Chapter Fourteen

The Best Laid Plans

In life, timing is everything.

Especially with matters of the heart.

Sometimes, more often than not, we meet the right person at the wrong time. I always believed with my whole heart that Chris and I were meant to be. We were destined to fall in love with one another but, our love was riding on borrowed time.

Accepting that is a painful pill to swallow but once we do, we clear the path for what will be. It could be days, months or years before it happens—before everything in your life aligns and the right person finally comes into your life at the most perfect time.

When it happens, you think its luck.

You think the cloud that’s been following you has finally lost its way.

It’s none of those things.

It’s fate, grabbing you and pairing you to your destiny.

If someone would’ve told me two months ago, I’d be where I am today I probably would’ve laughed in their face. I never thought I would find the courage to move past Chris. I thought I was content living for our memories and our son. I didn’t know there was so much more life for me, so much more love to be found.

Yes, I said love but, that’s our little secret. I may be courageous these days but, I’m not that brazen. Falling in love is something precious and I want to hold on to it for a little longer before sharing it with the world. Besides, actions speak louder than words. Our actions are the expressions of our hearts. They tell the stories words never can and every day I make a conscious effort to show my love. To breathe my affection.

I’ve decided its time for Jimmy to meet my son. Unsure how our story would play out, I was hesitant. Christopher has never had a male figure in his life and I didn’t want to confuse him but, Jimmy and I aren’t two ships passing in the wind.

Like I said, life is about finding the right time and it’s time to introduce one piece of my heart to another. But before I can do that, I need to visit with the other piece.

The piece I’ll always miss but forever cherish.

Kneeling in front of the tombstone, I run my fingers over Chris’ name and the scripture engraved into the granite.

“Hi my love,” I murmur softly. “I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve visited but, I always think of you and I know I don’t have to come here to be close to you. There is a part of you with me wherever I go and I’ll never let that go.”

Swallowing, I pause and drop my hands into my lap as I lean back on my haunches.

“I still close my eyes and see your face. You visit me in my dreams and assure me everything is okay just as you did when you were here. For the longest time, I didn’t believe you. I’d wake from those dreams angry because I thought nothing would ever be okay again. Sometimes you’d tell me to be happy, and those dreams angered me most. How could I ever be happy without you?”

As the words leave my lips, fresh tears sting my eyes and slide down my cheeks.

“You knew, didn’t you?” I whisper.

“You knew he’d come into my life. Part of me wonders if you had a hand in sending him to me,” I whisper. “The selfish part goes as far as believing I have your blessing. I need to believe you’d want me to move on but I want you to know it’s not easy. My love for you didn’t die with you. It still lives inside of me and always will. I need you to know that. I need you to know that while I’m giving another man my future, you will always own my past.”

Wiping my face with the back of my hand, I draw in a deep breath before bringing my fingertips to my lips. Placing a kiss on them, I touch the stone as I rise to my feet.

“Look over our son and visit me in my dreams,” I rasp, dropping my hand back to my side.

It takes me a moment to collect myself before I turn and make my way back to my car. Pausing at the door, I glance back at Chris’ headstone.

“See you on the other side,” I whisper, swallowing the lump in my throat.

Inside the car, my phone rings and I quickly compose myself before answering Jimmy’s call.

“Hey,” I greet.

“Hi beautiful,” he replies. “I just dropped Gab off at Lisa’s.”

“How’d that go?”

“Well, they didn’t kill one another so, that’s gotta count for something. I told her to call me if she wants me to pick her up but otherwise, the plan is for her to spend the night there.”

“Good, I think it will work out,” I say softly. “Are you ready to meet my little guy?”

“Born ready,” he replies and I can picture the playful smile on his face as he says the words. “Kids love me.”

“I wonder why,” I tease. I don’t doubt for one second Jimmy is good with children. I’ve seen him with his daughter and though I haven’t met his oldest, he is always talking about her. He’s a great dad and good man. A great role model for my little boy.

“It’s my Bugs Bunny impression. It gets the kids every time.”

“It’s you,” I correct. “Just you.”

“Ah,” he starts. “I recall you saying that this morning too. You remember, don’t you? It was right after I fucked you in the shower.”

That’s another thing about Jimmy. As much of a gentleman as he is, he also loves his dirty talk. Confession? I love it too. In the two months, we’ve been sleeping together, I’ve learned to express what I like in the bedroom—something I was never quite comfortable doing. Dirty talk is at the top of the list.

“If you behave maybe we can reenact that scene.”

“As tempting as that is, it will have to wait until tomorrow. Frankie needs me to cover him tonight so after we take your little guy to the park I got to head to the firehouse.”

I’m still adjusting to the lifestyle of a fireman and finding my place next to a hero is trying at times but if he can brave ablaze, I can brave a smile and support him.

“Tomorrow then. You, me, the shower and that dirty mouth of yours.”

“It’s a date,” he agrees.

