CHAPTER 12
GRACE
For a moment, I wasn’t sure Ryder was going to let me out the door. He hugged me so hard I thought I felt a rib crack. Not that I’m complaining. It’s the best feeling in the world having someone love you so much that they worry about you.
Since my first meeting with Snake, I was a little more relaxed going back in there this time. Ryder seemed to be more worried than before. Sure, I had to explain the fact that I was bringing a new guy with me, now that we’d replaced Nate with Eli, but that would be a piece of cake. Snake wasn’t too concerned with Nate, so I didn’t expect anything different this time with Eli.
I was right.
Everything went smoothly getting in. Snake met us at the gate with an armful of steaks for the dogs and we breezed through the gates without even a cursory glance from the hungry dogs.
“Those must be the best fed dogs in the city,” I mused, as we followed Snake into the clubhouse.
“You’d never know it,” he replied. “Seems like no matter how much I feed them, they always want more. Where’s your other guy?”
“Nate?” I asked. “Caught him sampling the merchandise, so to speak. This is Eli.”
“Isn’t that one of the perks of the job?” Snake asked.
“Not on my time, it isn’t,” I said.
“Right, you don’t mix business and pleasure,” he teased.
“That’s right,” I said. “I like to keep things simple.”
“Got it,” he replied. “Well, nice to meet you Eli.”
“You too,” Eli nodded.
They shook hands and we walked into the clubhouse, the sound of Led Zeppelin pouring out of the speakers, the dim roar of laughter and chattering voices filling our ears.
We walked back to the same booth we’d sat at before and Bear brought over a bottle again. Snake sipped his whiskey slowly, leaning back and looking around at the bar.
“Been here a long fucking time,” he said, wistfully. He glanced over at me. “How long you been in this business, Grace?’
“A few years,” I replied.
“You ever get tired of it?”
“I never get tired of making money,” I said. “But it can be a drain on your senses, sure. I’m not heartless.”
“Oh, I don’t mean it that way,” Snake shrugged. “I sleep like a rock every night. I don’t have any guilt about it, not anymore at least. Maybe I’m the heartless one. What I was asking is, don’t you get tired of the constant hustle? Don’t you ever just wanna run away to a fucking desert island or something? Get away from it all?”
“Sounds like you need a vacation, Snake,” I said with a smile.
He chuckled.
“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” he said. “Actually, it’s about time for a little week long retreat I usually take with the boys, but even that isn’t exciting me these days.”
“You depressed?” I asked, lifting a brow.
“Hell no,” he said. “Just tired, is all.”
“It’s okay to admit it,” I said lightly, “even Tony Soprano had a therapist.”
He burst out laughing, shaking his head.
“Good thing you’re a female, Grace,” he said. “If one of my guys suggested I see a shrink, I’d have to knock him out just on principle.”
I laughed and shook my head.
“No offense intended,” I said, “just trying to be helpful.”
“None taken,” he said, laughing softly, before pouring a shot and downing it. “Ain’t nothing wrong with me that a bottle of Beam can’t fix.”
“I hear that,” I said, grabbing the bottle and pouring a shot for myself and then one for Eli. Eli hesitated, but he downed his quickly and I looked back at Snake. He was staring over at me pensively, his eyes soft. I suspected he was starting to like me a little, and while I needed him to trust me, the last thing I needed was to have to stave off his advances. I needed to make sure I wasn’t left alone with him. I looked over at Eli, and was pleased to see he was calm and poised as ever.
“So, you wanna pick your girls today?” Snake asked.
“Does this mean you still trust me?” I said.
“You seem alright, I guess,” he shrugged playfully.
“Fantastic,” I said. “I’ll choose a few tonight and come back tomorrow with the cash.”
“Sounds good,” he said. “Let’s head over.”
I nodded, bracing myself for the worst part of this whole job. We strolled over to the other building under a clear, starry night. The air was cold and crisp, but I didn’t feel the chill at all. I realized I was numbing myself, disassociating from my feelings, practically disconnecting from my feelings completely, like unplugging a fuse or flipping a switch. But I let it happen. I needed it to happen.
Otherwise, I’d break down in front of everyone. Snake, Eli, all the girls and women I was about to have to face.
Disconnecting for a moment was the only way I knew how to get through it. It didn’t lessen my rage, it didn’t mean I didn’t care. It meant I cared so fucking much there was no way I could embrace that passion and look them in the eye at the same time without dissolving into a pathetic, useless puddle in front of them.
And that was not what these women needed.
They needed someone to be strong, in ways that they couldn’t.
They needed fierce determination and relentless motivation.
They didn’t need feelings, or thoughts and prayers, or pity.
They needed action.
And me turning everything off and building a wall around my heart for just a little while, acting like a monster myself to get them away from the monster that was imprisoning them was my way of taking action.
They’d hate me now.
But they’d understand later.
So, by the time Snake threw open the door at the end of that hallway again, I was ready. My face was set in stone, my eyes were stoic and uncaring, my heart was hard and encased in steel.
When their voices fell silent and their eyes landed on us again, I stood in front of them, an invisible warrior in their battle for survival.
“How do you wanna do this?” Snake asked.
“I’ll just walk around and choose a few to talk to,” I said, “if that’s okay?”
