Chapter Eleven
RHOADES
By six p.m., I needed a drink. Badly. We’d spent almost three hours looking at not only furniture, but knickknacks and lighting and rugs until my head spun. This wasn’t my forte, and I had gained a newfound respect for these designers.
Austin had grown quiet on the ride uptown to my brownstone, and when Felix pulled the car up front and cut the engine, he remained unmoving. I unclipped my seat belt, opened the door, and stepped out.
“Aren’t you coming?”
He blinked, wide-eyed and a bit uncertain, which surprised me. Austin presented himself as a tough person, but I knew he hid behind a facade. Didn’t we all?
“Uh, I’m not sure this is a good idea.”
I climbed back into the car and faced him. “It’s dinner. That’s all I’m offering. I’m not going to force you to do anything—I thought we put that topic to bed. You don’t need to repay me by sleeping with me. Now, I’m tired and I want a scotch and then a steak. Join me…please?”
For months I’d watched Austin dance and knew that though he flaunted his body and played the part of a sensual tease, that persona was far from the reality of the complicated man who sat next to me. We hadn’t gotten to that place of trust yet where he’d tell me his truths, yet who was I to push? I had no intention of setting myself free.
I’d brokered real-estate deals in the millions, yet waiting for Austin’s answer gave me more anxiety than any piece of property I hungered for.
“Please? I’ll even give you my favorite club chair.”
It seemed that was the right thing to say, as Austin snickered. “You got me. And I have to admit a steak sounds pretty good right now. I haven’t had one in a long time.”
We trudged up the steps, and the door opened with Edgar standing there. He’d never question me, but I could see the interest in his eyes.
“Good evening.”
“How are you tonight? This is Austin Poole, and he’ll be joining me for dinner.” Both of us passed Edgar and stood in the round entrance foyer. I removed my coat and indicated Austin should do the same. “We’re going to the library now for drinks. Dinner in about an hour, please? Steaks, baked potatoes, and broccoli good for you, Austin?”
At his nod, I handed my coat to Edgar. “How do you take your steak, Austin?”
“Medium-rare, please. And I’ll keep my coat if you don’t mind.” He smiled at Edgar, who returned it, then glanced at me, eyes wide with avid curiosity.
“No problem. I’ll see to getting your dinners started. There’s a fire in the library, so it should be nice and cozy in there for you. What may I get you to drink? Or do you drink the same as Rhoades?” Edgar asked.
“I prefer margaritas, but if that’s too much trouble—”
“Not a problem,” Edgar interrupted smoothly. “I’ll be with you in a moment.”
“Come.” I waved, and we walked to the back, down the hallway, past the oil paintings and old photographs of relatives I’d never met. “The library is my favorite place.” I pushed open the heavy pocket door, and as always, a sense of peace descended on me when I entered the room. The rugs in rich jewel tones of blue, green, and red gave some color to the otherwise neutral earthy tones I’d had them use to decorate when I redid the room several years earlier. The mantle over the fireplace held the memories of my life, and I damned myself for not thinking earlier to ask Edgar to remove them. Hopefully Austin wouldn’t notice.
“Have a seat.” I positioned myself between Austin and the fireplace, where bright flames snapped behind the wrought iron gate. “I promised you my club chair. It’s the most comfortable seat in the house.”
With his dancer’s grace, Austin sank into the chair and let out a sigh. “It is. There’s nothing like a big leather chair to curl up in. I used to…” He bit his lip and dropped his gaze.
I said nothing. The little I knew of Austin was that he’d be familiar with luxury; his father lived less than ten blocks from here, in a house if not the same size, then even bigger. Pretending not to notice the strain on his face, I gave him a chance to recover and walked to the bar to fix myself a scotch.
“Excuse me, I have your guest’s drink.”
Edgar entered the room with a pitcher of margaritas, an ice bucket, salt, and a tumbler. I watched in amusement.
“Do you like the rim salted or unsalted?”
“Uh…unsalted. And I didn’t need a pitcher. One would’ve been good.” Austin’s blue eyes widened, and his gaze shifted from me back to Edgar.
Edgar poured the drink and handed it to him. “It’s not a problem. And over the years, I’ve discovered one margarita is never enough.” He set the tray down on the side table. “Do you plan on eating in the dining room or here tonight?”
“I think here would be fine. More casual. We’ve had a busy day.” I lowered myself onto the love seat opposite Austin and stretched out my legs while loosening my tie. “Austin will be designing the interior of the Charles Street project. I went with him today to some of the showrooms.”
“You? In a design showroom?” The astonishment in Edgar’s voice brought a smile to Austin’s lips.
“Yes.” I glared at him. “I fail to see what’s so funny.”
Edgar’s lips twitched, but he cast a more searching look at Austin, and my chest tightened. I could read his thoughts.
“Nothing funny at all. I’ll see to your dinners.”
He withdrew and left us alone. Unable to sit still, Austin tapped his feet on the floor while he sipped his drink. He reminded me of a beautiful jungle cat on display, caged and proud, keeping himself under control yet bursting to be free. I’d tasted his wildness; it remained fresh on my lips and tongue and seared into my skin.
