Twenty Months Ago . . .
“SHIT! NOT HERE. NOT HERE . . . fuck, I’ll kill you Assholes.”
I make it halfway up the driveway, with my heart going crazy in my chest, before slowing my bike and jumping off in a hurry. I don’t want these fuckers to know that I’m here yet and give them the upper hand. I’ll do everything in my power to show these fuckers that they’ve messed with the wrong family.
Walking fast, I pull out my gun, squeezing it in my hand while fighting to catch my breath. The thought of them hurting her is making it hard for me to breathe and is scaring the shit out of me. I’ve never been so damn scared in my life. Losing her is the only thing that terrifies me. I can’t let that happen.
Protecting her is my job. She’s my fucking life and these assholes are fucking with my world by being here right now. That makes me want to rip their throats out.
Running up the steps, I hurriedly reach for the handle and turn. My whole body runs cold at the fact that it’s fucking locked. Olivia always leaves the door open for me, making it easier for when I get home. I’ve never given her a reason to have to lock it before, which means James and his guys have a reason to keep me out.
“Fucking shit!”
In a panic, I start searching through my leather jacket for the keys. I feel like I’m running out of time and it’s making me want to scream and kick this damn door down, but that gives them the chance to hear me coming and outgun me. I need to keep my cool.
Gripping the key, I shove it in the lock and turn it, leaving it hanging in the door as I open it and step inside.
The house is dark. Olivia hates the dark.
“Fuck!” I say under my breath, while walking through the house in search of Olivia. “I’m coming for you, baby. I’m here.”
The living room and the kitchen are empty, making me even more anxious to just get to her.
It’s not until I hear her scream of pain come from down the hall that I know exactly where she’s at: the family room. That sound is enough to make my world stop.
With my heart racing out of my chest, I take off running through the house, not caring anymore if they hear me. I need to get to her.
When I reach the end of the hall, I look over to the right to see one of James’ men walking out of the room, buckling up his jeans.
He looks up with wide eyes and mutters, “fuck,” while reaching for his gun.
Without hesitation, I aim my gun at his head and shoot, taking his fucking life, before rushing past his body and into the room.
Rage surges through me at the sight in front of me and no matter how many fucking breaths I take, I still can’t breathe.
James has Olivia against the wall with one hand on her neck and the other one covering her mouth as he pulls out of her and peers over his shoulder at me.
Olivia’s head is dangling to the side, lifeless, as if he went too far, and blood is dripping down her legs, but he’s too worked up at seeing me to realize that she’s no longer fighting him.
James’ other guy is standing beside him, struggling to pull his jeans up and reach for his gun.
James yells at his guy to shoot me, while trying to fix his own jeans and hold Olivia up at the same time. “Shoot him, Lou! Hurry the fuck up!”
My heart is in failure, seeing her like that. What have I done?
The second I really realize what they’ve done to her, I lose it, seeing red, and all I can think about is getting to Olivia and helping her. I don’t care the price; I’ll pay it.
“You’re dead, Motherfuckers! Enjoy your last fucking breath.”
I aim my gun at Lou, firing two bullets into his dick and one into his skull, before aiming at James’ leg and catching Olivia as he releases her and falls to the ground in pain, screaming.
“Ah . . . shit!” He grabs at his leg, while slapping the ground in agony.
Well fuck him! His pain will never compare to mine.
My heart stops and a cry of pain roars through me, as I cradle her body in my arms and fall down to the ground with her. I can’t feel her breathing and it hurts so fucking much. “Olivia,” I cry. “Baby, wake up. Open your fucking eyes. I’m here. I’m here.”
With my gun aimed at James, I grab Olivia’s face and squeeze it, shaking it in an attempt to wake her up. I lean my face next to her mouth to check for her breathing, but feel nothing. “Fucking breathe! Wake up! Please, baby! Please! Breathe, dammit. Breathe!”
A scream roars through me as I maneuver to my knees and attempt to give Olivia mouth to mouth. I hold her as closely as possible and press my mouth to hers, willing to give her all of my air. I’d give her my very last breath if it kept her from feeling any of this pain and kept her alive.
That’s when I hear James grunt and feel a knife stab into my thigh, cutting me three times as he fights to push it in deeper.
“Fuuuck!”
I pull away from Olivia and fight the knife out of James’ hand, stabbing it into his shoulder and twisting. “Does that feel good, Motherfucker!” I scream out. “Show me how much it fucking hurts?”
I push the knife in as far as it will go, making him scream out and grab at his knife. The further I push, the louder he screams.
This motherfucker needs to pay for taking Olivia from me. He needs to feel her pain.
Pulling the knife out of his arm, I lay Olivia down as gently as I can and kiss her lips for the last time. Feeling them cold against mine, drives me into a rage.
I lean over James and press my gun to his dick. “You sick son of a bitch. Are you ready to fucking die?”
