Chapter 9
AUBREY
Backstage is absolutely insane. Lanie is back here somewhere. I have to find her in this madhouse. I spot her instantly in the crowd. Her beauty stands out everywhere. She has it in her mind that she’s an average looking girl. She never pays attention to the way people look at her. Her flawless skin stands out in her tank top and cut off jean shorts as she does her best to fade into her surroundings and become invisible. She flips her long, brown hair over her shoulder as she turns and I catch her eye.
“Hey, girl!” I wrap her in my arms.
She grins. “Hey, yourself. Nice of you to finally come up for air long enough to visit me for a while.”
I roll my eyes at her. “Don’t hate because I know how to let loose and have a little fun.”
“I bet he got you loose,” she snickers.
I smack her arm. “Oh, my god. I can’t believe you.”
“So, how did it go?”
My eyes roll back in my head. “Riff is amazing. Best sex I’ve ever had.”
“Riff, really? Usually cocky men can’t deliver.”
I shake my head. “This one can.” I hold up six fingers.
She shakes her head. “You two are perfect for each other. You’re both machines.”
I laugh and give her a playful shove. “So you’re telling me nothing happened with you and Noel last night? You two were pretty cozy on the way back.” Lanie sighs dramatically, and I’m instantly thrown into a giggling fit that she’s finally let her guard down with Noel. “I knew it! Tell me!”
Lanie holds her hands up in surrender. “Okay. Okay. Jeesh, get a grip. We kissed.”
I raise my eyebrow. “A kiss? Was it like a polite peck or was it full on tongue I-want-your-body make-out?”
She frowns. “It definitely wasn’t polite.”
A kiss, really? That’s all. “Lanie, god, sometimes I swear for someone so smart, you sometimes act like an idiot. You should be ecstatic right now. Reconnecting with your first love is something people dream about and you’re getting that. I don’t see why you don’t just let loose and let it happen.”
“But the job—”
“But, nothing. Don’t make me give the ‘jobs aren’t everything’ speech. Jobs don’t keep you warm or make you feel sexy, but Noel Falcon totally can. Anyone can see the guy is crazy about you.”
I don’t know why she can’t see that everything she’s ever wanted is right in front of her. What I wouldn’t give for a package of tattooed sexiness to be madly in love with me. Stuff like that only happens in fairy tales, and she’s wasting her chance at pure happiness.
The wheels turn in Lanie’s mind, I can see it all over her face. I stare at her expectantly. “Quit doing that.”
She flinches. “Doing what?”
“Overthinking things. You’ll never know until you let down your walls a little.” I hate it when she gets so uptight she can’t see past the wall she’s built around herself.
She runs her fingers through her hair. “Why are you pushing this? You hated him before.”
I shrug. She’s right. When he called her a ball busting bitch to a crowd of twenty thousand people, I wanted to kill him, but I’ve seen a different side of him now. He was hurt before because she left him once. I can totally relate to having a broken heart. Mine’s been stomped on more times then I care to admit. “Because you’re my best friend, and I love you. I want you to be happy. Plus, he’s not the asshole I thought he was.”
She gives me a weak smile and then wraps her arms around me. It’s good to see I’m getting through to her a little bit. She’ll end up driving him away and then hating herself for it if she doesn’t stop rejecting him.
“Hey now…” We both turn and find Riff staring at us. “Nobody gets this girl’s lovin’ but me.”
I giggle like a giddy kid at Christmas when Riff grabs me up in a hug. “Riff!”
Lane rolls her eyes at us. “On that note, I’m out of here.”
Riff sets me on my feet. “What was all that about?”
I shrug. “Lanie has the tendency to push good things away in her life. Sometimes she needs a little help seeing things clearly, is all.”
He pulls his lips into a tight line. “Maybe not everyone feels like they deserve good things to happen to them.”
“Not Lanie. She’s a good person. She feels like Noel will crush her heart. She still loves him. I can tell.”
He sighs. “Maybe it’s best you not push them together.”
I tilt my head. “Why? They obviously still love each other. What do you know?”
Riff opens his mouth, but quickly closes it, clearly deciding not to spill any details.
“Come on. What’s going on?”
He shakes his head. “Forget it. It’s not my place to say. All I can tell you is us rocker types aren’t meant to be trusted.”
That comment throws me off guard. “You can’t all be bad.”
“Yeah we can, and I’m probably the worst.”
A lump builds in my throat. “Why would you say that to me, Riff?”
“I’m the guy women have fun with, not the one they settle down with. I’m no good for you, Kitten. Trust me. I’m a one man heart-wrecking crew,” he says.
Any doubts that I had in my mind that we could ever be more than this weekend flies from my mind. It can’t be spelled out for me any clearer. So, I need to get my game face back on and look at this for what it is—a purely physical fling.
