly. Judah’s hands settled on his ass, and from the tightness of that grip, the way Judah encouraged him, he could tell that Judah was in the same place as Will as he so often was.
“I love you, Will,” Judah whispered, his eyes wide and dark with emotion. They said those words to each other quite a bit since they’d held off on saying them for so long. It was like they were trying to make up for lost time.
“I love you, too,” Will told him right back, without hesitation, and the openness of the exchange might have actually been what made him shoot off, in the end. The physical stimulation would have done it, but with Judah, Will had found a whole other way of having sex.
No matter how they did it, no matter how rough or quick or slow or gentle they were, it was making love. That’s what it really came down to.
With a soft, helpless little groan, Will convulsed around Judah and spilled hot, pearly white come onto Judah’s flat stomach, painting him with it. And just like he’d wanted, at the same time, Judah was filling him up, that perfect connection between them driving them both over the edge into ecstasy, into utter bliss.
It was an intense orgasm, even more than it usually was with Judah, and for a moment, Will lowered his head and rested it on Judah’s broad shoulder and just focused on breathing in the smell of his sweat.
Judah had thought maybe Will would buy him a ring, and he hadn’t exactly seemed horrified by the idea. Will happened to find that very, very interesting, as he clung to Judah’s sweaty body and held him close. Of course, it was too soon now, but he couldn’t help but think that it wouldn’t be too soon forever.
Someday, very soon, he was going to buy Judah a different piece of jewelry, and he told him so by raising his gaze and looking deep into Judah’s eyes. He would buy him a ring and go down on one knee, and he had the idea that Judah might just say yes.