"We leave at 0600. Specialist Mayfield will lead the convoy to patrol the roads. Keep your eyes open and be safe out there." Sergeant Cressley gives our orders for the following morning.
My unit replies in sync, "Yes, Sergeant."
He nods once before turning and walking away. We stand at ease and chatter ensues around me. It's going to be an early morning as usual, so I decide to head into the barracks and to my bunk.
Sitting on the cot, I remove my boots and pull the picture out from under my mattress. I lie back, gazing at the photo of me and Daphne. It was taken by her friend, Maggie, just a few months before I enlisted. We were sitting on the tailgate of my truck my arm slung around her shoulders, hers wrapped around my waist. She's looking at the camera with the brightest smile I've ever seen, and I'm looking down at her. My eyes shine with love…so much love for that girl. My finger runs over her beautiful face. I miss her so much, but I'm sure she's moved on from me. I've been away nearly three years. She called for a while, but eventually gave up when I wouldn't answer or call her back. Her letters came for months, but I had them returned to sender. It was best if I cut all ties and gave her the chance to move on, live her life without a leech like me.
Bringing the picture to my lips, I close my eyes imagining her standing in front of me. I kiss her and whisper, "I'll love you forever, Daph."
I place the photo back under my mattress and put my arms behind my head, laying there staring at nothing until I finally fall asleep.
I wake the next morning before the sun has risen and dress in my clean army combat uniform. I make my bed, a cup of instant coffee, and sit outside of the bunks to watch the sunrise before going to the mess hall for breakfast.
More often than not, I sit out here thinking about Daphne. Where she is now. What she's doing? A day hasn't gone by that I haven’t thought of her, that my love for her hasn’t faltered.
* * *
My unit is up, moving around, and ready to go. I open the driver's side door of the Humvee. Private Briggs sits in the passenger side, Lieutenant Gregory sits in the back with Private Dobbs, and our gunner stands at the .50-caliber machine gun, ready in case we hit trouble. We each have our helmets with our headsets on in order to communicate with each other. Two more trucks fill up behind ours and I begin to drive.
We've been at it for a couple of hours when Briggs starts talking. "Mayfield?"
I keep my eyes on the road scanning our surroundings. "Yeah." Bodies lay still on either side of us.
"You're in your third year enlisted, right?"
I glance his way for a moment, he's looking between his window and the windshield.
"Yeah."
"What're you gonna do after your fourth?"
I shrug my shoulder even though he's not looking. "I'm going to re-enlist. I don't have anyone to go home to. Hell, I don't even have a home outside of the Army."
"I don't know how you guys do it. I'm only five months in and I'm ready to go home." Out the side of my eye, I see him shake his head as he goes on. "The shit we've seen out here, the shit we've had to do…I don't know if I can make it four years." Briggs is young, only eighteen. He reminds me of myself when I first came here right out of basic.
I huff in amusement because it really wasn't even that long ago that I was his age, but fuck over here, it feels like one year'll age you ten. "Just hang in there, Private. It gets easier." That's a fucking lie because it doesn't. It never gets easier. You just grow accustomed to the shit you have to do to survive in this hell.
A sudden sound of firecrackers and loud booms engulf us. Gunfire ensues all around. "Shots fired! Shots fired!" is yelled through the headsets.
A bright flash blinds me through the windshield. Everything happens so fast. We had hit an IED and were scrambling to get out, but the Humvee explodes just as my door opens and I fall out. My back is burning. I hear yelling around me, but I can't make out any words because my ears are ringing terribly. I can't feel my arms or legs. The burning feeling is growing stronger. I try screaming, but I don't know if anyone can even hear me. I roll on the ground, trying to stop the pain. The stench of my burning uniform and flesh overpower my sense of smell. My vision begins to fade, and soon the blackness takes over.
I sit straight up in bed from the nightmare…a reality I’d had to live. Sweat beads on my forehead and I try to calm my breathing. My heart races, my body shakes, and my breathing continues to come in rapid pants. I sit on the edge of my bed in complete darkness.
I'm taken back in time. Something I have no control over. I'm back in the barracks, doing daily patrol, waiting to see if I live another day. Planes fly above us, gunfire surrounds us, kids run around with guns in their hands.
A door opens I move quick and stealthy, my hand reaches out grabbing the intruder–the enemy–around their neck and I slam them into the wall. "Who sent you?" I wait for a reply.
Quietly the voice chokes out, "Doc." I blink a few times trying to focus, but I'm pulled back. "Doc, please. It's Jacey."
I hear a hand hitting the wall and the light in the room comes on. I blink several more times and when my vision finally focuses, I have her pinned against the wall with my hand around her neck. Her eyes are wide and face is red. I immediately release her, stumbling back to my bed as I sit at the end of it.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I bury my face in my hands and rock on the bed. I feel her arms wrap around me as she holds me.
