Chapter 11 – Jessica

I ran so fast up the stairs it was a miracle I didn’t drop anything or fell on my face. My cheeks felt warm—too warm—but considering the multitude of feelings I had coursing through my veins, I honestly wasn’t entirely sure what my reaction was about.

All I knew was that there was a part of me that felt embarrassed and almost ashamed of how uncharacteristically forward I had been to a man I knew I couldn’t have. Feeling like that made my heart pound and my eyes grow wet with unshed tears. However, there was also another part of me— one that was intrinsically connected to that new hunger Ben had woken inside of me—and it felt nothing but visceral anger at my mother for arriving before I had a chance to see where my time with Ben would lead.

Torn and desperate for some alone time to collect my thoughts, I quickly crossed the hall toward my room. Once inside, I shut and locked the door behind me.

With my eyes closed, I pressed my back against the door and slid down until my butt hit the floor. After tossing the books and papers I was holding aside, I folded my arms across my chest and rested my head against the wood.

I pulled one, two, three lungsful of air, but they did nothing to remove the mess inside my head. If anything, they did the opposite. The darkness and the soft pressure of my own touch made me remember the warmth of Ben’s hand as it grazed my leg and how his muscles felt underneath his charcoal suit as I touched his arm. From there, my mind wandered to the intensity of his gaze and the melodic sound of his laugh.

My heart continued to pound a frantic tattoo against my ribs as I replayed every second and every detail of our time together. I remembered the spicy scent of his cologne, the sexy tone of his voice and, above all, the way the air seemed to grow heavier and hotter in his presence. For weeks, I had wondered if the attraction I felt for him was one sided and now that I knew it wasn’t, my mind ran wild with the possibilities of what might have happened if my mother hadn’t arrived when she did.

With my eyes still shut, I imagined Ben slowly reaching his face forward and touching his lips to mine. My lips parted as I wondered what his mouth would taste like and how rough his tongue would feel against mine. I pictured his hand grabbing my hair and pulling me closer as we kissed, and as a result, my breaths quickened with need and desire.

Suddenly, the arms wrapped around my chest were no longer my own. They were his and they dug into my flesh with the same urgency I felt deep in my belly. Those hands started to move up my arm and across my chest. Fingers slid the spaghetti straps off my shoulders until my breasts were completely exposed and then proceeded to tease and pleasure my nipples.

Moans passed through my open mouth as my need for more and for him intensified. Moisture pooled between my thighs and though I pressed my legs together, I found no relief to the throbbing in my pussy. Despite my lack of experience, I knew that there were only two ways that ache would stop. The first was by being well fucked by my daddy, the second was to take matters literally into my own hands.

Since the first option wasn’t available at the moment, I went with option number two.

I slid my hands from my breasts, past my stomach, and onto my hips. I hooked my thumbs at the elastic of my shorts and pulled the garment down my legs along with my lace panties until I was seating naked on the ground. Parting my legs, I ran my hands—which in my mind, were still Ben’s hands—up and around the soft skin of my thighs until they reached my center.

A shiver went down my spine as the tips of my fingers touched my wet folds. A pleasurable Oh, formed on my lips as my thumb found its way to my clit and started massaging that magical little nub. The world fell away as my body was taken by the sparkling prelude of the fireworks to come and my fantasy expanded to include Ben’s dick touching me where no other man had ever gone before, and filling me in the way I desperately needed to be filled.

Needing to feel something more, something that would connect my body to the image in my head, I pushed a finger inside my opening as I continued to circle my thumb around and around my clit. The pressure against my walls was divine, so I pulled my finger out and pushed it inside of me again. Completely taken by the novel and delicious feeling, I kept pleasuring myself like that until the build up inside my belly became almost unbearable. Then, once the fantasy became too real and the pleasure became too much, I gave in and whispered Ben’s name over and over as I lost myself in a much-needed, toe curling orgasm.

Once the explosion inside of me finally subsided, I pulled my finger completely out and sighed with delight as the world finally came back into focus. The ringing of my cell phone was the first thing I acknowledged.

Still feeling sluggish, I opened my eyes and reached for the device that was discarded beside me along with my books and papers. Without looking at the screen, I slid my finger toward the green button and answered the call.

“Jess? Did I wake you, baby?” a serious and familiar voice asked in my ear, snapping me right out of my post orgasmic bliss.

I closed my legs and cleared my throat. “Trey?” I asked, pulling the device away from my ear to see if I was imagining things. Unfortunately, I wasn’t.

“Yeah,” he said as if it was evident.

With a sigh, I said, “First of all, I’m not your baby anymore. We broke up six weeks ago. Secondly, it’s almost midnight on a weekday. I have classes tomorrow.”

“I know,” Trey said in a tone that was a long departure from his usual cocky tone. “But I just got back in town, and I had to call you. I’ve missed you.”

Honestly, I had no idea what to say. Saying that I hadn’t missed him one bit since we broke up felt nasty and mean, but at the same time, lying felt just as wrong. We had dated for a long time and, in my own way, I still cared for him.

For that reason, I tried to let him down easy and used my sweetest voice to say, “As much as I’d love to see you too, I’ve been really busy with school. It’s my last year before med school and I can’t afford any distractions.”

He sighed, but in true Trey fashion, pushed his luck. “C’mon, Jess. I’m sure you can squeeze some time for dinner or at least drinks.”

I took a deep breath and opened my mouth, ready to turn him down in a more obvious way. But then, I looked at my mostly naked self, and the absurdity of my current situation hit me like a sack of bricks. I had just masturbated on the floor while fantasizing about a man who was twice my age, a self-proclaimed player and married to my mother. Despite the little stupid voice in my head saying that theirs was a marriage of convenience, I knew that this was all kinds of wrong and unhealthy.

That realization made my body cold with fear. My tuition, as well as my mother’s and Ben’s future, depended on this deal they had and I couldn’t risk jeopardizing it because I was careless and horny. No, I had to find a way to keep my mind—and body parts—away from Ben Walker and, maybe, Trey was that way.

“Okay,” I said with a sigh. “I guess I can squeeze some time tomorrow night for dinner. But just so we’re clear, it’s not a date.”

One of Trey’s throaty laughs echoed in my ear, and I couldn’t help but smile at it. We talked for another five minutes, mostly about where he would take me and what time we would meet, then, once we hung up, I put my clothes back on and dragged my ass to the bathroom to clean up before bed.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror and did my best to convince myself that this plan would work. That Trey would be a great Ben substitute and that going out with him was my way of getting things back to the way they should be. However, as I finally lay down on my bed and closed my eyes, Ben returned to my mind.

Realizing that my step-daddy was here to stay, I flipped onto my stomach and groaned at how royally screwed I was to want the one man I knew I couldn’t have.