Chapter 5
Adalyn
“What the hell, Adalyn? Why did you treat him like he was dog shit stuck to the bottom of your shoe? That was really embarrassing. I have spent weeks telling him great things about you and trying to get you this job and you undid everything in 2.5 seconds by turning into the world’s biggest bitch.”
Finally relaxing my shoulders and back muscles now that we were out of the building, my body ached from the strain. I didn’t realize how badly I had tensed up during our little altercation.
Why did I react like that?
Hell, I knew why. But no sane person would understand, so why bother explaining? That smile. That smile made me shiver all the way to my toes. It made me simultaneously feel a mix of lust and hatred. Not that he’s ever done anything to cause me to hate him, but I’ve seen that smile before. The one that all the charming, egotistical assholes use to manipulate women.
His smile did seem somewhat genuine, but I knew better. I’m not an idiot. He may not have been pretending because he was being malicious, but it still wasn’t real. Most likely it was for Stacy’s benefit. If not for her, he never would have given me a second glance. If his fancy suit and expensive haircut were any indication, he most likely dated models or dimwitted socialites. So why waste my time with someone who was only being nice for someone else’s benefit? I didn’t accept charity from anyone, even when it came to friendships. I didn’t have many friends and there was a reason for that. I guarded myself closely.
“I’m sorry Stacy. I’m just in a mood and I was caught off guard. I didn’t know I was going to be meeting a potential future boss today. Not to mention one that is hot enough to melt the sun. You could have given me a heads up, you know. Look at me, I’m a mess. How the hell do you know him anyway? You’ve never mentioned him.”
“Since when does dressing to impress matter to you? You and I both know you would have done nothing different if you had known. If anything, you would have intentionally made yourself look ridiculous, you crazy bitch. And he is Carrie’s older brother, so I’ve known him as long as I’ve known her and he’s really not a bad guy. Even despite all of his money and success, he’s pretty down to earth.”
“Yeah, because a two-thousand-dollar suit is so down to earth. Maybe you just don’t see it because you’ve known him so long or something, but he’s no different than any other cocky prick.”
“You’re wrong, Adalyn,” Stacy snapped at me. I jerked my head back in surprise at the anger in her voice. “You shouldn’t make so many assumptions about people. I know you have a history with guys like that and I’m sure your opinion of Carrie might affect your view of him as well, but Ian is not like that. If you gave him half a chance you would see that.”
“You’re right, that was seriously shitty of me,” I sighed, my shoulders sinking as the guilt took over. “You know how I am; I push people away. I sabotage good opportunities. And honestly, he was just so fucking hot that I panicked.”
“Well, you should apologize. Carrie can be difficult to get along with, but Ian’s never met an enemy. Well, once, but he’s seriously the easiest guy to get along with and his employees love him.”
She knew what she was asking of me. Apologizing did not come easily for me, especially when it came to men. But Stacy was right. I had judged him before I got to know him and he was obviously important to her, so tonight I would have to suck it up and make the effort.
I’d always been this way - ruining any chance of happiness. It had gotten worse over the years. It wasn’t until I started therapy after the incident that I realized what I was doing and why. My therapist said I intentionally did the opposite of what others expected of me as a way of pushing them away so I didn’t have to face rejection.
If that’s not a slap in the face, I don’t know what is. I’ve got insecurities just like the next person, but I’m not so hard on myself that I just assume everyone is going to immediately dislike me. The more I thought about it though, the more it made sense. People are users. They take what they can from you until you have nothing left to give, then they move on. So I stopped wasting my time long ago and quit trying to please the people around me and started living for myself.
It only strengthened my determination to ruin my own chances at happiness when I found that I could truly relate to someone or see myself enjoying spending any amount of time with them. I would start intentionally saying things I knew would offend them, or would behave obnoxiously. Anything I could do to make them not want to be around me.
Very few had seen right through my efforts and made their way into my heart. Stacy was one of them. She saw right through my bullshit and called me on it constantly. Every time she did, it ended in a fight. We would scream at each other for about an hour and then curl up on the couch and watch a movie, eating ice cream, as if nothing had even happened. We were bat shit crazy like that. Fight hard, love hard. That was our motto since we met freshman year.
Pulling myself out of my daze, I looked at a very impatient Stacy staring at me like she was trying to set fire to my hair through telepathy.
“Ok fine, slut. Let’s go find me a dress. To make it up to you, I’ll even let you pick out my shoes and jewelry.”
Stacy squealed and slipped her arm through mine, linking us at the elbows. She returned my glare with a knowing smirk. She was in my personal space. I did not like to be touched, but she didn’t care. Making me uncomfortable was one of her favorite pastimes.
“Chop, chop clit breath. Bitches gotta get shit done.”