Chapter 26 | Wade
Wade’s uncle didn’t live out the week. They got the call late one evening while he was at his parents’ house for dinner.
His mother was, understandably, devastated. Uncle Jeff was her brother, leaving her as the last surviving member of her family. She had only her husband and sons.
Haunted by what Jeff said but conscious of his mother's grief, Wade didn't ask about his missing brother. Missing for almost two decades after Jeff had attempted to exorcise the demon in him, it wasn't as if Tommy would’ve wanted to attend the funeral.
At least before his death, Uncle Jeff had the foresight to make his funeral arrangements. It was simply a matter of putting his body to rest. While his mother wept openly at the funeral, Wade felt… nothing. He felt no remorse that the man who domineered and controlled the family was dead.
Instead, he felt some relief to see the end of the person who contributed most to the worst part of his life, which haunted him like a horrible nightmare. Strange, the worst part of his life was the fire-and-brimstone teachings of his uncle as a lay preacher. Most people would’ve assumed the plane crash and subsistence survival were worse. On the contrary, those months on the island were the best of his life, and Wade would give anything to return.
After the funeral, Wade’s dreary, dark, mist-colored world began to clear. He could breathe again. The ever-present weight that pressed down on him began to lift.
There was no doubt that Wade had a lot of work ahead of him to put this past him completely. He wasn’t under any delusion about how easy it might be to change.
If his mother found out he was going to seek counseling, she would be mortified. It would reflect poorly on the family, even though he'd survived a plane crash and an isolated island for months on end.
Well, she’d have to deal with it.
As he started to see a way through the emotional fog, Wade knew he needed support to get his head back on straight. A new chapter in his life was starting. It was daunting. A little scary. And more than just a bit exciting.
Wade took a few days to let the realization sink in that he had a new future opening in front of him. There was so much to do; it was easy to get overwhelmed.
Sitting down at his dining table, Wade pulled out a pad and pen and got to work on how to put his life back together.
Something jabbed his thigh, and he reached into his pocket to pull out the shell.
Adam’s shell.
He smoothed his thumb over the bumpy edges.
A lot had become clearer to Wade in the past weeks. Decisions to make, changes that needed to happen.
If Wade had any regrets, they mostly centered around Adam.
He wasn’t sorry that he'd called a halt to their relationship. It honestly needed to happen. He could not handle being back or giving Adam what he deserved. Out of energy himself, Wade had nothing to give.
How he went about ending things with Adam could’ve been handled better, instead of the train wreck it was. There was something Wade regretted. Seeing Adam on his doorstep sent Wade into a panic, and unprepared, he’d gone into knee-jerk mode. It ended up hurting Adam. Hurting them both.
That was the last thing he’d wanted to do.
Looking back on it, Wade still knew it was the right decision. It gave him the room to straighten out the rest of his disastrous life.
With his uncle’s death, Wade realized that as much as he loved his family, he couldn't live a predestined life set for him. He was never going to meet and marry the right woman.
Before he did anything regarding Adam, Wade needed to make a clean break with his family.
Adam had accused him of being a coward. He was right. Wade was a coward, and he was feeling every bit of it as he picked up the phone. Putting his hand on a hot burner had more appeal than having the conversation he needed to with his family and friends.
The only thing which made Wade take action was that he was tired of being a coward.
He made the call.
The sound of a car pulling up outside indicated that Irene had arrived. Wade had the door open and stood waiting for her before she'd even closed her car door behind her. “Wade? Is everything all right?”
“Sure. Come into the kitchen.” Wade put the water on to boil and pulled two mugs down for tea.
She swooped in and kissed his cheek. “What’s going on? Your message said this was important. We’re in the middle of an important case, but I knew you wouldn't have left a message like that if it wasn't important. But I'm going to have to get back to work soon.”
Wade glanced at his watch. “I guess it is. Have a seat.”
Irene’s gaze narrowed at him. Her mannerisms were a telltale sign she knew something was up. She didn’t ask, it wasn’t her style, but it came across loud and clear when she sat and crossed her arms on the table.
After filling her mug and putting the tea bag in the water, he sat down and played with the paper tag. “You know… I have no idea how to even start this conversation.”
Irene clapped a hand over her face to muffle a squeak. “Oh, God. What is going on?”
Wade’s mouth opened. He snapped it shut and took a breath. “I discovered things about myself, got to know myself better, while on the island. It's changed me. I'm a different man.”
Her hands dropped to the table with a heavy thud. The silence was like a thick blanket. “Have you got a new religion? Or are you saying you don't want us to be friends? What is it?”
“What? No. That’s not—” He could understand her impatience. Wade took in her hands on the table. They were small, delicately boned. Her nails were immaculately manicured. Irene was a beautiful woman with dark eyes and luxurious auburn hair. Smart, assertive, ambitious, and successful, she would be a good partner for any man. Wade would have been fortunate to marry her. And it would make his parents so happy.
She was not what he wanted. He wasn't even sure if she wanted him in that way.
What he wanted had hazel eyes and sandy blond hair and smelled like herbs and nature and sea and and sand.
It wasn’t fair.
He searched for the words. The best he could do for both of them was honesty.