He shakes his head back and forth and starts backing away from me. “Fuck! Don’t do it. Don’t do it. We didn’t mean to kill her. I swear.” He grips his wounded arm and snot starts dripping down his face as he cries and pleads with me. “We only meant to send a message, but she screamed so fucking loud. It was an accident. I didn’t know I broke her neck. It wasn’t meant to happen.”
I swing the gun, hitting him in the dick and then grab the back of his neck to scream in his face. “And you think that makes it any better? Huh?” I hit him in the dick again, but harder this time.
He shakes his head, while grabbing his dick in pain. “No! Fuck!”
“Yeah . . . you’re definitely fucked.”
Looking him straight in the eyes, I shoot him in the dick and then in the neck, watching his life and blood slowly drain out of him as he struggles to breathe.
I never thought watching a man die would feel so fucking good, but I’m elated as I watch him take his last breath before me.
Kneeling down in a puddle of blood, I hold Olivia with one arm, while pulling out my phone and calling 9–1-1.
“9–1-1. What’s your emergency?”
I look down into Olivia’s glossy eyes and clench my jaw in pain. I can barely speak. “Three men broke into my home and raped and killed my fiancé.” I run my fingers over her eyes, closing them. “And then I killed them.”
Pulling the phone away, I throw it against the wall as hard as I can, breaking it.
I feel numb; so fucking numb.
Holding Olivia in my shaking arms, I close my eyes and cry into her neck, for what seems like forever. Then I lay her down and press both of my hands to her swollen belly and kiss it.
More rage surges through me as I see that the blood is still dripping down her legs, letting me know that our child is not okay. There’s so much blood; so fucking much.
Our baby girl; she was due in seven weeks. Seven fucking weeks left and now she’ll never get the chance to live.
“Fuuuuck!” I cry.
Standing up, I grab everything in my sight and break it, while screaming out in pain. Nothing else matters to me but them, and now I’ve lost them both. I can’t do it without them. I can’t have a life without them in it.
After everything I can get my hands on is broken, and my hands are bloodied and bruised, I walk over to the window, light a cigarette, and take a drag, while looking out.
The only thing I long for is to fucking fade away and pretend as if I’m not standing here, covered in blood; crimson fucking red from head to toe with my heart pounding so viciously that my chest feels as if it’s going to burst the fuck open.
My lungs burn as I inhale another long drag from the cigarette I’ve been holding. The smoke fills my lungs, expanding them and sending a cooling sensation throughout my shaking body. I long for some kind of relief, but it fucking brings none. I take another drag anyways, waiting for what’s to come next.
Red and blue flashing lights.
I stand frozen in the window, numbly watching as they grow near, the sounds of sirens getting louder with each passing second.
Taking one last drag, I toss the cigarette at the glass and turn away. I could care less if this motherfucker burns down. There’s nothing left here for me. Not anymore.
My body starts moving, mentally checked out and lost somewhere in this never-ending nightmare of my world at its end. I feel the hatred starting to build, and the animosity of the night overwhelming me.
I bring my blood-covered hands up to rub my face as I growl out, releasing some of my pent up anger. I growl out until my throat feels raw, but just like the cigarette it does shit to relieve this pain that is slowly killing me.
I walk slowly, in a daze, passing three breathless bodies, before I stop in front of . . . her. Blood covers her blonde hair and her once pink, plump lips are now ice fucking blue. I reach over to pull her into my arms, feeling my heart die a little more with each breath that she doesn’t take.
That’s when the door flies open and I hear them piling in. Heavy footsteps take over until that’s all I can hear, besides the erratic beating of my dead fucking heart.
A buzzing fills my ears. My heartbeat speeds up at an uncontrollable rate and all I see is red as I’m yanked to my feet, two officers fighting to restrain me. I don’t care if they fucking take me away. I will rot in fucking hell for her, but I’m not done saying goodbye yet.
I feel the cuffs snap around my wrists, hard. Too fucking hard. My hands may not be free, but that won’t stop me. Rotating my shoulders, I swing my head back as hard as I can, slamming it into a nose that I hear crack. That shit is broken. I know that for sure, and so does he by the way he curses and steps away to hold his bleeding nose.
Another set of hands attempt to grab me from behind as I make my way down to the ground, on my knees, burying my face into her lifeless neck. I kiss it gently, for the last time, before my head is yanked backwards and I’m torn away from her, and then pushed down to my face before a knee digs into my neck.
Present
I RUN MY FINGERS OVER the last ultrasound taken and swallow back the pain at the reminder that I never got to hold my baby girl.
The pain and guilt eats at me every fucking day. I not only lost one life that night . . . but two.
I only allow myself to look at it for a few more seconds, before gently putting it back into the box and closing it.
Then I put the box away, before going to my bedroom and crawling into bed.
Avalon is already fast asleep.
I stare at the ceiling until finally falling asleep, letting the darkness of the night consume me.