Chapter 32

Claire

Coming here is the worst decision I’ve ever made...

I was sitting near the edge of the resort’s private beach, pretending to read my e-reader, but secretly watching Jonathan walk alongside the shore with another woman. However, this woman wasn’t just any woman. She was Stacy Rodriguez, world class supermodel and designer extraordinaire. She was easily one of the sexiest women in the world—beautifully tanned and slim body with naturally huge breasts, wavy jet black hair, and dark gray eyes with speckles of light blue that glimmered in the sunlight.

I’d been watching her and Jonathan all day: At the conference’s first breakfast, they’d sat too close for comfort, laughing at little private jokes that I’d strained to hear. While Damien and I were taking a tour of the art gallery, I’d looked down from the windows and saw the two of them having a private picnic on a blanket below. I’d even seen the two of them driving carts around the resort’s perfectly trimmed golf course while we were eating our lunch. 

“Stop it, Jonathan!” She squealed as he tossed her into the water.

I jumped up, tempted to run over there and slap him for letting her get that close to him, for letting her touch him. Yet, I quickly sat back down, realizing that too many people were around and I didn’t want to make a scene.

Jealous, I put down my e reader and narrowed my eyes at the sappy scene that was playing in front of me.

How can he possibly be upset with me about Damien when he’s dating a damn supermodel? And of all supermodels, Stacy Rodriguez, the most famous one?

“Daiquiri?” Damien stood in front of me with an umbrella drink.

“Please.”

“You’ll have to pay me for it first...”

“What? What do you—”

He bent down and kissed me—a slow, passionate, ‘I-know-this-is-making-you-melt’ kiss. He tilted my chin up, pushing his tongue further and further into my mouth, softly biting down on my bottom lip each time I tried to control the pace.

I didn’t care though; I kept trying to force him to let me take the lead. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressed myself against him, and let my tongue explore every inch of his mouth.

“Whoa...” Damien pulled away from me. “Kiss me like that again and we’ll have to lock ourselves in the suite for the rest of the week.” He smiled and handed me the drink.

I took a sip and saw Jonathan staring at me out the corner of my eye, knowing that he’d just seen me kiss Damien.

His fists were balled at his side, his face was a deadly red, and his eyes were thin slits. He took a few steps in my direction but Stacy grabbed his hand and tugged him down the shore. 

“Are you okay, Claire?” Damien put his arm around my shoulder. “Is something wrong with the drink?”

“The drink is great...” I tore my eyes away from Stacy and Jonathan. “What other events are happening today?”

“Well, I have a few tech sessions to go to this evening, but there’s the late night benefit ball at midnight.”

“There’s literally a ball every night this week? I thought you were joking...”

“I wasn’t. It’s a tax break thing.” He laughed. “There’s an early entry for the highest contributors, so you and I will have to be there a little early.”

“What happens at early entry?”

“It’s just a bit more intimate than the regular ball—dimmer lights, small candle-lit dinner, and first dibs on the silent auction items. If you want anything that’s up for bid, let me know and I’ll buy it for you.”

“Oh, I probably won’t even go near—”

He pulled me on top of him. “You should...And you should let me buy whatever you want.” He placed a light kiss on my lips. “I want you to enjoy yourself this week so don’t be shy about doing things that make you happy.”

He began rubbing my back and I looked over my shoulder—to see if Jonathan was watching, but Damien turned my head back around to face him. He slipped his tongue into my mouth again and all my thoughts blurred, leaving me lost once more.

––––––––

“Just like that, Claire...Two steps forward, one step back...Very good...”

Damien spun me out of his arms and quickly drew me back. “You’re a wonderful dancer, Claire. Did you learn or are you a natural?”

“I learned...”

“Well, whoever taught you is one hell of a teacher. I’m impressed.” He placed his hands around my waist and I leaned against his chest.

As we waltzed around the dance floor, I started to wonder if I could develop feelings for him with time, if he and I might have a chance after all.

