Chapter 12
RIFF
Aubrey’s response that she can’t be with me cuts deep. I fire back am instant message asking her why, but she doesn’t answer. The urge to fling my phone across the bus fills every inch of me. Why didn’t I see this coming? I’m a rotten bastard that deserves this misery, and I want to kick my own ass for allowing myself to feel things for this girl—to want more with her. She’s genuine, and that’s what I want.
Big Bertha rolls down the road, taking us to the next city on our tour. I hate being trapped on here at a time like this. More than anything I want to hop on my bike and drive for a few hours to try to clear my head.
I hate that I’m so fucked up that no one can stand to be around me long term.
“Fuck you, bitch. I got you!” Trip yells at the television as he smashes buttons on the game controller.
I shake my head. “What’s with you guys and video games?”
Tyke shrugs, but never removes his eyes from the screen as he fights his brother. “I could ask you the same thing about the Oreos.”
My shoulders tense. Oreos are special to me because of my sister, but that’s not something I share with anyone. The twins know all about my family and the trauma we went through, but that’s only because they knew me when it all happened. What I wouldn’t give to block out my past. It’s too fucking painful to think about. I don’t deserve to be alive, let alone have any happiness. Oreos and the happy memories of me and Hailey together tied to them are the only positives I allow myself.
When the game ends, Tyke gets up and grabs his notepad. “I’ve been working on some new lyrics. I want you guys to tell me what you think.”
“I’m down,” Trip says.
I close up the cookies and push them aside, eager to work on some music. After I grab my Gibson from the front of the bus, I sit down on the love seat glad to have something to occupy my mind.
“Okay, the beat goes a little something like this.” Tyke slaps the table in front of him to a steady beat. “And I’m thinking the bass sounds raunchy.”
He starts making low-pitched noises with his mouth while keeping time on the table. I close my eyes and allow the melody to fill me. It’s a dirty beat and my fingers glide over the threads as the vision of the cords I need to play flood my brain.
Like every other time we write a song, I strum the first notes that come to mind. We play it through for a couple minutes and Trip sits down and takes over the drum beat and we start again, only this time I open my mouth sign the lyrics on Tyke’s paper. The parts he still needs to write I improvise with a little humming.
“Through the rain cloud—there you were…hmmmm, hmmm, hmm,” I sing.
Trip nods his head. “Yeah, I like it.”
We run through it a few more times, each time getting it tuned finer. “It’s great, man. The bones are solid.”
Tykes grins. “Thanks, bro. You know how it is when I write. I never know until we start putting it together if it’s going to work or not.”
I roll my eyes—always the self-doubter. “I think you got something with this one.”
We wrap up our jam session and Lanie opens the door and makes her way down the hallway. Her hair is a little frizzy from sleep and she squints at the bright lights.
I glance over at the clock. Damn. It’s nearly four in the morning. She’s probably pissed we woke her up.
“Hey, if it isn’t sleeping beauty,” Trip teases. “Lonely back there in the love shack?”
A blush creeps up into her cheeks as we all laugh. She squeezes in next to me on the love seat and lowers her chin to avoid our stares.
Trip and Tyke gravitate back to the Xbox to resume the game they were playing.
Trip looks over at Lanie and smirks. “Lanie, since he isn’t here, you have to tell us what Noel was like when you guys dated before.”
“Yeah,” Tyke agrees, while adjusting the bandanna on his forehead. “We need dirt—the good stuff. Did he get the crap kicked out of him in school? We need ammo to torment him.”
She shrugs. “Sorry, guys. There’s isn’t much to tell. Noel’s pretty straight laced. He doesn’t have many secrets.”
“That you know of,” I chime in.
Her head snaps toward me. “What’s that supposed to mean? You keep alluding to some big thing Noel is keeping from me.”
I shrug. She really doesn’t have a fucking clue. Damn him. I knew it. “It means just that.”
“Noel doesn’t keep things from me. He doesn’t like secrets between us.”
“Well maybe you should—”
“Dude!” Trip cuts me off. “Now is not the time, man.”
“You don’t think she should know? I guarantee he hasn’t told her. Look at her face.” I point to Lanie. “She has no fucking clue what I’m talking about. I’m trying to look out for her. She’s a nice girl and I don’t want to see her get hurt.”
Trip rubs his forehead. “I know. I know. But, it’s not our place to tell her.”
Lanie waves her hand. “Guys, I’m right here. Tell me what the fuck is going on.”
