Chapter 20
RIFF
I lay awake and watch Kitten sleep. When she told me she loves me back at the bar I froze up. The logical thing would’ve been for me to admit that I think I feel that way, too, but instead I panicked and brought her back here where I could have sex and clear my head a little bit.
I mean, I know I feel something for her. I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit that, but I also know that I’m not ready for something so monumental. Telling someone you love them is huge. It changes things. I don’t want to say it then find myself knee-deep in groupies fucking their brains out a week later because I decide I’m not ready to be committed that fully.
In order to be fair to her, I need to leave her alone while I sort out this fucked up mess in my head. Accepting someone’s love is just as big of a deal as admitting that you love them back. The last thing I want to do in this world is hurt this beautiful creature lying next to me.
I move her arm off my chest and creep across the hardwood floor to my things. I dress quickly and toss all my stuff back into my bag.
Aubrey rolls over in bed and I freeze. A few seconds later she snuggles back into her pillow and I know the coast is clear. I grab my boots and tip toe into the hall.
I know I owe her more than sneaking out like we had a cheap one-night stand, but I can’t face her. I can’t admit that she deserves so much better than me.
I close the door behind me and slip on my boots before riding the elevator to the lobby. Before I leave, I stop and instruct the door man to ring her apartment and let her know that I left her apartment door unlocked. I can’t in good faith leave her without knowing she’s safe.
I slip the doorman a hundred dollar bill and slap on my ball cap before heading out into the rainy night.
****
The calls start around midnight. I assume the doorman woke her up and now she’s freaking because she’s seen all my shits gone. Kitten dials my phone repeatedly and guilt washes through me as I shut the phone off while I wait to board the plane to Kentucky. Trip and Tyke are already at the place we share there while we’re on this break.
I text Trip and tell him I’ll be there about two in the morning.
Trip: What the fuck, dude? Something happen between you and Aubrey?
Riff: Explain later.
I type that in and hit send, knowing full well I have no intentions of explaining anything. Trip doesn’t need to know all my fucking business.
Three hours later, I’m pulling my rental car up to my house. It’s nearly five thousand square foot and plenty big enough for me and the twins to live in. We each have our own wing with separate living rooms and bedrooms, so it’s like apartments with a communal kitchen and living area for parties.
Eve, our grandmotherly, live-in housekeeper opens the front door as I shut off the headlights. She’s the best cook in the world, but the nosiest old woman I know, and we affectionately call her our housemother. I grab my bag from the passenger seat and head into the house.
“Trip says you was comin’ home tonight. Says you’re having problems with some girl?” Eve questions in her thick southern accent as I give her a hug hello.
I kiss the top of her gray head. “It’s nothing.”
“Sounded serious according to Trip. He’s done filled me in all about this Aubrey girl when I made supper last night.”
I roll my eyes. “Of course he did.”
“So tell me, sugar. You think this ‘en is the one?”
I sigh and sling my bag over my shoulder. “I think she is, but I’m afraid I’ll hurt her in the end, so I left before things get to serious.”
Eve frowns, deepening the wrinkles around her mouth. “Baby, you can’t let things like that hold you back from true love. If I’d been afraid of love, I would’ve never had forty long years with my Bernie. God rest his soul.”
I know she’s trying to make me feel better, but right now all I want to do is sleep. I place my hand on her shoulder and give it a gentle pat. “I’m going to hit the hay, Eve. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I walk back to my room and glance around. It’s just as I left it. My king-sized bed sits in the middle with a gray comforter and matching pillows. All my books and records neatly line the bookcase on the far end of the room by my computer. I don’t spend much time in here, so I haven’t really personalized it too much. The only picture I have in here is on my nightstand of Hailey and Mom. Up until now, they were the only people that mattered to me other than my bandmates. Aubrey has done a number of fucking with my head and stirring up emotions in me that I don’t like facing.
I flop onto my bed and close my eyes and let sleep take me away from everything.
****
Trip kicks the edge of my bed. “Get up, jackass. I’m tired of you mopping around her like a lazy alcoholic. Eve’s says she’s not going to bring your meals in here anymore, so you better get up and get ready to be fucking social.”
I toss a pillow at him and pull the blankets over my head. “Fuck you, dude. Leave me alone.”
He yanks my covers off. “You’ve been locked up in here three days now drinking yourself into oblivion. You need to fix this shit.”
