"Just let it out, Jules." Charity's voice was soft and comforting, which didn't help the water works.

Julie cupped her hands around her face and let herself go for the first time in front of someone else. She and Charity had been friends for fourteen years. If anyone would accept her and hold her up, it was her best friend.

"I wanted to tell him yes. I wanted him to come back home with me, to have him hold me through this." Julie let out a nasty sounding cry mixed with a hiccup.

"I know you did, but until your head is cleared up a little, you did the right thing. He's not the anchor you thought he was. There's no reason to cloud the waters with him while you're in pain. I'm right here and Elijah and I will hold you up and help you through this."

The soft methodical rubbing of Charity’s fingers into the top of her back pulled her into a calmness finally. She wiped her eyes and looked around the front seat for a paper napkin.

"In the glove box." Charity reached over and popped the lock on it.

"Thanks," Julie mumbled and grabbed a small handful of them. She sat back and let out a long sigh as she pressed the rough material to her swollen eyes. "You're right, but it doesn't stop the fact that I miss him, and I lied to him back there. I do love him. More than he deserves."

"Then things will work out between you, but you have to give it a bit of time. He needs to stew in what he's done and you need to find your center again. Life’s been about Simon and the hospital for the last ten years. Take a little bit of time to find yourself again."

Julie took in her friend’s counseling and nodded, turning to watch the small middle-class homes pass by. Within a few minutes, they entered the large gated community Elijah and Charity had built their house in. The houses doubled and tripled in size before her eyes. She had been to Charity's a million times, and yet for the first time, she realized that she didn't like the neighborhood. It was too centered on perfection, on wealth. How Elijah and Charity fit into it was a mystery. They were the most giving, loving people she knew.

"This isn't all his fault," Julie mumbled as she continued to let her attention be outside of the car.

"What? Oh hell no. This is totally his fault. Well, the split between you guys is. The baby isn't anyone's fault. No one deserves the weight of that." Charity squeezed her hand.

"It's really not, Charity. We stopped spending time together a year or so ago. Everything was more important to me than him. He was a for sure in my life, so I started to take him for granted." Her eyes burned with unshed tears, which left her exhausted. "I can almost remember a few times of feeling like he needed my attention, hearing him try and hint at how badly he wanted me in the bed with him at night."

"We all get busy. That's no reason to cheat."

"Then what is?" Julie snapped her head around and pinned her oldest friend with a hard stare. "If Elijah ignored your needs, how long would you hang out?"

"Forever. I made a covenant with him. We're married for life." Charity parked in the driveway and turned in her seat. "Simon cheating might be rooted in him being lonely or needing something you weren't giving, but why the hell not come talk to you? Did he sit you down and tell you that he was considering cheating? That his needs were unmet and he was sick of it?"

"No," Julie murmured as she turned her gaze down toward her hands. "I wish he would have, and yet, I'm not sure I’d have done anything about it. My job’s the only thing that leaves me breathless anymore. Something shifted a year ago or so between us and... I don’t know, we just never put forth the effort to recapture what originally drove us to each other."

"He didn't have to sleep with someone else, Jules. Period. This isn't your fault, nor am I going to sit by and watch you beat yourself up over it. That's ridiculous." Charity opened her door and paused. "Come on, let's go in and I'll make you a grilled cheese just like you like them."

Julie let out a soft chuckle and got out of the SUV. There was no reason to lash out at Charity in the midst of her hurt. She would heal over everything that was going on, but the first step in getting there was to make some hard decisions. Telling Simon it was over was only the first step. Actually reconciling that within her own heart and accepting the consequences of watching him pack his stuff and leave her life seemed far too hard to contemplate.

"We can go over to your place tonight and get some clothes and your toiletries. I want you to stay with us for the next few days. Elijah doesn't expect you back to the hospital until you're ready." Charity stood by the car and wrapped an arm around Julie as she walked languidly to the front door.

"I have a surgery scheduled for Friday, so I'll take tomorrow off and then get back to it. I can't sit around and do nothing. I'll go nuts." Julie wrapped her arm around Charity's lower back and leaned her head against her friend's shoulder.

"Well, we'll see. How about you just take it day by day."

Julie nodded and glanced down, catching a good eyeful of Charity's baby bump. She was a little over six months pregnant and her body was showing the signs of life within her. Julie adverted her eyes, not wanting to feel anything but gratefulness and joy for Charity and Elijah's good fortune. The days of being jealous were sure to come, but she didn't have the emotional energy to deal with it just yet.

Julie moved back as Charity unlocked the door and walked into the large ornate entranceway. The sound of little feet and little girl squeals rose up around them.

Jamie rounded the corner with her hands up and a huge smile on her little two-year-old face. "Mommy!"

"Hey little one!" Charity scooped up the girl and gave her a big hug before putting her on her hip awkwardly and turning. "Look who's here. Aunt Jules came to visit."

"Mine. Mine." The girl opened and closed her little fat fingers, reaching for Julie.