“Do you live here alone?”
The fire crackled, and I made sure to breathe evenly before I answered. “Yes. Well, except for Edgar. He lives here as well. Edgar worked for us in England and came here with us to the States when we moved back after my mother died.”
Such an abbreviated version of a life. But Austin didn’t need to know the whole sordid MacKenzie history.
“It’s a big house to live in with only one other person.” Austin set his glass down, stood and stretched, then bent to touch his toes, his long, limber body unfolding. I watched him, hungrily eyeing his taut stomach and lean, muscled legs.
Stop it. You promised him.
“I need to check something with Edgar.” Like a coward, I jumped off the love seat and hurried across the room and out the door. For a moment I leaned against the wall to catch my breath, and I closed my eyes.
“Where did you meet him?”
I opened my eyes to Edgar standing before me.
“He’s a dancer. At James’s club.”
“I see.” Which in Edgar’s terminology meant he didn’t understand at all but was too polite to question me.
“He’s also hoping to become an interior designer, and I’m giving him a break.”
A slight smile touched Edgar’s lips. “You always were a sweetheart. Those rumors of a ruthless businessman were false. I always knew it.”
“Oh, shut up,” I answered irritably.
“Why are you out here and not inside, entertaining your guest?”
“I-I…” What could I say? That I was too afraid to be alone with Austin without wanting to kiss him again? Or touch him? That having another man in this house meant I was putting the past—a past I couldn’t let go of—to bed? I let out a frustrated breath and remained silent.
“I need to see about your dinners, but…Rhoades? No one would blame you for living.” In an uncharacteristic gesture, Edgar reached out and squeezed my arm, then strode away.
The sun would rise and often find me sitting in the library, staring out the window. I wanted to move on but found myself trapped in a circle of pain and blame. And it was wrong of me to leave and stand out here in the hallway, thinking of Austin. I’d left the library so quickly, I’d taken my drink with me, and I downed the scotch, barely registering the burn as it traveled through me. It was time for me to go back.
Upon my return, as I’d feared, Austin stood by the fireplace, touching the frame of one of the pictures.
“That was Lance.”
He turned to face me, his eyes guarded, yet somehow I believed he already knew.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry or anything…”
“It’s fine.” I joined him at the mantle and took the picture in my hands. With stunning vividness, I recalled everything about the day it was taken—how Lance teased me for wanting to wear same-color ties; the way his lips tasted sweet from the champagne; the heat of his skin under my fingers when we made love that morning.
“It was taken four years ago. Our last New Year’s Eve together.” Lance’s face stared back at me, brown eyes sparkling brighter than any of the lights on the Christmas tree behind him. I’d held him around the neck, laughing into his cheek, the last time I could remember being so effortlessly happy and free.
“What happened? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“He died.” The words hurt as they escaped my lips. I set the picture back on the mantle and turned my back to the fire.
“I’m sorry.” Austin’s proximity forced me to meet his eyes. Did he see through to my emptiness? My insides had been barren and parched for so long, I drank in his presence.
“It’s fine. It’s gotten easier over the years.”
You are the worst liar.
Afraid Austin might spy the other photographs on display and ask more questions, I walked over to the bar and made myself another drink. Explaining Lance was one thing. I had little desire to discuss James and our tangled connection. Austin followed me.
“I’m not sure it ever gets easier when someone you care about dies. The pain doesn’t ever really go away.”
I gazed at his knowing eyes. “Are you hurting now?”
He shrugged. “I still miss my mother. I think about her all the time.”
“I don’t think we ever forget losing the people we love.”
He ducked his head, gaze rooted to the floor. After the afternoon we’d shared, I didn’t want our night to turn morbid from painful memories. Forgetting the promise I made to keep my hands to myself, I set my glass down and tipped his chin up with my fingers. He froze. We stared at one another, both of us trembling. The cadence of his breathing increased, and his heated breath touched my face. I smelled the sweetness from his drink. He blinked, long black lashes sweeping down like delicate shadows to hide his eyes, but when he didn’t pull away, I dipped my head and touched my lips to his.
He stilled beneath my touch. I grew bolder and pressed on, my blood running fierce and hot through my veins. The electricity we felt between us at the club reignited, and I dared to try and recreate the magic of that moment. My tongue sought entrance past his lips, and he opened his mouth willingly, molding his body to mine. White-hot tension flared into a firestorm, and I kissed him deeper, my lips harsh and demanding, asking unspoken questions.
The slide of Austin’s velvety tongue against mine unleashed a shocking flood of desire I’d kept bottled up, and I slid my arms around his waist, hugging him close. I wanted to lay him down, undress him slowly, and run my hands over his naked body, learning every piece of him. I wanted to taste every beauty mark upon his skin and feel him quiver beneath me. I wanted to hear him scream my name in passion and whisper it softly in the gray of night.
I wanted him.
“Don’t pull away from me.” I breathed deep against his neck, the heat and scent of his skin intoxicating. “Please. I’ll stop if you want. But let me hold you.”
“I don’t…why? Why me?” He swayed, clutching my waist.