“I can’t!” Why doesn’t he let me be?
“You can! Here.” He tosses my cell onto the bed next to me. “Call her.”
“No.”
He folds his arms. “Do it or I’m dragging your ass into the shower myself and hosing that stink off you.”
“God!” I snatch the phone up and search out her number. “You’re annoying as fuck.”
Trip smirks but doesn’t make a move to leave until he hears Aubrey answer.
“Hey,” I say. “It’s me.”
Satisfied with himself, Trip laughs as he shuts my door on his way out and I flip him the finger.
“What happened to you? Did you leave because of what I said in the bar?”
“Yes,” I answer honestly. “I’m not ready for that.”
She sighs into the phone. “I get that. I really do, but you should’ve told me that instead of sneaking out in the middle of the night so you didn’t have to face me like a coward.”
She’s right. Leaving like that was the biggest pussy move in the world to pull. If I were man enough, I would’ve stayed and told her how I felt instead of doing what I did.
“You’re right and I’m sorry for that. You deserve better. Actually you deserve better than me period. That’s why I left.”
“When you say shit like that it’s crazy. I hate when you talk down about yourself like this. Your parents fucked you up. You are capable of love, Zach. You have to open up and let me in. You can’t keep blaming yourself for your mom and sister’s death.”
“They have nothing to do with the way I feel about you,” I growl. “I’m no good for you.”
“Don’t say that,” she cries.
“I’m not, Aubrey. I always ruin everything and hurt the people I love most. If I let myself love you, I’ll let you down. I know it, and that will fucking kill me. I’m barely holding on to a string as it is. I can’t take one more person that I love hating me. I don’t think I’ll make it.”
“That’ll never happen.”
I rub my forehead. She’s not going to give up unless I make her. “It already has.”
“What do you mean?” she questions.
“I’ve moved on, okay. I found a couple chicks last night and brought them back to my place so I can forget about you and how you fucked with my head.”
She’s quiet for a moment and then I hear her sniff on the other line. I pull the phone away from my mouth and stare up at the ceiling cursing myself for being an evil bastard and making her cry.
“So, like I said. I’m no good. It’s best we split now before I actually feel something for you. We’re no good for each other.”
“Okay,” she answers with a shaky voice before she hangs up on me. I throw my cell against the wall, watching it shatter into a million tiny pieces, and hating every inch of myself.
AUBREY
The last few days I’ve thrown myself into my work. With Lanie gone I find myself working and sleeping with not much else in between.
I have nothing else here in the city. Not even my long-distance rocker any more. I should’ve listened to my head instead of following my dumbass heart and falling in love with a man I knew was trouble right from the start.
The phone on my desk rings and I glance down to see Isaac’s name. “Yes, sir?”
“Do you have lunch plans?” he asks.
“No. Why?”
“I want to take you to lunch. We’ll leave at noon. I have a few things to discuss with you.”
“Okay, fine. I’ll be ready.” It’s not uncommon for us to eat lunch together to work on a project that needs out right away, but it is kind of odd that he wants to take me out.
Nearly the second we hang up my cell in the desk drawer rings. I really need to remember to start silencing this stupid thing while I’m at work. “Hello?”
“Hey, girl!” Lanie says. “How are you?”
I sigh. “I’ve been better, but you sound downright chipper.”
“Aw, Sweetie. What’s wrong?” she asks concern thick in her voice.
“Riff’s done with me.” A tear falls down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away so my coworkers don’t see it. It’s harder than I thought to admit that out loud.
“What? I’ve seen the way he is with you. I find it hard to believe he can move on so quickly.”
I sniff. “He told me he brought two girls home last night so he can move on.”
She lets a heavy breath waft into the phone. “Why would he do that?”
“Because I told him I loved him and he wasn’t ready to be that serious with me.”
“So he goes and fucks two random groupies?” Lanie shrieks. “I don’t believe it.”
“Believe it. He told me so himself.” I pause and take a deep breath. “We’re over.”
Lanie sighs. “That’s too bad, because you two still have to walk down the aisle together in my wedding.”
My eyes widen. “You and Noel are getting married?”
She giggles. “We are, and sooner rather than later. I’m flying you down this weekend for a dress fitting.”
“Wow. In four days? That’s soon. So when is this wedding?”
“In the weekend after this one.”
“What’s the rush?”
