Chapter 16
RIFF
Okay, so surprising her didn’t go exactly like I’d planned. I wasn’t expecting a Hollywood sap where she runs into my arms in happy tears, but I was at least expecting a smile. It was like she was embarrassed I was there, which stung a little. I know I’m not exactly clean-cut, but I’m not horrid or anything. Maybe she’s more uptight than I thought.
“Go on up, sir,” Aubrey’s doorman says after he calls her to confirm I’m allowed in. I guess all the tattoos make me seem a little intimidating and untrustworthy.
Once I’m on the correct floor I track down her apartment number and then let myself in with the key. I pull my sunglasses off my face, glancing around the small space. The kitchen and living room are practically in the same room, which is typical for places in the city. There’s a large brown couch in the middle of the room and three blue doors to my right. I set my bag inside and shut the door behind me.
It smells nice in here, like some sort of apple scent. I can totally tell this is a girl’s place. I haven’t stayed in a place that’s had a woman’s touch in a long time.
My ringtone echoes around the room. I pull the phone out of my pocket.
Shit. A call from him is never good.
“Yeah?” I say into the receiver after hitting talk.
“Don’t yeah me you little shit. I’m your father. You give me some respect when I talk to you,” he slurs into the phone.
I clench my fist. “What do you want?”
“I need more money.”
Fuck me. “You went through thirty thousand dollars in less than two weeks?”
He laughs bitterly into the phone. “Well, since I have to take care of all the bills by myself since your mother isn’t here that chump change you call a paycheck you send doesn’t last long.”
I rub my forehead vigorously. “Do you have any idea how much fucking money that is? What did you spend it on?”
“I spent a weekend in Vegas. Next time I’m going on vacation you need to send me more money.”
“I’m not sending you anymore,” I growl.
“You will send me more money or I’ll—”
“You’ll what?” I fire back. “There’s nothing you can do to me. Not anymore. Your threats of beating my ass no longer scare me. I’ve done nothing to you!”
“Other than kill my wife and daughter! You’re a murdering son of a bitch, Zachary! You owe me money because you took away my life. If you hadn’t done what you did they’d both still be alive. How do you expect me to deal with all this and work? I can’t and it’s your fault. That’s why you send me the goddamn money.”
Tears burn my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. “Fine. I’ll send you two million dollars and then we’re fucking done. Forever. You get me? Totally forget my fucking number.”
“No problem. Send me the money and you’ll never hear from me again.” His voice almost sounds giddy and it makes me sick to my stomach.
How can he be so excited to exploit their deaths? It’s fucking sick.
“Great. I’ll have my accountant wire it to your account,” I say and then hang up the phone.
Two million dollars is a small price to pay if he keeps him off my back.
Anger pulses through my veins. I raise my foot and shove the small brown coffee table across the room. It crashes into another small stand holding a lamp and it falls to the floor shattering against the hardwood floor.
I lean back against the wall and slide down it. It’s times like these I wish I was dead, too. Sometimes life is too fucking hard and I can’t even deal. I stretch my legs out in front of me and stare up at the white ceiling.
Why did my life have to turn out this way? I never imagined as a kid I would end up like this—a broken piece of a man. No one ever says when they grow up they want to be known as the reason their mom and sister died.
The tears I’ve been trying so hard to hold back drip down my face. I hug my knees into my chest and rest my forehead on them.
The deadbolt clicks and I jerk my head up as the door opens. My heart stops in my chest the moment Aubrey comes into view.
Fuck.
She’s the last person I ever wanted to see me in one of these states. She’ll never want to be with me if she sees how unstable I am with my emotions.
I flick the tears off my cheeks and quickly stand up as she takes inventory of the destroyed room. “Hey. I’m sorry about the mess. I’ll totally clean it up and replace all the broken stuff.”
She glances at my face and then touches my cheek with her fingertips, whipping away a residual tear. “What happened? Are you okay?”
I nod. “Yeah. It’s fine. I was on the phone with my dad. He has a way of getting under my skin.”
She frowns. “Is it about money again?”
I flinch. So she wasn’t asleep through that phone call after all. “You heard that?”
“Yes, but I didn’t mean to, so I pretended to be asleep so you wouldn’t feel awkward or feel like you had to explain yourself to me. I was just some girl you slept with.”
I cup her face in my hands. “You were never that to me. I can’t explain it, but right from the start, I knew you were special. There’s something about you that pulls me in. No matter how much I try to force myself to stay away from you, I can’t. I’m no good for you. I know that, but damn it, I can’t stop myself from wanting you.”
