Chapter 26

Nicole

I knelt gasping in front of the toilet. I didn’t have anything left inside me. Nothing but the shame coating every part of me and anything I touched. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw that lifeless look in Stitch’s eyes and heard Brittany’s screams. I did this. I wasn’t the one holding the gun, but I brought this horrible fucking nightmare down on everyone I loved. I could still see that smug look on Bear’s face when he thought he had us cornered. He was gonna kill every single one of us and would’ve loved every second of it.

I pushed away from the toilet with a groan and staggered to the bedroom where a tall, blond Viking dude stood guard in front of the door leading to the rest of the clubhouse. He hadn’t said much, but I could feel his eyes on me as I paced back and forth. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore.

“I wanna see him.”

Viking Dude blinked. “Tank?”

“No, not Tank. The guy they have trussed up like the fucking chicken that he is.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I WANNA SEE MY FATHER!” I yelled, beyond the limit of my patience. “Stop bullshitting me. I was there. I know what happened. Talk to whoever you gotta talk to, but I want. To see. My father.”

Viking Dude’s whole demeanor changed when I said the word “father.” His earlier concern melted away and his eyes grew hard. He was just another previously potential friend that I put in my mental pile of people who hated me. Along with everyone in this building. Like Brittany. My eyes welled up with tears, and I turned away from my audience of one. She’d lost the only man she’d ever loved tonight, and that was on me. Fuck. I sniffled and swiped at my eyes.

I jumped when Viking Dude suddenly spoke behind me. “He’s on his way.”

I didn’t have to ask which “he” he was referring to.

Not even a minute later, the door behind Viking Dude burst open and Tank stood in the door frame. “Visiting hours are over.”

I didn’t know if he was talking about me or my dad, or making a joke, but I didn’t laugh. I glared at him. “I know whatever end you all have planned for us isn’t good. But I want to talk to my father before you guys toss his body in an abandoned quarry or whatever.”

Tank crossed his arms over his chest. “You’ve been watching too much TV.”

“Are you telling me that he killed one of your best friends, your brother, and you’re just gonna let him walk away?”

Tank stared placidly back at me. “That’s club business.”

“Fine. I don’t give a shit. But I wanna talk to him. He’s my father. And you owe me.”

“I owe you?” Tank looked over at Viking Dude like he just realized the guy was listening in on our conversation. “Step outside, Bam Bam.”

“He’s fine. I’m not gonna say anything to embarrass you. I just want to talk to him, Tank. Please.”

Tank tossed a look at Bam Bam that had him running out the door. After it clicked shut behind him, Tank took a step toward me but stopped when I shrank away. “Baby, he’s not gonna have anything to say that you want to hear. I don’t want you living the rest of your life with his shitty last words ringing in your ears.”

“Considering my life expectancy is the same as his, what the fuck does it matter?”

Tank blinked. “What did you just say?”

“You have your henchman drag me in here and watch over everything I do or say. I don’t even know where the fuck my purse and phone are. Things are not looking very good in Nicole land tonight.” I winced as I heard my own petulant words. Stitch died tonight. What the hell was wrong with me? “You know what I mean. I know what’s up, so stop playing games, okay? Consider it my last request or whatever.”

“Baby girl, no.” Tank closed the distance between us and wrapped his arms around my stiff body. “No one’s gonna do shit to you. I know—we know—that you didn’t have anything to do with your dad or what he did tonight. It’s gonna be okay.”

I pushed away from Tank and stared up at him. “No, it’s not. Because I’m responsible for what happened tonight. Dad didn’t even know about Lux. He wouldn’t have been there but for me and my fucking big mouth. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault.”

I covered my face with my hands as huge sobs wracked my body. I did this. Stitch was dead because of me. I couldn’t…I didn’t…Oh God. Why.

“Baby, you can’t blame yourself. Fuck, if that’s all you did, I’m just as much to blame for Stitch’s death. I should’ve had my piece on me. We were there for official club business and I should’ve been wearing my piece. But I left it in my truck. If I had it, I could’ve ended shit before your dad even lined Stitch up in his sights. You’re not to blame for this, baby. I swear.”