“No rush. We want to do this. It’s the right thing for us, you know.”
I smile, completely happy that my best friend is finally marrying the man she’s loved for so long. “Where’s the wedding going to be?”
“Here at Mom’s house—out on the dock.”
“Awww. That’s so romantic. It’s almost like bringing your love full circle.”
“It totally is,” she answers and I can hear the smile in her voice.
We talk a little while longer about wedding plans and my flight arrangements for the weekend before Isaac pops out of his office. I glance down at the clock. It’s time for lunch already.
“I have to go. I’ll see you Friday night,” I say into the phone.
“See you soon. And Aubrey, don’t worry about Riff. He’ll come around.”
“Okay,” is all I can say because while I understand love is a new thing for him and something that probably scares the shit out of him, I don’t think I can forget that he slept with other women so soon after being with me. The best thing to do is forget about him like he has me.
I grab my purse and follow Isaac into the elevator.
He presses the lobby button and glances at my face. “You okay?”
“I’m fine,” I answer with a smile.
Isaac steps toward me and tentatively touches my cheek. “Is it him that you’re shedding tears for? If it is, you shouldn’t. He doesn’t deserve you.”
Even though I know it’s wrong, I lean into his palm and close my eyes. It’s nice to have comfort from someone.
He cradles my head in his hands. “I would never wrong you. Ever.”
I open my eyes and stare into his clear blue eyes. There’s sympathy and caring in them, which is something in my current state I desperately want. I grab the back of his head and bring his lips down to mine trying to block out the pain Zach left in his wake.
Isaac freezes at first and then starts moving his lips with mine while we ride the elevator down. He gives me one final peck and then pulls back. “I’ve been waiting on that for a long time. You’ll be happy with me, Aubrey. I swear it.”
I smile. I don’t exactly feel the same way, but maybe eventually I will.
****
The plane touches down in Houston and I quickly make my way through the airport looking for Lanie in baggage claim as we planned. I stop dead in my tracks when my gaze lands on Zach holding a small sign that reads “Kitten.”
I roll my eyes and grab my bag off the carousel before I approach him. “What are you doing here?”
He smiles. “No hello? You mean, you aren’t happy to see me?”
I shake my head. “Are you really that dense? Where’s Lanie?”
He shrugs his broad shoulders. “She was busy.”
“Of course she was,” I mumble. Lanie always wants to fix things or play matchmaker, which is the exact reason I didn’t tell her about my very first kiss with Zach in the first place.
He grabs the suitcase out of my hand. “Let me carry that.”
I jerk it away. “I’ve got it. I don’t need your help.”
Zach narrows his eyes and takes the bag out of my hand with force. “Can’t we be friends at least?”
I yank back, refusing to let go. “No we can’t. There’s no such thing as just friends between us Zach and I refuse to be another slut you can toss away after you’re done.”
He opens his mouth to say something but quickly shuts it and shakes his head. “You’re right. Maybe it’s best we not even talk.”
I stumble back a bit after he releases the handle of my luggage and gives me full control. “Fine by me.”
He turns and calls over his shoulder, “Come on, then. Our new bodyguard, Kyle, is waiting in the loading area.”
Without any more words I follow him outside to the black Escalade. He loads my bag into the back and I hop into the back seat and slide over, leaving the door open. Zach comes by and shuts my door with a little more force than necessary before taking the passenger seat next to Kyle.
I bite my lip. Now, I’m the one who is getting the cold shoulder? I didn’t do a damn thing to him. What gives him the right to treat me this way?
The entire trip to Lanie’s family home, Zach and Kyle talk amongst themselves up front, completely ignoring me, which is exactly what I asked for. So why do I feel this crushing weight sitting on my chest?
This is going to be a long weekend if this is how it’s going to be.
Lanie scrambles out the door the moment we pull in and jumps into the SUV. Her slender arms wrap me into a hug as she tackles me into the seat. “Easy, there!”
She pulls away and flicks her gaze towards Zach. “Why are you back here by yourself?”
I frown. “I think it’s better this way.”
Zach snorts and gets out, slamming the door behind him.
She shoves my hair over my shoulders and shakes her head. “You two are some of the most stubborn people I’ve ever met.”
After a long day of getting fitted for my bridesmaid dress, the entire group loads up to head to a local club for some drinks. Who knew so much went into planning a fifteen minute ceremony. We need to blow off a little steam and relax.
