Chapter Twenty-Four

She handed her ticket to a woman at the stadium gate who tore it in half and gave the stub back to Allison. Ticket in hand, she walked past the concessions, checking the numbers on the wall to figure out where her section was located. She heard someone call her name. “Bob! What are you doin’ here?”

Her manager puffed out his chest. “I scored some free tickets for me and my kids.” He pointed to the three teenage boys behind him. “Kids, this is Allison. She works for me.” Two of Bob’s sons barely looked up from their mobile devices to acknowledge Allison, but the oldest leered at her. “And you?” Bob asked.

“Uh. Student discount.” She put her hand to her chest to cover the exposed skin on the neckline of her scoop-neck T-shirt. Her attire was pretty conservative, but Bob’s son was fixated on her chest. She was dying to get away from Bob and his family, especially the lascivious son who was making her uncomfortable, but she didn’t want to be rude to her boss.

“Hey Dad, I’m gonna get a dog,” the middle son said.

Bob put his hand in his pocket and took out a few bills. He turned his back on Allison. “Get me a beer. Here’s a twenty,” he said to his son. “If they ask, tell ’em you’re twenty-one.”

“Well, I guess I’ll see you at work tomorrow,” Allison called out as loudly as she could without yelling. But Bob was no longer listening, so it didn’t matter anyway. Allison walked away as fast as she could and resumed her search for her section.

She squeezed by a dozen people in the row before she reached her seat. This was the nose-bleed section, but it faced the ten-yard line, giving her a perfect view of the end zone. She’d be able to see Tony throw a lot of touchdown passes from here. The end zone looked to be freshly painted for Opening Day with the blue and white Barracudas logo embellishing a picture of the fierce fish swimming in a sea of blue, jaws open and ready to eat the opposing team members.

She glanced at the time on her phone. Twenty minutes to game time. The place was packed and the atmosphere was electric. Seemed like she wasn’t the only one excited for Opening Day, but she was the only one whose boyfriend was quarterbacking for the Barracudas. She’d been waiting for this day for what felt like forever and she’d finally get to see Tony play in actual game conditions instead of just practice. But with the visiting team playing offense first, she had even longer to wait before seeing Tony. Allison wasn’t the boastful type, but she felt so proud right now that it made her want to shout to the heavens that her boyfriend was the starting quarterback for the home team.

Scanning the field, she caught sight of the cheer squad on the sidelines. That scene brought an unexpected twinge of remorse. The routine they were performing was one she knew by heart.

She checked the time again and felt her anxiety growing. Anticipating the game wasn’t the only thing making Allison feel anxious. She had made a decision this morning. Her mother’s visit left Allison with even less respect for the woman than she had before, and all her little words-to-live-by meant nothing anymore. So after the game, Allison was going to tell Tony she was in love with him. There was no reason not to.

Finally, the Barracudas’ offense took the field to the roar of the waiting crowd. Allison leaned forward and squinted. That’s weird. The quarterback on the field wasn’t Tony. It was the backup guy whose name she didn’t even know. Her heart began beating harder as she looked around at the fans in the stands. She expected other people to be as surprised as she was, but they didn’t react at all.

She scanned the sidelines for a clue. Finally, she spotted him. Tony was seated on bench in uniform, but his helmet was off. What the heck was he doing? She glanced at the group of students to her left. Normally, she would shy away from talking to anyone, but this was important. “Excuse me, could I borrow y’all’s binoculars for a sec?”

The guy holding the binoculars a few seats down shrugged and passed it through a few pair of hands until it reached Allison. She immediately held it to her face and saw a blur of people until she refocused the lenses. Her heart clenched when she saw Tony’s posture. His shoulders were slumped, his arms hung between his legs, his expression was mournful.

She removed the binoculars from her field of vision and rested them on her lap. Why wasn’t he in the game? Why was he on the sidelines? Was he injured?

“You done with those,” the binoculars’ owner asked as he snapped his fingers. Allison turned her head.

“Oh, ya. Sorry. Thanks.” She bit her lip for a second. “Um, can I ask? Do you all know why Tony isn’t playin’?”

“Who?”

“The Barracudas quarterback,” she replied.

“Oh. Ramos. Yeah, he’s second string.”

Allison’s eyes bugged out. “What? Why? Since when?”

