Chapter 11

When I woke beside Atik, my mind was clear. I knew what I had to do. Though the thought terrified me, it was obvious to me that the only possible action I could take was to go to the Ak-hal base myself and do what I could to rescue the women. After all, I had been there. I knew how to find the base, and how to navigate it. Perhaps I would be taking on an impossible task, but I would be taking on that task for the Kamani that I loved. And as I looked over him, tracing his face with my eyes as he slept beside me, my resolve was firm in my mind. There was nothing that I wouldn’t do for him, even if it meant returning and possibly confronting Kypher as I attempted to do the impossible.

I didn’t even know if I would or could make it there, but I had to try. I had to do something if it meant protecting Atik, saving the women. I had been Clara the weak, Clara the doll, for so long that I needed to finally stand and take charge. With a sigh, I sat up beside Atik. He was my true mate—the one I had been fated to be with. And now, I was leaving him, potentially forever.

“How am I supposed to do this?” I murmured to myself, unable to believe that I was even thinking about going out into the ice and finding the Ak-hal base on my own. But I had to try. Wishing more than anything that I could simply sit back and enjoy my time with Atik, I remorsefully pulled away from him, finding my clothes and dressing before slipping out of his room and into the cool air.

It was night, and only a few Kamani stirred. Nobody paid too much attention to me as I made my way down around the compound and to my own rooms, which was a small blessing. If anybody had stopped to speak to me, then I probably would have changed my mind immediately… my thoughts were that uneasy in those long minutes as I walked along the lengthy trails.

I continued to think about what it was that I was doing as I gathered the things that I would need to travel across the ice, doing my best to quell the idea that this was ridiculous… impossible. After all, this was an act of love, and it was love that would propel me forward. I found a pack and filled it with a few necessities. And then I set out in the darkness, hoping against hope that I would—could—somehow make it despite the odds.

The first thing that struck me was the cold. Though I had become used to the icy wilderness in all my time spent on this barren planet, being alone the way that I was now, it was somehow more obvious to me than ever before, just how wild and untamed the frozen tundra beneath my feet was. This wasn’t a place made for fragile humans like myself, and not for the first time, I wondered just how Maggie had made it on her own when she escaped the Ak-hal all those long years before. But now I somehow expected to make it all the way to the Ak-hal base on my own… was I really that foolish? Or was it just that I was really that much in love?

Perhaps, it was a little bit of both, I mused as I set out into the blazing snow that beat against me as I pushed forward out into the darkness. It was, after all, only the thought of ensuring that Atik didn’t go with the others into some Ak-hal trap that moved my feet forward as I walked alone out into the snowy wilds, trying to think of what I would do if and when I actually got there. I hadn’t even thought that far ahead… just making it would be difficult enough, but the idea of actually trying to free the women who had been captured was something else altogether.

This was absolute madness, but it was one I had to risk for my own peace of mind. My feet soon grew numb, even through my thick, furred boots as I moved as quick as I could through the snow. Even the tip of my nose seemed to grow frostbitten by the minute. The only sound was the wind whirling around me and the steady crunch of the ice beneath as I pressed forward, eyes fixed forward. Seconds turned to minutes, and soon I had been striding forward for more than an hour into the darkness and the cold of this ice planet. My home with the Kamani was nothing more than dotted lights on the horizon line behind me.

Remembering vaguely the direction in which the Ak-hal base had been, I made sure to never stray from that path, even as terrified as I was to possibly see Kypher again. Years and years spent with him suddenly swirled in my mind, no matter how much I tried to push them away. Thankfully, I had my night with Atik to think about instead, and as soon as I brought those images into my head, it was remarkably easy to picture his face, his body, his beautiful eyes and actually feel a moment of happiness instead of misery, as scared as I was to be headed to the home of the Ak-hal.

In fact, I almost thought that I could hear his voice calling out to me over the icy plains as I marched across them. In fact, I could hear his voice calling out to me.

Clara. What are you doing? Clara!

What? Why? I stopped where I stood, turning every which way, and then I saw him, a silver-furred bear, sleek form running over the ice and snow as he came to me quick as anything. My heart hammered in my chest. This wasn’t what I had wanted. I had hoped that I could get away before I was found out—before he could see that I had gone. But here he was now, coming to me. He would stop me from carrying out my plan, and the brief hopes that I’d had that somehow, I could keep him from getting hurt were already dashed.