I used the heel of my hands to wipe the mix of mascara and tears off my face. “You don’t get it.” Tank opened his mouth, but I cut him off. “I don’t want to hear it. I need to talk to him.”

“I think she should.” Reb’s voice cut off whatever Tank was going to say next. I jumped at the intrusion. I didn’t even know he’d opened the door.

“She needs closure, T. And this is her last chance to get it.”

Tank nodded stiffly—the good little soldier that he was—and gestured to the door. I ducked under his arm and gave Reb a wide birth as I left the room. Tank matched my pace, then led the way down the hall and through another, until we reached a huge bar where several of his biker friends were gathered around to mourn their loss and probably plot some revenge. As we walked past I heard someone murmur, “There’s the piece of ass Tank sold the club out for.”

My spine stiffened, but I kept walking. It wasn’t until three steps later that I noticed Tank wasn’t with me. I spun around just as the sound of shattering glass and flesh pounding on flesh broke out. Guys starting yelling. A few more joined the brawl, and I backed away until I felt hands rest on my shoulders. I tensed for a second, but when I saw it was Reb standing behind me, I relaxed—somewhat. My guy was still in the middle of a brawl, after all.

“Everyone handles grief different. Some cry. Some blame themselves. Some kick ass.” Reb paused and patted my shoulder. “It’s probably best if we let them tire themselves out. Follow me.”

I gave one last look to where Tank was currently pounding on a guy with a long goatee, then followed Reb down a different hallway. Three doors down he stopped. “A couple of things. One, I’ll be in the room with you at all times. That’s nonnegotiable. Two, he’s not pretty—a few of the guys have worked him over—so prepare yourself. And three, this is club business—what happens in this clubhouse stays here. I don’t have a problem with you now, but I won’t hesitate to move in on anyone talking about True Brothers business. We clear?”

“Yeah. Clear.”

“After you.” Reb opened the door to what looked like a storage room. Chairs were stacked up against one wall, a refrigerator and a chest freezer took up the opposite wall, and in the corner furthest from me was the man of the hour. My father was slumped against the wall with his hands shackled above him and his arms taking the majority of his weight as he sagged toward the wall at his back. His face was a mess of blood, swollen flesh, and missing teeth. He was almost unrecognizable.

His left eye blinked open and the same bright blue eye as my own stared back at me. He gave a harsh, almost laugh, then winced. “Well, if it’s not my own prodigal daughter. Came to gloat over the broken body of your dear old dad?”

I stopped with ten feet separating us. That was as close as I was comfortable getting to him at the moment. “I just want to know why.”

“Why what?”

“Why did you come back? We were finally free of you. You were out a whole year, and you hadn’t come knocking at Mom’s door. She was finally dating again. Moving on. And you had to come back and fuck it all up.”

“You think I came back for that bitter old bitch? Holy fuck. That’s the funniest shit I’ve ever heard.” My dad’s chest heaved with his harsh-sounding breath. “I came back because those fuckers screwed my club out of thousands of dollars’ worth of guns and fucked us with the goddamn Mafia. It had nothing to do with you or your mom or that bastard she tried to pass off as my son. So why don’t you go cry to your pussy of a boyfriend who wouldn’t know how to kill a bitch even if he had a full clip.”

“Don’t need a full clip to do this.” I walked up to my father and kicked him square in the balls. Behind me, Reb groaned in shared agony.

“Fuck, man. How are you not proud of your daughter? She’s a smart, ball-busting badass,” Reb said, just before he broke out in laughter.

I turned around and left the room without looking at either man. Reb’s laughter was soon drowned out by the muffled thuds and grunts of what I assumed was Reb punching my father a few times. I didn’t care. They could do whatever they wanted to the bastard. He ruined my life, he ruined Brittany’s life, he ended Stitch’s life. I just wanted him to disappear.

I waited alone in the hallway for a few moments until Tank appeared. His knuckles were bloody, his lips were swollen, and his eyes were soft and concerned.

But I didn’t care. Nothing mattered anymore.

“I just want to go home.”