Chapter 11 | Adam
Not waiting for Wade to catch up, Adam approached the small opening in the side of the rock face. It went back further than he’d anticipated from first appearances, but it wasn’t a true cave. Not deep. The back of it was about ten feet from the opening.
A circle of rocks made up what appeared to be a small fire pit. In along one side of the cave sat various baskets, two crude clay pots, stone and metal tools, a wrapped-up vine, a few tattered pieces of cloth, and a fishing pole.
Picking it up, Adam started to laugh. “Where was this when we needed it?”
Wade stood at the opening, his hands on his hips. He wasn’t looking inside, but up.
Adam joined him and followed Wade’s gaze. “What?”
“Just wondering what the view is like from up there.”
“Is this a romantic thing or a strategic thing? I’m all about romantic, but I’m not following for strategic.” It tumbled out of his mouth. Adam had not thought about anything romantic with Wade. Not at all. But would Wade take that comment too seriously? Would he think Adam was coming on to him—as if—or would he be offended?
Wade laughed, and Adam breathed easy again.
“Strategic. I’m not much of a romantic. But if we can find a way to get up there, we may be lucky. It’s high enough on the terrain that our signal fires would be spotted.”
Adam fought back a smile. When Wade had a problem to focus on, he could be one hundred percent committed to a solution. Not half an hour before, Wade had almost completely despaired when he found the human bones.
“I bet you can be romantic when you want to.” Adam took a chance. That won him a disbelieving look from Wade, and Adam laughed. “Okay, fine. Not a romantic, but a pragmatist. So be pragmatic and let’s get a fire started. I’ll unpack.”
The entire time Wade was out gathering firewood, Adam kept his ears perked to listen to his activity. Now was not the time to get lost or separated from each other. Being further back from the beach was nice. Sometimes the crashing of the surf was too loud, and the wind blew all the time. However, it was easy to orientate with the sea to one side. Now they had foliage in every direction.
The wind had to work harder to get to this location so not being constantly buffeted by the wind was nice, too. The background noises would be different, and it would take a few days to get used to it.
Wade returned with wood and worked on the fire while Adam cracked the palm nuts he’d collected that morning. “I’ll go out first thing in the morning to see what’s close by to eat. How far from the shore do you think we are?”
Once the fire was going, Wade looked in the direction of the shoreline they could still see through the trees. “A hundred feet?”
“And still far enough back to not worry about the wind blowing all the time. I’ll take it.” Adam shook out the muumuu and held it up. “It’s nice drape material. It’d brighten the place up.”
“It’s a thin blanket.” Wade shook his head. “We can draw on the cave walls if we want more decoration.”
“Oh fine.” Adam took his time to fold the fabric neatly. “I’ll go hunt us up material for a mattress. Sleeping on a dirt floor is not my idea of fun.”
By the time Adam returned with enough for their makeshift pallet, it was almost dark except for their small fire. Now that they were settled and it was quiet, Adam stared at the flames. “I hope Mr. Bones doesn’t mind us taking over his digs.”
“I’m sure he doesn’t.”
“Think we should bury him?”
Wade sat quietly for a long time. “We could. We could also use his bones for tools.”
Adam shook his head slowly. “I will probably regret it later, but right now, it’s too gruesome to think about. I would rather bury him than be disrespectful.”
“I wonder who he was,” Wade said thoughtfully. “And did anyone miss him?”
“I’m sure someone missed him.” Adam turned to look at the items left behind by Mr. Bones. “Maybe we’ll find something to identify him. We can take news back to his family. I wonder when he died and how long he lived here.”
Wade pursed his lips and closed his eyes. “Hmm.”
Their first night in the cave was a little more unsettling than Adam had anticipated. It felt disrespectful to sleep in another man’s home, especially with his remain just yards away.
Sleep didn’t come easy for Adam, and he finally gave it up as a lost cause.
Creeping away from Wade, Adam sat in front of the low fire, staring into the glowing embers. He thought about trying to stoke it up and decided against it.
Meditation was the only answer to quieten his mind. Adam got comfortable in front of the fire pit and concentrated on the orange glow. With every breath, he embraced his turbulent thoughts, then let them flow away until his mind found peace again.