We exchange a few more words before disconnecting the call. Twenty minutes later, I pull into my driveway and find Jimmy waiting on my stoop. Shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he leans against the banister and gives me a low whistle as I climb the stairs. I playfully smack his arm and lean into him, pressing my lips firmly to his.

“Hi,” I murmur.

“Hi yourself,” he replies, wrapping his arms around my waist. He pulls me closer and deepens our kiss, distracting me so much that I don’t hear the car pull up or the door shut. No, it isn’t until my son is shouting for me that Jimmy and I are on my front porch kissing in front of Chris’ mother.

“Mommy!”

Pulling pack, I quickly turn my attention to my son who is running toward me. Opening my arms, I bend down and wrap them tightly around him before lifting my eyes to the woman who would’ve been my mother-in-law, Bea.

Only her eyes never find mine. Instead, they widen with shock and lock with Jimmy’s. A million explanations run through my mind as I straighten up and prepare myself for her questions. Remembering my son and knowing this isn’t a conversation for him to be listening in on, I decide to bring him in the house but, I don’t get the chance to.

“Jimmy?” Bea questions in disbelief. “Oh my God, it’s really you isn’t it?”

“Bea,” he acknowledges, stepping next to me. “It’s been a long time.”

Following the exchange, my eyes dart between them trying to understand how they could possibly know each other.

“You know one another?” I question, looking at Jimmy.

Diverting his eyes to his shoes, he runs his hand down his face and I know something is terribly wrong. It’s confirmed when he lifts his head and meets my questioning eyes with regret.

“Of course,” Bea says, climbing the stair. “This man saved Christopher’s life,” she reveals, throwing her arms around his neck. “He’s the fireman who rescued him from the elevator.”

The world isn’t supposed to implode twice in a single lifetime and yet it does. Unable to form a single sentence, I stare in complete and utter shock as Bea pulls away from Jimmy and turns to me.

“This is the man you were telling me about?” she asks, looking between us.

“Melissa,” Jimmy rasps, reaching for me.

Slapping his hand away from me, I take a step back.

“Don’t touch me,” I order. “Bea, would you please take Christopher in the house?”

Taking Christopher’s hand, Bea looks to Jimmy for answers. Keeping his eyes on me, he speaks quietly to her.

“She didn’t know,” he explains, confirming that he, in fact, did know.

He knew who I was.

He knew who Chris was.

He knew and never thought to tell me.

The realization makes me weak in the knees and I grip the railing to keep me upright as Bea ushers Christopher into the house. Once the door closes behind them, Jimmy steps in front of me. Face to face I stare into his eyes and a million questions race through my mind.

His lies burn between us, ruining everything.

Destroying us.

“How could you do this to me?” I whisper.

“I’m sorry—”

“Did you know all along? From the beginning did you know who I was? Who he was?”

“No — “I don’t believe you,” I shriek, tears falling from my eyes.

“I didn’t know until I brought you home on our first date. I was walking out the door, and I saw the picture of the two of you.”

“That was the fucking beginning!”

Anger boils in my veins and I place my hands on his hard chest, shoving him backward. He doesn’t budge and so I ball my fists around the fabric of the shirt.

“What did you get out of it? Huh? Did misleading me and getting me to trust you—did it scratch an itch for you? Does fucking the widows of the people you couldn’t save get you off, Jimmy? Is that what gets your dick wet?” I shout between sobs.

“I did fucking save him,” he hollers back. “He didn’t die on my watch!”

For some reason hearing him say those words brings me back to my wedding day, to the point in time when I stood before the altar and turned around only to be told my groom wasn’t coming.

I’m sorry, Ms. Moscato.

We did everything we could.

He died on impact.

“Look, I thought he had left you at the altar. I didn’t know he died until you told me, yourself and honestly, after that, I didn’t think it mattered.”

“Oh, so you thought he didn’t matter? I have a son who will prove otherwise,” I sneer.

“You’re twisting my words. That isn’t what I meant,” he hisses. “If you would just calm down, then I could explain—”

“I don’t want your explanations. What I want is for you to leave.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“With every fiber of my being,” I rectify. “If I never saw you another day in my life, it would be too soon.”

Like his lies, my words cut him deep and his face falls. I feel a temporary burst of satisfaction before my own pain rears its ugly head, and it forces my eyes away from him.

“I love you,” he says, hoarsely. “I fucking love you with every fiber of my being. I’ll give you a few days to cool off and collect your thoughts but then I’m coming back to you. We’re going to talk it out.”

“It’s over Jimmy,” I say with conviction in my tone. I hold his gaze for a moment before stepping around him. Needing to be alone with my thoughts, I start for the front door.

“No, it’s not and if you think I’m giving up, then you don’t know me at all,” he calls out as I step inside. Without replying, I slam the door shut and lean against it. The tears fall freely as I’m foolishly reminded that timing is everything.

And, my time with Jimmy is over.

Sometimes the best laid plans are actually the worst mistakes of all.