Hacker holds the door open for me to carry the tray over to the grill. Once we're both through the door, all hell breaks loose. Hacker takes off and starts yelling shit, but it all fades as my ears begin to ring. All the blood drains from my face and my eyes are glued to the woman only a short distance away. Her arms, neck, and chest are covered in tattoos, clothes are gothic style, and makeup is heavy and dark, but her eyes are the same stormy gray eyes that mesmerized me so many times.
Daphne Brooks.
She's no longer the girl I remember, the girl I left behind. She's a woman. Thicker and fuller figured than she used to be, but fuck me, she's just as gorgeous. If it’s possible, she’s even more so now that she’s a grown woman, but why is she hiding behind the makeup and tattoos? It’s almost like she’s using them like a protective armor.
Losing my grip on the tray, it falls from my hands scattering meat across the ground. Fuck! I snap out of my hypnotized state and start picking up the food. It's a good God damn thing we have more. After I pick up the last piece, I glance up to where she had been standing, but she's gone. Was she really here? Were my eyes playing an evil trick on me? I scan the parking lot only to see a cloud of dust.
I go back inside and put the tray on the counter. Walking out of the kitchen, I go sit at the bar and order a beer from Drifter.
Staring at the wall, I zone out trying to figure out what the hell is going on. My phone buzzes in my pocket, I pull it out and see that Chayser is calling from the gate.
“Hello?” I answer with a curious tone.
“Doc, got someone out here asking for you.” Who would be asking for me? Thinking maybe Daphne came back, I hang up and run out to the gate, but it’s not her.
It’s someone on a soft tail Harley. He pulls his helmet off, and I’ll be damned…
He smiles from ear to ear. “Well if it isn’t Specialist Mayfield in the fuckin’ flesh.”
My grin is just as wide. “Open the gate,” I tell Chayser, keeping my eyes on Chad Mullins. When the gate opens, I walk out. He climbs off his Harley, and we strong hug each other. When we break apart I ask, “What the hell are you doing here?” He hasn’t changed much since I last saw him: same blond buzz cut, stocky build, and dog tags hanging loosely on his dark t-shirt.
“After I finished out my last re-up, I decided it was time to be home with Christy and the kids, but home life hasn’t exactly been working out. I need that brotherly connection, ya’ know? I figured why the hell not come here.” His dark eyes tell me there’s more to the story, but I’m focused on my own shit right now. I’ll help him get an in though, it’s the least I can do for him.
Chad Mullins is the only one I’ve kept in contact with from my unit and time served in the army. From letters I wrote, he knew where I was and how to get ahold of me if he ever needed a place to go. “You just hanging around for a few days or longer?”
He shrugs his shoulder. “I thought I’d stick around, maybe see about prospectin’.”
I nod in understanding. I get it, it was the same way for me when I came back. It’s not an easy adjustment. “I’ll introduce you to Hanger, our president. You can talk to him. Come in and park your bike.”
He does as I instruct, and I lead him over to the rest of the club. “Hanger?” Prez peers up at us and I continue, “I want you to meet an old army buddy of mine. He’d like to talk to you about becoming a prospect.”
Hanger stands. “Let’s go into my office.”
I follow them into the clubhouse, but I stay at the bar and order another beer.
A few bottles later, they come out of the hallway, Mullins is smiling which I take as a good sign and Hanger calls church.
As I’ve sat here alone, I’ve been going over why Daphne would’ve been here. What would she have to do with the club and why is she even still in town? I always thought she would have been long gone after graduation. She was destined for greatness with her art.
I follow my brothers into the room and take my seat. I zone out not hearing a single word Hanger says until my name is called.
“It seems to me that you have some shit going on too. You wanna talk about what the fuck happened out there? Doc, you dropped the whole tray of food, acted like you saw a fuckin’ ghost.” Hanger's brows dip down. His stare works its way around the table. “For some reason, y’all can't get your shit together. If you can't get your heads clear, then these Four King cunts are gonna take us down. Do you wanna lose this club? Because I sure as fuck don't.” His hard glare ends back on me.
That's fucking fine with me because I'm pissed as hell right now, and it all fucking clicks. "Why didn't you ever say her name?" His head rears back, his expression turns to confusion. "When we went into business with Runaway Tattoo why didn't you say the owner’s fucking name was Daphne?"
"'Cause it shouldn't matter what her fuckin' name is. We needed a legit business to put money into and that was it." He stares at me incredulously.
"It fucking matters." I shake my head, anger boiling inside me. I stand from my chair so fast it falls back. "I'm outta here." I stomp to the door, open it, and slam it behind me. I storm through the club, out to my bike, and gun it through the lot, out onto the road.
I race on the highway weaving through cars until I hit city limits. Pushing my luck, I decide to try Runaway Tattoo, hoping she'll be there. It’s been a couple of hours since she was at the compound, so I’m hoping I’ll be able to find her.
