Chapter 33

Claire

My reflection was lying to me. Again.

She was showing me a happy woman in bright red lipstick and bronze eye shadow, a woman who looked like she was having the time of her life—not a heartbroken woman who’d spent every night this week crying herself to sleep.

You can do this...You can do this...

I screwed the top onto my mascara and placed it into a bag. I stepped back from the mirror and twirled around in my dress—the sparkling nude colored one that Jonathan had picked out months ago, the one I would’ve worn to the IPO ball.

I’d hoped that by wearing it tonight, he would at least acknowledge my existence.

Ever since I’d snuck up to his room a few nights ago, he’d gone out of his way to avoid me: He and Stacy were supposed to sit at our table all week for the daily breakfasts, but he had his seat changed. He was supposed to present Damien with an award at the Value Ball two nights ago, but he claimed he had an emergency, so he created a video for the audience to view instead.

I saw him a few times in the hallways, and each time I would walk towards him and try to get his attention, but the security guards always kept me from getting too close.

“It’s our last night here, sweetheart.” Damien walked into the room and smiled at me. “I see that you’ve saved your best dress for the occasion.”

I hate being called “sweetheart.” Why haven’t I told him that?

“Do we have to stay at the banquet the entire time?” I asked. I knew Jonathan was set to receive an award, and even though I wanted him to acknowledge me, deep down I knew that he wouldn’t. I didn’t want to sit and suffer as everyone else fawned all over him.

“Of course not. We can leave right after the closing statements.”

Great...

He reached for my hand and we walked out of the room and towards the elevator like we had several times before.

“Did you have fun this week?” Damien pressed the down button.

“Yes.”

“Well, if you’re not still—” The loud ping of the elevators cut off his sentence.

“What were you saying?” I walked onto the elevator and noticed Jonathan and Stacy standing together on the other side.

Jonathan’s eyes went straight to my dress, and if I wasn’t mistaken, he swore under his breath.

“I was saying that if you wanted, you and I could go to another resort next weekend. I promise I’ll turn off my cell phone and focus all my attention on you.” Damien put his arm around my hips. “And you won’t be on your—you know...Would you be interested in that?”

“I...” I felt the heat of Jonathan’s glare on my back. “I’ll have to think about it.”

“Well, make sure you do that. It’s a wonderful resort, and there’s plenty of amazing water activities. It’s also extremely private.”

“Private things are definitely her specialty...” Jonathan muttered.

Damien must not have heard him because he continued. “There’s this beautiful mountain clearing that I’d love to take you to. We could spend the entire day there. There’s also a lover’s loft nearby.”

“Stop it, Jonathan...” Stacy whispered, and I wondered what she was talking about.

“It sounds very tempting,” I said as the elevator doors opened.

Damien motioned for me to step off first and looked back at Jonathan. “Congratulations, Jonathan. You actually deserve the ‘Innovator of the Year’ award. Now, freeze that compliment and remember it, because you know as soon as this conference is over, I’ll go back to hating everything about you.”

Jonathan smiled. “Thank you, Damien. That makes two of us.” 

––––––––

I sat at the dinner table and picked at my food, too hurt to eat much of anything. Jonathan was sitting directly across from me and he hadn’t looked over at me once.

Any time he touched something on the table—butter, bread basket, pepper, I asked if he could pass it to me. But, instead of doing that, Stacy answered for him. She would say, “Of course he can,” and send it my way.

I figured that since they were unable to switch their seats for this event, they’d planned a course of action for dealing with me. 

I even texted him several messages, desperate to get him to look at me—just once: “Please look at me, Jonathan.” “You can’t avoid me forever...” “I said I was in love with you, doesn’t that mean anything?” “Are you really that upset with me?”

I saw him look through his phone, saw him read every single message, but he managed to keep his gaze elsewhere.

I even tried the more blatant text message approach: “I know you like the way I look in this dress.” “I bet you wish you could take it off of me...”  

I watched as he read my last two messages, as he glanced at them without a single emotion crossing over his face.

