Chapter 17

Nicole

SEPTEMBER 25

“What does that clock say? It can’t be one in the morning.” I moaned and held my head in my hands. “Shit, I’m gonna have to call in drunk to work tomorrow.”

Brittany cracked up on the couch next to me. “Whatever you do, do not say that when you call your boss.”

“Oh Lord, that wouldn’t go over well with Valentina.” I laughed so hard that I might’ve snorted. I was really drunk if I’d entered the snort-laughing stage. “Damn, what am I gonna do, Brit?”

“You have sick time, right? Just claim a flu or something. You don’t have time to sober up before eight a.m.”

“I know how to call in drunk to work.” I toasted my statement with another slurp of the wicked concoction Brittany had whipped up when I came over brokenhearted a few hours ago. “I meant about my mom. I don’t know what to say to her or to my brother. This is gonna kill him.”

Brittany grew solemn as she frowned. “I don’t know, hon. That’s a hard one. I can’t say that I’ve ever had to deal with a similar situation. I know that as a mom, I don’t get to have a say when it comes to who my kids are going to date. They’re gonna do what they’re gonna do. And it sounds like you and your mom are pretty tight. Can you really see yourself cutting your mom out of your life?”

I could practically feel the wound just thinking about never seeing or talking to my mom again. “I don’t think so,” I whispered.

“Maybe you should wait for her to come to you. Give it a little time for all the emotions to calm down. She’ll come around. She left him once already, right?”

“Because he went to jail for manslaughter,” I answered bitterly. “Had nothing to do with her finding the courage to leave him—the state of California did that for her.”

“But she still uprooted you and your brother to move a whole state away—to a place where you guys didn’t know anyone all while supporting two kids on her own—that takes a ton of balls. Your mom is a strong person. I bet she’ll figure it out sooner than you think.”

As Brittany’s sage words sank in, I contemplated the amber liquid in my glass. “How do you do it? How do you stay with Stitch when you know the kind of things they do?”

An awkward silence strained between us for a moment, and then my brain caught up with my mouth. I immediately started backpedaling. “I’m so sorry. That came out wrong. I swear I don’t judge you or Emily or Jessica. I’m sure your guys are completely different from my dad. I don’t know where that came from.”

Still Brittany didn’t say anything.

“Clearly I’ve had too much to drink. Maybe I should call an Uber before I completely ruin our friendship.” I put my drink down on the coffee table, then grabbed my phone and mumbled, “If I haven’t done that already.”

“Nicole, stop. It’s okay.” Brittany set her glass on the coffee table with a click as I frantically searched my phone for my car ride app. And then I remembered how Tank had screwed my passenger ranking when he’d told my driver to “fuck off” last weekend. I doubted anyone would be willing to pick me up at this time of night without charging an arm and a leg. I was about to call a taxi company when Brittany grabbed my wrist. “Seriously, girl. It’s okay.”

I heaved a huge sigh as I blinked back tears. “Really?”

“Yes, and you’re cut off, by the way. When you get all truth-telling and weepy, it’s clearly a sign you’ve had too much booze.” She grabbed my drink and poured it into hers. “As for me, on the other hand, I’ve got a good two more drinks to go before I get all teary and truth-spewing.”

“I’m sorry. I just—all this shit with my family and then I’ve been texting with Tank every night and—”

“Wait, what? Back up there a minute. You’ve been texting with Tank?”

I nodded.

“Every night?”

I nodded again.

“How the hell did that happen?”

“I don’t know. He texted me out of the blue on Monday, and we’ve been texting back and forth—mostly right before I go to bed. He’s been all sweet, and I’m starting to learn some stuff about him. And I don’t know…He’s deeper than I thought.”

“You like him!”

“Shut up!”

“You do! Nicole and Tank sittin’ in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. First comes love, then—”

“Oh my God. You did this to me.”

Brittany sat up from her slouch with a confused expression that I totally wasn’t buying. “Huh?”

“You set me up. You deliberately shoved me into Tank’s path that night at the rehearsal dinner.”

“Nooooooo. Hell no. I do not set people up. I’ve seen that kinda shit ruin friendships when people see who you think they’d click with. Feelings get hurt because he’s not hot enough or she has a weird laugh. It hardly ever ends well. I did nothing.”

“You totally did.”

“Did. Not. I swear. You guys had already met each other, remember? You said you had all that crazy sexual chemistry when Jessica made you run errands with her and Tank. I couldn’t have set you guys up.”

“Fine, you didn’t set us up, but you pushed me at him that night.”

“Because you said you wanted ‘a one-and-done kinda thing.’ What happened to ‘I don’t have time in my life for a steady relationship’?” Brittany’s eyebrows reached her bangs as she did a very unfortunate voice impersonation of me.