I set my eyes on her. She really does look clueless, like she trusts him completely and it makes me feel pity for her. She has to know. I don’t give a fuck who gets mad, least of all Noel. I’ve had enough of his shit. “Lanie…Noel has a girlfriend.”
She furrows her brow. “What? No way! You guys are messing with me.”
Tyke frowns, and I shake my head.
“I—I don’t believe you. He wouldn’t…No.”
I toy with the hoop through my bottom lip. “It’s true, Lanie. I’m sorry.”
She clutches her chest. I can literally see her struggle for air to breathe. She gasps with her eyes wide and then turns pale.
Fuck. I’m not prepared for this big of a freak out.
Tyke drops to his knees in front of her and places of his hands on her shoulders. “Breathe, Lanie. You’re white as snow.”
There’s a long pause as she processes the information and for a second I feel guilty for telling her, but know deep down it’s the right thing. Hopefully, this pain will be like a band-aid. One quick rip and done.
She raises her head and questions, “How long?”
“How long what, Lanie?” Tyke asks.
“The girl. Has he been with her long?” Tyke looks to Trip then to me for an answer. He hates being wrapped up in drama of any kind. Guess it’s up to me to field this one.
I roll my lips into a line, and this is harder to do than I thought. “Not long—only a few months.”
“This whole time—why would he do this?”
“Because Noel Falcon is a selfish prick,” I say. “He doesn’t give a shit about anybody but himself.”
She scrubs her fingers down her face. “Oh, god. I can’t believe this.”
I touch her shoulder gingerly. “I’m sorry, Lanie. He’s a shit.”
Her face twists and it’s obvious she’s fighting back tears. Her legs wobble as she pushes herself up from the seat.
“Lanie? Are you all right?” Tyke asks.
“I’m fine,” she says before heading towards bedroom door, slamming it behind her.
As soon as she’s gone Trip turns around and glares at me. “Jesus! What the fuck was that?”
I rub my forehead. I knew he’d be all over my ass. “Don’t start. It had to be done, man.”
“But I told you, nothing good would come of doing that.”
My eyebrows crinkle. “Her knowing is good. Noel needs to take some responsibility for his actions. Someone needed to force his hand.”
“And that had to be you? Don’t you know how much shit this is going to stir up? We’re already struggling to keep this band together as is. Do you want to fuck this all up on purpose for us?”
I shake my head. “No! I just…”
I stop myself from yelling out that Noel’s a selfish prick and I’m done with that fucking asshole.
I sigh. “Look, I’ll go talk to her, okay.”
Trip glances at his brother and then back to me. “You better fix this, man. This band is my fucking life.”
I shove up from the love seat and head towards the back of the bus. I knock softly on the door. I feel like a complete ass for saying anything now, but she needed to hear the truth.
When she doesn’t answer, I open the door slowly. The mattress is bare and the sheets lay in a massive heap in the corner of the small room. She’s a fucking tornado when she’s pissed.
Her tear streaked face stares up at me, and I can see how torn up she is. Her shoulders sag as she pats the spot beside her on the bed.
I give her the best smile I can muster, but I know it’s sad “You okay?”
She shakes her head, “Yes.”
“That’s not very convincing.”
She sighs and her voice quivers. “I know, but what choice do I have?”
I tilt my head. “You have all the power here, Lanie. Noel screwed you over like he did to me. That’s who he is. But you have the power to do what’s best for you and get the hell away from him. I would if I could, but I’m kind of stuck here.”
She snorts. “I know the feeling.”
“Ah, yes, the job—I almost forgot about that. Well, I guess you and I are both screwed by him.”
She turns toward me, clearly trying to figure me out. “You mean you’d leave this band if you could?”
I nod. She has no clue how much I wish I could be free of Noel and his bullshit. “In a heartbeat. I can hardly look at the guy without wanting to kick his ass. But, this band is my life. It’s all I’ve ever known. I can’t walk away, no matter how much I want to.”
“I’ve noticed there’s some tension between you two.”
I laugh, but it has a bitter edge to it. “Yeah, well, when your best friend fucks your woman, you’ll have that.”
Her eyes widen. “Noel…”
“Yes,” I answer her unspoken question. “His girlfriend is my ex, Sophie.”
Lanie throws her hand over her mouth and darts out of the bedroom. The paper-thin walls in the bathroom don’t muffle sound at all. I hear every heave as she loses all the contents of her stomach.
When Noel gets back, I’ll have a fight on my hands—spilling this secret will not go over well.