He’d been extra attentive ever since we left the beach: He skipped one of his tech meetings to join me at my massage appointment, arranged for me to take an evening horse riding lesson, and even helped me pick out which dress I should wear tonight.

I leaned against his chest and looked out over the room. It was dark with a few massive candles providing the only light. On the far end of the room—in a corner that was illuminated by a yellow haze, a group of violinists played a beautiful song that reverberated throughout the space. 

“Ladies and gentlemen,” the lead violinist said as her companions continued to play, “we have a lot more songs that we’re going to play for you tonight, but we want you to know that the lights are about to be slightly brightened since the early entry portion of the ball has ended.”

The few people that were in the room clapped and the lights became a tad bit brighter. I looked around for Jonathan—I could feel him watching me, but I could only see ten other people in the room and he wasn’t one of them.

Why does it “feel” like he’s here though?

I heard a soft clicking sound, and the doors at the back of the room opened, allowing a large group of tuxedo-clad and ball gown wearing guests into the room. 

“As is tradition at the benefit ball, the first fifteen minutes of dance should be with someone that you don’t know. Once everyone is inside, my companions and I will make play three harsh chords to indicate that it’s time to find someone new to dance with, and the lights will dim again.”

The room started to become louder and louder as the other attendees continued to pour in, and Damien held me tighter—as if he was protecting me from everyone else.

“I’m not sure if I want to dance with anyone else tonight,” he whispered. “Do you?”

“No...”

He kissed my forehead and laughed softly. “Okay, well we won’t. I’ll keep you all to myself. I don’t want—”

“Mr. Edwards?” a woman said his name and we both turned around. “I’m sorry to interrupt you sir, but that shipment you asked about the other day is...” She looked at me and then back at him. “Can I speak to you about this in private?”

“Can it wait?”

She shrugged. “Sure, a twenty million dollar shipment that was inaccurately re-routed can simply...wait.”

He sighed and looked at me. “Would you please excuse me, sweetheart? I won’t be gone for too long...Don’t give away any dances.” He lifted my hand and kissed it before walking away.

“Screechhh! Screechhh! Screechhh!” The violinists scratched their violins to signal the “new dance partner” portion, and then they began to play a beautiful harmony. 

The lights began to dim again—almost as dark as they were before, and I heard more instruments—flutes, horns, saxophones, joining in on the violinists’ serenade.

I walked towards the table Damien and I had shared at the candlelit dinner, weaving my way past dancing couples, but before I could sit down, I felt someone grabbing me by my waist.

I tried to push the strong hands away, but it was no use. The hands gripped me even tighter and I felt myself being pulled up against a familiar chest. Jonathan. 

He didn’t say a word. He spun me around so we were facing one another and stared at me. He put my arms around his neck and slipped his arms around my waist, looking into my eyes with an expression I couldn’t recognize.

Then he began to dance with me, but it wasn’t smooth and gentle like it used to be. It was rough.

He gripped my sides too hard, twirled me without any finesse, and pushed me away whenever it was time to pull me close.

As he pushed me away again, I realized that I needed to say something before he purposely dropped me to the floor.

“It must be nice to have a world class supermodel on your arm.” I tried not to sound jealous. “I bet you two have been having a really good time in your suite since you’ve been here...”

“We have.”

What? I tried to untangle myself from his arms, but he dipped me low to the ground and held me there, glaring at me, daring me to say something else.

I tucked my lips into my mouth.

He pulled me up and continued the angry rhythm he’d established, refusing to let me go. Then he suddenly stopped dancing altogether. “Have you slept with him?” He narrowed his eyes at me.

“Who?”

“Don’t fuck with me, Claire. Have. You. Slept. With. Him?”

“Define slept with.”

He pulled me close and gripped my sides so firmly that I could barely breathe. “You fucked him?”

“You slept with Stacy Rodriguez. Why do you care what I do?”