“Would you like me to ask my assistant to bring you some food from elsewhere?” Damien looked at my plate. “You haven’t eaten much at all today...I don’t want you to get sick.”

“I’m fine. I guess my appetite is a little off today.” I sighed as Jonathan and Stacy whispered something to one another.

“At least try the potato dish,” he said. “It’s to die for.”

I picked up my fork and began eating some of it, nodding my head at how good it tasted.

“See?” Damien patted my thigh. “When do you want to leave?”

NOW. “How about right n—”

“Mr. Edwards?” A woman poked her head in between us. “We’re setting everything up and we’ll be ready for you in about twenty minutes. Are you ready to present?”

“Yes.” He nodded. “I’ll be there shortly.”

The woman walked away and I grabbed his hand. “Ready to present what?”

“The Innovator of the Year Award. Jonathan presented me with my award the other day so it’s only fair that I present him with his. Even if we don’t see eye to eye, there’s no one else as big in technology as the two of us so—”

“So, we can’t leave right now?”

He furrowed his brow. “What exactly has been bothering you this week? And don’t say allergies because I don’t think you actually have any.”

“Nothing...It’s—”

“Are you ever going to tell me why you were crying the other night?”

I sighed. “Yes...But could we please go—”

“Mr. Edwards?” That woman came back over again. “We’re going to start things a little earlier. Could you come with me please?”

“We’ll leave right after I present the award. Okay, sweetheart?” He kissed my cheek and stood up, walking away from the table.

I turned back towards Jonathan, frowning because his eyes were still glued elsewhere. I thought about leaving, heading back to my suite and letting Damien find me there, but for some reason I sat and continued to watch Jonathan and Stacy laugh and whisper at something I couldn’t see.

“Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please?” A beautiful brunette tapped the mic onstage. “Before we give away our most prestigious award, I just want to thank you all for making the 2013 Juniper Conference a major success! Because of you, we have raised over ten million dollars for over thirty different charities!”

The audience clapped and the speaker waited for the applause to die down. “We hope that the sessions you’ve attended this week have taught you something valuable and that the people you’ve met have instilled a new sense of camaraderie and competitiveness amongst your respective companies. We usually make the closing statements on tonight, the last night of the conference, but due to an immense interest in Chef Roer’s breakfast this week, we’ve decided to hold them off until tomorrow morning. Chef Roer has graciously agreed to cook an extra breakfast for us all!”

The crowd cheered loudly, and Chef Roer stood up from his seat and waved his hand around. Once he sat back down, the crowd gradually became quiet again.

“So, before we begin our final ball of the week, I’d like to bring someone we all know and respect to the stage.” She read off a notecard. “This man has singlehandedly changed the way technology influences our everyday lives. He’s a dominating pioneer in the field, and his company—Apple, Inc. is currently valued at one hundred and fifty four billion dollars. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the ‘Developer of the Year,’ Mr. Damien Edwards!”

The crowd stood to its feet, clapping and cheering wildly. I stood up too, trying to plot my escape.

“If this is the reception I get, I can only imagine what type of response the man I’m presenting will receive.” Damien laughed and motioned for the crowd to sit down. “About eleven years ago, my company was the number one software company in the world. As a young man, I was cocky and honestly didn’t think that reign would ever end. We were ahead of all our competitors by the billions and our workforce was quadruple of the next largest company at the time. One day, I happened to be giving a tour of my company to a select group of college kids who’d been sent from Harvard to complete a summer program. One of those students, who I’ve grown to hate—” He paused as the audience laughed.

“One of those students came up to me right after the tour and said the following words, verbatim: ‘Mr. Edwards, with all due respect, your computers suck. You might want to focus on redesigning the internal instruments and building a bigger hard drive before I beat you to it.’ Of course, I laughed this kid off because at the time computers were more about functionality than style, and we offered the largest hard drives on the market...Yet, exactly one year later, Statham Industries was formed and I’ve been regretting my unwillingness to listen to that annoying kid for eleven years.” He laughed. “Ladies and gentlemen, the man I’m bringing to the stage as your unanimous pick for the ‘Developer of the Year” for the tenth year in a row, is a man who finally decided to show up here and accept it.”

