Chapter 3

Her blood covered Julian’s chest.

She used it to draw on his skin. Her fingertips moved smoothly at a slow, taunting pace. She drew a line over his stomach and continued past his navel. Aroused, Julian moaned when she closed her hand on his erection.

The room they were in was small. No noise broke in or out of it, and Julian’s loud, short gasps sounded almost painful. The thought that he might have lost grip on reality crossed his mind, but as fast as the notion formed, it disappeared.

The sensation of her lips made Julian’s hips shoot off the bed into her eager mouth. With his eyes closed, he ran his fingers through her hair. It was so straight that they slid easily from the roots to the ends. He did it again. And again.

He couldn’t convince himself she was who he needed her to be. Her hair felt too straight, too sleek, and not long enough. The next time he slid his fingers through her hair, instead of a gentle caress, he closed his hand on her nape and, without care, pulled her face close to his.

That’s when Julian finally dared to open his eyes.

As soon as he did, he knew he shouldn’t be there. The same disgust he felt for himself he suddenly felt toward her. He couldn’t control the sensation of boundless shame.

Julian sat up on the bed and pushed her into the mattress. As he reached for the knife, he lifted her hair away from her neck. She didn’t fight him. Her pliant body welcomed his touch. Straddling her, he stared at her naked breasts. Awash with the lighting’s red hue, her pale skin turned luminescent. It begged him to do what he hungered for.

He brought the tip of the blade to the base of her neck and she cried out when he pressed it firmly into her flesh.

Julian smiled, but he didn’t know why. He felt no joy.

Only what came next was better than this moment. He moved the blade in a curved line, almost meeting her shoulder and, before he lifted it from her flesh, blood starting to seep out of the long cut.

The sight of it hypnotized him.

But this time, it didn’t feel enough. Maybe never again would it be enough. Reaching for the small bag on the night table, he poured the white powder into a small pile between her breasts. With the short straw that they both used earlier that night, he inhaled it up his nose. The rush seized him. He threw his head back and chuckled with euphoria. He didn’t recognize his own laughter, and that only made him laugh harder.

Her blood seeped into what was left of the powder on her torso. He mixed the two with the tip of his finger and then he rubbed it into his gums. The metallic taste of her blood with the chalky texture of the powder should have made him gag, but it only made his whole body yearn for more.

He grabbed the small glass vial by the bed and, using the eyedropper that came with it, placed one drop of his favorite hallucinogenic under his tongue.

Julian began to hear crying sounds. Aroused, not knowing if the cries came from him or her, he surrendered to the wave of desire growing within him. He grabbed the knife and stroked her sides with the blade.

Julian only realized he had cut her again when deep red blotches appeared on the linen sheets. Wanting to absorb her blood with his own body, Julian pressed his palms to the cuts. Her skin became slippery and he couldn’t get a good hold on her. Sweat dripped from his forehead into his eyes but the sting of it didn’t stop him. He stared down—his favorite moment—and saw his fingers crossed with her blood.

Julian caressed her stomach; her skin was now stained red. He couldn’t stop. He continued, spreading her blood onto her shoulders and arms. Nestled between her legs, his need to orgasm became undeniable. His palm and fingers moved in a closed fist along his cock. As he guided himself into her, the sight of his blood-slicked hand wrapped tightly around his member sent a rush of desire up his spine. He didn’t remember having a more powerful erection. He began to move in and out of her with a force that pushed her against the headboard. His release came fast—almost immediate.

Julian refused to wait for his body to recover. As he got off the bed on unsteady legs, he stumbled and ended up colliding into the wall. That didn’t deter him. He hurried to put on his clothes and was so frantic that he almost ripped his dress shirt trying to get his hands through the sleeves. He left the room without looking back.

Covering his eyes, Julian moved down the narrow corridor. He felt as if people were determined to walk into him. He cursed, forcing his way through the crowd.

By the time he sat behind the wheel of his car, he wanted to run back to The Raven Room. He turned the key in the ignition and the sound of the engine coming to life made him cover his ears. Everything around him appeared to be too bright and extremely loud. He turned the AC on full blast. He saw red confetti blowing out of the vents, and opened his mouth and let the small flecks of paper land on his tongue. They instantly dissolved with a bitter taste. He tried to get rid of it by rubbing his fingers over his tongue but it only made the acrid flavor worse.

Julian buried his face in his hands and cried.