RIFF
I feel like a douche bag of epic proportions the moment I basically tell Kitten I’m using her only for sex. She doesn’t deserve that from me, but for now it’s the best I can give her. She doesn’t need to get her hopes up that we can be more, because we can’t. I fuck things up too much. It’s only a matter of time before I do something stupid and she ends up hating my ass.
This whole situation is fucking up my head. More than anything I wish I was a good guy, someone worthy of a girl like Kitten. The only thing I can hope for is that one day she’ll find a man that can give her everything she deserves, like monogamy and children. I can’t give her either one of those things.
I shake my head as I finish warming up, trying to forget my screwed up life. Music and sex are the only two things I’ve found that help me do that.
My fingers glide over the strings and I hit a sour note.
Trip slaps me on the back. “What’s with you man? Couldn’t get it up last night?”
“Fuck you, dude,” I snap.
He holds his hands up in surrender. “Easy, I was joking. Chill the fuck out.”
The tension leaves my shoulders. Trip’s been my best friend a long time, and I know he didn’t mean anything by it. “Sorry, bro. I’m a little edgy.”
Trip rolls his eyes. “Not this Sophie shit again? I thought that hot, little redheaded friend of Lanie’s was pulling you out of that slump.”
“This has nothing to do with Sophie. Noel can have her sorry ass. I hope those two assholes are happy together. I hate that he’s stringing Lanie along like this. She seems like a nice girl.”
Trip raises his eyebrow so high it touches the bandanna he has tied around his head. “Are you catching feelings for the redhead?”
“What!? No. You know me better than that.” Damn it. How the fuck would he figure that shit out? Am I catching feelings? Is that why I feel so crazy?
“If you say so, brother. What am I supposed to think? You never spend an entire night holed up in a hotel room with a chick. The way you were lookin’ at her on the bus the other day, it was like you’d been shot by that little fucker in diapers with wings and arrows like in the cartoons. And now you’re concerned about Lanie’s feelings?”
I laugh. “Did you really just talk about Cupid like he’s real?”
“Whatever. Make fun of me all you want. All I know is between you and Noel I don’t know which one of you is chasing the tail harder.”
I shake my head. “Aubrey’s here to have a good time for the weekend. No one’s catching feelings.”
Trip smirks. “Yeah. You keep telling yourself that.”
That smart-ass I-know-everything look he’s got on his face isn’t helping the situation. “A girl like her would never really be into a guy like me.”
“You’re never going to know until you try. It’s okay to have feelings for someone, Riff.”
“Not for me. She can do so much better than me. I know that. Why set myself up for a tragic ending.”
Trip frowns. “I know this is hard to hear, but not every situation is going to end up like—”
I jump up from the amp I’m sitting on. “Don’t even fucking say it.”
“All I’m sayin’ is—”
I set my guitar down and cut him off. “Quit trying to convince me I’m not poison. I’ll ruin her, like I do everything else.”
Trip opens his mouth to start on me again, but I stalk away before he has a chance. He’s been trying to save my worthless ass for years and I wish he would stop and let me be miserable like I deserve. He calls my name a couple times, but I don’t dare look back.
I make my way over to catering and grab a cold beer from the cooler. I twist off the lid and take a long pull. Trip has a way of getting under my skin like no one else.
Several of the opening acts and a slew of groupies sit around the room hanging out in small groups, chatting amongst themselves.
I rub my forehead and close my eyes. Sometimes I really hate the fact that it’s hard to get a moments peace on the road. There’s so much shit inside my head I need to work out in order to feel like I’m not losing my mind over a woman.
“What’s wrong? Blue balls killing you?” Donovan says next to me with a smart-ass snicker.
My eyes snap open and instantly narrow. “You got a fucking problem with me, asshole? Say the word. I beg you. Give me one reason to drop your ass right here, right now.”
Donovan shoves his blonde hair out of his eyes. “Easy, Romeo. I was merely asking for confirmation that you bagged that hot redhead last night since you cock-blocked me.”
I fold my arms over my chest. “I did. What of it?”
He shrugs and then casually reaches down and grabs a beer. “Just curious. I would’ve loved to tap that. It looked tight.”
Before I know what I’ve done, I draw back and blast him square in the face. Screams erupt all around me, but it feels like I’m moving in slow motion. Shock registers on Donovan’s face, and then it twists in anger. Before he gets a chance to land a punch on me, I hit him again with as much force as I can.
Blood pours from his nose and I pull back ready to strike again, but I’m suddenly being yanked away.
Trip hooks my arm and drags me back. “What the fuck are you doing?’
I can’t answer him, because honestly, I’m not sure what came over me. It’s not like it’s the first time he’s razzed me about a woman, but the mention of him wanting to fuck my girl made my brain short circuit.
I shake my head. My girl? What the fuck is wrong with me? She isn’t my girl. Why do these stupid, fucking thoughts keep rolling through me? This girl is driving me insane.
I take a deep breath. “I’m cool, man. You can let go.”