I felt myself laughing along with the crowd and stopped.

“He is a man whose company is currently worth two hundred billion dollars, a man who develops the greatest ideas day in and day out, and a man who always seems to get the best stuff first. If you ever think you’re onto something, he’s probably had it in development years before the thought ever crossed your mind.” He smiled. “Please help me welcome my fiercest competitor and your Developer of the Year, Mr. Jonathan Statham.”

The response to him walking towards the stage was insane; the screams and cheers were deafening and every person was on their feet. 

He walked on stage with his sexy stroll, smiling at the crowd, shaking Damien’s hand and accepting the crystallized plaque.

“Thank you all very much.” He spoke into the mic. “This award means a great deal to me, and I’m sorry it took me so many years to join you here. I promise I’ll make every effort to show up in the years to come...”

He looked at his speech. “I have a few people I’d like to thank for inspiring me. First, I’d like to thank Mr. Lowell, the only professor who openly encouraged his own students to drop out,” he said, laughing. “I’d also like to thank my parents who left old devices around the house and helped me to realize what my true talent was...My employees who make me work harder every day, my good friend and head of security Corey Walters, every corporation that I’ve ever partnered with, my worst enemy—Damien Edwards, and most importantly, the woman who has...” He paused, looking at the sheet of paper in his hands as if he couldn’t believe what he’d written. He cleared his throat. “I’d like to thank my good friend Stacy Rodriguez who manages to put up with me through it all. Thank you all very much.” 

The crowd clapped and remained standing as he put the mic down and began to take pictures with the people onstage.

“He’s so sexy...” “I know! I wish I was Stacy Rodriguez tonight!” The two women behind me laughed.

My chest tightened as I watched him slip his arm around Stacy, as I watched the two of them smile together and pose for pictures.

Tears fell down my face and I made no move to wipe them away. I kept wishing that he would turn around, that he would see my face in the crowd and walk towards me, but he kept posing for pictures—laughing and shaking hands, like he didn’t care about me at all.

He pulled Stacy against his side as he prepared for another photo. The flash went off three times and she stood on her toes and kissed him on the cheek.

I’ve had enough of this shit...

I pushed my chair up to the table and walked towards the stage, weaving my way through all the suits and adoring women who kept gushing over him. I took the steps on the right side of the stage and paused, looking at Jonathan as he bent down for another kiss from Stacy.

“Claire?” Damien grabbed my wrist. “Are you okay? Are you that ready to go? I’ll—”

I snatched my hand away from him and walked towards the center of the stage.

“And thank you so much for your generous gift, Mr. Statham. My company is so honored that you—”

“Excuse me.” I stepped directly in front of the man who was addressing Jonathan.

“Yes, Miss Gracen?” Jonathan raised his eyebrow.

“Kyle, get security.” I heard someone murmur. “This is the tenth time this week...”

I took one step closer to Jonathan and looked into his eyes. I wanted to say something, but the words were trapped in my throat and I couldn’t concentrate with everyone in the audience staring at me.

I closed the gap between us and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him as if we were the only people in the room. I heard the crowd’s collective gasp, saw Damien’s jaw drop from the corner of my eye, but I didn’t care.

I shut my eyes and kept kissing him, pressing myself against his chest—trying to force his lips apart with my tongue. It wasn’t until I blinked my eyes open that I realized he wasn’t kissing me back.

I drew my arms away and stepped back—noticing that he was still raising his eyebrow at me, confused. I looked out into the silent crowd, blushing bright red as the women began whispering to one another.

“I’m...I’m so sorry...” I stammered. “I thought that if I...that if I...” I felt the tears falling. “I’m sorry...I...” I looked around at all the people on the stage, at the angry expression that was on Damien’s face.