Julie couldn't help but smile as she reached for the little girl and snuggled her close to her chest. They moved into the living room and Julie snuggled into the large comfy couch she had spent many an afternoon on in the last few years.

Jamie spent the next few minutes updating them on the events of her morning and how much she loved Elmo. The words were broken and beyond cute. Forcing the pain of her own loss away, Julie dove into the conversation and by the time Charity put a smoking hot grilled cheese in front of her, she was feeling a little bit better.

"I'm going to the kitchen table. You want to come with me?" Julie glanced down at Jamie.

"No!" Jamie slid off her lap and proceeded to throw a fit. A smile lifted Julie's face as Charity walked into the room and snatched the toddler up.

"She's got something against her high chair. We haven't figured it out, but she gets downright violent over having to get into it. I'm going to talk with the nanny and see if Jamie's ready for a nap. We'll be back in a minute. Or I will." She softly tapped Jamie's nose. The little girl giggled and wiggled in her arms.

Julie shook her head, got up and walked to the kitchen. The sound of her phone buzzing in her purse gave her pause. Hadn’t she tossed it across the room? Someone must have grabbed her purse and phone while she was in with the paramedics. Thank you stranger. There wasn't really anyone she wanted to talk to at the moment, and yet the thought of the hospital calling with the need for her to get there on a whim was a bright light in the midst of her darkness.

It wouldn't happen, but she could let herself hope.

Setting her plate on the kitchen table, she walked to her purse and pulled the phone out. Simon.

She silenced the phone and set it on the table as an ache ran through the center of her chest. She didn't care what anyone thought about anything. She wanted Simon's arms around her, to hear that things would be okay and that she would eventually be a great mother like Charity was.

Swallowing the hot lump of despair in her throat, she sat down and took a bite of her grilled cheese as the phone went off again. She picked it up and took a shallow breath.

"What?" Her voice was much too mousey, but she couldn't help it.

"Julie." He said nothing else.

"This is she. How can I help you?" She tried to get her bearings, but it was far too hard to pretend that she wasn't crushed.

"Baby. Please let me come over and just hold you. Please. I promise I’ll leave after I see you're okay."

"I'm not okay, so don't waste the trip. I have to go."

"Julie! Fuck! I know I deserve all of this, but I just lost a baby too. Please don't make me suffer this alone. Please. I'm begging you. I just want to see you for a fucking second. Nothing more."

She let out a shaky breath and nodded. "Yeah, okay. I'm at Charity’s, but I'll see you at the house in two hours. You can give me a quick hug and then your ass is out. Got it?"

"Absolutely. I'll see you there."

She pressed the off button and set the phone down. It was a mistake, but it felt right. The idea of seeing him for a minute made the dark cloud hovering over her lift just a little. No one had to know and she would simply slip into his arms and memorize the warmth of what once was. Things were going to get harder before the light came shining in, but she would face one day at a time. The imprint of his arms around her would help, and though it was a sickening guilty pleasure, she really didn't care.

"Sandwich good?" Charity walked into the kitchen alone with a smile on her pretty face.

"Yeah. Thanks for making it for me." Julie turned and forced a smile. "Can I borrow the SUV in a couple of hours? I want to go grab my stuff."

"I'll take you. There's no need for you to be alone."

"No, I need some time to myself. If you take me, I'll just stay at home, or I'll drive over by myself and be forced back because I have your damn car." Julie smiled and turned as the front door opened.

"Take the car then." Charity chuckled and walked to greet Elijah as he dropped his briefcase by the entrance to the living room and opened his arms to his wife. He kissed her twice and glanced up at Julie, motioning for her to come to him.

"Are you okay? Any pain or discomfort?" He moved into the living room as Julie stood and walked to him, slipping into the warm hug he offered.

How badly she wished his hug would be enough, but it wasn't. Simon's was the only one she wanted, and though she hated herself for needing it, it simply was what it was. "I'm okay. Just a little tired. I'm going to take a nap and then go grab some stuff from the house." She moved back and took a shallow breath. "Did you see Simon after we spoke?"

"Only briefly. He's beside himself.” Elijah paused. “I would be too." Elijah ran his hand through his hair. "Is there any way that things might work out between the two of you?"

"You did not just ask that." Charity walked into the living room and put her hands on her hips. “Not right now. Leave her be, Elijah. Let the poor woman mourn.”

Julie smiled. She appreciated her friend more than anything. "No. There's not. Trust is broken and I'm honestly not sure how to rebuild it." Julie shrugged and forced a smile. "Thank you for your help this morning though. Things will get better. Time heals all wounds, right?"

"It does, and if it makes you girls feel any better, I stitched him up from the accident and didn't use a numbing agent. Hurt like a bitch." He winked at them both as Charity popped his butt and pulled him into another hug.

"You almost got yourself in trouble with all that stuff too, mister." She glared up at him and Julie chuckled, not wanting to know how he was going to get himself out of it.

He turned to Julie as his eyes widened dramatically. "Yes. On that note... anyone want a drink? I do."