Chapter Twenty

Prayers and Apologies

After seeing the news and not knowing if Jimmy was affected by the fire, I lost it. There was no masquerading behind a fake smile for the sake of my son, I couldn’t control the fear consuming me and all I kept thinking was that if it was him if he was one of the men trapped, I wasted the last ten days being angry with the man I loved.

That old saying, never go to bed mad—I get it now.

If anyone knows that life is too short, it's me. One minute you're standing in a church ready to take another mans name, the next you're identifying his body and picking out a casket. One minute you're staring at your sister wondering what she’s up to, the next you're staring at a television, fearing the last piece of your heart is burning to death.

Without giving it much thought, I listened to my heart and told Amber to stay with Christopher. The fire was by the Barnes and Noble on Richmond Ave and it took me twenty-five minutes to get there because this godforsaken island is as congested as fuck. Arriving at the scene, I realized I didn’t think this through very much. For three blocks, Richmond Ave was completely shut down by a sea of firetrucks. There had to be at least two-hundred firemen swarming the streets and the odds of me finding Jimmy were slim to none. Still, if I was there, I might be able to find out if he was one of the three trapped.

I abandoned my car at a red light and ran towards the burning houses. Barging through the crowd of civilians and reporters, I got as close as physically possible before a policeman pushed me back from the caution tape and told me it wasn’t safe.

That’s when I looked at the burning buildings and begged the cop to tell me if they were able to get the three men out of the houses. Before he could answer, I heard some order for everyone to get back, that the houses were going to blow.

A series of tiny explosions sounded and sure enough, the houses started to go down. It was too hard to watch, and I turned away. As the houses hit the ground, my eyes found Jimmy’s and my heart stopped beating inside my chest.

Covered in black soot, he was hunched over with an oxygen mask on his face. At that moment, no lie, cop, or caution tape could keep me from him. I pushed the cop out of my way and ducked under the yellow tape standing between me and Jimmy. I shouted for him and watched him tear his mask from his face. Our eyes connected, and I held his stare as I made my way towards him.

Then, like the burning houses, Jimmy collapsed.

His eyes closed, and he fell to the ground just before I could reach him.

Thankfully, Gary was next to him and when the police tried to pull me away from Jimmy, he ordered for them to take their hands off me. Two paramedics ushered Jimmy onto a stretcher and Gary told them I was his girlfriend. As a result, they let me ride in the ambulance with Jimmy.

Everything happened so fast, I couldn’t keep track and most of it I tried to block out. Like when they said he was in cardiac arrest and started to do compressions on his chest. All I could do was cry and pray.

Prayers and apologies.

They sometimes go hand in hand.

When we arrived at the hospital, Jimmy was hurried into the emergency room and I wasn’t allowed to kiss him goodbye or tell him I forgive. I was escorted to the waiting room and asked if I was his next of kin. I didn’t know if Lisa was still his emergency contact or if he had named someone else. I just knew I wasn’t it. I was the girl that let him go and now I might never get a chance to tell him how much I love him or how much I want us to start over.

Twenty minutes later, Gary and Frankie arrived and straightened out the hospital situation. I learned Frankie was listed as his emergency contact and Gary called Lisa to tell her what was going on. I remembered Gabby was a night school, and she said she would pick her up and take her back to her house.

Another hour passed, and I used Frankie’s phone to call Amber. The moment she answered the phone I began to sob uncontrollably.

“Melissa, shit, please calm down,” she pleaded. “Is he okay?”

“It wasn’t him,” I hiccup. “He wasn’t trapped. I saw him. Oh my God, Amber. He had a heart attack. The doctor says, he inhaled too much smoke and because he couldn’t breathe, there was too much stress to his heart. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I can’t lose him. I can’t go through that again.”

“Listen to me, Melissa, there is something I have to tell you.”

Sniffling, I pause at the tone of her voice and wait for her to explain whatever it is she feels the need to share.

“I went to the firehouse this morning,” she reveals. “I started yelling at him and well, it got ugly for a minute before he shut me up. He was supposed to go to your school today. He wanted to make it right between you. Melissa, are you listening to me? Jimmy loves you.”

“I know that,” I hiss, wiping away at my tears.

As sure as I am that life is too short, I’m also sure Jimmy loves me. The more I thought about it over the last few days, the more I realized the way he looked at me couldn’t be a lie. Every touch and tender moment, they were all true and the devastation in his eyes when Bea showed up, that couldn’t be fake. Jimmy Casale loves me.

“But he doesn’t know I love him too,” I murmur.

Amber doesn’t get a chance to reply as the phone falls from my hands and the doctor appears. He glances at me briefly before making his way towards Gary and Frankie and with a neutral expression, he delivers Jimmy’s fate.

Apologies.

His for lying.

Mine for never expressing my love.

Prayers.

His and mine.

Oh, dear God, give us one more chance.

One final chance at forever.