I turned around to face Jonathan again and shook my head. “I’ll get out of your way now...I...I really am sorry and—”

“Don’t be.” He pulled me back into his arms and pressed his lips against mine, suffocating me with a long, appreciative kiss. I could feel his mouth upturned into a smile as he caressed my tongue with his, as he kissed me like there was no tomorrow.

“Mr. Statham...” Greg cleared his throat, but Jonathan held me even tighter and kept kissing me.

“Mr. Statham? Mr. Statham!” Greg’s voice was firmer, making Jonathan finally pull away.

“Yes, Greg?” He grinned at me.

“You have a list of other people to take pictures with and speak to tonight. If you would like, I can escort Miss—”

“No, I’ll take care of it.” He kissed me one more time and walked over to the people on the other side of the stage.

I could only hear fragments of what he was saying—“First thing tomorrow...” “I need to address this now...” “Yes, I’ll sign whatever you want tomorrow...” “I’ll donate double...” “Thank you so much...”

The orchestra began to play on the back stage—one of the organizers had frantically run back there once I kissed him, and the crowd slowly diverted their attention from us to the dance floor. 

I saw him walk over to Stacy and say a few words, and then I felt Damien grabbing my hand.

“Is this some type of joke, Claire?” His eyes hardened. “I bring you here and you fuck my competition?”

“What?”

“Is that what you’ve been doing during the day while I’ve been at meetings? Sleeping with Jonathan Statham behind my back?” He sounded more angry than hurt. “Do you know how what you just did makes me look? Did you even think about that?”

“Damien, I’m sorry you had to find out this way but...I’m in love with Jonathan and I have been for a while now...I’m sorry for agreeing to date you when I wasn’t over him. I really do mean—”

“This is why I only date younger women. I should’ve known that someone like you with all your baggage—”

“Excuse me?” Jonathan wrapped his arm around my waist. “Is there a problem here, Damien?”

“No...” Damien seemed to wither a bit.

“Are you sure?” Jonathan’s tone was threatening. I’d never heard him this heated before. “Is there something you and I need to discuss outside? It can be arranged...”

“Fuck you, Jonathan.” Damien narrowed his eyes at me. “And fuck you too, Claire.” He said something else under his breath as he walked away.

“See? I wasn’t lying to you.” Jonathan said. “He wasn’t right for you at all...” He kissed my hair and led me off the stage and out of the ballroom. As we walked towards the elevators, he kept looking down and smiling at me.

I wanted to ask what he was smiling about, but I was happy simply seeing him smile again—for whatever reason it was.

We rode up to his floor in silence, staring at one another while we held hands, communicating with our eyes.

I wanted him to touch me again, to kiss me again, but it seemed like he was content simply holding back. 

“Mr. Statham, Miss Gracen,” the bellman said once we arrived. “Have a great evening.”

“Thank you,” we said in unison.

I followed him to his suite and he pulled me inside, pushing me against the wall as soon as the door shut. “I can’t believe you did that...That was quite shocking...” He pulled a clip out of my hair and kissed my neck.

“And why is that?” I moaned as he grazed my skin with his teeth.

“The Claire Gracen I know would never run on stage and kiss me like that, especially not with everyone watching...”

“The Jonathan Statham I know wouldn’t be analyzing anything that Claire Gracen does.”

“That kiss doesn’t excuse you leaving me for three months.” He removed another clip. “I’m still very angry with you...”

“I love you too.”

He grinned as he looked into my eyes. “Say it again.”

“I don’t feel like it right now. I need to take off my dress first, and then I’ll need to think about repeating it.”

“Are you being difficult with me on purpose, Claire?” He reached behind me and brushed his fingers against the zipper of my dress. “Say. It. Again.”

“After I take my dress off.”

“Your dress isn’t coming off.” He unbuckled his pants and pressed his erection against my thigh.

“Why not?”