He spun me out of his arms. “I don’t.” But from the look in his eyes, I knew that he did, that he wanted—needed me to say that it wasn’t true.

“I don’t need to do this to myself.” He dropped my hands and shook his head. “Forgive me for interrupting your night, Claire. I wish you well and I—”

“I didn’t sleep with him.”

He blinked.

“I was too wrapped up in someone else to do that...But that someone else has clearly moved on, so maybe tonight I should go ahead and—”

“Stacy is just a friend.”

“You two look like a lot more than friends...Friends don’t put their arms around each other or play around like you two have been doing.”

He rolled his eyes. “She’s just a friend.” He placed my arms around his neck again and picked up the dance where we left off. “Of all the men you could’ve dated after me, you chose Damien Edwards?”

“I didn’t know I needed your approval for whoever I choose to date.”

“Seeing as though you were only supposed to be dating me, I’m sure you can see why I would be upset with your poor decision-making skills. You can do a lot better than him.”

“Taking dating advice from an ex-boyfriend? How appropriate.”

“I never did get a chance to buy you that thesaurus...” He tugged at the bow on the back of my gown. “Does your new boyfriend know that I bought you this dress?”

“He doesn’t know about you at all.”

He twirled me around. “Does he make you happy?

I didn’t say anything. I continued dancing with him, trying to read his eyes and force the words I wanted to say out of my mouth. “I’m...I’m sorry that I left you, Jonathan.”

He stopped moving. “Excuse me?”

“I’m sorry that I left you...”

He sighed and twirled me again, not saying anything in response. He kept swaying me to the beat, acting as if I hadn’t said anything important.

I felt tears welling in my eyes and jerked out of his arms. “You don’t believe me? I really am sorry...I didn’t mean to hurt—”

“You did. You left me for a bullshit reason and you never even tried to explain what had been going on between you and my mother.” His eyes turned to slits. “And the next time I happen to see you, you’re wrapped up in my competitor’s arms and his tongue is ten feet down your throat. You saying ‘I’m sorry’ is supposed to fix that? I haven’t been able to think about another woman, let alone date one since you left me. Yet, here you are with Damien Edwards, damn near having sex on the beach.”

“It’s not what you think...” I tried not to cry. “I was wishing he was you the entire time.”

“So you did fuck him?” He hissed. “Because if he were me, that’s exactly what you would be doing.”

“No...”

He rolled his eyes. “It took everything I had not to drag you out of that room at the opening ball, Claire. You’re lucky some of my investors are here because if they weren’t, I swear to God I would’ve grabbed you by your—”

“Jonathan—”

“Your nerve is un-fucking-believable. If I wasn’t so angry with you, I’d fuck you right here so you could feel exactly how—”

“I love you, Jonathan.” I leaned forward and pressed my finger against his lips. “I don’t have any feelings for Damien and I don’t want to be with him. I’m only using him to get over you, and I am sorry for leaving...I really am...I don’t expect me saying that to magically erase what I did, but it’s the truth.”

He was silent for a while. “Why did you come here with him at all? You knew there was a chance that I would be here.”

“I didn’t...”

“What’s your excuse for kissing him in front of me then? You knew damn well that I was watching you...”

“I was mad at you for letting Stacy get that close to you. I wanted to make you jealous...”

“I was already jealous...” He clasped my hands and started to dance with me again, staring into my eyes. As we moved across the floor, he rubbed the small of my back and sighed. “How are Ashley and Caroline?”

“They’re doing okay...Caroline has a boyfriend now, and Ashley’s currently grounded for taking my car without permission. I actually enjoyed having her home this past weekend. She helped keep my mind off—”

“Me?”

I nodded. “I’ve missed you so much...I don’t know what I have to do to make you believe me but—”

“Prove it...”

“Fine,” I whispered. “Kiss me.”

“In public?” His eyes lit up. He looked like he couldn’t believe the words I’d just said. “Just because I’m about to kiss you doesn’t change how angry I am.” He smiled as he pulled me closer. “You’ve pushed me to a limit that I didn’t even know I had.”