“Irene, you're an amazing woman and my best friend. You’ve been good to my parents and me. I think you know they expect wedding bells for us, but that's never going to happen.” Looking down at his drink, Wade smoothed his thumbs over the cup. It was so difficult to tell someone for the first time. “I’m a wreck and only now figuring this out. I've met someone.”
Irene shook her head. “That's great news. I don't understand why you're behaving as if someone died.” And then her eyes widened. Her hands shot to her open mouth. “Oh my God. Is it someone you shouldn't?”
Wade nodded. That's not how he would’ve described it, but she already knew. She was so intuitive.
“Is she a relative? You have no sisters. A cousin, a criminal?"
Okay, so she didn't know.
“He. It's a he.”
Irene's hands fell to her drink, and she mouthed, “Oh.” Then she laughed. “That's not so bad. You’re the one who gets to tell your mother, though. I wouldn't want to be there, but I'd so like to see it. I'm trying to picture the look on your mom's face.” Irene's face settled into the expression of someone who'd eaten something sour.
“I never knew you could be so awful.” Wade leaned back with a small laugh. The anxiety wound tight in his stomach began to melt away in the face of her handling the news so well. “I don’t have a clue what I’m going to say, actually.”
“You’ll figure it out. You know, your parents are lovely, but they really believe you and I are an item. I could only correct them a few times without it feeling awkward. And it was very awkward when you were missing because they referred to me as your girlfriend and I didn't want to argue with them. I don't think they get that men and women can be friends without it involving romance. And I'm not sure what they'll think about you and a man. Do I know him?”
Wade shook his head. “You’re taking this better than I thought you would.”
“Well, I finally get to tell you my news, too. With your parents throwing us together and my not wanting to upset them while you were missing, I've kept my love affair on the down low.”
“You have a boyfriend? I didn't think you had the time. And why didn't you tell me sooner?”
“You've been so… different? Difficult? Distant? I don't know, just random words that start with D since you've been back.” She smiled. “I didn't want to tell you and make my happiness the focus of attention when you seem to be having a hard time. That, plus your parents… you know.”
“Aren’t we a pair?” Wade chuckled softly. “So caught up in the events of our lives that we failed to talk to each other.”
“You never were easy to talk to,” she said.
His eyebrows lifted. “Only because you were never quiet enough to let me say anything.”
She laughed, drawing at his chin to kiss his cheek softly. “We’re even, I guess.”
“I guess.” Wade leaned back and started to laugh. “I want to hear all about him.”
She laughed with him and ducked her head. “His name is James. We didn’t mean to get together. I wasn’t planning on it happening. It just happened when I wasn't expecting it, you know. But tell me about your man.”
“The same. It happened when I wasn't expecting it. I didn't even know I was gay.”
“Are you gay? Or bisexual?”
A difficult question to answer to someone who was once his girlfriend, no matter how fleetingly and how far in the past. Wade opted for honesty. “Yes. I'm gay. I'm sure.”
Irene nodded mutely and sipped at her tea. “So.” She circled the lip of her cup with a finger. “This is about that other man you were stranded with?”
Wade’s mouth dropped open again. “How do you do that?”
“What? See through you?” Irene smiled serenely. “I think I have you figured out by now.”
“Doing better than I am so far.”
“And now you're going to tell everyone the two of you are together? Have you told anyone else?”
“Not exactly.” Thinking back on his conversation with Adam wasn’t pleasant. “No. No one knows. And Adam and I are finished.”
“Oh. Why?”
“I was scared, and a fool, and I made the biggest mistake of my life.”
“No.”
“Sadly, yes. I well and truly burned that bridge.”
“Is it recoverable?”
“Torched it to the ground. I don’t think so.”
“Now I have to call bull crap on you, Wade O’Rourke. Nothing is irrecoverable. What did you do?”
Wade spilled it all to her, about what had happened on the island, how he and Adam had grown close. His suspicions about his sexual preference. Through it, Irene nodded slowly, a picture of generous understanding.
Wade finished his explanation with a sag of his shoulders. “He called me a coward and a liar.”
“I have to agree,” Irene said. When his head snapped up in shock, she nodded. “You were. I understand why you did what you did. You were a coward by not seeking him out first, forcing him to come after you for an explanation.”
“I know. And I think there’s no going back.”
“Don’t draw a line through it just yet. Give it time. Right now,” Irene finished her tea and rose to put the empty mug in the sink, “you have other matters to attend to. You've just lost an uncle, and you have a grieving mother to deal with. Take care of your business first, Wade. Then attend to Adam. If you go to him with the same bald-faced honesty you have with me, it may be salvageable.”
Wade followed her to the door. She turned to pull him in for a chaste kiss. “Take care of yourself. And call me if you need anything. Just because I have someone new doesn’t mean you’re rid of me in your life.”
“I’m counting on that,” Wade said. He drew her in for a long hug. “This man of yours, he better take care of you.”
“You're so right. And this man of yours? You better take care of him.”
Shutting the door after she left felt very poignant.
No sooner had her car pulled away than Wade realized he'd not discussed something that he really wanted her opinion on. With renewed energy, Wade went back to his pen and paper, tore out all the pages he’d written on and started again.
At the top of the first page, he wrote, “Find Tommy.”