Pulling up next to the only parked car, I spot her immediately on the sidewalk. She stands straight, her body tensing.
I blurt, "Why did you leave?”
Her mouth drops open for a second before closing, eyes narrowing, and she points at me. “You were the one that left!” Her lips lift into a sneer. “And I guess you were too much of a pussy to show your face when you got back.” Her eyes roam over me and my cut. “You’re one of them?” A look of realization passes through her glare. She crosses her arms over her chest. “How long have you been back? Years?”
Hearing enough, I storm across the lot, backing her into the brick of the building. “I couldn’t bring my damage to you.” I cage her in. Her fruity scent invades my senses. I search her face, drinking in her beautiful features that I’ve missed so fucking much. Those stormy gray eyes that still have the ability to pull me in and make everything except for me and her disappear. Those full lips that I wish would swell from crashing mine against them, and her rosy colored cheeks that I bet I could make even pinker just by telling her how beautiful she is. I lower my tone and speak truthful words. “I’m broken good, and I’ll fuckin’ break you too. I can’t do that to you.”
Her fists land on my chest repeatedly while she screams at me. “You already did that.” I don’t move an inch. She breathlessly gives up, her hard eyes level with mine. “Then why the fuck are you here?”
“Mom?”
I turn in the direction of the young voice.
Daphne answers, “Go back inside. I’ll be just a minute.”
I continue staring at the boy who looks just like me. Same blue eyes, same complexion, same dark hair except he has a mohawk. Son of a bitch! The age he looks, he had to have been conceived about the time I left. He’s mine, he has to be. “The fuck?” I murmur.
Daphne’s attention is directed at me now that the boy went back inside. “You need to leave.” She spews at me.
My eyes have grown wider as I piece shit together. “He’s mine,” I state matter-of-factly. I punch the brick, step away, and storm back to my motorcycle. Ignoring the burning sensation that is shooting through my hand, I start my Harley and ride back to the compound in a daze.
Forcibly pushing the door to the clubhouse open, I stomp to the bar. "Drifter, shot of tequila and keep ‘em comin'!" I shout at the prospect.
I sit on the barstool and cover my face with my hands. "You good?" Drifter asks on the other side of the counter.
Running my hands down my face, I blankly stare at him before replying, "Yeah." I look down at the bar counter and the row of shot glasses he has set up. Taking the bottle of tequila, he holds it over the first and trails a line of liquor, filling each one.
I knocked Daphne up. I take the first shot embracing the burn.
I pick up the second shot. She had to go through that shit without me. I tip my head back and swallow the liquid.
The third. I'm a fucking father. I tip it back.
Fourth. I fucked up. I’m a piece of shit.
"Hey." Jacey sits next to me. "Are you okay?"
I stare straight ahead with the fifth in my grip. "Did you know?"
"Know what?" Confusion is laced in her quiet voice.
I take the shot, slam the glass on the counter, and cut my eyes to hers. "Daphne had a son?"
Her brows pull down. "No." She shakes her head. "All any of us knew is that she was bringing someone with her. We haven't spent that much time with her and she doesn't talk about her personal life. I didn't know until Zoey told me tonight."
I watch for any sign of dishonesty, but she's telling the truth, her eyes never leave mine. "He's mine."
She gawks at me and asks in disbelief, "He's what?"
"He's my son." I take another shot.
She shakes her head. "Okay, I think you've had enough." She tries pushing the glasses away from me, but I knock her hand away.
I laugh without humor. "Not by a fucking long shot."
"How is that even possible?" She stares at me in bewilderment.
With a grim expression, I tell Jacey what no one else knows. "’Cause I've loved her since the day I met her when I was fucking seven-years-old, and then I fucked up." My eyes burn with unshed tears. I stand from the barstool and trek to my room.
Sitting on the edge of my bed, I bend over and pull a box out from underneath. I take the lid off and reach inside for the teddy bear Daphne gave me the day we met. Holding it to my chest, I lay back on the bed and stare at the ceiling.
I watch Daphne run back to her house because her mom called her home. I stand up from the curb, turn, and walk into my new home with Daphne’s bear. "Who was that?" Mom asks while she unpacks one of the boxes in the front room.
"Daphne Brooks. She lives next door." I hold the bear up. "She gave me her bear."
"That was nice of her. She's pretty." She sets one of her little things that I'm not allowed to touch on a shelf. She always tells me it's glass and if I broke it, it would hurt me.
I nod with a big smile. "The prettiest."
Mom puts her hand on her hip and faces me with her own smile. "Hey now, you always say I'm the prettiest," she teases me.
"Daphne has to be the prettiest now." My smile grows bigger, I look at the bear while flipping it over in my hands.
She laughs. "Why is that?"
"’Cause I'm gonna marry her." I run to my room to put the bear in a safe place.