Kitten bites her lip. “Then don’t.”
The overwhelming need to have her at that moment crashes over me and I crush my lips against hers. She opens her mouth enough for my tongue to slide in—the silky-smoothness of our wet tongues sliding together my makes my dick throb. It reminds me so much of what being inside her without a condom feels like.
I growl into her mouth as I grab the waistband of her skirt and yank her flush against my body. “I fucking want you.”
She pushes me back against the wall and wraps her arms around my neck. I love it when she’s forceful. Our tongues mingle together while I slide my hand under her shirt. The shear fabric of her bra is all that separates my hand from one of my most favorite parts of her body. I untuck her blouse and begin undoing the tiny white buttons. Once it’s all open I slip my fingers inside her shirt and peel it off her body.
Her bra is nearly see-through. I rub my thumb over her chest. The nipple becomes rigid beneath my hand. I dip my finger inside the cup of her bra and pull the fabric down, revealing her full breast. I bend down and take her nipple into my mouth, playfully biting it. She throws her head back and moans, causing my dick to jerk hard inside my jeans.
Her skin blazes against my lips as I kiss a path back up to her mouth. All of my fingers find their way into her hair and I yank her head back a little as I kiss her hungrily. The material of my black t-shirt strains as she yanks a handful in her fists and kisses me back with just as much force. This rougher sex turns me on more than anything. I like the battle for control. A woman who knows what she wants is always fucking sexy.
I reach behind her and unhook her bra before pulling it off and tossing it to the floor.
I walk her backwards towards the couch, and when the back of her knees hit it, I lay her down.
The need to have her skin on mine zings through me, causing me to practically rip my shirt off my body in order to get it over my head. Aubrey peers up at me with her almond-shaped eyes while her chest heaves. I tug at the zipper on the side of her skirt and slide it, along with her panties, down her legs.
She starts to kick off her red stilettos, but I grab her ankle and shake my head. “Leave those on.”
I toss her clothes to the floor and stare down at her naked perfection. Her red hair and pumps only increase her sexiness factor. I wrap my hand around her right ankle and lift it to my lips. I kiss and lick my way to her inner thigh and she squirms beneath me as I slide a knee against her other leg on the couch.
I throw her leg over my shoulder and bend down at the waist. The tip of my index finger flicks over her clit a few times before it moves inside her. I trace her folds with my tongue before I wiggle it over her sweet spot.
Within a couple minutes her back starts arching—I love that she’s so receptive. It makes it really hard to hold back my urge to drive into her.
“Oh, god,” she whimpers while grabbing a hold of my ear with her hand, holding me firmly in place. “Yes!”
As soon as her legs stop shaking I grab her hips and yank her towards me. I shove my jeans and underwear down and kick them across the room in my excitement to have her again.
I grab the base of my cock and swirl it around her entrance a few times before sliding it inside her. It’s so warm and inviting. I squeeze my eyes shut and focus on how fucking good it feels. “Your pussy is so nice and wet for me. I’ve missed this so fucking much.”
I lean down and run my nose along her jaw line. The intense scent of fruity shampoo and a light perfume fill my nose. Every nerve inside me is consumed with her presence.
I pull my hips back and then thrust them again, stretching every inch of her around my dick as I go in deeper. Her legs relax and open even wider on the next pump and I can almost get my entire length inside her, but it’s still too tight to push the entire cock in. “Shit, Kitten. You’re so fucking tight.”
I drag my lips across the flesh of her neck. Her head drifts to the side and a moan escapes those red, pouty lips. She’s getting close again already. I increase my pace and allow my hips to smack into her thighs. When her eyes close, I lean up and continue to pump into her. I slide my hand down her belly until it finds the top of her pussy. I flick my thumb across her clit and her entire body jerks while she gasps.
“Fucking come for me,” I growl as I pump harder while the heel of her shoe digs into my ass.
The urge to taste her rages inside me, so I snake my tongue out and lick her earlobe before nibbling on it. Kitten grabs my face with both hands and crushes her lips against mine.
A growl rumbles in my chest as the need to claim her pushes through me. “Tell me you’re mine. Tell me you want me.”
She peers up at me through sex-hazed eyes and says, “I want to be with you. I think I have since that first night.”
I kiss her with as much force as I can without hurting her. Knowing that she’s finally admitted she wants me too makes this the best fuck I’ve ever had. I bury my face in her shoulder and wrap her tight in my arms and I pound into her, searching for my own release.
