FOURTEEN

 

There was exactly one coffee shop in town, and that was where Will, by default, had to meet Jack. It wasn’t ideal, but then it was so late at night, and there was hardly anyone around. It was better to get this over with, he figured, so when Jack had texted him and asked him to meet, he’d shrugged and sighed and allowed it to happen.

The sooner he listened to Jack, the sooner he heard him out, the sooner he could go back to forgetting that Jack existed, he hoped. The sooner he could go back to Judah. Judah, who Will was very aware that he had been ignoring. Judah, who had barely been able to hide his hurt when he’d jumped Will after the church get-together.

Which had been hot, no question about it. When Will had met Judah, he had seemed perfectly proper, not the sort of person that it was possible to even consider being interested in sex. He had opened up so much, and Will wanted, more than anything, to keep on teaching him. To match lust to lust, desire to desire.

All of which he could do when he’d dealt with this problem. So Will sat, his hands around a mug of steaming, fresh, black coffee, and sipped at it as he waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

Okay, so it seemed that one thing hadn’t changed. Jack was still never on time, for anything. That had driven Will insane back when he and Jack had been together, and he had to admit that he still didn’t love it.

This was ridiculous. What could Jack even say to him that would make it worth waiting for this? He was doing Jack a favor in even agreeing to this meeting, even showing up, and his time was being utterly disrespected. Had Jack even changed at all?

He had better things to do than sit around and drink coffee at 11 pm. Like could he perhaps put all of this behind him, take advantage of the fact that Stephen was over for another sleepover at Jesse’s house? Text Judah, see if he was awake, or maybe even call him. Just put this whole Jack issue behind him and move on to something that really mattered.

Yes. He would do just that. Judah might be asleep, but he might not, and Will was very much feeling the urge to have him over again. Or to go to his place, though he realized that he didn’t even have a clue where Judah lived. Probably not at the church, though. It didn’t matter. He had Judah’s number, he would call, and they would try to work something out.

So he released his grip on the coffee mug and rose to his feet, already fumbling his phone out of his pocket. Not worth it. Jack was not worth it, Will had done this as a favor to his ex, and because he thought he might owe it to Stephen, not for himself. And if Jack couldn’t even be respectful enough to show up …

“You don’t have to text me.” That voice had once been able to send delightful little shivers shimmying through his entire body, but those days, Will realized fully and truly then, were long gone. The annoyance that he had been feeling before didn’t fade in the slightest. “I’m right here.”

Will had risen to his feet already, and slowly, he turned around. For the first time in ten years, he laid eyes on the man who had once been everything to him, or so he had thought at the time. It had certainly been the longest relationship of his life, and the one that had meant the most to him.

But things changed. A lot could change in ten years, apparently, because the bright blue eyes that had once danced with mischief still did, but they didn’t make Will weak at the knees anymore. The arrogant assumption that the only person that Will could have been texting was Jack himself, that had once seemed almost charming to him. Now, it was just irritating.

It wasn’t confidence, no matter how it had seemed when Will was younger and more impressionable. If anything, it seemed quite the opposite to him, something frail and pathetic and shallow, nothing more than a flimsy wall up over some deep insecurity.

“Fine.” Will made his voice deliberately cold, keeping his gaze locked firmly on Jack’s. It seemed like they were going to have this out now, and it even occurred to Will that maybe the closure that he’d sought for so long before giving up on it could come now when he hadn’t expected it. That would be nice. Not required, not at this late stage, but nice. “Sit down, Jack.”

It was crucial that he keep control of this interview. That he remembered that he hadn’t sought it, hadn’t wanted it, and for all that he would doubtless try to make it seem otherwise, Jack had been the one who had asked for it.

Jack did sit, and he seemed meek enough, at least until he reached over and swiped Will’s coffee from him with a charming little grin. Once more, Will found it falling flat. It seemed impossible to him that he had once fallen for this act, that it had once made his stomach flutter and his knees weak.

With an impish smirk, Jack drank from the coffee, and Will arched an eyebrow at him and refused to be baited. The trick was to get this over with as soon as possible. So he just waited, knowing full well that he was supposed to be asking for Jack to tell him why he was here but refusing to play his game.

If Jack didn’t speak, Will would go. He wasn’t going to beg him for scraps, not anymore. For now, he just waited calmly, and he tried to fight down a sense of satisfaction when he felt Jack lower his gaze and heard the sigh, saw the shoulders slump.

“Do you have to be such a dick?” Jack asked, and Will shook his head. Did people change? From how Jack was acting, Will wasn’t going to bet on it. That was a blatant attempt to put him on edge, and it had once worked.

“If that’s all you came to say to me …” Will commented idly, then put his hands on the edge of the table and started to rise once more. He wasn’t here to be insulted. Jack winced and then reached out and grabbed Will’s wrist. For a moment, they stood there, frozen in place, until the bell which was set up over the door cheerfully chimed and a man who looked a little bit familiar to Will walked in.