"Shh. It's okay." Her voice is thick and raspy from the grip I had on her, cutting off her air supply.
"No, it's not! I could have killed you." I turn my tear-filled eyes to her.
She gives me a small smile. "But you didn't. Have you been taking your meds?" I shake my head. "You've been doing a lot of drinking the last week. That's not a way to cope, Doc."
"I know, Short Shit." I use the nickname I started calling her after we became closer.
Jacey and I have a bond that can't be broken from when I delivered her and Bear's son, Kellen, or as we like to call him, Cub. I've opened up to her some about my time in the Army, but not completely. No one knows the hell I went through there. I never did finish out my four years because I was given a medical honorable discharge.
My eyes search hers. "Are you going to tell Bear? I wouldn't blame you if you did 'cause right now I wanna kick my own ass."
She laughs. "No, I'm not gonna tell him. I want my friend to live." She jokes, but he would, he'd kill me for putting my hands on her, whether I was of sound mind or not. "I shouldn't have walked in. That was my fault, but I was worried. You've been in here all day. Your friend, Mullins, said I should leave you alone, but you know how well I listen."
I nod and grin. None of the women listen very well. "Thanks." Shit! I was out of it longer than I thought.
"I think I know what you need though. Take a shower and get ready."
I frown. "Where we going?"
Her smile widens. "You'll find out when we get there. I'll meet you out front in thirty minutes." She walks out of my room, shutting the door behind her. I stand from the bed, get my meds, and take each pill before grabbing everything I need for a shower, including a fresh set of clothes and my cut.
* * *
Watching out the passenger seat window of Jacey's Tahoe, I snap my glare to her. "What're we doing here?" I tilt my head a little and raise my brows.
Her sympathetic gaze bores into my hard stare. "You're spiraling, and I can't sit back and watch it anymore. It's been a week. You need to go in there, get some ink therapy, and talk to the woman."
My attention drifts to the brick building and the name Runaway Tattoo. There's no doubt in my mind she came up with Runaway because of me. Sighing, I reply, "I don't think that's a good idea, Short Shit. Take me back to the club."
Jacey gives me her evil smirk. "Nope, not gonna happen. Steel those balls and come on." Her door opens and shuts. My eyes follow her as she walks around the front of the SUV and opens my door. "You may not think this is what you need right now, but trust me, it is. You need someone you can fully open up to, and I have a feeling Daphne was that person for you once. So, let her be again." Jacey stands confident that this is what I need.
My eyes widen. "Jacey, I left her knocked up. Why the hell would she even want to see me, let alone have me dump all my bad shit on her?" Is she out of her fucking mind?
"Because the kind of love I see in your eyes, never died. And I'd put everything on it that it never died for her either. Now, get out and come on." She stands to the side. I shake my head but do as she instructs. She shuts the door behind me, and I let her lead the way inside.
Audrey grins ear to ear. "Hey, you two!"
Jacey mirrors her smile while I stand with sweaty palms and a heart about to beat out of my fucking chest. "Doc here wants to get a tattoo."
"Okay." She bends in her desk chair, pulls a paper out of the filing cabinet, and lays it in front of me on her desk, dropping a pen on top. "I'll need you to fill this out. Do you know what tattoo you want?"
I shake my head, pick up the piece of paper, and read over the questions before answering each one.
"Daphne is amazing, so I'm sure you and she can figure it out. I'll need your driver's license."
I pull my wallet out of the back pocket of my jeans, get my license, and hand it over along with the paper.
She walks to the back and a few minutes later, she returns with Daphne behind her. Audrey traipses behind her desk and plops down, but her eyes dart from Daphne to me and back. The air is thick with tension, mostly radiating off her. Her eyes narrow and she folds her arms over her chest. "What are you doing here?"
I’m frozen at the sight of her again. She’s so fucking beautiful. The black knee-length dress she has on showcases every thick curve of her body. My cock twitches behind my zipper at the thought taking her.
Jacey cuts in, "I brought him." Daphne's eyes never leave mine. It's almost like we're in a battle to see who will be the first to look away. She'll lose this fight.
I reply, "I want a tattoo."
She stands firm. "You can book with Writer when he gets back."
"No, I want you to do it." Why the fuck did Jacey think this was a good idea?
Daphne turns, giving up, and begins stomping down the hallway. She throws over her shoulder. "I can't."
I turn to Audrey. She's looking down at nothing. Shaking my head, I cut my glare to Jacey. "Let's go."
"No," She deadpans with her own glare targeting me.
I huff. "She doesn't want to see me, she doesn't want to give me..." I do the air quotes with my fingers. “’Ink therapy’, and she sure as hell doesn't want to talk to me."