Another memory blasts me.
Daphne runs outside of her house and opens the passenger side door of my Ford pickup. "Hey." My lips turn up. She looks beautiful in the white summer dress, cowboy boots, and her dark hair curled and hanging loosely down her back.
"Hey." She shoots into the middle, sitting right next to me. Meeting in the middle, our lips softly press together.
Pulling back, I ask, "Ready to go?"
She nods as I put my truck in drive and lay one hand on her soft smooth thigh.
We drive with the radio blaring until we hit the country road and finally, we get to the spot our group of friends chose to have the bonfire. I back in close enough so that we can sit on my tailgate but still have heat from the fire. It's not like we need it since the summer heat has no cool breeze tonight. Daphne jumps out and runs over to the girls, hugging each of them. I join the guys and Darrin hands me a can of beer as we all bump fists. This will be the last year we're all together. Most of us are graduating except Daphne, Lindsay, Nick, and Justin.
Darrin holds his beer up. "To starting senior year."
"Fuck yeah!" Wes yells, probably already drunk.
I laugh, shake my head, and take a drink.
Walking back over to my truck, I let the tailgate down and hop onto it, sitting with my legs hanging over. Daphne comes over and I help her up, having her sit in between my thighs. I wrap my arms around her as she leans back into my chest to watch our friends and the burning fire.
A few minutes later, Daphne absently asks, "What do you see in your future, Dev?"
"Where'd that come from?" I laugh lightly.
I feel her shrug against my chest. "Just thinking about next year. Most of our friends will be leaving and you won't be next door to me.”
Looking up at the moonlit sky for a moment, I kiss the back of her head and shoulder. We've been dating for the last year, but Daphne has been my best friend for over half my life, since the day she gave me that damn bear. I don’t remember a time since the day we met that I haven’t loved this girl.
"I see you. You, Daph, are my future," I whisper against her ear.
"You're mine too, Dev. I can't imagine you not being around anymore." I hear the tremor in her tone.
"Shh. Let's not think about it." I move the hair off her shoulder, find the crook of her neck, and kiss her soft flesh. Her fruity scent invades my senses. "I'll love you forever, Daph," I quietly tell her.
She shivers. Her skin pebbles, not from the air, but from my touch. I love the effect I have on her. "I'll love you forever too, Dev." She turns her head enough for her lips to find mine. She opens willingly for me, my tongue slides against hers.
And another.
Daphne fists my shirt, her forehead pushes into my chest, and my arms are wrapped around her tightly as she cries. "Please, don't go!" She begs. My own eyes sting with threatening tears.
"I'm sorry." I don't know what else to say. I'm watching the girl I love fall apart in my arms, and it's all my fault.
She lifts her head, eyes glaring with an anger I've never seen from her. "You're not sorry!" She pushes against my chest repeatedly. "If you were sorry, you wouldn't be fucking leaving me!" The final push and I release her. I stand frozen in the middle of the street, staring at her back as she runs to her house.
When I can't see her anymore, I take slow steps back to my own house, next door, and sit on my front porch. Looking over, her bedroom light turns on, and a few minutes later, goes back out.
What have I done? I release a deep breath of air. It's too late to reverse it. The papers are already signed. I run my fingers through my dark hair and grab fistfuls. I can't tell her the real reason I enlisted.
I stay outside for hours, thinking about her, staring between nothing and her bedroom window. The same window I've snuck into many times before. She should be asleep now. I stand up and walk over to her window. It's inched open just like it is every night. I quietly open it the rest of the way, and with stealth precision, I climb through and stand in the dark corner of her room.
The moonlight casts a faint glow across her. She's still the prettiest girl I've ever seen. She always will be, even if I can’t make her my wife. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying, but she looks so peaceful in her sleep. Not moving a muscle, I stay as quiet as possible while I watch her for the last time before I leave.
Her lips part and she mumbles something that sounds like my name, but it's hard to know for sure. "Dev," She whimpers louder. Shit! I want to go to her so fucking bad, but I can't. I already did enough damage. What I wouldn't give to hold her one last time. I told her I would be back after basic training, but I won’t be. She sits up quickly, squinting her eyes, and looks around her room like she can sense my presence, but lays back down without noticing me in the darkness.
I whisper, "I'll love you forever, Daph." With a heavy sigh and sagging shoulders, I climb back out the window. Returning to my house, I check the front door, and finding it unlocked, I quietly step inside, and stroll through the dark house into my bedroom.
Sitting at my desk, I write a letter to my mom and put it in an envelope, then write “mom” on the front. Grabbing my already packed bag and truck keys, I leave my room, drop the letter on the kitchen counter, and take the final step out the front door.
I wait at the bus station until it's time for me to go. Picking my seat on the bus, I stare out the window and watch everything disappear from my sight as I leave it all behind.
Leave her behind.