I really hoped I didn’t sound like that. “You know what happened—you were at the wedding, weren’t you? Or were you too busy dry humping Stitch on the dance floor to see Tank cart me out of the reception room?” I teased.

“It’s not called dry humping when you’re forty-one. I think technically it’s called a miracle, considering we’ve been married almost twenty years.”

“Whatever. Everyone saw the way we left the wedding. It’s just…electric between us. And I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m sorry. I’m confused. Why is this even a worry? You guys have amazing chemistry. You’re two awesome people who deserve each other. What’s there to worry about?”

“Because he’s a biker.” I might as well have screamed my answer the way the walls vibrated with silence after I spoke.

Brittany just stared at me like I’d slapped her.

I started babbling again. “I’m sorry. That came out wrong. But it’s just…After my dad went to prison, I swore I’d never be stupid over a guy like my mom was.”

“And it’s ten times as bad because he’s a biker. Like your dad.”

“Yeah.”

“But that’s where you’re wrong, sweetie. These guys, my guys in the True Brothers, are nothing like your one-percenter father. Sure, they get their hands dirty now and then, but they’re all good, honest, hardworking men who want to come home to their women and families at the end of the day. They never dish shit out to anyone who doesn’t deserve it. They’re not about protecting territory, or illegal drugs and guns bullshit. They just wanna ride, fuck, and live free.”

I nodded slowly as I listened to Brittany’s defense of the True Brothers. I knew they weren’t self-proclaimed one-percenters. But that didn’t make it any easier to let Tank into my heart. After a minute I bit my lip and whispered, “It’s still scary.”

“I know, sweetheart. Believe me, I know. It’s hard to be vulnerable. Especially with these kinda guys. But it’s so worth it. A guy like Tank is just like my Stitch. When he finally lets someone in and loves them, there’s nothing on this earth that’ll compare.”

“I still don’t get the Tank-Stitch comparison.” I teased Brittany because the mood was getting too intense for me. And also because deflection was my go-to move when things got too tough. “There’s what? Ten years’ age difference? And Tank is at least a half foot taller than Stitch.” I squinted my eyes in fake contemplation. “They both have beards, so there’s that, I guess.”

“Oh my God, Nicole, sometimes you can be so shallow. No, they don’t look anything alike. What I said before was that they’re both the kind of guy who’d have your back. Solid. And that they both have this way about them that makes you feel like you’re the only one in the room.”

“Blah blah blah.” I laughed. “We all know you have the perfect life. No need to rub it in all our faces.”

“Do you think it’s been easy to get here?” The quiet intensity in Brittany’s voice made me drop my jovial attitude and sit up and listen. “Stitch has been in the club as long as I’ve known him. There were nights when I was knee-deep in diapers, and he had to go on a run or off on some club business that I never knew anything about. And some mornings I was afraid he’d never come home. Sometimes he’d be gone for days and when he’d get home, he couldn’t talk about whatever was eating him up inside—something he’d seen or done. They’re not one-percenters, but they’re still bikers. Our life hasn’t been all necking and hearts and roses. There have been arguments and doubts and tears. We’ve worked on our relationship. I’ve earned every single amazing moment I’ve shared with that man. We’ve earned it together.”

I was quiet for a minute. “I get it. I do. I think we all hope for what you and Stitch built together. Nothing worth having is easy, right? Why did you stay with him if it was that bad in the early days?”

“Because I was young and dumb and sleep-deprived?”

I snorted. “No, really, Britt.”

“Yes, really, Nicole. If anyone tells you newborns or babies or toddlers are easy, they’re lying their asses off. I didn’t know what day of the week it was, let alone what time my husband was supposed to be home.” Brittany snorted with laughter, lost in some memory of motherhood. After a moment she rolled her head on the couch and looked at me. “But I stayed with Stitch because I loved him. No one on earth has ever loved me as hard or as completely as my husband. He’s an awesome man, and he makes me wanna be a better woman.”

I wiped at my eyes, then startled when Stitch’s voice rumbled in the living room.

“Aww, I love you, too, honey bear.” Stitch made a few kissy sounds while Brittany whacked him with a throw pillow.

“We were having a private conversation.” Whack. “Me and Nicole.” Whack, whack. “Leave us alone, you goofball.”

Stitch wrestled the pillow away from Brittany, and then there were a few shrieks followed by wet kissing sounds. I wasn’t really paying attention because I was too busy staring at the man standing in the doorway.

Tank.

He nodded hello—crazy impersonal, considering what we’d done over the past week—then glanced at Brittany and Stitch getting it on next to me on the couch. His eyebrows went up, and he smirked as he looked back at me. Then he dipped his head toward the kitchen, and I followed him without a word. As I left the room, I heard the faint sound of Brittany’s moan.

I shuddered. I loved my new friend, but I really didn’t want to see her having sex. Ever.

“What are you doing here?” Tank’s abrupt question sounded more like an accusation than anything else.