“Zach,” she breathes my name and it’s my undoing.
My breath comes out in ragged spurts as my cock tenses then blasts her full as I release into her. The way I feel about this girl is crazy. This crazy connection is odd to me and I can’t quite wrap my head around it. It’s like she genuinely cares for me, and that’s something from a woman I’ve never had.
I collapse on top of her. “I don’t think I’m ever going to get enough of that.”
She runs her hand down my back. “That’s good, considering I just committed to you.”
I lean up on my elbow so I can look into her eyes. “You’re serious about that?”
Kitten bites her lip. “Weren’t you?”
I pin her gaze with mine. “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this. I’m a little afraid.”
“Of what?” she whispers.
“Of disappointing you,” I admit.
She licks her lips and places her palm on my cheek. “Be real with me and let me in and you won’t.”
I give her a sad smile. She has no idea what she’s asking for. “I’ll try.”
“That’s all I ask.”
My heart squeezes as I lean down and kiss her lips. For the first time ever I find myself sleeping with someone who’s committed to me and it feels fucking amazing.
AUBREY
After one last kiss, I push myself away from the couch and out of Zach’s arms. I can’t believe we defined our relationship into more. It’s crazy. Never in a million years would I have ever believed Riff of Black Falcon would be the man to crave and commit to a relationship with me.
“Where are you going?” Zach grabs my wrist.
I turn and smile at him. “I’m going to take a shower.”
“Okay don’t be too long.” He smirks as he smacks my bare ass.
I giggle as I head towards the bathroom and stop short of the shattered lamp that’s still lying on the floor. His father triggers instant rage in him. I’m not sure why Zach owes his father money, but whatever the reason, it seems to tear him up every time he calls.
“I’ll clean all that up,” Zach says behind me as he places both hands on my shoulders. “I swear I’ll replace everything I broke.”
I nod and pat his hand. “Okay.”
I want to bombard him with questions but I know it’s too soon. Someone like Zach cannot be pushed.
His warm lips place a light kiss on the side of my neck. “I promise.”
After my shower I come out of the bathroom to find my apartment clean. You would never know a wrathful hurricane came through here. The aroma of some sort of mouthwatering food fills the apartment and I find myself drawn towards it. Zach’s stands in the kitchen over my stove stirring a steaming pot.
It’s an odd sight, really. One of the world’s hardest rockers appearing all domesticated in my kitchen, cooking dinner, no less. His rough exterior of all the tattoos makes me think more of Ozzy Osbourne than Martha Stewart. All he’s missing is a polka-dotted apron.
He glances up and smiles when catches me watching him intently. “I figured you might be hungry after working all day.”
“I’m starving,” I say as I sit on the stool at the bar and watch him work.
Zach sticks a fork into the pot and brings one of the spaghetti noodles up the side and cuts it in two. “This was how my mom taught me to check if the noodles were cooked thoroughly. If they cut apart with ease, they’re done.”
“Good tip. I wish I knew how to cook.”
He places a strainer in my sink. “Maybe I can teach you all my mad skills. Mom taught me a ton of helpful little tips before she passed.”
That’s the first time I’d ever heard Zach talk fondly about his mother and that makes me curious about her. “Can I ask you something?”
He grabs the pot handles with some dishtowels and carries it over to the sink to strain the water off the noodles. “Shoot.”
I swallow hard, knowing this might not be a place he wants to go with me yet. “What happened to her?”
He pauses for the briefest second and then shakes the rest of the noodles out of the pot. “She killed herself soon after Hailey died.”
I gasp and grab my chest. “I’m so sorry. That had to be hard on you.”
He nods as he carries the pot full of strained noodles back to the stove and dumps the simmering red sauce over the noodles and begins to stir. “It was. Losing them both so close was almost more than I could bear. I almost didn’t make it myself. It was a very dark time in my life.”
I lean my elbow up on the counter. “What brought you out of it?”
He opens the cabinets searching for plates. “Trip mainly, and Tyke. Music—the way I could lose myself in it. It helped me forget how shitty my life was, still does to this day.”
“Are things still bad for you now?” I wonder out loud.
Zach shrugs as he fills two plates full. “It’s getting better, or at least right now it feels like it is.”
I smile as he sets a plate of spaghetti in front of me. “Thank you. It looks amazing. I have to say this is a first for me.”
He sits beside me. “What is?”
“A man has never cooked for me before. You’re full of surprises.”