“Sure,” he shrugged. He and Eli stood by the door as they all watched me slowly walk through the maze of mattresses and women and girls. I met each of their eyes, hoping like hell they could somehow read my mind and know that I wasn’t there to hurt them, no matter how it appeared.
There must have been three dozen women and huddled in the corner together were three very young girls. I stopped in front of them, and crouched down, staring into their eyes, attempting to look past the brokenness and find just a glimmer of hope there.
“Who are you?” one of the girls asked me.
“Hi, honey, I’m Grace,” I said. “What’s your name?”
“Sadie,” she replied. “These are my friends, Fiona and Lucy.”
“Are you here to take me home?” Fiona asked. She had long, stringy blonde hair, her small frame so fragile and tiny. Her eyes were sky blue, wide and innocent and naive.
I shook my head slowly.
“No,” I replied.
“Oh,” she said, her eyes falling away. “It’s almost Christmas…”
“Do you know when we can go home?” Lucy asked. She was a tiny girl with long, black hair and small black eyes that seemed to peer right into my soul. “I haven’t seen my Mom in a long time.”
“I don’t know,” I whispered.
“Why are you here?” Sadie asked.
“Just visiting right now,” I said, shaking my head. How in the hell could I explain this to a child?
I nodded and stood up, swallowing hard and blinking a few times. I was on the verge of cracking, my steely resolve threatening to betray me completely. I wanted to say so much to them. I wanted to pull them into my arms and tell them everything was going to be okay.
Soon.
“I’ll see you again real soon,” I whispered to them before turning away. Dozens of eyes followed me around the room. I walked slowly, counting heads, taking it all in. By the time I returned to the front of the room where Snake and Eli were standing, I’d counted thirty-seven women and the three girls. It was going to take a long time to get them all out. Snake was making a lot of money and he wasn’t about to just give up his entire revenue stream all at once.
I met Eli’s gaze and saw the pain in his dark blue eyes. He’d likely never seen anything like this before and I wondered how it was effecting him. Outwardly, he appeared as solid and unshaken as before he walked in, as long as you didn’t look too closely. Apparently, Snake only had eyes for me, because he was staring me down hard.
“So?”
“Can we talk outside?”
“Sure,” he said, leading the way. The door closed behind us with a heavy thud, sending a blow right to my soul. I hated leaving them behind more than anything.
“I’d like to get the three girls tomorrow,” I said.
“All three?”
“Yes,” I replied. “Then, if all goes well, and I don’t see why it wouldn’t, I’d like to get a few more after that.”
“If you’ve got the cash, why not?” He asked, shrugging nonchalantly, as if we were talking about selling something as simple as a car, not a life, a soul, a little girl.
“Are any of those women their mothers?” I asked. “I don’t want any hassle.”
“Won’t be any,” he said. “Those girls cry all the time. You sure that’s who you want? The women will be glad to get rid of them, I imagine.”
“I’m sure,” I said. “I can make them look older, clean them up. A little lipstick and lingerie goes a long way.” I cringed at my words, but I needed to keep up the act.
“Sure does, doesn’t it?”
I laughed and nodded. We walked back into the clubhouse and Sophia met us at the door.
“Hello, Grace, nice to see you again,” she said.
“You too,” I said. “This is Eli.”
“Hello, ma’am,” Eli said, nodding respectively.
“Ma’am?” she laughed. “Call me Sophia, please.”
“Sophia.” He nodded, his expression serious. I couldn’t tell if he was trying to remain professional or if he hadn’t recovered from the nightmare he’d just witnessed. Whatever it was, he was doing a good job. Sophia’s eyes lingered on him just a second longer than necessary and Snake noticed. Eli’s a good looking guy and I was happy to see he glanced away quickly. The last thing we needed was to provoke Snake’s jealousy in any way.
“Nice to meet you, Eli,” she said. “So, did you two finish up your business?”
“We did for now,” I replied. “I’ll be back tomorrow to get the girls.”
“The girls?” Sophia asked.
“Grace is taking the three youngest,” Snake said.
“Right, you’re a broker,” she said, looking me up and down. I saw a flicker of disgust in her sharp, blue eyes. “From California, you said?”
“Originally from New York, but I’m setting up shop in L.A. soon.”
“Well, they’re sweet girls. They cry a lot, but they usually cry themselves to sleep pretty early.”
I nodded, keeping silent. I wasn’t sure how to read Sophia. She was clearly a strong willed woman. She had to be if Snake was her man. But there was something about her — something I couldn’t put my finger on. Her eyes were hard, like she was hiding something behind her happy smile.
“Babe, it’s late,” she said, turning to Snake. “I’m going to turn in for the night. Join me soon?”
“I’ll be right there,” he said. “Just going to walk Grace and Eli out.”
She smiled at me, then turned and glanced at Eli again, before walking away. We walked out to the car, parked just outside the front gate. I turned back to Snake and held out my hand.
“What time should I be here tomorrow?”
“You bringing cash? Small bills.”
“Will do.”
“Same time as tonight,” he said. “I’ll have the girls ready.”
I cringed thinking that the girls had to spend even one more night in this hell-hole. I prayed it went easy and fast.
“See you tomorrow, then!” I said, sliding into the car beside Eli.
We pulled away from the curb and I broke down in tears.