Chapter 9

I was worried after Atik’s promise that he couldn’t leave me alone. But in the days that followed our kiss, I ended up worrying more that I didn’t see him, no matter where I went around the Kamani compound. I told myself that I wasn’t looking for him—that it didn’t matter whether I saw him or not—even though a part of me was very aware that I did have a desire to see him again. And of course, it was far beyond me to ask anybody who might know where he might be, so I did my best to get on with the chores that I had always done.

Maggie accepted my presence back by her side without a word, though I could tell she still had things she wanted to say. For now, though, it seemed that she would leave those things be—perhaps until I asked for her advice, or until a little more time had passed.

But while the matter of my love life was up in the air, for the time being, everybody was still fixated on what needed to be done about the women still being held captive back at the Ak-hal base. Nobody had forgotten them, or that every minute counted where their lives were concerned. In fact, when I thought of them, I felt ashamed that I had been so fixated on my personal life when their lives were at stake. Had I really become so selfish?

And yet, I still worried about what could possibly be done to free them. Everything that Kypher had said had led me to believe that the Ak-hal had some sort of trap laying in wait for the Kamani if they came after the women at their base, and yet, it wasn’t as if they could just do nothing, especially when there were executions planned for those women who had admitted to being Kamani mates. I trembled as I thought about Jessica, so radiant and kind, and so undeserving of the treatment that she was certainly receiving right now… that was, if she was even still alive…

I banished the thought from my mind. She had to be alive. Ak-hal executions were grand displays full of pomp and ceremony, and it took time to plan them. Because of me, the last one had been disrupted, so surely it would be at least a little while before the next.

“What’s on your mind now, Clara?”

I practically jumped out of my skin, having been caught in the middle of all these thoughts. Maggie looked at me intently, and I realized that I had drifted off in the middle of cooking beside her.

“Oh.” I looked over, supposing I might as well tell her. “Well… it’s about the women who were captured. I’m just so worried about them. And I guess I feel a bit guilty. That I got away and they didn’t.”

“It doesn’t do you any good to feel guilty,” she said. “Though I know what you’re going through.” She smiled wistfully, and I wondered then what it must have been like for her in those years after she escaped the Ak-hal, knowing that I—and others like me—was still imprisoned among them.

“I suppose I just wonder… did I deserve freedom?”

“That’s the most foolish thing I’ve ever heard, Clara.”

“What? Why?”

“Just think back to all the things you’ve done. You stayed strong for all the years that you were held captive. You kept your own mind when you could have lost it. You helped Shay escape by giving her a weapon to use against her captor. And Atik has already told everybody about what you did for him when he was going to be executed. You stood up against an army of Ak-hal to save someone who didn’t deserve to be killed. If there is anybody who deserves freedom, Clara, it’s you.”

I was shaken by what Maggie said. I had never realized that anybody could think about me that way, with so much respect—especially someone like her, who I respected so much in turn.

“And don’t think that Atik doesn’t know all these things about you,” she added quickly, “and that he doesn’t feel the same way because of them.”

Now I was caught off guard.

“Atik?”

“He’s been talking to people. Wanting to know as much as he can about you, since you’re still too shy to spend much time with him yourself. And you can be sure that Shay gave him an earful when he asked her for stories.”

Feeling the heat rising to my face, I wondered just what Shay had told him about me. After all, there were plenty of things she could have said, given our history together. I decided not to think too much about it, otherwise I might actually faint on the spot. It would be a very bad time for me to suddenly revert back into a Victorian lady after having run from that life so very long ago.

I supposed that explained why I hadn’t seen him though. He hadn’t forgotten about me. He had just decided to go about getting to know me in other ways—more subtle ways than I would have expected of a Barbearian. Then again, they had learned at least a little bit of tact in the time since us humans had come to live among them, so perhaps I shouldn’t have been surprised. Still, it did take me aback to know just how much I was on his mind—as much as he was on my mind, it seemed.

One way or another, I would have to confront him again, and soon. For now, though, I did want to know more about the Kamani’s plans regarding the women who were trapped with the Ak-hal, and I decided that my first priority was scouting out Shay, who might know a bit more about that.