Trip stares at me, while he decides if he can let go or not. After a couple seconds he loosens his grip on my arm. “You going to tell me what that was about?”
I throw my hands on my waist and try to slow my breathing. “He’s just being his normal cocksucker self. What do you want me to say?”
He shakes his head. “I heard what he said. Why don’t you admit it to yourself? You like that girl.”
I open my mouth to protest his accusations, but Trip narrows his eyes. Fuck. I hate it when he tries to go Dr. Phil on my ass. “Even if I did, it can’t happen.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t let it, that’s why!”
“Give people a little credit, Riff. You have to learn to let some in. You let me and Tyke in.”
“Yeah, I let Noel in, too. See how that turned out, right. You and Tyke are the exception. You guys were there before—” I quickly cut myself off. It’s too difficult to even bring up. I hate reliving the past and the fucked up shit I’ve done. It reminds me that I’m a dirt bag.
Trip sighs. “Noel is a fucker, I’ll give you that, but I still don’t believe he did it on purpose. He still swears he doesn’t remember.”
I rub the sides of my shaved head. “I’m so sick of Noel. I want all of that behind me.”
“Then that’s what you do.” I stare at him quizzically. “You move on. Let that hate and anger go and focus on something good for a change. Like the red-head. She seems very positive if you ask me.” I scowl and Trip laughs. “See! I knew it! You’re catching feelings. Admit it and go after her.”
That’s the problem when you’ve been friends with someone since grade school. They know you too damn well. “Okay. Fine. I’ll see where this thing goes.”
Trip grins. “I should’ve been a shrink instead of a drummer.”
I shove his shoulder. “That would’ve worked if you could read.”
He laughs and then gives me the finger. “I would’ve just banged a geek and got her to do all my work. I would’ve found a way through.”
I roll my eyes. “You are so messed up.”
AUBREY
Standing on the side of the stage and watching the guys perform to a sold out crowd is amazing. This truly is the best seat in the house. Riff’s guitar screams a sexy note as he wiggles his tongue at the crowd. My face heats as I allow my mind to drift back to all the amazing things he can do with that thing.
My cell buzzes in my pocket and I pull it out, hoping it’s Lanie explaining where the hell she is. She was supposed to meet me over here so I wouldn’t have to stand here alone like an idiot.
Lanie: Sorry. Went on to Mom’s I’ll be back before we head out to say goodbye. Didn’t figure you’d miss me since Riff seems like pretty good company. ;)
A winky face, Lanie, really? I shake my head. She’s a goofball, but she knows me too well.
I was supposed to go visit my folks tonight, too. That was the purpose for meeting up here in our home state, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen. I promised Riff one more night.
As soon as the set is over, the guys all head my way. Trip and Tyke hig-five me before heading out of sight.
Sweat lines every inch of Riff’s skin as he approaches. He obviously gives everything he has in a show.
“You were amazing,” I tell him as soon as he’s close enough to hear.
“Thanks! It’s a rush being out there.”
I nod. “I can tell.”
Noel approaches us. “You seen Lane?”
I shake my head. “No, but she did text me, telling me she already left for her Mom’s house.”
Noel furrows his brow. “She didn’t wait on me? I was supposed to go with her.”
I shrug. “I’m not sure what she’s doing.”
He runs his hands through his sweaty hair. “Okay, guys, catch you all later. I’m going to try and find her.”
Riff watches his band mate retreat. “He’s lost his mind.”
“I think it’s kind of sweet he’s so into her.”
He turns his piercing eyes on me. “You wouldn’t think that if you knew the things I knew about him.”
“What do you mean?”
Riff shakes his head. “Forget it. I shouldn’t have said anything. Come on. I need a shower.”
He grabs my hand and tries to tug me along with him, but I plant my feet firmly. “You can’t say something like that and then blow it off. Lanie’s my best friend. If he’s going to hurt her, I want to know.”
He sighs. “What Noel does is his business. I’m not getting in the middle of it.”
“Are you saying you have secrets?”
Riff frowns and touches my cheek. “We all have secrets, Kitten. Even you. I’m not going to try to pretend that we know everything about each other, but it’s a fact of life. No one discloses every piece of information about themselves to someone else. It’s not human nature.”
He’s right. Everyone has something they don’t want others to know. Just like the information I know about this charity project. It kills me I can’t tell Lanie the truth and I’m thankful she hasn’t brought it up to me since I’ve been here. I don’t know if I could hide that from her once we’re face to face.
“Something wrong?” he asks.
I shake my head. “Just thinking about how you’re right.”
A sad smile plays on his lips. “Come on. Enough lingering on life lessons. Let’s go do something fun.”
I raise an eyebrow. “What do you have in mind?”
Riff gives me that wicked grin he’s famous for. “Something that ends with me inside you.”
Oh dear God. Every hormone in my body nearly convulses at his words. That man knows exactly what to say to nearly cause me to lose my mind.