“I didn’t realize how much you meant to me, Jonathan.” My lips were inches away from his now. “Can we leave right now? We can disappear before Damien gets back and before the lights go up so people won’t know what’s going on. I just want to be with you and—”

“Three. Fucking. Months.” He dropped his arms from around me and stepped back.

What? “I—”

“You haven’t said a word to me in three months and you’re still worried about being seen with me? Are you fucking serious? All that stuff you just said about missing me and wanting me back and you’re still stuck on this we-can’t-be-seen-together-in-public shit?”

“I’m sorry...I just thought that—”

“That I would come running after you like I always do? That I would force myself to be in your life when you made it perfectly clear that that’s not what you wanted? What the fuck were you thinking?” He looked hurt.

“Jonathan, I’m—”

“Did you consider my feelings at all? Did you think I wouldn’t believe you if you told me about my mother? I would have. And I would’ve put a stop to it the second you told me about it.”

“I—”

“I’m done playing games with you, Claire. There are a lot of things that I can get over rather quickly, but this bullshit isn’t one of them. I want you to choose.”

“What? What are you saying?”

“If you want to be with me like you say you do, and you really are in love with me like I’m in love with you, I need you to choose me over Damien.”

“I do. I just did. Can’t you—”

“In front of him, with the lights on.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “I think you’re still scared about us being seen together publicly, like you’ve been from the beginning. In the past, I was fine with that because I’m sensitive to things you’re sensitive about, but...I’ve told you that I don’t half-ass anything and I’m not going to put up with it anymore. I’ve done everything to show you that I want you and that I love you. It’s your turn. Choose.”

As if on cue, the lights in the room brightened to white and Damien wrapped his arms around me from behind.

“I’m sorry again, sweetheart.” He kissed the back of my neck. “You weren’t alone for too long were you?”

I shook my head. “No...”

“Oh, I see you’ve found my favorite person. Again.” Damien shrugged. “Did you come to the conference alone, Jonathan? Where’s your date?”

“I’m not sure.” Jonathan looked directly at me. “Miss Gracen, have you seen the woman I’m supposed to be with?”

Everything suddenly fell silent. It felt like the only people in the room were me, Jonathan, and Damien.

“Did you say something, Miss Gracen?” Jonathan raised his eyebrow. “Have you seen who I belong with? The woman who wants to be with me and only me?”

My heart was racing and my palms were beginning to sweat. I swallowed, looking all around the room. “Yes...” I panicked. “She’s over by the bar...”

He nodded his head slowly, saying “I’m done,” with his eyes. “Thank you very much...I guess I didn’t notice her walk by us...All differences aside,” he said as he reached out for Damien’s hand, “that was one hell of a demonstration you put on this afternoon. I wish I had thought of that wireless addition first.”

Damien shook his hand. “Thank you very much. That actually means a lot coming from you. Wait, you’re not going to try and steal it from me are you?”

“No. I already tried to steal what I wanted.” He reached out for my hand and shook it. “It was very nice seeing you again, Miss Gracen. I wish you both well.” And with that, he walked away.

“Hmmm. Maybe he is becoming classier.” Damien laughed. “Would you like to continue our dance now?”

“Yes...” My voice cracked.

As he pulled me close and swayed me to the music, I buried my head in his chest and held back tears.

––––––––

Why didn’t I just say “She’s right here? I’m sorry Damien, but I’m in love with Jonathan...I want to be with him.” Why couldn’t I just say that?

I’d been playing that scene in my mind all night, wishing I could rewind time and take what I said back. I even went looking for Jonathan after the ball ended, attempting to get a do over, but his security guards wouldn’t let me get close enough. 

I sniffled against my pillow for the umpteenth time and felt Damien moving his arms from around me. 

“Claire?” He stepped out of bed and hit the lights. “Why are you crying?”

