“Your hair is so much darker now,” Cora said, putting her eyeliner down on the counter.
We were getting ready at my house. Ryan had left, going to dress at his place, and he’d texted not long afterward to say the guys were already drinking there.
“Yeah.” I pushed up some of the loose tendrils, patting them back into place. It wasn’t that much darker, but I had put more brunette coloring in it. There were still some blonde, but I didn’t want to look exactly like Willow tonight. I wanted to be me, and as I gazed in the mirror—I was me. I was Willow, but I was me too.
“And Ryan cut his hair short. I can’t believe he did that. He’s always had it where he could make it all messy.”
I didn’t smile; I heard the envy in her voice.
Cora was happy with Kirk, but she’d been harping on him to cut his hair too. Once she saw Ryan’s new crew cut and how ridiculously hot it made him look, she started in. She hadn’t been the only one. Peach had jumped on the bandwagon, asking Tom to cut his hair. Both guys refused, letting their hair grow even longer. Kirk’s had grown to just past his ears, and Tom was closely resembling a shaggy dog these days.
Ryan had cut his for the summer. He was starting a new basketball training camp, and he didn’t want to deal with too much hair and heat. I’d liked his messiness too. It always looked adorable on him, but I couldn’t deny the spark I felt when he got back from the haircut place. It made him seem so much more grown-up, more of a man.
“Erin said Stephanie Witts is hoping for prom queen.” Cora lifted her hand, inspecting her nails.
She missed the slight wince I couldn’t contain.
It wasn’t the prom queen thing. I didn’t want it, but it’d become a sore spot over the last month. Erin, Cora, Peach, and all of their friends had been campaigning for me to win. I told them not to, but I knew they kept doing it. So, I started telling people to vote for Cora. She was the one who really wanted it, and after her transformation this year—from being one of the shiest girls in our grade to one of the most well-liked girls—she deserved it.
Not me. That was for sure.
I eyed her lilac-colored dress, the matching dusting of purple eye shadow, and the tiniest bit of glitter on her neck. “Have a speech ready,” I told her.
Her eyes opened wide, meeting mine in the mirror. She quickly looked away, focusing on the bathroom counter. “You know that won’t happen.” But I could see her cheeks flushing.
“Right,” I replied.
The doorbell rang, and pounding footsteps told me Robbie was running for the front door.
We looked to the door of my room, as if the guys would appear instantly, and a second later, we heard their voices. We grinned, glancing at each other.
Our men had arrived.
“Mac!” Robbie yelled from downstairs. “Ryan and Doofus are here!”
We heard Kirk grumbling, “It’s Kirk, Little Dickwad.”
That was another change over the year. Kirk and Robbie had developed this odd friendship. Kirk teased my little brother, and Robbie called him names. Ryan explained one night that Robbie reminded Kirk of Derek, and that silenced any concern I might’ve had about the situation.
“Ryan and Major Doofus are here!” Robbie added.
“Coming down!” I called back. “You ready?” I asked Cora.
She took a breath, staring at the mirror.
Her hair had been curled and was loose over her shoulders. Her makeup was on point. Everything was done up, complete with the mani and pedi we’d gotten yesterday. I’d had to touch-up my nails after this afternoon, but they were fine.
“Yeah. Ready.”
“You look beautiful,” I assured her.
“Thank you.” She turned, taking me in, and a soft, awestruck expression came over her. I knew she’d been paying attention mostly to herself, which was understandable. She had the nerves, whereas I didn’t.
That wasn’t true.
I was nervous, just not for the same reasons as Cora.
I wasn’t secretly hoping to win prom queen. And I knew she was nervous for Kirk’s after-party, but she hadn’t confided that in me.
“You look—”
I had to ask, and I reached for her hand. “Are you thinking of having sex with Kirk tonight?”
I noticed a shadow in the hallway at the same time I blurted that out, and I grimaced. But Cora was looking only at me, so she didn’t see Ryan pause and then silently retreat.