“I don’t know.” It was the most honest answer I could give. I kissed him again, but lightly this time. A simple brush of our lips that left me craving more but holding back. Not an easy thing to do, but I didn’t want to scare him. If Austin knew the depth of my hunger for him, how in my fractured sleep I pictured him beneath me—naked, writhing, calling out my name—he’d run and never let me near him again. I ran my hands through his luxurious waves, feeling their strands slide between my fingers, then held him by the shoulders to gaze down at his face.
He straightened his shoulders and took a step back, and I let him go, wishing I could hold him tight but knowing it would have the opposite effect.
“Did you plan all this? I said I wouldn’t sleep with you to work on the penthouse.” Anger flushed his face a mottled red, and he crossed his arms over his still-heaving chest. “Did you expect me to forget that and put out because you’re giving me a nice meal and some drinks?”
“No. Austin, I’m sorry. I don’t know how to explain it without sounding clichéd or stupid, but—”
“But what? What are you going to say? That you care about me because you’ve watched me dance in a club? Now you gave me a job and we spent a day together, so you think that means you can have me? That’s bullshit. You’re no different than what they all want. But you can’t have me. You know nothing about me. Nothing.”
Those wide blue eyes glazed with passion only moments ago, now narrowed and spit fire as he continued to vent his anger on me.
“None of us want to be treated like objects. We’re more than smiles and dicks and pretty asses for you to ogle. All of us have brains and heart and dreams. We might be on display, but that doesn’t mean you get to sample the merchandise. I get to decide who puts their dick in me. Only me.”
Gone was the dreamy sensuality we’d woven between us from our kiss. Once again I’d fumbled—only this time, I had a slim chance to make it right. One last shot.
“And you’re right in everything you say. I didn’t mean for our day to end this way. I swore I wouldn’t break the trust I want to grow between us, and I failed miserably. But it wasn’t because I planned on taking you to bed. I…I can’t deny I want you. I’m not a liar, and you’re no fool. But that’s not why I hired you or brought you here. I hired you because I see you have a dream, a vision, and above all else…the talent.”
“And why should I believe you after what just happened?” The unmistakable vulnerability and hurt in his voice left me with hope that he cared.
“You don’t have to.” My honesty surprised him, and he seemed to be a bit taken aback. “But,” I continued with a racing heart, the words tumbling out to keep him here, “I’m hoping you’ll give me a second chance. In the end it comes down to you and what you want. I’m giving you the power.”
Interest replaced the skepticism. “Go on. I’m still listening.”
Sensing an advantage, I pressed my point, careful to maintain the fragile balance between my desire to have him close to me and reassuring Austin that whatever he decided I would respect.
“If you leave, I’ll only have to find another designer, which won’t be too hard, as you can imagine. So you’d be hurting yourself.” To emphasize my point, I backed away from him and put my hands up in front of my chest, palms out. “Here’s the offer. Full design control, and I don’t see the penthouse until it’s finished.”
“There has to be a catch. Tell me everything or I walk out.”
Who’d hurt him so badly?
The fire snapped loudly as we stared at each other, the air thick with promise and words unsaid. I glimpsed a flicker of what I thought might be hope and yearning in Austin’s eyes.
“No catch. I have a hunch about you…call it a gut feeling. I’ve made my money on those gut feelings, so I always go with them”
“Oh, yeah? And what does your gut tell you?”
That you’re going to be trouble for my heart.
I grimaced and raked a hand through my hair. “That you have that ‘it’ quality. It’s indefinable, but I know it when I see it. And I see it in you. Everything you do, I would guess you like to be the best…to excel at”
My last remark struck something as Austin’s scowl flickered for a moment, and I caught a glimpse of the young lost boy he once was. It vanished, and he thrust out his jaw.
“And where is this going? I need reassurance that every time we’re together you won’t put your hands on me or try and kiss me.”
“Let’s not make this so one-sided.” I could give as well as get, and I wasn’t about to let him lay all the blame on me. “I take full responsibility for kissing you. I also recall you kissed me back.”
“Yeah, well…whatever. No more kissing or touching. I want you to treat me like any other employee.”
“Agreed. I’ll expect weekly status reports on the progress.”
“Not a problem. I’ll need the company email.”
“Sir?” Edgar’s voice stopped my response. “Your dinners are here. Shall I bring them in?”
I cocked a brow at Austin. “So are we settled, then?”
Edgar hovered at the door with the tray of food. The rich aroma of the steak wafted over, and my stomach growled. Austin bit back a smile.
“Yeah, okay. We’re good.”
“Edgar.” I pointed at the large desk. “Come in, please. You can set the food down. We’re ready to eat. Bring your drink, Austin.” I freshened my scotch and waited for Austin to sit down and join me. Edgar left, but not before giving me a smile, which I chose to ignore. I’d follow Austin’s rules because he was right. As my employee, he was now untouchable. Besides, I’d had my one relationship, my one great love with Lance. My infatuation with Austin was a purely physical reaction from lack of sex these past four years. Once we worked together on a regular basis, he’d become like any other employee.
Austin joined me at the desk, and I picked up my glass.
“To new beginnings.”
He raised his glass to mine. “New beginnings.”