Exasperated, she says, "Go after her."
I look at her incredulously. "What?"
She throws her arms in the air. "Go. After. Her. You left her once, now make up for it. Chase her, fight against her, do whatever you have to do to get her back. But the one thing you don't do is fucking give up. Now go!"
I tread down the hallway, checking every door until I find her sitting behind a desk. Her hands are covering her face and her shoulders are shaking. She's crying. My heart sinks to my stomach because it's my fault she's hurting. My fists clench at my sides. All I want to do is pull her into my arms, but I can’t. I gave up that privilege when I decided to leave her. Still, after all this time, I'm breaking her more than I already did. I don't know what's worse, leaving her in the first place or seeing her destroyed because I showed back up. Maybe I should have just let her go last week. Maybe I shouldn't have come here to see her that night, but if I hadn’t, would I have ever found out that I have a son?
My eyes blur. "I'm sorry, Daph."
She drops her hands, her teary gaze connects with mine. "I thought I couldn't shed any more tears over you, but I guess I was wrong." Her lips purse, she shrugs and tries wiping them away from her cheeks, but it only smears her black makeup worse.
"Can I sit?" I ask, pleading with my eyes.
Her shoulders lift again without response. She didn't say no, so I sit in a chair opposite her desk. "Did you go to art school?" She shakes her head but keeps her eyes down as she fidgets with her fingers. "Why?" Maybe I can keep a casual conversation with her. If I keep it light, we can deal with the heavy shit later.
Her eyes snap up. "Because two weeks after you left, I found out I was pregnant. I couldn't just up and leave for New York at eighteen, pregnant, and alone. I had to figure out a new plan, a new life, and one where I could take care of a baby. So, I did an apprenticeship and got my license for tattooing." She shrugs. "At least, I still get to do art."
Our plan was to go to New York. I would go to college while she went to art school. We would get married and then start our family. I blew it all to hell. I’m proud of her for still somewhat following her dreams, but she was destined for so fucking much more.
I nod in understanding. “For what it’s worth, and I’m not sure my opinion matters much, but I’m proud of you. Do my parents know, about him?"
"His name is Zane, and yes, I couldn't really hide it once I started showing." I nod, but an unknown fury starts to build. "How long have you been back?"
She asked me that last week and I didn't answer. I don't want to now, but she has a right to know. "A while."
Her brow cocks. "How long is a while?"
"Seven years," I deadpan.
She slams her hand down on the desk. "Jesus, Devon! Seven years and not one fucking word to me or your parents?" She furiously shakes her head with a sneer on her lips. "I can't do this. You need to go. It was bad enough when I thought maybe a couple of years, but seven!”
She stands, walks to her door, and holds it open.
I join her at the door and tower over her. "I'm not giving up. I'll be back tomorrow, the next day, and every fucking day after until you talk this shit out with me. And then, I want to meet my son." I look fixedly into her gray eyes, letting her know just how serious I am.
"Hey, babe." My eyes blaze with anger as I turn my head toward the voice. His eyes narrow on me. "What's going on here."
"Nothing. He was just leaving." Daphne moves away from me and over to the asshole that interrupted us. He bends his head down to kiss her. Rage burns deep inside of me as I push past the two of them. I storm down the hall and throw open the door to go outside. She's fucking moved on! But Jacey's right, I can't give up. Her and Zane are mine, and I'll fight for what's mine. I get into the passenger seat of the Tahoe and stay quiet all the way back to the compound.
* * *
I sit at the bar, peeling the label off my beer bottle, thinking over today with Daphne.
"Hey." Mullins’ voice pulls me from my thoughts. He sits down on the stool next to mine. "You doin' okay? I haven't seen you much since I got here last week."
I look down. "I don't know, man. I went to see Daphne today and it didn't go so well." I turn, meeting his eyes.
Understanding plays in his features. "The same Daphne you told me about?"
"Yeah, and now, I found out we have a son together."
He whistles. "That's tough."
"I gotta try and make it right." I hang my head. "I didn't ask before, but how's your wife?"
He sighs heavily. "Not good. It was hard after I got back. Neither of us adjusted well, and we fought all the time. So, I decided it would be better if I just left."
I take a pull from my beer. "Don't let it go. She stood by you all these years. It takes time, but your marriage is worth fighting for."
He smirks, "Sounds like you should take your own advice. Pining over the girl you've loved all these years, but you’re sitting here drowning your sorrows in a bottle."
"Fuck you." I laugh.
"Sorry, dude, I'm strictly chickly, but maybe if you put the “D” on her, she'd be yours again." He jokes and punches my shoulder. "I'm outta here for the night."
"See ya'." I finish my beer and head to my room for the night.