He reached underneath my dress and felt around for my panties, smiling when he didn’t find any. “Because I’m going to make love to you while you’re wearing it, and I’m not going to stop until it falls off.” He traced my jawline with his fingertips. “And because it always takes you half an hour to get undressed, and I’ve waited long enough.” He picked me up and carried me into the bedroom, gently laying me on the bed.

He slid his shirt over his head and stepped out of his pants. Then he slowly moved on top of me. “Now, you know how I feel about repeating myself. That hasn’t changed since you left me, so I’m going to give you one last chance to—”

“I love you, Jonathan.”

He smiled as he bent down and gently traced my lips with his tongue. “I love you too, Claire.”

––––––––

I opened my eyes and smiled at Jonathan. I was curled up against him in a huge Jacuzzi, relaxing as his hands lathered shampoo into my hair.

I was sure we’d broken the world record for the number of times we’d had sex tonight, and if we hadn’t, I was sure that we would break it tomorrow.

I sighed as he poured a wooden ladle over my head to rinse out my hair. He was careful not to let the suds fall anywhere near my eyes, scooping just enough water that the soap fell down my back.   

“I need you to promise me something, Claire.” He kissed the back of my neck.

“What is it?”

“That you’ll never leave me again. Once was more than enough.”

“I promise.”

“Good...” He set the ladle on the ledge. “Because if you go back on your word and even attempt to leave me again, I guarantee I won’t let you stay away for three fucking months. You’ll be lucky if you get away for three minutes.”

“Have I ever told you how romantic you are?”

“It’s part of my appeal.”

I smiled. “Can I ask you something?”

“Always.”

“Are you and your mother okay now?”

He stilled. “We haven’t been with each other in forever and you care about the person who pulled us apart?”

I nodded.

“We’re okay,” he said, sighing. “I’m paying for her to get one on one counseling and we see each other once a week over lunch. Maybe with time we’ll do more, but that’s all I can handle right now. I don’t appreciate the way she treated you, and it’ll take me a while to get over that.”

My heart swelled. “I was just wondering...”

“I really would’ve believed you.” He gripped my hips and swiveled me around so I was facing him, straddling his lap. “You should’ve told me and all this never would’ve happened.”

“I know...”

“Don’t keep anything like that from me again. We’re not supposed to have boundaries, remember?” He kissed my lips and I nodded.

He picked up a loofah from the side of the tub and brushed it against my arms. He massaged my wrists and brought my right hand up to his face.

“How did this happen?” He circled a purple bruise with his thumb.

“I was running on the bridge one night and I slipped over some glass on the sidewalk. I used my wrist to brace the fall and nearly broke it on the way down. I had cuts everywhere.”

His jaw tensed. “When was this?”

“It was three or four weeks ago. Strangest thing though: As soon as I fell, these two guys came out of nowhere and bandaged all my cuts up. They even carried me back to my car...They said they were EMTs out on a late night jog and always carried their backpacks just in case something like that happened...Crazy coincidence, huh?”

“Extremely crazy.” The muscles in his face relaxed and he washed me until I was clean. “Your turn, sweetheart.”

I rolled my eyes and laughed. I reached over to grab another loofah and saw a thick ring band on the ledge. It was silver and it had the engravings of all the same charms I had in the necklace he’d given me—even the white and red flags. The only difference was that the entwined “M” and “L” were repeated twice and our names were etched in tiny cursive within each letter.

“You had a ring made to match my charm necklace?”

He nodded. “I was going to show it to you the day you left me...I wanted us to open our boxes together.”

“Hmmm.” I ran the loofah against his chest. “What do the “M” and the “L” stand for?”

“I never said anything about that to you before?”

“No...” I shook my head.

“Well, guess.”

“My love?”

“No.” He kissed my shoulder.

“Mid-life?”

“No.”

“Mid-life love?”

“Mid-life love?” He raised his eyebrow. “You think I would honestly give you something that stood for that?”

“No, but...” I shrugged. I couldn’t think of anything else. “Tell me what it means then...”

He sighed and took the loofah away from me. He pulled me against his chest and kissed my hair, running his fingertips against my lips. “My last.”