Well, everyone in town looked a little bit familiar. And he had other things on his mind right now. Slowly, he pulled his wrist away and watched as Jack’s face crumpled. Was there just a hint of artifice to that? He couldn’t help but think so.

“No. I came to say I’m sorry.” His bright eyes, only slightly dimmed with his unshed tears, fixed pleadingly on Will’s face. “You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I just left you. I got freaked out. I’m sorry.”

Will sighed and shook his head.

“We could have done this over the phone, Jack. Why did you insist on this meeting?”

“I wanted to look into your eyes again,” Jack slowly spoke, as if it wasn’t exactly easy for him, and that actually made Will think that the other man was telling the truth. “And hear about Stephen. He’d be, what, twelve by now?”

“Fourteen,” Will corrected, amazed. How could Jack not know that? “He was four when you walked out, not two.”

“Right. Fourteen. I want to meet him again.” Jack’s hand was still wrapped around Will’s wrist. “Get to know him. I think a kid should have two parents, don’t you?”

“Ideally,” Will admitted because he did. He had been doing his best on his own, but no one had to tell him that he was a bit too overprotective because he was doing this alone. “But that doesn’t mean …”

“I’ve changed,” Jack interrupted, proving that, at least in one way, he hadn’t. Not at all. He had always seemed to assume that whatever he had to say was more important than what other people wanted to talk about. “I’m through rehab. I don’t drink anything stronger than coffee now. I could be good for him. For you.”

Will shook his head. This was a mistake, had been a mistake, coming here. Though now that he had seen Jack, he had to admit that what he felt was more pity now than anger.

“You need to stop that right now.” Despite the pity, Will kept his voice strong and firm. “If you came back thinking that you can get me back, don’t even bother.”

It wasn’t going to be kinder to let the other man think that there was a chance of anything happening. No matter how badly Will felt for the hard road that Jack had walked, he also knew that the man had done it to himself. And that, while it might be true that Jack could use someone in his life, that someone wasn’t going to be Will. Not ever again.

“I came back because it was the right thing to do,” Jack said simply, and Will nodded, but he still pulled his hand away. What could he say to that? He wasn’t even convinced that it was the best thing, not for him and Stephen, but he could respect the ethics involved if they were sincere.

Just a little bit, he hated himself for needing to question that. And even more, it saddened him, because once, he would have easily trusted this man with his life. He had trusted him enough to think of him as a potential co-parent.

“Okay,” Will finally said, and then he pulled away from Jack, away from the table, because there was really not any point, none at all that he could think of, to continuing this conversation further. “I need to think about this. I’ll call you. So no more texting or calling me, got it?”

Jack nodded, submissive enough to that, but Will was still frowning when he turned and walked away. On the surface of it, Will had all of the control here. After all, Jack didn’t know where he and Stephen lived, very deliberately so. And he had agreed not to call or text, so that meant Will should have the time that he needed to figure this out.

And it would take time. He still didn’t trust this man, and before he allowed Jack back into Stephen’s life, before he even thought about telling Stephen about any of this, he had to be at least moderately sure that Jack wouldn’t end up breaking Stephen’s heart.

It had been a long time ago, but Will could still remember the questions, the endless inquiries, about when Jack was coming back. He wouldn’t put himself through this again if he could help it, and he most definitely wouldn’t do that to his son.

So the answer should be no, right? He should send Jack away, send him a text right now telling him that he had thought about it, and this just wasn’t something he was willing to risk. Some of Jack’s comments had made him nervous, had made him wonder just what Jack was hoping to get out of this.

But then, Stephen had been so very devastated, and that ended up balancing the scales a little bit in Will’s mind. As he walked out of the cafe, his heart was heavy, so much that it actually seemed to weight his feet down.

He had always been proud of his ethical abilities, the way that he could tell right and wrong through his own moral compass, not through that of a religion. Now, he had no idea whatsoever how to deal with any of this.

It would be nice, for example, to have someone to talk to about this. Someone like Judah, for instance, but talking to his current whatever Judah was to him about his ex-boyfriend, surely that was not something that would generally be considered to be wise?

He would tell Judah about this, maybe, when he had made some sort of decision. Until then, he was on his own, and that was how it had pretty much always been, so he wasn’t sure why it was that it hurt so much to think about it that way.

Judah. Poor, confused Judah, who had to be thinking the worst right now. Or was Will overthinking this? He and Judah hadn’t solidified anything between them. They were just having fun, right? And Will knew that he wasn’t a barrel of laughs right now. Anyway, from what Stephen said, Judah was incredibly busy trying to get the Christmas play together.

No, there was really no need for him to get all egotistical. Judah probably wasn’t thinking about Will at all.