“Atik!” I bit my lip, grasping onto the front of my jumpsuit as he came to a stop in front of me, the golden crescents of his eyes saying everything that his voice didn’t have to. He was confused, worried, and more than anything, angry that I possibly did something that could get me hurt—the same way that I was angry about the fact that he would do something that could get him hurt. I knew that feeling all too well, brief though our time together may have been.

The shape of his body changed in the pale light. I watched as always, mesmerized by the process, taking in the way his muscles morphed and the strange sounds as bear became man. Then finally, he stood there, the man that I loved, that only hours before I had been lying next to, and already I felt guilt lay heavy in my heart.

“What is the meaning of this?” he asked, reaching out to me, clutching my arm with his hand.

“I… I thought…” Stumbling over my words, I tried to figure out exactly how to explain. “That is…” I sighed. “Atik.” Reaching out to him, I tried to convey everything going through my mind, but he simply looked at me in slight confusion, and I remembered that he was Kamani. Complexities like these were lost on him. He lived life in simpler terms. Sometimes, I wished that things could be that easy for me in the way that I thought—the way that I felt.

But no, I had to be burdened with more difficult feelings. That was the essential difference between human and Kamani, and one of the reasons that I loved his people so much… one of the reasons that I already loved him so much. Looking at him right then, I could tell that he thought that my running away meant that I had been running away from him, though, so I knew that the first thing I needed to do was be sure that he knew this wasn’t the case.

“I love you,” I said. “I love you so much.” Closing my eyes, I dropped my head against his chest with a sigh. “Please just go back home and let me go. I’m begging you.”

“I don’t understand,” he said. Of course he wouldn’t, though. Why would he? There was no way that he could possibly see why I was doing this. There was no way that he could see why I would possibly sacrifice myself for the sake of saving him, especially when there was next to no chance that I could actually stand up against the Ak-hal in their own stronghold.

“Atik, I need to try to save the women on my own,” I finally admitted. “I need to go myself. Without you. I know the Ak-hal have some plan to hurt you and the other Kamani, and if there’s some way I can stop them…”

“There is no way that you can stop them. You are only a human,” he said simply, as if this was the most reasonable thing in the world. It was a very blunt statement, and I cringed. It was true of course, and I knew that it was true, but still…

“There has to be something I can do to stop them,” I said. “Something I can do to keep you safe.”

“I am the one who is supposed to keep you safe,” he said. “You are my mate.” Taking me by the shoulders, he stared deep into my eyes. Again, as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. It sent chills through me, and I don’t know how I didn’t let him take me back home right then and there. It was only for the fact that I had such a deep and abiding desire to be certain that nothing happened to him and the others that I could stand my ground.

“I can’t…” Choking on my words, I trailed off with a sigh, shaking my head until I could work out exactly what it was that I wanted to say while he gave me that slightly confused look. “I can’t risk losing you. Not after all this time. Not after I just found you.”

“I will not let the Ak-hal defeat me,” he said, his voice brimming with confidence—confidence that I wished I possessed. Again, I wished that things worked the way they did in the world of the Kamani, but I knew too well that they didn’t. I knew that there was a very real possibility that this thing that we had just found would be too soon ended, all because of what they had planned.

Oh, my proud warrior—my bold Kamani—I was so frustrated with him at that moment that I could have screamed. Couldn’t he see that I was doing this for him? I had risked my life before to save him. Why wouldn’t he let me do it again? I was ready and willing. It didn’t matter to me whether I lived or died. He was everything and I was nothing.

“Just let me go,” I said, my voice barely more than a whisper now. “I don’t know what I can do, but I have to try. I have to try to save the women, but I don’t want you to get hurt, Atik.”

And yet when I spoke, he pulled me close to him, wrapping his arms around my body. I could feel his warmth even through my jumpsuit, protecting me against the icy winds that whipped around me. We stood for a long moment, neither of us saying anything.

Finally, Atik leaned down and kissed the top of my head. “Clara. Wherever we go, we go together,” he said. “Because we are mates. If you will try to save them, then you will go, but I go with you.”