“Same reason as usual,” the guy said. “Got himself into trouble with the coaches, probably over a girl.” Allison covered her mouth to stifle a gasp.

“Puleez,” one of the girls in the group chimed in. “He deserves what he gets. He’s a first class ass, and I hope he gets kicked out of school.”

The group’s words stung Allison, but she knew that’s what people thought, especially girls. She also knew Tony didn’t deserve the reputation he had. But she didn’t know why he didn’t tell her he wasn’t starting today’s game. Everyone else seemed to know, so it couldn’t have been a last-minute substitution.

The Barracudas had the ball in the red zone, directly in front of her section, but she couldn’t concentrate on the game anymore. Her eyes kept wandering across the field to watch Tony on the sidelines. He rose to his feet and clapped his hands, yelling to his team on the field, coaxing them on. Even from the sidelines, he was in the game. But you didn’t need to be on the Dean’s list to figure out he’d much rather play the game than be a cheerleader.

On the one hand, her heart broke for him. But on the other, she could feel her fury growing. What else was he keeping from her? If she meant so much to him, why did he lie about something this important? She was not about to let this one slide. He was going to have to explain himself.

»»•««

The media was all over Matt Warner after the team’s loss and a few reporters were starting to trickle over to Tony’s locker. He’d been rushing to change into street clothes, hoping he could escape without an interview, but no such luck. “Do you think the game would have a different outcome if you were quarterbacking instead of Matt Warner?”

“Is this a deja vu of your loss in the championship game last season when you were filling in for an injured Philip Mason?”

“Do you think the coaches will consider starting you in Game Two after this crushing loss?”

Tony responded as politically correct as he could, just as he’d been media-trained to do. He never bashed Warner or implied the team would have won if he’d been playing. Instead, he gave short, nonprovocative replies so there’d be no follow-ups.

As soon as the interviewers turned their attention to a different player, Tony checked the messages on his phone. His grandmother left a message. No surprise there. But he was surprised there was no message from Allison. He knew he took a risk by not saying anything about his second-string status. Right or wrong, he had his reasons.

As soon as he left the locker room, he found out why Allison didn’t call. She was here. She was pacing back and forth in the corridor between the locker rooms and the gymnasium.

“Allie. Hey.” He started to give her a big smile but it was erased by her icy glare.

She marched toward him. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me you were second string?”

Tony flinched. Who the hell was this girl and what did she do with his sweet, shy Allison? Instead of answering her question, he did what he always did when cornered—played defense. “Whoa, chill out, Allison.”

“I will not chill out,” she practically screamed. “I have a right to know. I mean we’re… we’re supposed to be a couple, right? I thought we were close, like really close.”

“We are,” he insisted. He reached for her arms but she moved away from him.

“We are not!” she shouted. Her southern accent wasn’t so cute when she was yelling at him. “If we were, you would’ve told me. So why the hell didn’t you?”

He rubbed his forehead. It was hard to think clearly with her eyes shooting daggers at him. “Look, it happened a long time ago, before we were even together.”

“So? Aren’t we together now? Because you sure as shit don’t act like it.”

Tony looked over his shoulder as his teammates straggled out of the locker room, clearly curious over the confrontation taking place in the corridor. Tony gripped Allison’s wrist and pulled her down the hall. She resisted for a moment but must have realized people were watching and probably didn’t want to cause any more of a scene than she already had.

He swung open the doors of the gymnasium and she broke free of his grasp as soon as they were inside. Unfortunately, they weren’t alone. The gymnastic team was doing floor exercises in the middle of the room, but hell, this was probably the most privacy they were going to get on short notice.

“Okay, so we’re alone now,” she said. “So explain it to me. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“Look. It just wasn’t something I wanted to talk about, okay?”

Her eyes were wide with anger. “You dragged me into the gym just to tell me you don’t want to talk about it? That is not acceptable, Tony! This is not how you treat a girlfriend.”

“This has nothing to do with you, Allie. It was me that got benched,” he said, pointing a thumb at his chest.

“And what? You don’t tell me what’s goin’ on in your life? You don’t confide in me? You knew I was gonna find out!” she shouted, her voice bouncing off the gymnasium walls and attracting the gymnasts’ attention. “It’s not somethin’ you could keep secret like—” her words trailed off. Allison was positively fuming. He’d never seen her this angry. Tony figured if she were a cartoon character, there’d be smoke coming out of her ears. “I was gonna find out sooner or later. So tell me now. What the hell happened?”