“I’m not...I’m not crying...” I choked back another sob. “My allergies just make it look that way sometimes...”

“Would you like me to have room service bring you something?”

“No...”

“I can make you some tea.” He sat on the edge of the bed and caressed my hand. “Would you like some?”

I sniffled. “Sure... Um, would you mind if I went down to the gift shop for a second?”

“What do you need? I can have someone bring it up.”

“Benadryl, but I could use the walk...Alone...”

He reached over me and pulled a few Kleenex off the nightstand. “Come here.” He pulled me up by my arms so I was sitting upright. “When you get back from the shop, I want you to tell me the truth about why you’re crying, okay? Whatever it is, I want to know. I can fix it if you let me.”

No, you can’t...“Okay,” I murmured as he placed a kiss on my forehead. “I’ll be right back.”

I slid out of the bed and grabbed my robe. I waited until I saw him disappear into the kitchen and walked out of the suite.

As soon as the door shut, I ran down the hallway—straight to the elevators. I knew Jonathan was staying in the presidential suite—I’d overheard someone mention that at the ball, so I hoped I could catch him before he went to sleep.

I pressed “PS” once I stepped onto the elevator and tried to calm my shaking hands as it moved from floor to floor.

The doors opened and I prepared to run down the hall, but I was greeted by a bellman in an all-white suit. “Good evening Miss. How may I help you?”

“I need to see Jonathan Statham.”

“Do you have an access key for this floor?”

“No...”

“Well, I’m afraid I can’t let you go any further ma’am. This is an access only floor. Perhaps if you called his handler and asked to be placed on the approved visitors list...” His voice trailed off.

“I really need to see him. It’s important.”

“My hands are tied, Miss. I can’t just let anyone beyond that door.” He motioned to the door that hid the rest of the floor from view. “It’s for presidential suite guests and approved visitors only. It’s not up for discussion.”

I broke down in tears. “Please, just...I know you don’t know me at all, but I have to talk to him. It’s a matter of—”

“Would you like me to call him for you?” He looked concerned.

I nodded and he pulled a phone out of his pocket.

“Mr. Statham, this is Mr. Collins. I’m the bellman on your floor and I’m calling because—Yes, my daughter did receive those chocolates you sent yesterday. Thank you very much...Ah, yes I’m calling because I have a woman here to see you. She says it’s important, but we have a strict policy on presidential suite guests...” He looked up at me. “What’s your name Miss?”

“Claire Gracen.”

“Her name is Claire Gracen, Mr. Statham...Yes...Oh, I see...Well, thank you sir. I apologize for interrupting your night. I’ll see you in the morning.” He put his phone back in his pocket. “He said he’s not familiar with you, Miss Gracen. I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave now. He’s a very valued guest and I don’t want to upset him any further.”

“He does know me! I’m his—”

“He said he’s never heard of you before, Miss. Those were his words verbatim. Now, please leave before I call security.”

My heart crumbled.

I was speechless. I couldn’t even think. I stepped back onto the elevator and rode it down to the lobby—inspired to get the Benadryl more than ever so I could try to sleep this pain away.

He doesn’t know me? How can he say that? Is he that upset about earlier?

I let more tears fall down my face as I stepped off and headed towards the gift shop. I saw Greg ordering around a group of suited men and rushed over. I blurted, “I need to speak to Jonathan and they won’t let me up to the presidential suite.”

“Excuse me for one minute, gentlemen.” He pulled me away from the group and raised his eyebrow. He reached into his jacket and handed me a handkerchief. “Would you like me to deliver the message for you, Miss Gracen?”

“No, I...It’s a really personal message. Can you take me up there with you? I’m sure if the guard saw me with you he would—”

“He doesn’t want to be bothered by anyone for the remainder of the conference, Miss Gracen. Those were his exact words to me.”

“Please, Greg...I need to—”

“He wants to be alone.” His voice was clipped.

“Please.” I cried. “I know we haven’t been together for three months but he means a lot to me. You have to believe that...Please help me...”