The club is packed. Bodies gyrate on the dance floor beneath spinning lights while the hypnotic beats the most recent top forty hits assaults my ears.
Trip elbows Tyke as a group of girls walk by and smile at them. They instantly take off after the girls in short skirts as Lanie and I slide into a round booth with Noel and Zach.
A waitress in a tank top and booty shorts comes to the table to get our drink orders. She flips her blond hair over her shoulder and doesn’t try to hide the fuck-me eyes she’s shooting at Zach. We all order alcohol of some type with the exception of Lanie who orders a water.
I furrow my brow at her the moment the waitress leaves. “You okay?”
She nods and smiles. “Never better.”
I eye her suspiciously as I turn my attention back over to the twins out on the dance floor with a few women. She never turns down a drink, especially at a bar. As my thoughts wonder to the possibility that she may be pregnant, Trip makes me giggle as he lifts a girls skirt and smacks her ass in front of every person in the club. “He’s crazy.”
Noel grins. “He’s loving all the attention since Riff and I are off the market.”
I glance over to Riff, curious why Noel would say that? Isn’t he back to banging every chick in sight?
Riff catches my stare and quickly leans forward, making a show of grabbing the girl standing next to him wearing a tube top and tugging her into his lap. “Speak for yourself, buddy. I’m a free man. You’re the one about to be strapped to the old ball and chain.”
My lips pull into a tight line and I fight back tears as Zach makes a show of whispering into the girl’s ear. I understand he wants to move on, but he doesn’t have to shove it down my throat. If that’s how it’s going to be, I’ll play dirty right back. I’m tired of assholes walking all over me. I want to show him I can move on, too.
I flip my hair and turn towards Lanie and say loud enough for everyone to head, “I forgot to tell you I’m seeing someone and he’s going to be my date at your wedding.”
Her green eyes widen and her lips form the letter ‘O.’ “Who?”
“Yeah, who?” Zach adds in from the other side of me, but I can’t see his face.
I lean back so I can catch his reaction this time. “Isaac. You remember him…Riff. You met him at the pizza place.”
I know calling him by his stage name got his attention as well as the shocking news that I’m dating one man I know he loathes because his eyebrows instantly shoot up. “Your douchebag boss?”
I narrow my eyes at him. “Don’t call him that. He’s sweet.”
“How many times have you been out with him?” I fight the urge to tell him everyday since the day we ended things to piss him off. In reality it’s only been a three times, but I’m not going to tell him that.
I glare at him. “That’s none of your business.”
“The hell it’s not!”
I shake my head. “I think it’s pretty clear that we’re even less than friends now, so I don’t have to tell you a damn thing. Lanie, let’s dance. Excuse us, Noel.”
Noel howls with laughter as he slides around and lets us out. “I’m really starting to like this girl. She’s not afraid to dish it right back to him,” he tells Lanie before he kisses her lips.
Lanie melts into him, and before she changes her mind about dancing, I pull her into crowd. Amongst the writhing bodies, we shake our hips to the beat of the music. I try to push the thoughts of Riff with other women out of my mind and try to focus on the beat of the music.
“If you’re trying to push his buttons and make him jealous, I think it’s working,” Lanie says after she glances at the table where Noel and Zach are.
I shrug. “That wasn’t my plan when I came here, but if he’s going to shove the fact that he’s out with other women in my face then I’m going to dish it right back at him.”
She nods. “Good plan. He’s been miserable, you know. I think this show is for your benefit. Trip told me that Riff’s been holed up in his room depressed since he came back from New York. I don’t think he’s been with other women.”
“He has. He told me so.” I shake my head. “I don’t know why he’s trying to punish me?”
Lanie grabs my arms. “I don’t think he knows what the hell he’s doing. He’s fighting his feelings for you tooth and nail for some reason. I know he still cares about you. Noel says he’s never acted this way with any other woman. You’ve done something that’s grabbed his attention.”
I run my hand through my hair, frustrated at the entire situation. If he cares for me why run away? Why sleep with other women? It exhausts me even trying to figure it out. I glance back at the table and the girl is gone, but Zach watches me intently as he presses his bottle to his lips and throws back the last of his beer. His hungry eyes rake over me, but I refuse to let me use me for sex. I’m done with those kinds of random relationships. I’m ready for something real.