Anger swirled with regret as Simon backed the large pick-up truck out of the driveway. His plan to keep things light and friendly disintegrated, leaving the conversation heavy and painful, or what little conversation there was. He let out a painful sigh and drove toward the hospital. He would sleep in his office one more night and find an apartment or hotel on Sunday afternoon.

Charity and Elijah had given him one of their spare bedrooms the night before, which was beyond appreciated. The evening brought him peace and reminded him that there was still a chance that things would work out. He didn't have to resign himself to his marriage being over. It wasn't. Not yet.

"Sure as fuck feels like it." Simon looked up in the rearview mirror at his house that he and Julie had built from the ground up, and shuddered at the thought of never being welcomed in it again.

Her kiss had been hot, needy and demanding, but she'd pulled back so fast. He should have pushed it a little and tugged her down to the bed beside them. Maybe she would have let him kiss her a few more times, pulled her close and whispered how fucking heartbroken he was.

"Keep it light," he growled and hit his hand on the steering wheel. Keeping it light wasn't working. The flowers he ordered her would be waiting in her office for her, but would she welcome them? It didn't seem like it.

And what the fuck was up with her mentioning her new intern? Was the kid hitting on her? He'd be dumb not to, and yet Simon hoped like hell he didn't run into the punk ass. Pam wouldn't be the only one nursing a broken nose or a busted up eye.

The hospital came into view and he tried hard to push his thoughts away, but they wouldn't stop. With an hour left until his shift, he decided on a trip to the gym. Sweating out his angst was the only way to feel some semblance of peace lately.

He parked in a secure lot and got out, pulling the tarp Charity had given him over his stuff and setting the alarm. It would be his luck that someone would steal all his shit, but if it happened, so be it. There was nothing he couldn't live without, other than Jules.

Walking into the ER, he got a lot of hand waves and good afternoons before jogging toward the elevator as it closed. A pretty redhead held the door and smiled shyly at him as he got in.

"Hi." She extended her hand. "I'm Lyndsay."

"I'm Dr. Paulk and I'm married. Nice to meet you." Simon turned to the panel of buttons and hit his. "What floor are you going to?"

She chuckled and reached around him, brushing her arm against his chest. "Three and being married is your problem, not mine."

"It's a great problem to have." He gave her a side glance and slipped off as the door opened. Women could throw their panties at him all day. He wasn't even remotely interested. He had his turn to fuck up, and the sad realization was that no woman would ever be Jules but her. If she didn't take him back, he would be spending the rest of his life looking for another 'her'.

The gym smelled of sweat and Clorox, but it was a scent that told him he was about to get a bit of relief. He moved to the men's locker room and changed into jogging shorts and a tank top, laced up his tennis shoes and put on a pair of ear buds before walking to the weights. He lifted until his shoulders and biceps burned. He got a few stares, but ignored everyone and dove into the music and the intense need to punish himself for all of his mistakes.

If Julie could just beat me up or wear me out or use me until I break... if she could just find some way to bleed her hate out on me and then be done with it.

But it wasn't going to happen. She wasn't that kind of girl.

Simon glanced to his left as some young pup lifted a huge barbell set, his grunt deep and masculine, though his appearance didn't match it well. A smile lifted Simon's lip and he shook his head. The kid reminded him a little of him when he was young and dumb. Hopefully the idiot would find someone like Jules who could whip him into shape and keep him from diving down all the wrong roads.

The only reason Simon was the man he had become was because of his beautiful wife. She was his strength and his wisdom. He grunted loudly as he pushed himself past his comfort zone and then a bit further.

The kid walked up to him and smiled as Simon set his weights down and pulled his ear buds out.

"That's a lot of weight, old man." The boy chuckled.

"Old man? You look like you just got out of junior high. I'm in my earlier thirties." Simon picked up the barbell again. "Best years of my life."

"Whatever. Early twenties is where it's at." The kid winked and Simon snorted and went back to his lift. The new resident or intern would be around to throw shit at later, but for now, he wanted to stay in the moment and make sure that some of the heavy emotion that weighed on him remained on the gym floor when he left for the day.

He wrapped up his set and walked to the showers, stripping and getting in for a quick wash. He towel dried quickly, trying hard not to think about how good it would have been to drag Jules into the shower with him at home. She wouldn't have been able to deny him. It was her favorite place to make love and he couldn't blame her. Soapy wet skin and deep penetration.