Behind him, Wade turned fitfully. He mumbled something incoherently and turned again.
This was new. Wade usually slept so soundly. Perhaps he was bothered by Mr. Bones as well?
Adam crept over to sit next to Wade, hoping his close presence would settle the thrashing man back into sleep.
It didn’t. The soft moans grew louder, and Wade’s restless sleep grew more fretful. Adam wasn’t sure exactly what he should do. Waking Wade seemed the sensible response. Whatever dream trapped Wade in, it was definitely unpleasant.
Adam set a firm hand on Wade’s shoulder and shook gently.
That did no good. Adam tried again. “Wade. Wade, wake up.”
Another shake, this one firmer than the first, brought Wade out and he sat up with a gasp. “No!”
His arm flailed out and connected with Adam’s chest, sending him back off their sleep pallet.
Wade’s chest heaved and panted. His gaze cast about wildly until realization hit him. “Shit,” he said softly and covered his eyes with a hand. He drew his knees up and rested his head on folded arms. “Shit!”
Adam waited for a few more breaths before calling out to him. “Is everything okay?” That was a stupid question, right? Wade looked like he was coming out of a hard session and all Adam could say is ‘are you all right?’
“Yeah. Sorry, yeah.” Wade lifted his head. “Did I hurt you?”
“No. It was just a surprise when you pushed me back.” Adam shifted so he could sit next to Wade again.
“I’m sorry about that.”
“Don’t be. I'd gotten too close. I get that.” Adam sat cross-legged so he could watch Wade closely. “That was some dream.”
“Yeah. I haven’t thought about… dreamed… for years.”
“Need to talk about it? My brother always tells me that to hold onto bad dreams is to give them the energy to rule your subconscious. Drag them into the light, and it takes their power away.”
“Does he? Expert on dreams, is he?” Wade’s voice dripped with condescension. He immediately caught himself. “I’m sorry, Adam. That was unkind.”
“Not everyone believes like I do. That’s okay. There are no social rules that say you have to. But,” Adam smoothed a hand down Wade’s arm and was surprised when the man jerked away. Adam held his hand up and then lowered it down onto his lap. “I’m here if you need to talk.”
Whatever demons plagued Wade, they had to do with personal space. Adam had his suspicions before, but this proved it. He made a mental note not to push so hard in the future.
“I… um… my uncle. When I was young. He… I was ten, and I’ll never forget.” Wade’s expression twisted into a painful scowl, and he shook his head.
Adam felt like he was going to get sick. There was only one way these words could be interpreted. “Oh, Wade. I’m so sorry.”
Wade shook his head. “He was very much a man who lived for the bible, still is. He'll read from it and preach at the entire family whenever he can. My brother. He… used to live with us. I actually had three brothers, not two. The oldest was seventeen when I was ten. They nearly killed him. Maybe they did kill him. I’ve not seen him since.”
So at least Adam’s first horrific interpretation was incorrect, but the truth didn't sound much better. He hesitated to ask, not sure he wanted to hear, but Wade had to know he was willing to listen, no matter what. “What happened?” he finally asked quietly.
“They are so religious and such hypocrites. They talk about love. But always sex is all about sin. It’s all we heard when we grew up. Pleasures of the flesh were evil. Men who lay with men.” Wade shuddered.
They sat in silence and Adam waited. Wade would talk when he was ready.
A tear slipped from his eye. He took a deep breath. “I was ten when they must’ve found out about Tommy. He was my oldest brother and turns out he was gay. I don’t know what they knew or how. They said Tommy was an abomination. They said he was possessed by evil. They beat him. They tortured him, Adam. In front of all of us. It was awful. I thought he was going to die. A few days later, he was gone. Escaped, I hope.”
Tears rolled freely down Wade’s cheeks, and Adam watched in stunned trepidation.
“After all the talk about Christian good deeds and love, that’s what sticks in my mind. My uncle, a religious preacher, and what he did to my brother. While we were all made to watch. Adam, what lesson did the universe send to me then? What was the lesson for Tommy? Loving people and touching people is dangerous?”