Sighing, he grabbed my hand and led me around the front desk, greeting all of the managers, showing me a private elevator. He hit the top button and the doors glided open immediately.

As the cart rose, he turned to face me. “When you get off, make two lefts and his room will be in front of you. This is the back entrance to his suite, so you’ll have to be quiet or the guard who stands in front of the other elevator will alert me or the hotel’s head security. Understand?”

I nodded and the doors opened seconds later.

“To the left, Miss Gracen.”

I rushed off the elevator and headed for his room.

I stood in front of the door for a few seconds, running my fingers across the golden nameplate that bore his name in newly painted cursive.

I knocked once. No answer.

I knocked twice. Nothing.

I knocked again and again, louder and louder with each try.

“Hold on! Hold on!” A woman’s voice came from the other side of the door. There was some shuffling, and then the door swung open.

“Oh...It’s you.” Stacy Rodriguez stood in front of me wearing a light blue slip with her hair tousled all over her head.

Did he just have sex with her?

She pursed her lips and shook her head. “Jonathan!” She glared at me before walking back inside. “He’ll be right out, Claire.”

I began to count the seconds with nervous taps of my foot. I was on the verge of more tears when I realized that five minutes had gone by. 

I took a step forward, tempted to step inside and confront him, but I saw him walk across the room. He took a long sip from his glass and slammed it down on the table. Then he turned towards me.

He came to the door and stared into my eyes, expressionless. He opened his mouth to speak, but then he shook his head and started to close the door.

“Wait!” I held my hand against the doorknob. “Please listen to me, Jonathan! I am so sorry—I didn’t know what to say! You caught me off guard and you know I’m—you know I’m not the public-type but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. I do. And I want to be with you. Please just...I’ll go get Damien, bring him here, and tell him that—”

“Miss Gracen, I don’t have time for any unscheduled meetings. I have enough on my plate this week with seminars and tech demonstrations.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his business card, handing it to me. “Feel free to schedule a meeting with my secretary at your earliest convenience. However, I’m booked through the end of the year so don’t expect an immediate appointment.”

“What? Jonathan, you can’t be serious. Please let me—”

“Security?” He held his phone up to his ear. “I have an unapproved guest bothering me at my suite and I’m not exactly sure where she came from or where she belongs.”

I gasped.

“Enjoy the rest of the conference, Miss Gracen.” He shut the door in my face.

“Wait!” I knocked on the door again, as forcefully as I could manage. “Open the door, Jonathan! You didn’t mean that! Come back! Come back!” I started kicking at it, twisting at the doorknob, screaming at the top of my lungs.

Before I knew it, Greg was picking me up and carrying me back onto the private elevator. 

“Put me down, Greg! I need to talk to him! Don’t let him do this to me! He said he doesn’t know me and you know that’s not true!” I’d never behaved so erratically in my life. “Please! I need to tell him I’m sorry again! He didn’t understand me! Please! Please!”

He set me down on the floor as soon as the doors shut and hit fifty two—Damien’s floor. He ignored my pleas and kept his face completely stoic.

When the doors opened again, he gently grabbed me by my shoulders and walked me down the hall to my room.

He pulled another handkerchief from his jacket, and as if he knew that I was too broken to do anything but cry, he wiped away my tears as they fell—waiting until they’d completely stalled.

He reached into his pocket and handed me a bottle of Benadryl. “I suggest you tell Mr. Edwards that you were lost and ended up at the gift shop on the other side of the resort. He called the front desk twice, wondering if you’d bought your medicine yet.”

My hands shook as I clasped the bottle. “Thank you, Greg...Um, I know you don’t have any obligation to me but....Could I ask you for a favor?”

“Anything, Miss Gracen.”

“Could you tell Jonathan that I said, ‘I love you’? And that I meant it when I told him that?”

He looked sympathetic. “Of course, Miss Gracen. Have a good night.” He patted my shoulder and walked away.