Again, this wasn’t what I had planned… it was far from what I had planned. But I knew that there was no way that Atik would back down now. He had followed me out into the ice and snow, and he held on to me as if his own life depended on it. I could tell that we were in this together now, and that if I still intended to go after the women at the Ak-hal base, then I had no choice but to go with him.

After several long seconds, and a long while thinking about whether or not this was the right thing to do, I finally nodded. He was right. We were in this together now, and I still knew that we had to do something about the women who were being held by the Ak-hal. Time was of the essence, and every moment that they were held was another moment that they were in danger. I also knew that this might be the only way to avoid a potential trap that the Ak-hal might have set up for the Kamani if they came in larger numbers.

“This might be a huge mistake,” I said. “Atik…”

“It is what I said. We do this together.” Then he kissed me, giving me some comfort despite the worry that rested in my heart. After a final embrace, he pulled away.

I watched his form as it changed in the pale light that drifted down from the sky. The power and the beauty of it was truly something to behold, and Atik’s bear form was just as incredible as his human form. I couldn’t pull my eyes away as muscle and sinew extended, as fur extended over his body and he grew in size, becoming massive, rising up and up over me before finally dropping down to the ground before me on all fours. I had seen many Kamani transform before but I thought to myself that I had never seen a shift that was quite as incredible as Atik’s. His raw power manifested in the creature that now stood before me.

Despite the dangers that faced us, I felt safe. I felt protected against all odds as I stepped up to him, reaching out to place my hand on the sturdy musculature of his shoulder.

I will keep you safe, Clara.

And, “I know,” I responded, without even having to think. That wasn’t what worried me. What frightened me more was the afterthought of, at what cost? But right now, I had to put those thoughts aside. It was the two of us now, together in this fight. Taking hold, I pulled myself up and astride his back, aware… how couldn’t I be aware… of the strength that coursed through him. Even more amazing to me though was that I knew as strong as he was, this strength would never—could never—be turned against me. It was the thing that made him different than Kypher, and the thing that ultimately made me realize that perhaps it was all right to let myself fall in love with this man.

And then we moved together across the snow, as if we were one body and one soul united. We were turned toward one goal, and we would work together to conquer any challenges that might face us. Though I was still only human, I felt suddenly stronger than I ever had—in my life back on Earth, in my time with the Ak-hal, and even in the time that I had spent healing among the Kamani. Right now, Atik lent me his great strength and I could tell that I could do things that I had never thought possible before.

Maybe, just maybe, we could actually find a way to help those women. Against all odds, it seemed that there might be a way to make it happen, simply because the two of us were together in this.

But still… “Promise me you’ll be safe,” I found myself telling him as we moved over the ice.

I cannot promise that.

“You have to.”

It is more important that you are safe.

And even though his voice was entirely inside my head, a certain tone to it struck me as unusual. Was it annoyance? I had never heard a Kamani be annoyed before. I thought it wasn’t even in their nature. They were too peaceful for that. It struck me then that though I may be mated with him, I still had a lot to learn about the Kamani that I had fallen in love with.

I hoped that we had many, many years ahead of us to learn all kinds of things about each other. Despite everything, the thought of that long future brought a smile to my face as we continued across the frozen plains.

“I’ll be okay as long as I’m with you, Atik.”

Yes. You will, he said with full confidence. And somehow, I felt like I could believe him. His assurance was a balm that healed all the years of hurt that I had been through. Somewhere in my distant past, someone had told me that love was the best medicine, and it had seemed like a silly old proverb—the sort of thing that old ladies told their grandchildren—but now I really and truly believed it.

Thanks to Atik, I was healing.

“Just… please. Be safe. No matter what happens,” I urged him again. “I only just found you. I couldn’t stand to lose you.” Only this time he didn’t respond, and I didn’t say anything else as we continued forward on our path toward the Ak-hal, set in our mission. We had everything to lose and we both knew it, but we also knew that this might be the only way to help the others without bringing down something horrible on the Kamani.

We had to take this chance. We had to take a chance on love. On our love—the love of the human women and their mates. We had to do something that nobody else was prepared to do.

We had to fight.