He groaned and wrapped his towel around himself, hiding his thick erection behind the top of the towel. He walked quickly to his locker and pulled his stuff out as the sound of the kid’s voice from earlier tugged at him. The boy was on the other side of the lockers, talking with another guy.

"Fuck. I didn't check to see what time she comes in. What if she's already here?" the boy asked someone.

"Dr. Paulk’s always early. If she's not here by now, then she'll be in for the three p.m. shift. You've still got thirty minutes before she gets here," a low voice responded.

"Awesome. I don't want to fuckin’ mess this up. She's spot on." The kid grunted.

Simon froze. Was the dark-haired punk from the gym the one interning with Jules? The one that seemed to have a thing for older women?

"Fuckin’ hell no," Simon mumbled and finished pulling his scrubs on before walking around to let the kid know a few things. They were already gone and headed out into the hall by the time Simon walked back into the gym.

He let out a soft growl and turned, walking back into the locker room to finish getting his stuff packed up. He would find Julie later and if the kid was with her, he would pull him aside. He wasn't about to have someone hitting on his wife. She was still his wife.

At least for now.

He sounded like a jealous boyfriend, but hell, he was! Jules was beyond gorgeous. He couldn’t blame the kid for crushing on her. This was no frickin’ Grey’s Anatomy soap opera. This was real life. No way would little boy blue get Jules to blow his horn. No fuckin’ way!

 

 

He moved through the halls, trying to find Julie and not having any luck with it. There were only a few places she could be, but after checking them all, he came up empty handed. He paused by the intercom and put his hand on the light blue phone, seriously considering paging her to come to his office, but letting it go. He was overreacting. She wasn't the type of woman to move on from him that fast, especially when they were still legally married.

Anger burned from the center of his stomach as a vision of the kid raced through his head. He wasn't a kid at all, but a really good-looking younger dude.

"And he fucking looks like me." Simon walked to Elijah's office, knocking once before walking in angrily.

Elijah held up his hand and gave an exasperated look as he talked on the phone. "That's right. We have him in good hands, Sir. I promise to find him in a bit and have him check in with you. Yes, absolutely."

Simon sat down in the chair in front of his boss and gave him the death stare. He hated to be so dramatic, but fury raced through him. Elijah finished the call and looked up.

"What the hell? If the door is closed, then don't come in! That's an easy way to tell I'm not accepting visitors."

"What the hell, Elijah? Who is the kid you set Jules up with? Are you for me or against me? I'm getting confused." Simon leaned toward the desk and heat rushed up his chest and covered his neck and cheeks.

"I cannot help the fact that the little fucker looks just like you probably did when you were younger, Simon. He's important to me and I need someone I can trust to get him to come work for us. Period."

"Then give him to me. I'll wine him and dine him to death. I'm a stronger surgeon than Jules. Let me take him on."

"No. She's got the perfect personality to have him begging to come here." Elijah sat back and shrugged.

"You're using her looks to get the kid to want to come to us? That's beyond messed up."

"Seriously? You want to pull that shit on me?” Elijah waved his hand. “Shut up! Stop bitching at me and get out there and win your wife back. I didn't bring her in for any other reason than she's a great surgeon and a good leader. Take your accusations to someone else. I'm not hearing them. Man up and do whatever it takes." Elijah lifted his hands. "This thing you're doing now... this isn't it."

"Fine." Simon stood and walked out of the chief of staff's office, slamming the door, and hating how much he felt control slipping from his grasp.

Turning the corner, he stopped short as red brushed across his vision. Julie was standing with her back against the wall, talking in a very instructional voice and the fucking playboy was close to her side, his arm extended above her head so he could lean in and learn better.

The problem was, he wasn't paying attention to the clipboard in her hand, but staring at Julie as if she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

"Because she is," he mumbled as his knees went weak. Bile rose in his throat and he lifted his fist to his mouth, trying to decide his best course of action. He took a tentative step back as Julie glanced up and over toward him, her eyes widening a little as she moved away from her new intern.

Simon turned on his heel and forced himself to languidly walk toward the elevator as if life were good. He got in and leaned back, closing his eyes and letting the pain of seeing someone else adore her wash over him.

"Simon," she called and stopped in front of the elevator as the door closed. "It's nothing. It's not..."

He nodded and choked on the pain that laced him from all directions.

It was nothing.

Just like him and Pam were nothing.