Chapter Fifteen

Make It Right

Sitting on the steps outside Melissa’s house, I drop my head into my hands and release an agonizing sigh. I should fucking leave, give her space and go to work but I can’t. All I can do is sit here like some fucking schlep, hoping she opens the door and gives me a chance to explain.

Not that any explanation will help matters much.

There is no righteous reason for my actions and now, I must suffer the consequences.

The door opens behind me and instantly I pull my hands away from my face and rise to my feet. Hopefully expecting Melissa, I turn around and lock eyes with Bea. With a forlorn expression on her face, she starts for me. My eyes drift towards the door, willing it to open one more time. Of course, it doesn’t and Bea pauses in front of me, laying a hand on my shoulder.

“I never thought I’d see you again,” she starts. “I thought about calling you when he passed but so much time had passed since he had mentioned you, I wasn’t sure it would be appropriate.”

Looking away, I think about her statement and wonder if I would’ve even answered the call, knowing very well I’m the reason behind the severed friendship.

“How did you find Melissa?”

“I wasn’t looking for her,” I grind out, lifting my eyes to hers.

“I don’t know what you think—”

“I don’t know what to think, Jimmy and I gather Melissa doesn’t either.”

“Fair enough,” I mutter, shoving my hands into my pockets. “Melissa is my daughter’s guidance counselor, Bea. That’s how I met her. It was not some fucking sick plan, it was chance.”

Scrutinizing me, she raises one perfectly manicured eyebrow as if to call bullshit. Anger rolls through me and I decide I’ve had enough. I owe only one woman an explanation and she’s too busy damning me to Hell to hear me out.

“She told me about you,” Bea reveals, causing me to slice my eyes back to her. The wary expression has been replaced by a somber one. “She didn’t name you specifically, but she told me she was dating someone,” she says before pausing for a moment. 

“Melissa loved my son very much, Jimmy. She was devastated by his death. You have to put yourself in our shoes”

“You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know,” I grind out, balling my fists at my sides. I’m very well aware Melissa loved Chris and I’ve been nothing more than respectful towards her love for him, but there is only so much a man can take before he snaps. And what the fuck is this our bullshit. As far as I’m concerned, the only one who gets to call foul play here is Melissa.

“Look, Bea, I’m sorry you lost your son, truly I am but I’ve got to get something off my chest too. I’ve been a fireman for seventeen years, seventeen years. Do you know how many people I have saved in that time?”

She doesn’t reply, and I watch as her eyebrows knit together with confusion.

“Neither do I,” I continue. “After the first year, I lost count. I don’t remember every face, nor do I remember every name and you know why? Because it was my duty to save their lives. It wasn’t an act of kindness or a product of some divine intervention. Yeah, I save lives, but I’m paid to do it, Bea. I’m not some glorified hero, I’m a guy who couldn’t make ends meet hanging sheetrock and decided to take every city test imaginable. There were no aspirations to become a fireman, it wasn’t a dream I had since I was in diapers. The FDNY called and I answered. It was luck.”

“But—”

“Your son got lucky too,” I interrupt. “But that’s where it ends. Sure, I appreciated his gratitude and yours as well, but, he was just a man in an elevator that called for help. I didn’t keep in touch with him and yeah, I felt bad for a while but that’s life. Now, I had no idea Melissa was his fiancée when I met her. Did I learn early on? Yeah. Should I have told her? Yeah, but I can’t change any of that. Just like I can’t go back seventeen years and save a fleet of people.”

“Jimmy, I—”

“I love her, Bea,” I say, cutting her off again. “I fucking love her and I lied because she’s still in love with your son. A man can fight a lot of things, but he can’t battle with a ghost.”

Her lips tighten into a thin line and her knuckles turn white as she grabs onto the banister. I’m sure she’s got a few choice words for me, but I don’t care to hear them. With another glance towards the closed door, I start to make my way down the steps. As I reach my car, Bea calls out to me and my hand pauses on the handle.

“Wait!”

Glancing over my shoulder, I watch her hurry down the stairs and mutter a curse. Bea pauses in the middle of the walkway and crosses her arms under her chest.

“She loves you too,” she murmurs. “You know how I know that?”

My curiosity wants to know but my pride won’t let me entertain the question and so, I keep my eyes pinned towards the door and act as if I’m not hanging on her every word.

“When I pulled up and saw her with you, my heart stopped for a minute because Melissa looked at you just the way she looked at Chris like you were everything to her. He’ll always be my son and there won’t be a day that goes by, that I won’t think of him, but that girl deserves a bit of luck herself. She deserves to be happy and to be loved. You might not want the title of hero, Jimmy, but you earned it. You saved my son, and you saved the woman he loved more than life itself, you saved her from a broken heart.”

Biting the inside of my cheek, I process her words and force myself to look at her.

“I can’t speak for Melissa or tell you how she’s feeling right now. I know she’s hurt, and she feels betrayed, but I can speak for my son. Chris would want her to be happy. He’d want his son to have a good man in his life, someone he could look up to. Make it right, Jimmy. Find a way and make it right.”

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I nod.

“And stop kidding yourself,” she adds, brushing away a fallen tear. “It’s not always about luck. Sometimes, it’s just fate.”

The pessimist in me wants to tell her there is no such thing, but what if she’s right? Do things like this really happen? Does a man save another man only for him to die? Does he really meet his fiancée by chance and fall head over heels in love with her?

I don’t know.

All I know is that Bea is right about one thing.

I gotta make it right.