She was a busy woman, and finding her wasn’t the easiest task. When I finally did locate her, she was with Khofti and several other Kamani, and it looked like I had walked right into discussions of what to do about the women who were still being held among the Ak-hal. It made me a little apprehensive when I stepped in and suddenly all eyes were on me, especially given my recent history with them. But I steeled myself and tried to remember that I wanted what was best for the women, for the Kamani, for everyone involved, and that was why I had come to find Shay—that was why I was here.

“I’m so glad to see you.” Shay stood up immediately and crossed the short space between us, gripping my hands between her own and smiling brightly. “Are you okay? How are you doing?”

I shook my head. That was the last thing I wanted to talk about right now, and seeming to pick up on this, she gave me a slight nod before leading me over to a space on the floor so that we could sit together for this meeting of minds with the Kamani who had gotten together to discuss… well, whatever it was that was being discussed.

“We need to act quickly,” said an older Kamani I recognized as Toki, seeming to pick up where he had left off before I entered. “We don’t want anything to happen to the women, and the more time we waste the more things we leave to chance.”

“But we know that the Ak-hal have something planned,” said Khofti, who sat on the other side of Shay. “And we wouldn’t just be putting ourselves in danger, but the women as well. This is something we cannot do.”

There was a murmur among the Kamani as they all discussed this point. Glancing over at Shay, I saw that she seemed deep in thought about something. I wondered what she was thinking. She probably felt driven to come up with a solution. For a fact, this was a complicated matter, and the Kamani weren’t a complicated people. As the ‘savior’ of the women in the past, it no doubt felt like she had to do something now. I knew that I felt it too, having been the one to escape when all the others were still being held captive back at the Ak-hal base, and the one to hear that they might have some plans at work.

“There is no use for it. We will go, and face whatever danger waits for us,” said Toki. Again, there was a murmur among the Kamani, but it was a murmur of assent. I felt my heart jump up into my chest. Would they really do this? Even if it meant putting so many lives in danger?

“Wait…”

They all turned to look at me. I hadn’t really prepared anything to say, and I froze the moment I drew their attention. Feeling a blush come over my cheeks, I bit my lip. Fortunately, Shay did seem to have something to say, and spoke in my place.

“I still think you should wait just a little while longer,” she said. “Just a couple of days. Some of the women who were with the Ak-hal for some time think that they won’t perform the executions for a while yet. Isn’t that right, Clara?”

I managed to nod, despite feeling a bit foolish with their eyes on me.

“So,” Shay continued, “take a little more time, just to be careful, and figure out a plan that can keep everyone safe. The women and you.”

It took a bit more convincing on Shay’s part, but they finally seemed to agree to this. I felt a great sense of relief when they did… but I didn’t know why until Shay cornered me afterward.

“Hey,” she said. “Clara. I need to tell you something. Khofti let me know… Atik plans to go back to the Ak-hal base with the others, to rescue the women. It makes sense. He’s been there before. He can lead the group right to them. And I know you say you aren’t sure about things with him, but—”

“What?” Suddenly, my head felt like it was spinning. Like I would drop right down to the ground. Atik was going back there, when they almost executed him? “Ah… Shay. Do you know where he is right now?”

“Yeah, I do.”

And with that, all my reservations were gone. I just wanted to see him—to speak to him. I didn’t know what I would say, and it didn’t even matter. All that mattered in my world was him, and making sure he knew…

He knew what? The words had popped into my head, but I had stopped them before I could finish the thought. I still wasn’t ready for that. But still, I wanted to see him, now, and so I followed Shay’s directions across the Kamani compound with a single-minded focus, Atik on my mind. I could still feel his lips on mine, as if the kiss had only happened moments ago. I could still feel my heart beating in my breast. I could still feel his heart beating underneath my fingertips as I touched his muscled chest. And as I drew nearer, and nearer, the pull of him like a magnet, it became more and more obvious to me that our meeting had been fate and I became less and less afraid of what that meant in the grand scheme of things.