He winks at me, like there’s more up his sleeve before taking a bite of food. “Sorry there’s no meat in it. You didn’t have any hamburger. Tomorrow I’ll go shopping for us and cook for you while I’m here. Hopefully I can teach you a thing or two.”
“I’d like that.” I twirl a noodle around my fork and pop it into my mouth. “Mmmm. This is so good.”
He grins. “I’m glad you like it.”
The question of what’s happened in his past still lingers on my mind. If his mother killed herself over the grief of the loss of her daughter, why does Zach’s father blame him for their deaths? Suicide is a personal choice kind of thing. It isn’t like Zach made her do that. Something about the whole situation doesn’t add up and while he’s being so sharing I might as well try to figure out the mystery behind this man.
“Can I ask you something else?” I ask quietly.
Zach takes a drink of his water and says, “You can ask me anything you want and I’ll try to be as honest as I can with you.”
“It’s about your sister…” He freezes up again at the mention of bringing up his sister again. I’m starting to see the pattern with that every time I ask something about her. It’s almost as if he’s afraid to talk about her. “What happened to her?”
He sets his glass on the bar in front of us. “She died in a car crash.”
At first I think those kinds of tragic accidents happen every day. I still don’t see how Zach’s dad blames him for any of this.
Zach traces patterns in the condensation on the glass and I worry he’s shutting down again until he opens his mouth and continues. “There was a guy in my high school—a real know-it-all type jackass, and he kept taunting me with his flashy new Mustang. I always tried my best to ignore petty bullshit like that, but this guy was able to get under my skin like no other. He talked so much shit everyday about how his car would smoke my Camaro in a race, that one day it finally got to me.”
This is not the story I was expecting from him and I’m perplexed on where he’s going with this. “So what happened?”
He sighs. “I told him I’d race him after school to get him to shut the fuck up.”
I crunch my brow. “How did that involve Hailey?”
He stares down at the counter and takes a deep breath. “I was responsible for driving Hailey home from school. Instead of making her wait at a playground or something while I raced, I kept her in the car with me.” He frowns. “I thought she was safer with me than alone at a park. There’s so many weirdo creeps. I didn’t want one to come along and take my eight year old sister, you know.”
My heart leaps up into my throat as everything starts clicking. Hailey’s death. The fact Zach’s sterile. “There was a crash?”
He nods. “It was a two lane road. An oncoming car forced me off the road and I hit an embankment and the car flipped us about five times. I broke an arm and fractured my pelvis. Doctors said I was lucky to even be alive because I was so mangled. Most of the damage was on Hailey’s side, though. She was gone on impact and it was all my fault.” He sucks in a deep breath and he starts choking up. “I never meant to hurt her.”
I rub his back and place my chin on his shoulder as my heart aches to comfort him. “I’m sorry.”
Zach wipes away a fallen tear. “Thank you, but I don’t deserve sympathy. I should’ve died, too.”
“You were just a kid,” I say softly. “Kids make bad choices, doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to grieve.”
“But it’s my fault she’s dead. I’ll never be able to forgive myself for what I did. My parents never did. I killed their baby.” He sniffs.
“Don’t say that. It was an accident,” I try to ease his burden.
He shakes his head. “My own mother said that at my trial. She told the court to punish me to the fullest extent of the law for killing her baby.”
I gasp and clutch my chest. “You went to jail over this, too?”
“Juvenile prison and my license was suspended until I was twenty five, but I think they let me off light. I deserve to still be rotting in that jail cell.”
“It was an accident, Zach. You didn’t mean to hurt her. You have to learn to forgive yourself,” I say.
“I don’t think I ever will. The best I can hope for is little moments of forgetting, like my time with you.” He stares into my eyes. “When I’m with you, I don’t feel as shitty about my life. You give me hope that I can maybe one day be a better person.”
I place my hand on his arm. “You’re already a good person. You have a good heart. I know that. You need to know it, too.”
He sets his hand on mine that still rests on his forearm. “I’m trying, but deep down I think I know I don’t deserve anything good.”
I stand and wrap my arms around his neck. He squeezes me around the waist in a tight embrace and we hold each other, connecting without words.
This man is far more complex than I thought. I’m glad he trusts me enough to tell me his story, but I get the feeling that he hasn’t known real love in a long time, and that explains so much. It answers the question on why he’s never settled down even though he’s got a good heart.
I’m going to show him that he’s capable of giving and receiving love. He deserves to know he can.