“I . . .” She was back to picking at the counter. “I don’t know. We talked about it.”
I couldn’t stop my frown. “At his party, though?”
“I know.” She shrugged, looking to the side and biting her lip. “He’ll be drinking. He’s already drinking, but I don’t know. I want to. I mean, he does too, but I think I’m just ready to stop worrying about it. If it feels right, I want to.”
“Do you love him?”
All the self-consciousness in her vanished at my question. Her head came up. Her shoulders straightened.
“Yes. I love him.”
It was the most confident response I’d ever gotten from her.
“Some people wait for marriage,” I blurted that out—I have no idea why. “You could wait, if you’re one of those people.”
“Are you?” Her mouth turned down.
“No. Ryan and I—we already . . .”
“That’s what I thought.” She lifted her shoulder. “I know why you’re saying this, because I do think like that, but I love him. And I don’t know. I don’t want to get married till I’m in my thirties, and I don’t want to wait that long.”
“Just—”
Shit. What was my problem? I understood what she was saying. But I felt like I had to say this to her—like I had to say to her what Willow would’ve said to me. Cora hadn’t said a word about sex, but Ryan had said Kirk had stocked up on condoms. It wasn’t a big leap for me to go from there.
“Do you regret it? Having sex with Ryan?”
I looked up, but I didn’t see his shadow in the hallway. He might’ve been standing to the side, or he could’ve gone all the way downstairs, but I didn’t lie when I said, “No. I regret not having my sister here, but that’s it.”
She jerked back. “I forgot about your sister.”
My throat burned. “You didn’t know her.”
“But still.” Her gaze lingered on my dress and then moved up to take me in. A wistful look softened her face. “You look really gorgeous, Mackenzie. I can’t imagine your sister being more beautiful than you.”
I—was shocked, and I couldn’t talk for a second.
“And if I do win prom queen, I won’t dance with Ryan. I’ll dance with Kirk, so you don’t have to worry about that.” She darted toward me, hugging me and kissing my cheek. “I’ll be downstairs.” And then she was gone.
I felt Ryan’s presence and without looking, I knew he was in the doorway. “You heard all that?”
“Yeah. Now you don’t have to worry about the king and queen dance.”
I grinned.
He took me in. He looked at my hair, my dress, and lingered on my lips. “She didn’t lie. You look really beautiful, Mac.”
That nickname.
I’d been in his arms just two hours ago, but a whole new wave of want came over me. I yearned to be in his arms again, to be held by him, to be kissed by him. And there was a whole host of other emotions intertwined there. I thought back to Cora’s question, and no. There was no way I could’ve even considered regretting being with Ryan.
We went fast, but I had a feeling we went exactly the way we were supposed to. Either way, he was staring at me as if I were the most stunning creature he’d ever seen, and my entire body filled up with tingles. My knees were melting too, and my stomach flipped over, but in the good way. I had butterflies in there.
“Thank you.”
I wore a shimmering pink dress, one that almost perfectly matched the one I’d seen Willow in. When I saw it at the store, the hairs on my neck had stood on end. Maybe she led me there. I’d been shopping with our mom, and I teared up when I saw it. We bought it immediately, and, like the last night I’d seen her, I put my hair up in a braided crown.
Cora’s color was lilac tonight. I knew Peach was wearing yellow, and Erin was supposed to go silver. Not me.
I was pink. It was the most quintessential girl color there was, and it wasn’t even my most favorite color, but it was Willow’s.
I loved this feeling, seeing how I affected Ryan, but I hadn’t dressed for him. I hadn’t dressed for myself either.
I’d dressed for Willow.
And with everything feeling all sorts of right, Ryan came forward, his hand curving around the back of my neck as he bent to kiss me. His lips were soft against mine, and I closed my eyes, letting myself get lost in his embrace.
And then we went to prom.
More pieces fit together inside me, but I stopped counting. I didn’t need to anymore.