“That’s awful, Wade. Have you talked to anyone about it?”
“You’re the first person. I mean, my family, my brothers, all seem to accept homosexuality is the worst sin. It’s evil. So Tommy was a sinner, and he has left. Like it’s a simple fact. We don’t talk about it.”
Adam was at a loss for words. He just couldn’t imagine. Such hatred and violence were outside of his experience, let alone living with it up close, within his own family. The home was where children should feel safe, bathed in unconditional love.
“Your parents and brothers, don't you ever talk about it?”
“We've never talked about Tommy since the day he left. Not really. But gays. Yes, we often talked about the gays. As in, my uncle would preach and never miss an opportunity to remind us of the sin. My parents agree with him. Asher and Landon, they say nothing. I think they were as shocked as me by what we saw.”
The entire time Wade talked, he didn’t meet Adam’s eyes.
“I work for him now. Isn’t that a kicker?” Wade stretched out on his back to stare up at the cave ceiling. “At Christmas and Thanksgiving, we all get together and act like one big, happy family. No one mentions that Tommy isn’t there. My uncle continues to be aggressively homophobic. How warped is that?”
“It’s sick, Wade.” Adam reached out and gently took one of Wade’s hands in his.
“Yeah, I get it,” Wade said. He finally looked up at Adam. “I didn’t always know that, you know. Always going over in my head what I should've done or said. Could I have helped Tommy? I did nothing. I was scared of what would happen to me. I’ve lived with that fear ever since. What they did to Tommy, would they ever do that to me?”
“What happened to Tommy wasn’t your fault. You were ten.”
“It doesn’t stop me from feeling guilty.” Wade’s eyes were watery in the low light. He sniffled wetly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have laid that on you. I must look pretty pathetic right now.”
“No, don’t be sorry, Wade.” Adam stretched out next to him, resting his head on his bent arm. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me.” Especially since Wade had never told anyone before. “The weight of carrying that around must’ve been enormous. But I don’t judge you.”
Wade laughed softly. “If you say so.”
Adam chewed at his lip and mulled over the wisdom of his next move. He shifted to sit propped up against the cave wall at the head of their ‘bed.’ “Come here,” he said and patted at the space between his legs.
Wade watched warily until Adam settled in, clearly thinking about it for a moment before scooting back against Adam’s chest.
Wrapping Wade loosely from behind, Adam held him.
No requirement for talking if Wade didn’t want to. Only the silence and the sound of the crashing waves off in the distance.
From this position, Adam could feel the moment Wade started to relax, and his breathing deepened.
It was difficult to tell how much time passed as they sat there in the darkness, listening to the sounds around them.
Wade shifted in Adam’s arms, a slight turn so that he could see Adam’s face. Adam smiled.
His fingertips lightly touched Adam’s face, smoothing over his brow, along the bone of his jaw to lift at his chin.
With a stretch, Wade craned up and brushed his lips against Adam’s.
It took him by surprise. The touch of their mouths was the last thing Adam thought would happen.
Wade’s tongue slipped along the seam of Adam’s lips, and he opened to deepen the kiss. He allowed Wade to take his time, to let the kiss progress at his own pace.
Wade’s hand slid into Adam’s hair, and he gripped it loosely to pull Adam’s mouth harder against his own as he grew aggressive.
Adam moaned into Wade’s mouth. He could almost taste Wade’s desperation, his need for acceptance and the desire to be in control of what happened.
He allowed that, letting Wade direct and control.
It wasn’t much of a surprise to discover Wade was quite passionate when he dropped his guard. Adam understood Wade’s need to keep it walled up, hidden from view so that it was never misinterpreted.
And it was a shame Wade felt like he had to keep his desires locked up.
As slowly as it started, Wade pulled away. He searched for something in Adam’s eyes.
Whether Wade was satisfied with what he saw or not, they said nothing. He turned to lean back against Adam until he fell asleep.
Adam knew the moment Wade finally dropped off again when he felt the last of the tension in Wade’s body leave.
After that kiss, there was no way Adam could sleep, so he decided to stay up and keep watch over Wade, wrapped in his arms until Wade woke, and not a moment before.