Tony couldn’t bring himself to tell her the truth. All he could do was avoid. “It don’t matter.”

“Yes it does matter, dammit. Somethin’ musta happened for the coach to pull you out.”

“Okay,” he conceded. “You’re right. But look, it’s no big deal. I was… I was late for practice one too many times. It’s not like it’s forever.”

Her tone immediately softened. “It’s not?”

Deciding not to compound lies with lies, he sighed. “I… I don’t know. Maybe. Look, I’m sure I’ll get back in the game at some point.”

She squinted at him. Oh great, he thought. Now she don’t believe a word I say. “But you don’t know for sure, do you?”

“It’s not a big deal!” He shouted at her, surprising even himself. He saw her wince and he immediately regretted yelling. They never fought like this before. All the frustration and anger he felt at the coaches for not giving him the benefit of the doubt, at his teammates for losing today’s game, the situation, at his mother, at his father, all came out in that yell.

The corner of the gym they were standing in grew smaller, stifling. He was ready for this to be over, but if he was trying to smooth things over, he knew he wasn’t doing a very good job of it.

Her tone turned icy again. “You really don’t get it, do you?”

He shook his head wearily. “Get what?”

“How to be in relationship.” He saw her eyes well up and he wanted to take her in his arms, apologize for living, and tell her he loves her more than anything. But he didn’t. He just stood there like a statue. “I have to go,” she said, choking up. “And you can forget about me comin’ to the coach’s dinner. I’m done. And not just with dinner.” She turned and pushed the swinging doors open.

His eyes widened and he rushed to the exit, catching the door before it swung closed. “Allie, wait!” He called after her but she was already halfway down the corridor. “Allie!” He hung his head. He could easily catch her if he ran, but he couldn’t easily make things better. He simply didn’t know what else to say.

»»•««

“I need a piece of paper.”

“Shhhh!”

Tony looked over his shoulder and was surprised to find about a dozen pairs of eyes giving him dirty looks. He turned back toward the desk. “People really take this silence sh— …uh stuff seriously, huh?”

The woman behind the desk gave him a dirty look too, answering Tony’s question without words. “Sorry.” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “I need a piece of paper.”

The woman took a sheet of paper out of the printer’s feed drawer and slapped it on the desk. “Hey thanks,” Tony said loudly. “Ooops, shhh.” He put his finger over his lips and smiled at the librarian. He grabbed the sheet of paper and started to walk away. “Shit!” He turned back around. “You got a pen? Or a pencil? Don’t matter which.” The woman looked upward with exasperation. She leveled her eyes at Tony and pointed to a cup on the desk that was filled with pens. Tony chose one, pointed it at her, and smiled broadly. “Thank you, Madame Librarian.”

As he headed toward the back of the library, he perused the signs on each of the bookcases he passed. He stopped at the foreign language section. Found it, he said to himself. Browsing the shelves for the CD he needed, he chuckled at the irony of Tony Ramos being in the school library after his team’s first regular-season loss. This was frankly the last place he ever thought he’d be at a time like this.

Truth was, Tony felt pretty inadequate right now. Allison was one of only three people in his life who ever gave a damn about him. She never judged him and always gave him the benefit of the doubt. His heart clenched thinking about how badly he hurt her. How could she possibly understand why he kept her in the dark when he refused to explain why. Out of the three scenarios he anticipated when Allison found out—guilt, disappointment, and pity—her reaction was number four, anger.

He’d held out on her and, in her mind, that was the same as lying, which of course was nuts. Then again, he wasn’t a girl and he didn’t understand the way girls think. This just proved how inexperienced he was at relationships. Allison deserved better than someone like him whose dreams were dying because he was a screw-up with bad judgment. But he was in too deep to let her go.

What would Philip Mason do at a time like this, he wondered.

He remembered Mason telling a group of guys on the team how he got to know his girlfriend Sara. She was his tutor and she assigned him some essays to write. Well, ain’t no way Tony was writing essays. That was never gonna happen. Still, Allison deserved to know how much she meant to him. He didn’t have much to give her, but he could at least give her that much. Removing a CD from the shelf, he had a plan in mind.